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SPOILER ALERT: The Iranians already said they ain’t buying shit

Convicted felon President Trump on Thursday told farmers that they can look forward to a whole new market in Iran, just about 11 hours after top official in Tehran Mohammad Bagher Ghalibaf tweeted “America falsely claims our unfrozen assets will buy their agriculture. Interesting. The only crop we’re harvesting is what you planted: decades of mistrust. It’s organic, abundant, and homegrown. But apparently the US only exports GMO soybeans, broken promises and trash talks.”

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DC judge finds Trump regime violated Epstein files law

“Responding to public demands for information, Congress with near unanimity passed the Epstein Files Transparency Act (the ‘Epstein Act’), which President Trump signed into law on November 19, 2025. The Epstein Act is an unprecedented disclosure law requiring the Attorney General, with few exceptions, to make publicly available in a searchable and downloadable database all unclassified Department of Justice (‘Department’) files related to its investigation of the notorious sexual predator and child sex trafficker Jeffrey Epstein, the child sex trafficker Ghislaine Maxwell, and their associates. The Epstein Act required extremely timely compliance: the Attorney General was required to make the information publicly available by December 9, 2025. The Attorney General made productions on December 19, 20, 22, and 23, 2025, and January 30, 2026.”

“Following the production of approximately 3.5 million pages of documents, the Attorney General announced that the Department had complied with its production obligations under the Epstein Act on January 30, 2026. Katie Phang (‘Ms Phang’) brings this action against Todd Blanche in his official capacity as Acting Attorney General of the United States (the ‘Attorney General’), claiming that he has improperly withheld information and failed to comply with other requirements in violation of the Epstein Act. Pending before the Court is Ms Phang’s Motion for Preliminary Injunction in which she seeks relief for a limited list of violations of the Epstein Act. Upon careful consideration of Ms Phang’s motion, the Attorney General’s opposition, the reply, the applicable law; and for the reasons discussed below, the Court GRANTS Ms Phang’s motion,” wrote DC federal Judge Emmett Sullivan in a ruling on Thursday, putting on the record Dirty Todd’s statute violations.

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Crowd size now fun to lie about again

“The Crowd was incredible last night, packed to the brim — At least 45,000 people were there, with a huge Television and online audience. I wish we were able to have an even larger area, which we will be able to do on July 4 when I’ll be speaking again. The airplane flyovers and music were fantastic.”

“Everybody stayed right until the end of my Speech because they loved hearing about a truly successful America. See you again on July 4th!” posted convicted felon President Trump on Thursday following his government-sponsored MAGA rally when most estimates put the crowd in the mid-four digits with plenty of footage showing people leaving before the fat bastard was finished.

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Arizona food bank demand up 8 percent since last year

Thanks to the Big Beautiful piece of shit that convicted felon President Trump signed into law a year ago, demand at food banks in Arizona – a state that voted from the fat bastard by 5 percent in 2024 even after having flipped blue in 2020 – is up 8 percent, from 779,000 seeking help in April 2025 to 843,000 in April 2026, Reuters reports citing data from the Arizona Food Bank Network.

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Seat of global power uses “mutilization” in official communication

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Venezuela earthquake death toll at least 164

At least 164 people are dead and over 971 injured following a quick succession of a 7.2 and 7.5-magnitude earthquakes that struck 40 seconds and a few miles apart along a fault complex in Yaracuy State, Venezuela just outside of the capital city of Caracas on Wednesday, CNN reports.

The toll is expected to rise given the intensity, shallow depth of the epicenters – 14 and six miles of the two quakes – and vast spread of the damage across the socialist country.

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Dan Sullivan sues to run against Dan Sullivan

Rogue Republican Senate candidate Dan Sullivan’s legal team this week sued the state Division of Elections seeking to nullify the decision to ban him from the ballot through a spurious declaration of his intent, the Los Angeles Times reports. “Nothing in Alaska law regulates in any way the private motivations that draw individuals to declare or campaign for office,” says the complaint and even though it’s obvious that he’s trying to sandbag incumbent Senator Dan Sullivan, they have a point.

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MAGA Congressman assumes Trump has evidence of pool plot

Hours after this appearance, the Orange God Emperor insinuated he has evidence, posting “Six people have been arrested, and seven people have been cited, for the damage they did to our Country’s now beautiful Reflecting Pool. The 350 foot gash, made by a very sharp knife or razors, is actually numerous slashes over a very long 350 foot length. It was purposefully and criminally done, and somebody had to work very hard, probably in the dark of night, to create such a condition.”

“Likewise, the small area at the bottom of the Pool was cut and powerfully lifted off the surface leaving very jagged, uneven edges. The large areas of grass are being replaced. In any event, even prior to fixing those areas, the Reflecting Pool is as beautiful as it can be. We will drain some of the water, either immediately before or after the Fourth of July, to do the permanent repair.”

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UK cuffs thousands with alcohol ankle monitors during World Cup

A statement from the British Ministry of Justice issued on Friday announced that “Statistics show that around 7,300 criminals either released from prison or serving a community sentence will be forced to wear alcohol tags at some point during” the World Cup. “The innovative tags work around the clock and quickly detect if an offender has been drinking by analysing their sweat. If an offender dares to have a drink, an alert is sent to their probation officer who can take action to punish them, such as an order to return to court or even prison. The tags are accurate enough to distinguish between those simply soaking up the atmosphere at pubs and fan zones where alcohol is present, and those risking a red card by actively drinking. The move comes as police forces and local authorities prepare for increased demand during the tournament, with alcohol often linked to incidents of violence, anti-social behaviour and disorder around major football fixtures,”

“It is expected that around 7,300 offenders will wear an alcohol tag at some point during the World Cup, with around 5,000 already fitted with a tag when the tournament started and a further 2,300 expected to receive new orders,” the cruelest, most dastardly part of the announcement read.

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Amphibians do eat algae, so maybe Trump’s onto something here

Yeah, maybe the headline’s a little too gentle but holy fucking shit this is one of those times when it’s simply too hard to respond proportionately to this level of batshittery. Like if the fat bastard had just left it at “Here is another example of a crazy pro-algae (likely paid) protestor,” then it’d be out of character for him to be sorta poking fun at himself a little tiny bit – and yet such levity would still be an adequate enough explanation. It’s not like he’s never self-deprecated, if much gentler than this.

The “The sign says, ‘First they came for the algae…’ which is in reference to a famous post-WW2 statement about Germans not speaking out against the Nazis: ‘…then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out—because I was not a Jew. Then they came for me – and there was no one left to speak for me,'” is not self-satire. That’s Trump being seriously “offended” and very much on-brand given his very well-documented love of messianic blasphemy and iconoclasm. This is real Trump.

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Cocaine Mitch’s staff insists he’s still alive

Responding to questions from reporters about whether he still has a pulse or has finally joined his lord and savior Satan, former Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell’s staff tells CNN’s Manu Raju that old turtle face “is still working closely with staff on Senate business and Kentucky matters as he continues his recovery [from an unspecified ailment]. However, he will not be voting this week.”

If he dies the dem Kentucky Gov Andy Beshear can appoint a replacement. Yes, Mitch McConnell himself lobbied the Republicans in the state legislature to pass a law removing the governor’s power to appoint a replacement of a different party than the incumbent, but let’s see that get tested in court. He could also just refuse to appoint a replacement, just like Mitch did when Scalia died.

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Axios reports Maine Dems have a growing mess on their hands

“House Democrats’ campaign arm and main super PAC are stopping short of saying they will go all-in to hold onto Maine’s lone swing district after failing to get their preferred nominee. This new headache comes as Democratic leaders were already grappling with the never-ending firestorm around Senate nominee Graham Platner,” writes top Disarray™ manufacturer Axios on Monday.

Created by potrace 1.16, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2019

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