Tennessee MAGA Congressman John "Groomer" Rose on Thursday launched officially launched his campaign for governor of the Volunteer State to succeed the term-limited Billy "Confederate Cosplayer" Lee, running on a message of being a "conservative outsider" and yeah his website literally fucking says that in the "Meet John" section of the homepage, lol. For all the bullshit and lies and demagoguery surrounding and emanating from Donald Trump's career in politics, you can't really say that, in his first run and term at least, that the "outsider" label wasn't actually true. This fucker Rose – in his fourth term in Congress – just brands himself that on his website, without anything to back it up, simply because it sounds more MAGA than "currently elected politician."

As for the "groomer" thing, it's been fairly well documented here but no harm in self-plagiarizing from past articles: Rose started dating his wife in 2007 when she was a 17 year old high school student and a member of the Future Farmers of America and he was a 42 year old tech entrepreneur and Tennessee Vice Chairman for FFA. They were married four years later, while she was still an undergrad in college (they still are and have at least two kids). The Republican Acting Attorney General of Alaska resigned in 2021 after being implicated in statutory rape in which both he and the victim were similarly dispositioned with Sniffen in 1989 a 27 year-old coach of a mock trial team and his victim a 17 year-old student, a felony under Alaska law given the student-teacher/coach relationship and one that Sniffen could've been charged with if not for changes to the statute of limitations in the mid-1990s. Rose might even be liable for prosecution until 2032 under a similar Tennessee statute, even though there's no way in hell a local DA would go after him.

Campaign rivals would do well to see it differently. Hopefully Rose lives to regret sticking his head up and going for the governor's mansion with his Millennial-borderline-Gen Zer wife in tow.