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Philadelphia youth football players caught trying to shaft Dick’s

Eight boys, aged 14 or 15, all players on the Philly’s United Thoroughbreds were arrested in Polk County, Florida over the weekend when they were caught trying to shaft a Dick’s Sporting Goods store out of $2,000 worth of products of an unspecified nature, NBC Philadelphia reports.

The squad, visiting Florida for a championship game in some sort of travel conference, immediately suspended the players, which may or may not have cost the team the Saturday night game. All eight of the teens were taken to a juvenile detention center in Florida and face two felony charges: retail theft over $750 and conspiracy to commit retail theft, according to the Sheriff’s office.

In almost completely unrelated news, CNN reports the University of Michigan fired football head coach Sherrone Moore on Wednesday after the school said he was “engaged in an inappropriate relationship with a staff member,” which means that he was staffing her with his member. Or he liked to be touched down there. He was totally scoring. Going deep. Getting new stuff from Dick’s.

Nobody talk about “end zones” or “tight ends” here. That’s going too far, okay? Keep it semi-classy.

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