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Helene is so fierce, she’s closing Waffle Houses

Besides the Taco Bell drive-through at 2:30 a.m., the best place to find hardcore drinkers and other miscreants in the early hours is the local Waffle House, an establishment known for 24/7 service.  Hurricane Helene, which has powered up to be a Category 4 as it hits the southern wasteland of Florida, forced a number of Waffle House diners to shut their doors and take cover, CNN reports.

The so-called Waffle House Index has been around since–surprise!George W. Bush’s time in office when FEMA was run by a show horse association administrator.  Locals relied on if the Waffle House was closing to determine the dangers from approaching storm.  Waffle Houses also have a color chart to signal the risk:  red means the diner is closed; yellow means its serving a limited menu; and green represents the color your face will turn after eating at one.

Rain from the storm is already reaching into northern Georgia as other storms hit the Carolinas and Virginia.  In Florida, officials have ordered certain coastal regions evacuated as the eye of the storm moves north off the coast of Tampa, while other areas have imposed curfews and stay-at-home orders.  Sean Hannity hasn’t yet asked why Floridians have decided to remain in the path of a Category 4 hurricane, nor has he questioned why school buses are still in the hurricane’s path.

Created by potrace 1.16, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2019

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