Wildlife officials in Alaska are at a loss as to why the bald eagles around the harbor town of Kodiak on the eponymous island are so fucking pissed and have violently attacked at least three people over in a specific area of the docks in the past week, Alaska Public Media reports.
Kodiak Island Borough Assembly member and manager at a nearby seafood plant James Turner said each of the victims required stitches after the patriotic symbols of American Freedom unleashed violent flurries of talons and beaks upon their heads. “Be careful over in Dog Bay, walking on L and M floats. There have been multiple eagle attacks,” Turner warned. “US Fish and Wildlife is looking into this. But multiple people have been attacked and multiple people have needed stitches.”
The US Fish and Wildlife Service are indeed looking into it and so far have concluded they have no idea what the hell is going on. “I’ve dealt with eagles in lots of places and normally they just aren’t that defensive,” said US FWS biologist Steve Lewis. “Like I’ve done things, like I’ve climbed nest trees. And most of the nest trees, in fact all of them, the (eagles) don’t dive-bomb you as you’re climbing, like when you get to the nest. They are definitely aggravated. You can see them flying around and they are calling, but they aren’t diving at you or anything aggressive.”
Lewis does have one intriguing theory however: That the eagles are starting to become just as big of assholes as bears typically do get when they get too used to humans feeding them. “I think they are probably getting fed by people around the harbor. And I think that in a similar way that it kind of changes how bears are, if they start getting food from people, they become more aggressive towards people. I think that might be similar to what’s going on with these birds.”