“White Castle, the iconic family-owned fast food business, is expanding its menu with three brand-new limited-time-only additions — The BBQ Pulled Pork Slider, Triple Cheese Tots and Pumpkin Latte Cheesecake dessert-on-a-stick, all crafted to satisfy both savory and sweet cravings. The new BBQ Pulled Pork Slider features slow roasted pulled pork, smoked with all-natural hickory wood and blended with just the right amount of specially seasoned, sweet BBQ sauce,” says a deeply hubristic press release from White Castle, challenging the might of all of Olympus to a reckoning.

“‘The BBQ Pulled Pork Slider is everything Cravers love about White Castle, including one-of-a kind flavor, high-quality ingredients and unbeatable value, all in one handheld masterpiece,’ said Jamie Richardson, vice president at White Castle. ‘The slow-roasted, sweet, smoky and savory profile is a celebration of flavor that brings something entirely new to the Castle while staying true to what we do best: satisfying the Crave.’ This delectable Slider is the highlight of the new $4.99 Combo Meal, demonstrating quality and quantity can coexist. The budget-friendly combo features two BBQ Pulled Pork Sliders with a small fry and soft drink,” the Promethean declaration continued.

Even if White Castle were this paragon of respect for the intestinal health of their customer base it would be questionable to introduce such a product at scale. But for these guys it’s… Like just the amount of surface area on the meat in one of these “sliders” alone with low-paid wage slaves not really all that concerned about safety. May God have mercy on the souls of those who would dare.