“Warner Bros Discovery today announced plans to separate the company, in a tax-free transaction, into two publicly traded companies, enabling each to maximize its potential. The Streaming and Studios company will consist of Warner Bros Television, Warner Bros Motion Picture Group, DC Studios, HBO, and HBO Max, as well as their legendary film and television libraries. Global Networks will include premier entertainment, sports and news television brands around the world including CNN, TNT Sports in the US, and Discovery, top free-to-air channels across Europe, and digital products such as the profitable Discovery+ streaming service and Bleacher Report (B/R).”

“David Zaslav, President and CEO of Warner Bros Discovery, will serve as President and CEO of Streaming and Studios. Gunnar Wiedenfels, CFO of Warner Bros Discovery, will serve as President and CEO of Global Networks,” says Warner Bros Discovery in a Monday press release.

“So I get Batman, Superman, HBO, Looney Tunes, the Lord of the Rings, every single movie ever made that says ‘Warner Bros’ in the credits, while you get CNN, TNT, the Discovery Channel, which includes the entire library of ‘Amish Ghost Stories,’ ‘My 600-Lbs Wedding,’ and ‘Honey Boo-Boo.’ Plus Bleacher Report, which is our really cool sports site that’s like edgy and shit. No, it’s not Barstool Sports. We don’t own that one. No, nobody came up with it to intentionally confuse audiences, it’s just a really authentic working class, gritty, ‘regular dude’ sports site brand and its similarities to Barstool Sports are entirely coincidental,” is how Zaslav’s conversation with Wiedenfels may or may not have gone when congratulating his underling on the promotion to CEO of a whole new company.