A Tuesday night vote of the Pittsylvania County, Virginia Board of Supervisors the question of censuring Republican member Timothy Dudley for shoplifting a pack of kratom a few months ago was not even close as the measure passed 6 to 1 with the lone vote opposed being Dudley’s, plainly took exception to being formally reprimanded for stealing the pills from an Arco gas station on November 25th, 2025, WSET reports on the democratic process working as our founders intended.

The FDA defines kratom as “a tropical tree (Mitragyna speciosa) native to Southeast Asia. Products prepared from kratom leaves are available in the US online and in brick-and-mortar stores. Kratom is often used to self-treat conditions such as pain, coughing, diarrhea, anxiety and depression, opioid use disorder, and opioid withdrawal, with regular kratom users self-reporting using less than 6g of botanical kratom per consumption, per several recent studies. An estimated 1.7 million Americans aged 12 and older used kratom in 2021, according to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration’s National Survey on Drug Use and Health,” though it’s not clear if the text there predates Bobby Brainworm’s takeover of the agency. Maybe one of his lackeys fucked up and forgot to change it to say kratom is a wondrous miracle salve for any and all of your ailments.

Prior to the vote, Chairman Robert Tucker told the audience the censure was not retaliation against Dudley so much as their signaling to Pittsylvanians that it’s unfair of them to accuse the other six of condoning shoplifting of gas station remedies. Not really an exaggeration “We had a speaker tonight that wanted to lump us all together, but I wanna make sure that this board assured the public that we have laws and we have ethics, and that’s why we had to do what we have to do,” said Tucker.