For the second time in the 21st century the Mormon capital of the world will host the Winter Olympics as the IOC on Wednesday announced that Salt Lake City have landed the 2034 global tournament of champions in shuffling, skiing, snowboarding, ice hockey, and other shit.
Senator Mitt Romney was jubilant, posting, "Congratulations to all those who worked to make this happen, especially Fraser Bullock and state leaders. I look forward to cheering on Team USA as they compete in the Beehive State in 2034!" Romney will probably still be alive by then as he's retiring from public office and is thus less likely to be murdered by a vengeful Trump fanboy.
The 2034 games will be the first Olympiad held in the United States since the 2002 winter games, which was also hosted by Salt Lake City. Which is great, but when the fuck is New York going to get an Olympics? Why are Paris, Tokyo, Rio, London, etc good enough but not Gotham? We have the goddamned UN headquarters here and we keep getting screwed. What's the IOC's scam?