“On Sunday, March 29, 2026, at approximately 5:22 pm, patrol officers with the New Castle County Division of Police were dispatched to the unit block of Ravine Road in the Highland Woods neighborhood following a report of a possible human skull discovered along a creek in a wooded area. Preliminary observations indicated the remains appeared to be a human skull showing signs of prolonged environmental exposure. The State of Delaware Division of Forensic Science was contacted, and detectives from the Criminal Investigations Unit responded to assist with a coordinated search of the area. During the canvass, an additional bone of unknown origin was located. All recovered remains were turned over to the Delaware Division of Forensic Science for further testing and analysis,” says a Thursday alert from the New Castle, Delaware County Police.

Emphasis added on the part where they hedged on whether it’s definitely a human skull which, well, what the hell else could it be? Unless these guys are REALLY stupid then one would think that now that it’s five days later they had already established that it’s not a goddamned Halloween decoration or a medical school’s prop, that it is in fact skeletal in nature, which leaves them with the question of what kind of skeleton. Which isn’t really a question at all since a cursory consultation with one’s middle school-level education it turns out it’s pretty goddamned hard to mistake any other type of skull with that of a human being. This isn’t like, say, a vertebrae or a femur or some other indistinct mammalian bone a layperson is unlikely to be able to distinguish a human’s with that of a deer.

Even of the narrow possibility that it’s a simian skull that somehow ended up dumped in the woods in Delaware there’s just no way a homicide detective is going to mistake them. So MAYBE they could just ride the wind here and say it’s a human skull instead of looking so friggin stupid and feckless.