Categories
Uncategorized

Canadian misses out on being first confirmed death by meteor

Researchers at the University of Alberta this week announced they’ve determined that it was indeed a small meteorite that struck the pavement outside of Prince Edward Island man Joe Velaidum’s home in July 2024, just minutes after he had been standing in the exact spot, the CBC reports on Velaidum’s missed opportunity to become world famous as there are no documented occurrences of a human being getting killed by a piece of rock falling from outer space anywhere in history.

“The shocking thing for me is that I was standing right there a couple of minutes right before this impact,” Velaidum told CBC News. “If I’d have seen it, I probably would’ve been standing right there, so it probably would’ve ripped me in half,” he continued, evidently considering himself lucky to be alive rather than unlucky to have his name echo across history as the first ever victim of such an impact. Him and all the dinosaurs who died when a much bigger bolide smashed into the Earth 65 million years ago. Just think of all the would-be future Trivial Pursuit cards bearing his name.

“How does one interpret that, except… with wonder and with awe?” Veladium said, pondering the impact itself rather than what could have been if had destiny collided with him on his driveway.

Created by potrace 1.16, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2019

Insecure drug addict won’t let go

2 hours ago

Judge orders Trump and IRS to explain if they’re actually “adverse”

16 hours ago

Trump applies signature business philosophy to governing

19 hours ago

Karoline tries to pretend Judge Box-o-Wine didn’t punt on Powell

20 hours ago

Panama Canal tolls now up to $4 million

21 hours ago

Treasury freezes $344 million in Iranian crypto holdings

22 hours ago

Might as well move on to the next inevitable disappointment

23 hours ago

Judge Box-o-Wine officially drops Powell investigation, lol

1 day ago

Domestic abuser Max Miller under investigation for child abuse

1 day ago

WATCH LIVE: Pete Boozebreath gives alternative facts on Iran war

1 day ago

Human cancer announces he’s been treated for cancer

1 day ago

House Dem group pushing for “Day One” Trump impeachment

1 day ago

Regime wants to “suspend” Spain from NATO

1 day ago

Former ICE official running for Congress in Ohio an abusive freak

2 days ago

Solider indicted for Polymarket insider sandbag on Maduro op

2 days ago

Dems 53 – GOP 43 on generic ballot: Marquette poll of likely voters

2 days ago

Thailand monkey attack benches US minesweeper sailor

2 days ago

WATCH LIVE: Fiery, hateful shit spews from hellish hole

2 days ago

Hegseth fired Navy sec for refusing to defy judge on Kelly demotion

2 days ago

Tehran air defenses “reactivated”: Iranian state media

2 days ago

MAGA Land comes up with novel new polling dismissal

2 days ago

Strange, wolf-man-like Republican Congressman comes this close to telling Newsmax viewers “thoughts and prayers” on gas prices

2 days ago

Warner shareholders approve Paramount buyout

2 days ago

Worth asking how much of this is in Trump’s head vs real-ish

2 days ago

Baghdad Blair? Is James Blair’s profile big enough for a nickname?

2 days ago

Suspended DHS official made $40,000 in “Sugar Baby” side hustle

2 days ago

“Republican Red Winery” celebrates award for “MAHA Cab Franc”

2 days ago

Ketamine Brain horrified MAGA leader would sell out so easily

2 days ago

New Jersey GOP Congressman Tom Kean Jr disappears

2 days ago

“Dems would be worse” eyed as GOP’s main midterms pitch: CNN

3 days ago

Brainworms invents new math to explain Trump’s magic math

3 days ago

Sky screamer finally finds out 18 hours later that his team lost

3 days ago

Georgia Dem Congressman David Scott dead at 80

3 days ago

Report: British gas stations don’t require payment before pumping

3 days ago

Team Orange to piss away $500 million rescuing shitty airline

3 days ago

WATCH LIVE: Multiple simultaneous congressional hearings

3 days ago

Black woman bad, stupid: President of the United States

3 days ago

Regime to nix report finding COVID vax safe, effective

3 days ago

Comer laments the consequences of bad foreign policy

3 days ago

Devin Nunes fired as Truth Social CEO

3 days ago

Virginia redistricting referendum passes

4 days ago

President warns his actions could end up enriching Iran

4 days ago

SPLC hit with massive federal wire fraud and conspiracy indictment

4 days ago

WATCH LIVE: TACO Tuesday at the White House

4 days ago

Regime withdraws Brennan subpoenas

4 days ago

Michael Jackson megafan takes his frustrations over new biopic’s terrible reviews out on lady who won’t take “Obama” for an answer

4 days ago

Florida Dem Congresswoman Sheila Cherfilus-McCormick resigns

4 days ago

John Solomon reports real consequences of Democrats’ rhetoric

4 days ago

Air Canada cuts NYC flights due to aviation fuel shortage

4 days ago

Georgia ACA enrollments drop by 550,000 after Big Beautiful cuts

4 days ago

x
x
x
x
x
x