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“Legendary” asshole dead at 83

An angry old man prone to violent outbursts to whom other outlets are liberally applying the adjective of “legendary” died Wednesday at the age of 83, the mainstream media reports.

The “controversial” figure was for decades prominent in the imaginations of Americans who spend a lot of time spectating a form of competition in which men mostly between the ages of 18 and 22 bounce an inflated ball into a metal rim and try to slap each other on the torso when one team scores more “baskets” than the other team. The angry man was regarded as a “genius” in this competition and the mainstream media reporting on his demise will focus on his acumen.

Just as prominently will be an incident in which the “legend” asshole tried to strangle one of the competitors, among other embarrassing and shameful episodes in his lengthy career.

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