The E Coli outbreak from delicious McDonald’s Quarter Pounders, which was barely a thing anyway because you have only one guy who died and you might even say “Gee, what if that guy wasn’t very healthy to begin with?” Because nobody even knows who he is. You have the media saying he died but nobody got to see the death certificate that said he died from eating a McDonald’s Quarter Pounder. The doctors didn’t say it. Nobody even knows what hospital this happened at. It’s crazy.

But now McDonald’s is saying that the outbreak is over which is a beautiful thing. It’s in this CNBC article. Lots of people like to eat McDonald’s and we can’t have the media saying that it’s bad and causes E Coli. You know E Coli, it’s so tiny you can’t even see it without a powerful microscope.

It’s got such a funny name too. E Coli… E Coli. They say its short for something but nobody not even the doctors know how to pronounce it. They say it affects elderly people, elderly people with heart problems, if they have other problems, that’s what it really affects, that’s it. In some states thousands of people – nobody young – below the age of 18, like nobody – they have a strong immune system – who knows? It’s an amazing thing – by the way, go eat at McDonald’s!

National Zero will resume our regular coverage after this important public health update affecting all regular consumers of McDonald’s Quarter Pounders and other menu options.