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A New York Times profile of Clavicular, the nom de guerre of exceptionally self-destructive 20 year-old “Looksmaxxing” influencer Braden Peters, harkens back to the moment when the now-permanently sterilized young lad first came on National Zero’s radar via the Bulwark: Clav’s late December interview with Daily Wire wiener Michael Knowles that the latter instantly regretted.

Asked about the 2028 election, Clav did not miss a beat, saying California Gov Gavin Newsom would win because “JD Vance is subhuman and Gavin Newsom mogs.” Horrified, the right wing media douche Knowles then stammered and said “Wh-wh-what makes you say that?” to which Clavicular then called Vance “obese” and went on with men’s rights advocate/incel slang like “mog” and “Chad” with overly technical Third Reich-era phrenological jargon like a “recessed side profile.”

Asked again by the Times, Clavicular now says “It wasn’t, like, a political statement at all. I was just saying he’s fat.” He’s also done with politics going forward in his career of “slaymaxxing” college-aged women. One thing that annoyed Clav was one of his dates in Arizona, 24 year-old Mia Kirk, who said she started following Clav when he “only had 15,000 followers,” is trying to be a female Looksmaxxing influencer. “It’s a male space. My culture is not a costume,” said Clavicular.

But please Republicans, tell us more about how you locked this demo down for the rest of their lives and they’ll be voting GOP in every single election until 2100, that they LOVE everything MAGA now.

Legendary real talkin no-filter tells-it-like-is sportsball media personality Stephen A Smith tells CBS News in an interview airing Sunday that he “will confess to you, I’m giving strong consideration to being on that debate stage for 2027” ahead of the 2028 Dem primaries and that he’s “got this year coming up 2026, to think about it, to study, to know the issues,” because fuck you.

Seriously fuck you. Also why should Republicans be the only party to have been seized by an obnoxious egomaniacal cartoon character who nobody fucking likes yet he won’t just go away?

It’ll be fun! All those voters who think of Smith as smart and talented because he just talks over everyone else will love his performances in Iowa and South Carolina and then it’ll be too late.

Corey Lewandowski’s girlfriend might just not want to take any questions after the Wall Street Journal did her and her not-husband extra dirty on Thursday night, detailing episodes like her firing a Coast Guard pilot who lost a blanket of hers and then walking it back after she and Corey realized they didn’t have anyone to take them back to DC. Oh and that she keeps close track of Tom Homan’s TV hits and regularly screams at her staff for not putting her on television more than him.

A Florida husband and wife absolutely pounded a rival couple on the pickleball court at the Spruce Creek Country Club in Port Orange, Florida on Sunday. Who actually won the match prior to it is not clear from People.com’s gripping summary of the bloody aftermath but it’s safe to say that 65 year-old local man Anthony Sapienza and wife Julianna, 53, take the game at least seriously enough that Tony was willing to get hit with two counts of felony battery on a person 65 years of age or older, and aggravated battery causing bodily harm, and Julianna a single battery over 65 count.

According to police reports Tony accused the unnamed 70 year-old male of stepping in “the kitchen,” which is pickleball dork slang for a 7-foot buffer in front of the net, a violation typically overlooked by opponents in what’s supposed to be the casual, accessible, Wiffle Ball version of tennis given an inarticulably worse name. The match ended and words continued to be exchanged, including a specific one that starts with a “C” – as in Tony told the man “You wife’s a [c-word].”

Then… Armageddon. The man objected and told Tony not to speak to her that way. “Anthony then approached him and punched him on the left side of the face and struck him with a pickleball paddle, causing significant bleeding” and then “forcefully” pushed the female victim to the ground, according to the police report. A third man, also 70, tried to intervene, only to have Tony punch him in the face, “causing his nose to bleed profusely.” At some point Tony used a pickleball paddle as a weapon against one or both of the men. By this time someone had already dialed 911 to report “over 20 individuals” were involved in a “a physical fight in progress on the pickleball court,” per a dispatcher’s notes on the police response. People.com’s reporting does not make clear what Julianna specifically is accused of doing during the brawl and to whom. The two picklepunks escaped the country club and were apprehended by cops at an unspecified later time and place.

The Virginia state Supreme Court on Friday cleared the way for an April 21 referendum to be held on the question of whether the Dem-majority state legislature can override the independent redistricting commission and nuke as many as four of the Old Dominion’s five currently Republican-held Congressional seats. It’s yet another blow to what in retrospect was ill-advised on convicted felon President Trump’s part last year when he commanded Texas Republicans to gerrymander out five Dem seats – a plan that assumed continued 2024 levels of Latino support for the GOP, lol.

I was always been neutral on Steve Bannon. Didn’t really care or follow his war room..

But now I’ve read the emails between him and Jeffrey Epstein, My God, it’s so disgustingly bad.

And save your breath acting like it was a documentary, i’ve been reading the emails between…

— Catturd ™ (@catturd2) February 13, 2026

“And save your breath acting like it was a documentary, i’ve been reading the emails between them, they’re best friends, trying to take down Trump together. It’s so bad. Anyone from the war room who’s trying to justify this, is full of sht. It’s so bad, and there’s no coming back from this,” continued the feline feces-themed conservative thought leader after the tweet embed cutoff.

The URL in the community note links to Catturd tweeting “I stand with Steve Bannon” in June 2024.

Dubai leadership on Friday canned Sultan Ahmed bin Sulayem from his role as the CEO of the state-owned ports authority after it was revealed Sulayem was the scumbag who wrote “I loved the torture video” in an email to notorious sex offender Jeffrey Epstein, Semafor reports.

A recently-former communications director for Turning Point USA named Aubrey Laitsch came forward earlier this month with a shocking revelation about the massive “conservative youth organization” undertaking a massive purge of believers in extremist conspiracy theories, infringing on their First Amendment rights to just ask questions about the narrative in the establishment media.

Specifically, according to an excellent write-up in the Bulwark this week, it was Laitsch’s just asked questions about “the narrative of what happened to my role model and CEO, Charlie Kirk, on the day of his assassination.” Or at least she says it was. Per Laitsch, the pretext was that an unnamed Turning Point exec had – about a month or two after Kirk’s death – gotten into an Uber whose driver said his daughter was a high school classmate that Laitsch had told the driver’s daughter that the organization was a shitshow. It’s a mess of a story but in any case Laitsch doesn’t buy it and has a “gut feeling” her mid-January firing was due to her just asking questions of who really killed Charlie.

And she’s not from the only one, according to both her and Candace Owens.

“BRAVE. STRONG. TREMENDOUS GUY.”

That’s how President Trump describes me.

John Cornyn wasted $70M spreading lies about me and still trails in all the polls. We're focused on something different: reminding Texans of my record of fighting and winning for them as Attorney General.… pic.twitter.com/sI9HAmXcbn

— Attorney General Ken Paxton (@KenPaxtonTX) February 13, 2026

Norway’s former Prime Minister Thorbjorn Jagland has been charged with “aggravated corruption” over his lovely friendship with notorious sex offender Jeffrey Epstein, CNN reports on yet another non-American facing actual fucking consequences for hanging out with Jeffrey Epstein.

Cops are investigating “whether gifts, travel and loans were received in connection with his position.” Jagland – who was prime minister from 1996 to 1997, as well as serving as foreign minister and secretary-general of the Council of Europe – has denied he did any real Epstein stuff.

The Axis of Buzz Alerts – Politico Playbook, Punchbowl, and Axios – appear to have collectively decided to curry favor with ascendant Dems Thursday and Friday, directing their “disarray” narrative onto the bloated old corpse their house accountants abso-fucking-lutely wanted to win in 2024.

First up is Axios, who printed “A year into Trump’s term, voters say Biden was better,” firing off three bullet points supporting their thesis, starting by citing abject Trump ballsucker Mark Penn’s polling firm finding that 51 percent of respondents saying Biden did a better job than Trump is doing. Then it was an even uglier finding from hardcore MAGA pollster Rasmussen Reports finding Biden 48 to Trump 40 percent on a similar question, and lastly the Economist/YouGov at Biden 46 to Trump 40 percent, then another 7 percent saying “about the same.” That could actually kinda sting the most.

On Friday Axios printed “Behind the Curtain: Resistance rising” because “Resistance” drives clicks and “the law of political gravity is starting to apply to Trump.” AXIOS IS SO INSIGHTFUL.

Thursday morning’s Punchbowl AM was about as blunt as possible, writing “Trump is wasting his energy. He can veto any tariff termination resolution and the vast majority of Republicans would absolutely uphold his veto. These resolutions are nothing more than a bad headline for the president. But Trump doesn’t like the optics of any Republicans voting against him. Ever,” accurately portraying him as a mental child and warning if his “approval ratings stay where they are, Republicans may continue to buck him, betting that opposing an unpopular president is smart for the midterms.” What happened to the shining virtuoso at the center of the political solar system?

They’re turning suburban women into ISIS radicals https://t.co/YfDkyuvagI

— Jack Posobiec (@JackPosobiec) February 13, 2026

Suspecting a 7-Eleven is an inside job that goes all the way to the top, douchebag Trump Admin pencil pusher General Services Administration deputy chief Michael Lynch tells Fox News he’s sent the chain’s COO a sternly worded letter following an altercation where now-demoted weenie Gregory Bovino and his posse were denied service at a Minneapolis gas station last month.

“As 7-Eleven, Inc/Speedway LLC locations accept the GSA SmartPay fleet card for fuel and other authorized purchases on behalf of Federal fleets – including those operated by the US Department of Homeland Security – these actions raise concerns about the ability of Federal vehicle operators to access necessary fuel and services at convenient locations,” Lynch wrote to COO Doug Rosencrans.

One manager of a Speedway – an affiliate of the 7-Eleven network – gas station in Minnesota told Bovino to get fucked and would not be serving him and his goons and now the MAGA Reich literally thinks it goes all the way to the top. These stupid cocksuckers and their delicate little feelings.

Convicted felon President Trump on Thursday pardoned convicted drug traffickers Travis Henry, Nate Newton, and Jamal Lewis simply because they used to play in the NFL, the AP reports on a two-tiered justice system. Perjurer Joe Klecko and counterfeiter Billy Cannon were also pardoned.

As long as she doesn’t drug and rob our agents, we’ll consider that an improvement over her past behavior. https://t.co/P9wqWk416L

— Homeland Security (@DHSgov) February 12, 2026

If we talking about drugs let’s talk about Epstein and friends drugging underage girls to rape them. Why yall don’t wanna talk about the Epstein files? https://t.co/U7yCarPIXs

— Cardi B (@iamcardib) February 12, 2026

Convicted felon President Trump’s regime failed to get another stay before a Manhattan judge’s expired on Thursday so the funding to continue constructing the $16 billion Gateway Tunnel project is now unblocked, Politico’s Chris Marquette reports. It does not appear Penn Station will be renamed for Trump either, so really the fat bastard got nothing for his arbitrary hostage-taking.

The super-duper secret DNI whistleblower report that shitbag Hindu fascist Tulsi Gabbard is still trying to hide from Congress concerns, as the Wall Street Journal puts it, a “conversation intercepted last spring in which two foreign nationals discussed Jared Kushner.”

Probably wasn’t just Bonesaw and one of his aides trying to remember what brand of hummus Jared prefers to have in his hotel suite when he’s in town for their regular money laundering meetings.

This will be immediately appealed.

Sedition is sedition, “Captain.” https://t.co/dKrvhqy1a5

— Pete Hegseth (@PeteHegseth) February 12, 2026

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Unless you got the viruses from downloading thousands of child sexual abuse images, like one Staples troubleshooting pro did when examining a laptop dropped off by 55 year-old Hanover, Pennsylvania man Troy Wesley Tracey. The Hanover Evening Sun reports that the tech had to call law enforcement professionals to examine Tracey and diagnose him with that really pesky rural Caucasian pedophilia virus, hitting him with two felony counts of child pornography possession, all with the help of the friendly tech who told them the child porn sites definitely caused the viruses.

So if you’re not a chomo – or at least one smart enough to simply throw out your laptop with child porn on it and need a clean one fixed – visit Staples.com to find a location near you today!

Now actual Venezuelan President Delcy Rodriguez tells NBC News that her former boss, Nicholas Maduro – the guy she sold out to the Trump regime, is still the legitimate leader of the nation.

Even though he’s going to die at ADX Florence and wasn’t really fairly elected in the first place.

“I can tell you President Nicolás Maduro is the legitimate president. I will tell you this as a lawyer, that I am. Both President Maduro and Cilia Flores, the first lady, are both innocent,” Rodriguez told Kristen Welker in an interview taped in Caracas that’ll probably air Sunday. “I can tell you I am in charge of the presidency of Venezuela, as it’s stated clearly in the constitution of Venezuela. And from the amount of work that I have, from how busy I am, I can tell you it’s very, very hard work and we’re doing it completely day by day,” the venomous snake in Maduro’s garden continued.

Rodriguez said she’s “been invited to the States.” Womp womp Maria Corina Machado.