“Based on a thorough, detailed, and complete review of the ridiculous, poorly written, and extraordinarily anti-American decision on Tariffs issued yesterday, after MANY months of contemplation, by the United States Supreme Court, please let this statement serve to represent that I, as President of the United States of America, will be, effective immediately, raising the 10 percent Worldwide Tariff on Countries, many of which have been ‘ripping’ the US off for decades, without retribution (until I came along!), to the fully allowed, and legally tested, 15 percent level.”
“During the next short number of months, the Trump Administration will determine and issue the new and legally permissible Tariffs, which will continue our extraordinarily successful process of Making America Great Again – GREATER THAN EVER BEFORE!!!” posted convicted felon President Trump on Saturday. He did not specify if this means China will decrease its fentanyl exports by another 5 percent or if this means there will be 5 percent fewer deaths in armed conflicts or if 5 percent more bananas will be grown in the US or if the Heard and McDonald Islands penguins will produce 5 percent less of the $0.00 annual exports of various manufactured goods and raw fish.