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CORRECTION: On Monday, we inaccurately referred to Malcolm Nance as an MSNBC analyst. To clarify, Nance is a former analyst and is not currently affiliated with the network.

— MSNBC (@MSNBC) April 19, 2022

Former Trump White House Doctor and current Congressman Ronny Jackson appears to be implicated in the Oath Keepers’ seditious conspiracy to overthrow the legitimately elected government of the United States, court documents filed Monday in the case reveal. In the long filing, transcripts of communications between the Oath Keepers during the riot, specifically their leader, Stewart Rhodes texting a fellow MAGA terrorist at 3:10 PM during the riot, saying “Dr. Ronnie [sic] Jackson – on the move. Needs protecti[on]… Give him my cell,” on page 145.

The owner of douchey MAGA twitter account @LibsOfTikTok has been officially doxxed by the Washington Post and her name is Chaya Raichik, an Orthodox Jewish Brooklyn “real estate investor” who was at the Capitol riot – and may or may not have been inside the building.

Fucking unbelievable: @TaylorLorenz, after sobbing on national TV 2 weeks ago, claiming she's the victim of "harassment," showed up at the house of the relatives of the citizen behind @libsoftiktok and badgered them, according to @libsoftiktok.

The bullies claim to be bullied.

— Glenn Greenwald (@ggreenwald) April 19, 2022

And boy some people aren’t happy, lol.

Heinous gorgon and “sexy” cheerleader Kim Guilfoyle spoke with House January 6th Select Committee investigators for 9 hours Monday, NBC’s Julia Jester reports. The stygian banshee – heavily involved with planning the “Stop the Steal” Ellipse rally – had blown up a February interview because she was frightened by the presence of Space Laser guys Adam Schiff and Jaime Raskin.

Claiming attorney-client privilege, Trump attorney John Eastman has withheld 37,000 pages of emails from the House Select Committee on the January 6th domestic terrorist attack on Congress, and the Committee has objected to every one of those claims, Politico reports.

Eastman wrote a memo to Donald Trump outlining a plan that, he claimed, would provide a slightly illegal and highly unconstitutional way to stop the certification of the state slates of electors that would only require a “minor violation” of the law.  Constitutional scholars general characterize Eastman’s plan as nutsy-cuckoo (not their words).

U.S. District Court Judge David Carter will now oversee a page-by-page review of the material to determine if privilege applies.  Carter has already stated that it’s “more likely than not” that Eastman and Trump conspired to obstruct the operations of Congress. 

A former Navy chief petty officer, Malcolm Nance joined the International Legion of the Ukrainian Defense Force. “The more I saw of the war going on, the more I thought, I’m done talking,” Nance told MSNBC’s Joy Reid.

The Biden Administration said the United States it will no longer conduct live tests of anti-satellite weaponry in an effort to gain co-signers to the policy, an effort to prevent additional damage to space assets by poorly-planned tests, the Associated Press reports.

The move comes after a November 2021 Russian weapon test that destroyed an inactive Soviet-era satellite.  Other nations were given little warning of the test, which exploded the old satellite into more than 1,500 pieces of space shrapnel shooting in orbit around the planet.  Such erratic debris paths will cause problems for other satellites, including vital equipment like GPS locators.

“Simply put, these tests are dangerous. And we will not conduct them,” Vice President Kamala Harris said in announcing the ban, adding, “A piece of space debris the size of a basketball, which travels at thousands of miles per hour, would destroy a satellite. Even a piece of debris as small as a grain of sand could cause serious damage.”

She’s facing a court hearing in a lawsuit brought by her constituents who find her unsuitable for office for supporting the insurrection and the overturning of the 2020 election, but she always has time when a camera shows up.  “But I have to protect myself.  I have to go to court on Friday and actually be questioned about something I’ve never been charged with and something I was completely against and so this is how far this is going,” Congresswoman and not a fan of flip flops Marjorie Taylor Greene (Q-Ga.) tells testicle tanner and Hungary’s liaison to American white nationalists, Tucker Carlson.  “These leftists, these progressives, who would rather want, they’d rather have the judge or bureaucrats making decisions instead of voters.  They want to hand that over to them and not have the people in my district tah even have the right to vote for me.”

There’s a lot here to parse, particularly the parts where (1) she’s *amazed* that she has to make an appearance in court to defend her fitness for office because, just like a Republican, she doesn’t feel she’s answerable to her constituents or the law; (2) she’s now claiming she didn’t support the insurrection and the attack on the Capitol, but she calls those arrested  political prisoners; and (3) she led the charge of having voters disenfranchised after the 2020 election, boasting after a meeting with Trump in the White House that they were fight until Trump is back in office, even wearing a facemask declaring “Trump Won” on the floor of the House.

After Republican Florida Governor Ron DeSantis announced that 41% of math books submit to the state Department of Education were rejected, Democrats have demanded the state release the specific content in the texts that excluded the books, Politico reports.

In a Monday afternoon address, DeSantis stated that there was “impermissible” materials that were “indoctrinating” children, which if you think about, is what a math textbook is supposed to do for mathematical principles.  DeSantis, however, claims that the 54 books are teaching students how to be gay and anti-white, which is patently absurb.

“You do have things like social and emotional learning, and some of the things that are more political in there,” DeSantis said of the textbooks, most of which were for grades kindergarten through fifth grade.

The Russian military have started a massive ground assault in east Ukraine after spending weeks building up their troops on the edge of the 300-mile front along the region, the New York Times reports.

The Russian assault began after they shot missiles and rockets at Lviv, the city in western Ukraine where refugees are gathering, with some heading off to Poland and other destinations.

President Volodymyr Zelensky of Ukraine said, “A very significant part of the Russian army is now concentrated for that offensive. … No matter how many servicemen get thrown there, we will fight, we will defend ourselves.”

“Statement on Arizona U.S. Senate Race by President Donald J. Trump: Attorney General Brnovich of Arizona was given massive information on the fraud and so-called ‘irregularities’ that took place in the 2020 Presidential Election. Many people said that he would do nothing about it because that just seems to be the way he is. I felt differently because the numbers and sheer amount of crime committed is so compelling, irrefutable, and determinative the election result would have been entirely different. Well, he did a report, and he recites some of the many horrible things that happened in that very dark period of American history but, rather than go after the people that committed these election crimes, it looks like he is just going to ‘kick the can down the road’ and stay in that middle path of non-controversy. He wants to be politically correct. Because of the amount of time that it took him to do the report, which was endless [that is true, it was so fucking boring we had to make stuff up to make our article on it entertaining], his poll numbers have been rapidly sinking. Now, people are upset with the fact that while he states the problem, he seems to be doing nothing about it – he doesn’t give the answers. What a shame for the Great State of Arizona, and for our Country itself!” says Former Guy in a statement, probably dooming Brnovich.

In another statement, the Fat Bastard appears to be complaining that he’s not there to help force Ukraine to surrender to Putin: “It doesn’t make sense that Russia and Ukraine aren’t sitting down and working out some kind of an agreement. If they don’t do it soon, there will be nothing left but death, destruction, and carnage. This is a war that never should have happened, but it did. The solution can never be as good as it would have been before the shooting started, but there is a solution, and it should be figured out now – not later – when everyone will be DEAD!”

Here’s Tucker Carlson, fresh off his interview with the “testicle tanning” dumbass on Sunday, talking to the “Bearded Butchers”, some bro-y assclowns with a meat business who somehow stumbled themselves into the subject of unexplained cattle mutilations, which we guess counts as a related subject matter because these guys run an abattoir. Probably.

The problem is that this isn’t like Tucker’s bullshit stories about the FBI staging the Capitol riot or that the NSA was spying on him because unlike those yarns there are decades of actual reports of horses and cattle being mysteriously butchered by unknown actors in the United States and Australia. You don’t have to believe in UFOs or aliens to understand that it is problematic if – for example – five perfectly healthy young breeding bulls worth $6,000 are slaughtered out on the range in eastern Oregon without the faintest clue as to how or why. Tucker should stay the hell away from this stuff because he’s giving serious UFO researchers a bad name.

A 35-year-old federal judge, appointed to the bench in 2020 by Donald Trump despite receiving a “not qualified” rating by the American Bar Association and having only been out of law school seven years before getting her lifetime appointment to the bench, is raising eyebrows regarding her decision to strike down the CDC mask mandate for public transit, CNN reports.

US District Judge Kathryn Kimball Mizelle of the Middle District of Florida, in a 59-page decision, ruled that the requirement to wear a mask on plane and train rides to protect passengers who may have compromised health and remove people who don’t from planes and trains was equivalent to “detention and quarantine”

In her decision overturning decisions by two courts, Mizelle cited debunked claims that masks aren’t helpful in restricting the spread of the virus and that masks multiply the risk to the mask wearer.  She opined that the rule was beyond the authority of the CDC and an effort to extend its power.

Completely normal Republican former Wisconsin Governor Tommy Thompson announced Monday he will not be entering the GOP primary race for governor, leaving the field to rejects such as shitbrain former Lt Governor Rebecca Kleefisch, douchebag 2018 Senate loser Kevin Nicholson, and 2020 election “decertification” guru Assemblyman Timmy Ramthun.

Josh McLaurin, a Democratic candidate for Georgia State House and former law school roommate of Republican Ohio Senate candidate JD Vance, has released a series of text messages from Vance from 2016 in which Vance explains that the GOP, “whether we like it or not, is the party of lower-educated, lower-income white people.”

Vance goes on to describe Donald Trump as “the fruit of the party’s collective neglect.  He also describes Trump as “America’s Hitler,” which may have been what secured Trump’s endorsement for Vance, given Trump’s affection for dictators and his keeping Hitler’s “Mein Kampf” on his beside table, according to the first Mrs. Trump.

Hunter Biden laptop: ABC, CBS, NBC spent only 25 minutes over 18 months covering scandal, study says
https://t.co/5w8I306JI2

— Fox News (@FoxNews) April 18, 2022

A former campaign staffer has filed a lawsuit against Republican first-term North Carolina Congressman Madison Cawthorn claiming he violated federal family leave laws for firing the woman after she took leave following her uncle’s death and husband’s heart attack, the Smoky Mountain News reports.

Lisa Wiggins, a former caseworker for the campaign responsible for sorting out constituent problems, also dished a lot of dirt on the candidate and his operations, saying that because of a lack of funds, Cawthorn has closed all but one district office in the state and covered up the closure by having phone calls directed to his lone office, five hours away from parts of his district.

Wiggins voiced her displeasure with the embattled Congressman in a phone call with nonpartisan advocacy PAC American Muckrakers co-founder David Wheeler, who legally recorded the phone call.  American Muckrackers is also known as the Fire Madison Cawthorn PAC.

Leave it to the New York GOP to focus voters’ attention on the issues that really matter in order to secure the majority of votes to win an election.  Or, as it actually happening, Republican front runners Andrew Giuliani and Lee Zeldin will just throw, um, mud at each other.

As the New York Post reports, Giuliani, prolific self-admitted baby genital inspector and son of disgraced former New York City mayor (and unpaid Trump counsel–’cause aren’t they all) Rudy Giuliani, accuses Zeldin of hiring a convicted felon for his team.  And it’s true!  Zeldin reportedly has brought on John Haggerty, a GOP operative convicted of stealing $750,000 from Michael Bloomberg’s campaign.

Zeldin counters that a third of the signatures Giuliani collected to get on the ballot were fraudulent–enough to knock Giuliani out of the election.  As the presumed nominee designated by the state GOP, Zeldin doesn’t have to get needed signatures to be on the ballot.

As Fox comes back from a break with Bruce Springsteen’s “Glory Days” playing, host Kennedy comments, “I don’t like Bruce Springsteen.  I think he’s a commie.  No, I like ‘Glory Days.’  I like ‘Born in the USA.’  La la la la la.  [In the background, you can hear former Trump Attorney General Bill Barr declare, ‘I agree.’]. But [undecipherable] massive pinko.”

Simply more evidence that Fox personalities have no clue what an actual communist is.

Border Patrol stopped 23 people on the terror database at the Southern Border in 2021.

Imagine how many they DIDN'T stop.

— Lauren Boebert (@laurenboebert) April 18, 2022

Of course Congress-critter Lauren Boebert (Q-Colo.) wants people to be scared about something.  Boebert, who was scared of a young man lobbying for gun safety after he was a victim of the Parkland school shootings, has a lot of fear in her life:  Her genital exposing husband may try Tucker Carlson’s Testicle Tanning Treatment and Testosterone Tweak® in the local bowling alley, where he has a custom of exposing his shortcomings to minors.  And she’s got to pay back tens of thousands in improperly spent campaign funds.  So like all Republicans, she wants to fear things that aren’t a threat, like CRT and LGBTQ people and math textbooks.