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California needs a warrior in the Senate—to stand up to special interests, fight the dangerous imbalance in our economy, and hold so-called leaders like Mitch McConnell accountable for rigging our democracy.

Today, I'm proud to announce my candidacy for the U.S. Senate in 2024. pic.twitter.com/X1CSE8T12B

— Katie Porter (@katieporteroc) January 10, 2023

Three men have been hospitalized with non-life-threatening injuries after being stabbed by a crazed knifeman in a Silver Spring, Maryland McDonald’s at around 6:45 AM Tuesday morning, Fox News reports. All three victims were patrons eating breakfast together when the stabby bastard attacked.

The suspect fled on foot and remains at large. No doubt police are working as fast as they can to cuff the son of a bitch, however it’s tough to imagine they have the same level of urgency they would if the victims had been shot dead with an AR-15. The individual cops probably feel a lower level of anxiety over the prospect of encountering the suspect, knowing that if he didn’t have a gun on him while attempting to murder three men then he’s less likely to have one now. They’ll be able to tase him or, worse come to worse, shoot him with their service weapon if he refuses to surrender.

The victims will probably avoid McDonald’s for the rest of their lives due to traumatic association of Egg McMuffins and Hot Cakes with getting stabbed. They could’ve been killed easily in the stabbing attack. Just not as easily as they would have if the fucker had a pistol or shotgun. Their wives and children are probably at the hospital now, skipping work or school to bring them them balloons and candy to cheer them up. Which is difficult, though it’s considerably less difficult than affirming to a coroner that the body on the slab with a bullet hole in its forehead is indeed their loved one and then having to sit in the office of some funeral home director who punctuates his display of deepest sympathy by gently clearing his throat while pointing to the five-figure invoice for his services.

Still a total bloody mess for all involved. A near-tragedy stopped only by a bad guy without a gun.

Federal prosecutors are preparing to question the outside team whom fat former President Trump hired to conduct a search of his properties for classified documents he stole from the White House in the months after the FBI raided Mar-a-Lago to search for them, a team whom in November found at least two additional top secret docs at a storage unit in South Florida, the Guardian reports.

The names of the staffers, said only to be from a company “known to Trump,” were only obtained by prosecutors after a DC federal judge forced Trump’s incompetent lawyers to give them up in a sealed hearing last week. Prosecutors are reportedly weighing immunity deals for some staffers and charges for others, particularly Trump lackey Walt Nauta, who changed his story at least once about moving boxes of documents around Mar-a-Lago after Donald was served a subpoena for them.

But you know, Biden just handed Trump and Republicans a political gift when some staffer accidentally took 10 classified documents from the White House to his think tank when Biden left the Vice Presidency in 2017, so Jack Smith and Merrick Garland might as well just give up on prosecuting Donald and his minions for stealing them and defying lawful subpoenas for their return.

“The news that the Justice Department is reviewing Obama Era classified documents found at a think tank tied to President Biden is quite a political gift to Donald Trump,” writes a certain rodent-like mainstream media television news anchor – along with several others on the article’s byline.

Hint: His name rhymes with “Fuck Rod.” Still stumped? Click here to see. You will not be surprised!

Shelling of Ukrainian military and civilian infrastructure from Russian artillery units has decreased to just a quarter of its peak volume from last year, US and Ukrainian military intel officials tell CNN, explaining that it’s not exactly clear what the cause for the drop is. It could be low supplies of ammo or a shift in tactics, but either way, it’s a stark sign of the Kremlin’s deteriorating position in Ukraine.

“If this is what you need for validation, an M&M that is the color that you think is associated with feminism, then I’m worried about you. I think that makes China say, ‘Oh, good, keep focusing on that. Keep focusing on giving people their own color M&M’S while we take over all of the mineral deposits in the entire world,'” said Fox News anchor Martha McCallum on Monday, as if Fox News itself isn’t doing exactly that instead of covering this supposed global mineral heist by the ChiComs.

MyPillow assclown CEO and target of a federal criminal investigation Mike Lindell on Monday told Insider.com he has the votes of enough Republican National Committee delegates to deny current chair Ronna Not-Romney McDaniel a majority against Lindell and MAGA lawyer Harmeet K Dhillon.

“It’ll be like, what you’ve just seen happening in our Congress here, you know. There’s gonna be multiple votes, and there’s a three-way race, and we all stay in until somebody gets to 85. I have plenty of states now. I believe she’s well under 85 – with my math, I’d say somewhere around 70 to 75,” said Lindell, referencing the four day shitshow Speakership election in the US House. The RNC chair election also requires an outright majority of votes, not a plurality to win.

Lindell also said the US Supreme Court would rule “9-0” to reinstate fat former President Trump on Thanksgiving weekend in 2021 – among many, many other batshit claims over the last few years – so maybe believe it when you see it. There are however a number of signs that Ronna Not-Romney is in for a rough time later this month when she faces RNC delegates and asks them for a fourth term in the chair position, so Lindell might just actually be on to something here.

People so proud of the God-given Second Amendment rights that they advertise their #SmallDickEnergy with bumper stickers on their pick-up trucks are actually encouraging a gang of Colorado gun thieves to target their cars, KMGH NBC-7 in Denver reports.

The Colorado Metropolitan Auto Theft Task (C-MATT) Force reportedly connected data points on a number of gun thefts from vehicles in the region and found that trucks with out-of-state license plates and bearing stickers supporting gun rights are being targeted for gun theft… because why pry it from their cold, dead hands when you can just filch it from an unlocked glove box?

The theft victims include incoming Republican state representative Ron Weinberg, who had two handguns stolen from his truck parked at the state capitol.  Weinberg reports that his guns had locks on them because he has young children and didn’t want anything bad to happen.

Don’t let it be said Speaker of the House pro tem Kevin McCarthy isn’t a man of his word, especially when that word was given to the filthy rich donors to the GOP.  It also doesn’t hurt that it’s a fulfillment of a promise made–based on a complete lie–to the Republican base.

Per the Washington Post, Republicans made the first piece of major legislation a bill that would strip more than $70 billion from the Internal Revenue Service–money allotted during the previous Congress to enforce tax code on the wealthiest Americans who use loopholes and questionable interpretation of tax law to eliminate federal tax obligations.

Never one to miss an opportunity for performance art, Republicans, however, falsely described the plan to bulk up IRS enforcement as a plan to immediately hire 237 gazillion armed special agents who were planning on breaking down the doors of freedom-loving (white) American households to collect children for their adrenochrome, or somesuch nonsense.  In fact, the bulk of the money would go to modernize largely outdated systems and increase the manpower available to audit complicated high-dollar returns.  The bill will be rejected by the Senate and President Biden already promised to veto it.

Lynnette “Diamond” Hardaway of the “Diamond and Silk” MAGA influencer duo died Monday of something at the age of maybe 50 or so, fat former President Trump announced on Truth Social.

A man suspected of shooting at the homes and offices of Democratic politicians in New Mexico has been in police custody in Albuquerque on other unrelated charges, officials announced Monday, adding that they found a weapon linked to at least one of the shootings, the New York Times reports.

The name of the suspect was not released; the Albuquerque Police Department would only say he is a male under the age of 50.  They would not comment on the charges on which he was being held.  Nor would official confirm that the shootings were rooting in politics or ideology.

“We are still trying to link and see which cases are related and which cases are not related,” Albuquerque Police Chief Harold Medina said.  Last week, police provided media with information about five of the six shootings which happened in December 2022 into this month. The sixth shooting, which happened in December at the home of the Democrat set to become the speaker of the state legislature (likely on fewer than 15 ballots), is now being investigated as from the same shooter.

“Thanks for the laugh Gateway. The DOJ will probably go harass Trump more over Biden’s documents” – The current top comment on the Gateway Pundit’s story about the docs.

“I wonder when the 14 car raid at Biden’s house will begin, shall I hold my breath??” – The current top comment on the story at a site called “WeLoveTrump.com,” and yeah that’s really its name.

“I have zero faith that anything meaningful will come out of this” – TownHall.com top comment.

“This is purely theatrical to create the illusion of impartiality at these agencies, then say there was absolutely no wrongdoing and have the defense that ‘we investigated'” – Daily Wire top comment.

“‘It’s not wrong when we do it’: Democrats” – PJ Media top comment.

Special Counsel Jack Smith is following the money in his investigation of Donald Trump, having issued a newly-revealed subpoena in November for Rudy Giuliani’s records regarding his payments from Trump’s SuperPAC, Save America PAC, CNN reveals.

Also a focus of the House Select Committee investigating the Republican-led January 6th attack on Congress, the amount of money and method by which Donald Trump raised money for his election challenge–as well as how much of that money actually went to the advertised effort–appears to be a key point of Smith’s investigation.

Speaker of the House pro tem Kevin McCarthy won his first major challenge of his likely short stint as Speaker, with the Rules Package he negotiated with far-right nihilists Matt Gaetz and Lauren Boebert by a 220-213 vote, with one Republican voting with Dems, the Washington Post reports.

In a House where Republicans have already demonstrated a penchant for chaos, the Rule Package allows for a single member to call for a recall vote for the Speaker at any time for any reason.  With just a slim four-vote margin, McCarthy cannot afford to piss off any faction of his fragmented Party.

Because if he did, maybe he would be asking when the FBI is going to raid the think tank, where the classified documents were found, not the White House or Biden’s homes in Delaware.

Or not. Trump isn’t all that bright. He has some street smarts, but he doesn’t do critical thinking all that well. You might even say he’s the dumbest president in US history.

In a very foolish application of an incredible technological advancement, a defendant in a traffic court will argue a case while an artificial intelligence chat bot dictates their responses and arguments after listening in via a microphone, Politico reports.

The date, time, and location of this technology debut stunt are unknown, being kept secret by the start-up company behind the system.  The company’s CEO also said the judge will be unaware the defendant is using legal assistance from an AI.  Likely at a hearing over Zoom, the defendant will wear earbuds and use a microphone to relay the courtroom conversation to the AI.  It’s unspecified how much the AI charges per hour for such services.

The start-up’s CEO, Joshua Browder, says he identified two jurisdictions where such a set-up is “not outright illegal” and that he has found a willing participant challenging a traffic ticket who will use the technology, which filters through its database of legal operations and opinions to formulate responses.

See libs? CBS News reports that Biden’s lawyers found 10 classified documents from when he was Vice President at his think tank that accidentally got sent there when he left office in 2017. Even though the documents found at the Biden Center for Diplomacy and Global Engagement in DC were immediately handed over to the Justice Department it’s the same thing as what Trump did.

No, Biden forgot to declassify them by thinking about it, so it’s not the same thing. Biden broke the law. He didn’t assert ex-executive privilege over them. It’s not the same thing. It’s worse than what Trump did. This isn’t just a document storage dispute. This is worse. No wait, it’s way worse because Biden wasn’t keeping them safe at a place like Mar-a-Lago. He had them at some think tank, which is not what it sounds like. First off, it’s not a “tank.” It’s not made out of reinforced steel and doesn’t have a cannon. Second off, just because it says “think” doesn’t mean that documents are automatically declassified when they go inside. Biden himself has to think it. He didn’t.

National Zero will resume our regular coverage now that we’re done writing what our right wing readers already “thinking” about this report. We hope they enjoyed this “See libs?” article.

“Following Call President Biden and President Lula spoke by telephone this afternoon. President Biden conveyed the unwavering support of the United States for Brazil’s democracy and for the free will of the Brazilian people as expressed in Brazil’s recent presidential election, which President Lula won. President Biden condemned the violence and the attack on democratic institutions and on the peaceful transfer of power. The two leaders pledged to work closely together on the issues confronting the United States and Brazil, including climate change, economic development, and peace and security. President Biden invited President Lula to visit Washington in early February for in-depth consultations on a wide-ranging shared agenda, and President Lula accepted the invitation,” says a joint statement by Presidents Biden and Lula.

Wanted criminal Republican Congressman George Santos, 34, has hired 76 year-old former New York Republican governor candidate and Hitler fan Carl Paladino, 76, as a staffer in Santos’s office, according to a listing on some government directory site flagged by Politico’s Nicholas Wu.

“I was thinking the other day about somebody had mentioned on the radio Adolf Hitler and how he aroused the crowds. And he would get up there screaming these epithets and these people were just – they were hypnotized by him. That’s, I guess, I guess that’s the kind of leader we need today. We need somebody inspirational. We need somebody that is a doer, has been there and done it, so that it’s not a strange new world to him. I look around at the politicians that we’ve elected locally and I, I just can’t [unintelligible] on a federal level, I can’t get comfortable with the RINO-ism,” Paladino said in a 2021 radio interview, which would make him a curious hire for a “Jew-ish” Congressman.

UPDATE 1/9/2023 4:23 PM EST: Wu quickly followed up with a statement from Santos’s spokesworm, saying the listing is “inaccurate. Mr. Paladino is not employed by our office.” Freelancer Ben Jacobs reports that it’s actually a “former Paladino campaign staffer” who is “taking a senior role in Santos’s office,” which doesn’t explain why that “Legistorm” directory listing was made saying specifically that Paladino himself took the job in Santos’s office.

“The Alabama Republican Party leadership is committed to representing our grassroots members, and defending the core conservative values that the people of Alabama stand for. We believe that RNC leadership needs a new vision for future elections. We believe that the RNC needs to make defending the American people and their God-given rights and freedom a priority. We believe that the Republican Party needs to stand strong for the party platform, and the principles that made this country great. We believe that the RNC needs fresh, new leadership who can inspire and lead grassroots Republicans to victory. For these reasons, the Alabama Republican Party’s Steering Committee cannot support or endorse Ronna McDaniel for RNC Chair and declare our vote of no-confidence in her leadership. We encourage all RNC members across the country to support new leadership at the RNC Winter Meeting,” says the Alabama GOP’s statement on Ronna Not-Romney.

The Alabama GOP is at least the second state party to vote no confidence in Ronna after the Texas GOP did so in December. The titular head of the RNC faces delegates in a vote this month.