Even if many aren’t actually saying it out loud yet, you can look at the faces of voters after 10 months of Donald Trump back in the White House and already it’s clear: They were better off financially under former President Joe Biden, whose economic policies kept Americans working, buying homes, insuring their cars, and keeping their lights on. Hundreds of them even made millions of dollars from starting podcasts and YouTube channels in which they talked a lot about how trans teenagers were ruining girls’ sports and showed audiences 7-second clips of Biden footage to demonstrate that he’s really old. Smaller business owners who sold Chinese-made hats and t-shirts bearing the slogan “Let’s Go Brandon!” saw their operations boom while humble, hardworking lawyers like Todd Blanche, Emil Bove, and D John Sauer racked up huge fees for taking on big cases.
Everyone was doing pretty well, even if anxieties were piling up from the inflation wrought by the difficult post-COVID recovery of 2021-2022. Sure there were some national security scares like the malfunctioning Chinese spy balloon that some officials feared was carrying bioweapons from Wuhan and that children could be getting rainbow fentanyl in their Halloween candy. There were some major scandals, like Hunter Biden’s crack smoking and Mr Potato Head becoming non-binary. Many Americans became fed up with Disney casting a Black actress to play Ariel in The Little Mermaid remake and others with John F Kennedy Jr failing to resurrect and lead them to a new golden age.
All that and still it’s undeniable that every day more and more are feeling nostalgic for the economy they had during the Biden years and there’s really only one cure for it: Biden for president 2028.
Look, even if he’ll be 86 by the time he takes office again he’s still light years more mentally balanced than the yam-brain currently wasting oxygen in the Oval Office. Forgive the bluntness, but our president right now is a complete moron who doesn’t even know where he is half the time. His son is a drug addict loser who makes his money leveraging the family name to make corrupt deals with foreign criminals and despots. The vice president is a smarmy lawyer who constantly deploys confusing circular logic to defend the administration’s terrible policies and has all these shady connections to nihilistic Silicon Valley billionaires that enrich themselves by rotting your kids’ brains with garbage on social media. The administration is supported by a media ecosystem that constantly propagates lies about the president’s political opponents and downplays legitimate stories about his failing health, mental acuity, and horrible policy decisions by his incompetent team.
All the corruption, coverups, and weaponized lawfare against political opponents would be easier for voters to ignore if the economy was doing better but the fact is that people simply aren’t feeling it in their bank account balances and want the clock dialed back to the halcyon Biden years. It’s on Joe to step up in 2028 to restore the greatness America experienced while he was helming the ship.
“Hahahahaha! Spartan with his several paragraphs of a satire before transitioning into the substantive point of these donation-pleading set-pieces! That kid’s still got it, even after all these years of such predictable tedium delivered in sentences that can drag on for 100+ words,” you say, but here’s the real twist: I was mostly serious, except for the part about Biden running in 2028.
Yeah, he’s too old to run again. I just checked and it turns out that he’s 83 years old now, which is older than the 81 when he dropped out in 2024. Oh and sadly he has cancer and may not live to 86.
BUT I was very much sincere with my absolute fucking contempt for the millions of voters who were very vocal in their complaints about having a doddering old codger in office who seemed too senile and stupid to do anything to address their economic anxieties. Folks like now-36 year-old Kentucky coal miner-turned-car salesman Rob Moore who, just weeks after last November’s election told USA Today that “President Trump is going to run the country like a business, that’s what we needed anyway. He’s a successful man. Yeah, he’s had his bumps in the road as president and in his life, but he ran this country and supported the blue-collar folks like me who make this country go.
“He’s for the oil rig workers and coal miners,” Moore continued. Asked how he thought his financial situation would improve in 2025, Moore was nothing short of exhilarated at what his future held:
It already has a bit, I’ve already sold nine cars since Trump won. Last month I sold 25 cars, I was the top GM salesman for my dealership. Folks were talking to me before Election Day and worried that if Harris won, they’d have to hold on to their money a bit more. But there’s a sense of relief now that Trump won.
We can breathe again. I definitely think gas prices will go down and interest rates will fall. And our cost of living will be reduced, instead of everything going up, up, up, maybe we’ll be able to save five bucks here, five bucks there, that’s $10. There are things you can do with that. Whatever he can do to help make prices lower and our overall cost of living. You go to Walmart these days and spend $100 and you look at your bag and say ‘What did I just buy?’ You used to be able to go there and come home with many more bags.
My wife, Niki, took a step back from working to raise our children, she knows how to make $40 stretch sometimes. We come from a really humble family and sometimes we struggle, but there is always food on the table. We feel blessed.
How’s that $25 Walmart Thanksgiving meal going to taste today, Rob? You know, besides just a little smaller and a little shittier than it did last year, do you still feel blessed?
That was rhetorical but it seems unlikely that Rob would answer the phone if USA Today called again. So let’s just go to the next question they asked him: “How do you expect your community will improve with him in office?” His answer: “Right now, my community is pretty strong. I believe we’ll be even stronger, more resilient with Trump back in office to help lower our costs of living and that will help everybody. Nobody on our block, in our town, is going to go hungry. If we have something, they have something. Yeah, times are tough, they’ve been tough, but I believe it’s going to get better.”
“It’s got to. It can’t get any worse.”
Fuck you, Rob.
And fuck you especially for this, an AP story that I could not inflict on National Zero readers when the reporting was fresh and still am very reluctant to even just copypasta here:
Mohammed Taher clutched the lifeless body of his 2 year-old son and wept. Ever since his family’s food rations stopped arriving at their internment camp in Myanmar in April, the father had watched helplessly as his once-vibrant baby boy weakened, suffering from diarrhea and begging for food.
On May 21, exactly two weeks after Taher’s little boy died, US Secretary of State Marco Rubio sat before Congress and declared: “No one has died” because of his government’s decision to gut its foreign aid program. Rubio also insisted: “No children are dying on my watch.”
That, Taher says, “is a lie.”
“I lost my son because of the funding cuts,” he says. “And it is not only me – many more children in other camps have also died helplessly from hunger, malnutrition and no medical treatment.”
Yeah, that’s on you Trump voters who thought Joe Biden was a drooling corpse. Now you got a drooling corpse who also allowed toddlers to starve to death to save you $0.18/day in federal taxes.
What say you, David Rose, a now-44 year-old Pennsylvania steelworker who was also interviewed by USA Today last November? Do you feel like your expectation for “the entire country to be safer” again has been fulfilled? You catch this from DC US Attorney Judge Box-o-Wine this morning?
Here she is complaining that the Afghan refugee who shot two National Guard soldiers in DC on Wednesday had been granted asylum not by the Biden Administration, but the Trump Administration back in April. Turns out that he’s just as terrible at keeping Americans safe from foreign threats as Old Man Biden was. (Side note: Need to apologize for not updating Wednesday’s article about Spc Sarah Beckstrom, 20, and Staff Sgt Andrew Wolfe, 24 being killed yet. They’re in critical condition)
Feel like more of the same irresponsible immigration policies you suffered under Biden?
How about you, Pennsylvania Jewish guy Steve Rosenberg? Last year you told the AP “The question is, ‘Who is better off today than four years ago?’ And the answer is Iran and the mullahs and their proxies, and it’s because Biden and Kamala Harris have capitulated to Iran,” specifically because you believed the story that Biden had indirectly financed the October 7th attack on Israel by lifting the impounds on billions in Tehran’s oil revenue which they then channeled to Hamas.
Oct. 7 victim families sue Binance over $1B in secret funding for Hamas, Palestinian terror groups https://t.co/Frd8JpQaz8 pic.twitter.com/DY6bHXXsHS
— New York Post (@nypost) November 24, 2025
Steve, did you hear Trump pardoned that asshole who indirectly financed the October 7th attack by allowing his scummy crypto market to facilitate money laundering by Hamas? Did you feel better when Trump told reporters that he didn’t know who “CZ” was when he signed the pardon for him?
Or does Trump’s professed ignorance of those crimes make you think he’s senile and stupid at best?
So no this is not an endorsement of Biden 2028. It’s an endorsement of the reality that all you stupid worms who bitched about having a potato leading the nation now have a potato who’s also corrupt, malevolent, reckless, and doesn’t give a shit about anything except for enriching himself leading the nation. Oh and everything’s still expensive too. You bought into bullshit and lies and now the rest of us have to live with it. Except babies in the third world who died from it after USAID got DOGEd.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone!