Republicans on Capitol Hill are having difficulty coping with recent poll findings showing Vice President Kamala Harris’s numbers on how she would handle immigration not just improving over President Joe Biden’s but sometimes even just a few points within convicted felon former President Trump’s, with the January 6th was “a peaceful tourist visit” fucking hick Georgia Congressman Andrew Clyde telling NOTUS the polling “makes no sense to me. She’s the border czar. She’s responsible for this mess. For a poll to say something like that tells me that the pollsters rigged it.”

Creepy white collar criminal Senator Rick Scott echoed the cope, saying “I think that’s probably a Democrat poll. That’s probably not a Republican poll,” even though it wasn’t a poll but several polls, from Quinnipiac and the New York Times/Siena College all putting Trump’s immigration policy question lead in the single digits in the Blue Wall states. “I don’t think anybody buys it,” Texas Senator John Cornhole Cornyn said. “They know the difference between talk and action,” added the man whose actions include voting against a bipartisan border security bill on Trump’s orders.

Really short Kentucky Senator Rand Paul accepted the “reality” that these polls present to construct one within his comfort zone. “When you have a candidate who basically is a chameleon and they will take any position on any certain day depending on which way the wind blows, it’s harder to run against that kind of candidate,” Paul said. “If the election were on immigration, I think it would be hands down that Harris will lose,” he continued, revealing why they’re still talking about fucking cats being eaten in Ohio. Wisconsin Senator Ron “RonAnon” Johnson bitched about the media at first, saying it’s on them for not being “honest in terms of reporting her role in opening up the border.”

RonAnon then thought about it for a bit and decided it was Moscow Mitch’s fault. “Unfortunately, Leader McConnell negotiated that disastrous bill to give Democrats political cover. That was just a monumental political malpractice there,” he moaned. Rand Paul agreed, saying “Absolutely, it was Republican leadership’s fault.” Holy fuck these guys are such complete morons.