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Ninety-one year-old Cameroonian President Paul Biya threw his nation a curveball by appearing in public on Monday, having arrived in the capital’s airport from Switzerland, the BBC reports.

Folks had been starting to ask some questions during the six weeks since the last time Biya had been seen alive, even though publicly discussing the president’s health is a criminal offense in the West African nation, which probably helps his political longevity as the old man’s been in power since 1982. And to ditch the tedious sarcasm for a bit putting the BBC describing Biya as “looking visibly strong” and Switzerland together we would bet $20 Biya was there specifically for stem-cell treatments. Like we don’t even need to joke about him getting “adrenochrome” or some other QAnon-ish salve. Swiss stem cell treatments are popular with wealthy third-worlders these days.

If we had paper ballots hand-counted with citizen-only I.D. it would be at least 80% #Trump2024 https://t.co/1LGDZJ20t9

— Sidney Powell 🇺🇸 🗽⚖️🚜🇺🇸 Attorney & Author (@SidneyPowell1) October 22, 2024

Justice Department officials on Tuesday confirmed to CBS News’s Scott MacFarlane that they received the request that “review payments that are being made by the Elon Musk-founded America PAC to voters in Pennsylvania and other states that experts say raise serious questions under applicable law,” after Ketamine Brain promised $100 to voters who sign his stupid petition.

We probably shouldn’t be holding our breath for FBI agents to cuff Musk on stage, let alone a grand jury convening, but at least it’s something acknowledging they’re looking at the crime in progress.

“We write on behalf of our client, President Donald J Trump. On October 20, 2024, CBS News released a statement (the ‘October 20 Statement’) conceding that President Trump was accurate in his assertion that the 60 Minutes interview with Vice President Kamala Harris (the ‘Interview’), which aired in two different versions on October 5 and 6, 2024 broadcasts, was doctored in order to mislead the American People ahead of the Presidential Election. It is a matter of public record that ‘CBS cut portions of Harris’s answer to a question about the war in Gaza in its initial broadcast, but it later provided [an allegedly] full transcript of her remarks online.’ The open question is whether such posted transcript is original or whether it has also been doctored, edited, or manipulated in any way that is helpful to Kamala Harris’ failing campaign. The October 20 Statement clearly admits that edits were done in order to make Harris’ answers appear more ‘succinct,'” and we’re skipping ahead…

“We therefore demand that you immediately provide and publicly release the full, unedited transcript of the 60 Minutes Interview with Kamala Harris. Additionally, in contemplation of possible litigation, we demand that you preserve all communications and documents relating to this Interview, together with any edits of the Interview’s content, and that you refrain from destroying any relevant communications or documents. Kindly confirm receipt of this letter within 48 hours and further confirm your intention to cooperate with these demands. We appreciate your anticipated cooperation,” says a letter to CBS VP Gayle Sproul written by convicted felon former President Trump’s shitbag campaign lawyer Edward Paltzik that the fat bastard posted on Monday night.

Missing from this is what they’re going to do if CBS doesn’t comply with their demand for the transcript. Yes, “continue fucking whining publicly” is a given, but we mean legal recourse. What actual grounds will they pretend to have if they actually file a complaint over this?

In at least Arizona and Nevada the canvassers paid by edgelord billionaire Elon Musk to knock on doors for convicted felon former President Trump’s campaign are sharing the above video on how sit on their asses and play video games or whatever while collecting $30 an hour, per the Guardian.

A new CNBC/Generation Lab survey of voters aged 18 to 34 finds Vice President Kamala Harris leading convicted felon former President Trump 60 to 40 percent in the age group, an improvement over the same pollster’s July finding of a 46 to 34 percent lead for Harris (with batshit idiot Robert F Kennedy Jr in third at 21 percent), and more importantly in line with President Joe Biden’s 60 to 40 percent win in the 18 to 39 age group in 2020, according to Pew Research’s after-action survey.

In related news, a Reuters/Ipsos national survey found Harris leading Trump 48 to 45 percent.

The alligator spotted swimming in the waters near Erie, Pennsylvania will probably die soon unless someone catches it and takes it to somewhere more hospitable to cold-blooded aquatic reptiles, the Erie Times News reports after having consulted with the Florida Department of Fish and Wildlife for an expert opinion that could have been found in a third grade science textbook.

“Alligators control their body temperature by basking in the sun or moving to areas with warmer or cooler air or water temperatures. Alligators are most active when temperatures are between 82 to 92 degrees Fahrenheit or 28 degrees to 33 degrees Celsius. They stop feeding when the ambient temperature drops below approximately 70 degrees Fahrenheit or 21 degrees Celsius, and they become dormant and enter brumation below 55 degrees Fahrenheit or 13 degrees Celsius,” wrote FLauren Claerbout, FWC public information coordinator in an email after being asked what might happen to the gator spotted in the second-smallest Great Lake several times since August.

It’s actually not impossible for the beast to survive the winter in the lake, even if the surface freezes, though it will take plenty of luck. The alligator will need to remain in a shallow area along the shore and its snout above the surface to continue breathing while it goes into a state of semi-torpor. It will also still need access to liquid water to stay hydrated. The local paper warns readers not to approach the alligator, even if it appears to be frozen, since it could wake up and attack.

Sources within the gilded Floridian redoubt of convicted felon former President Trump tell Politico Playbook that, despite some murmurs that he’s in the running for White House Chief of Staff should the fat fuck return to power, loser former Speaker of the House Kevin McCarthy is unlikely to get the nod because, per Playbook, Trump “remains vexed that the Californian didn’t make good on a promise to ‘expunge’ his twin impeachments,” which reportedly was the whole reason Donald didn’t intervene to save McCarthy last year when Matt Gaetz led a successful palace coup against him.

FCC approves transfer of 200 radio stations to Soros-funded company amid GOP concerns. https://t.co/CN1a6Non7n

— NEWSMAX (@NEWSMAX) October 22, 2024

“Vice President Kamala Harris has opened her largest lead, 19 points, against former President Donald Trump, and now leads 58-39 percent among likely voters, up from 55-42 percent in September. In a multi-candidate horserace, Harris leads Trump 54-37 percent, up from 52-40 percent last month, with four percent for the minor party candidates, according to a Siena College poll of New York State likely voters released today,” says Siena in a press release.

That Madison Square Garden rally this weekend tho… Anyway this is just slightly shy of Joe Biden’s 60 to 37 percent magin in the Empire State in 2020. It’s not that New York was ever going to flip but the movement is definitely good – less than six months ago Biden led Trump by just 46 to 37 percent in the May New York Siena poll – especially in a state that’s a House battleground. We’re of the frame of mind that Trump will (probably) improve on his popular vote share relative to 2020 but that it will come almost entirely from large, uncontested states like New York, California, and Texas.

“Moderate” Upstate New York Republican Congressman Marc Molinaro on Monday threw a fit because Dem North Carolina Congresswoman Kathy Manning won’t allow him to sign on as a co-sponsor of the “Right to Contraception Act,” accusing Manning of handing Molinaro’s opponent Josh Riley an attack line to portray him as anti-contraception, Axios reports.

Manning said Molinaro’s full of shit because he won’t sign a discharge petition for the bill. “Despite repeated invitations to my colleagues across the aisle, not a single House Republican has signed my petition,” said Manning in a statement. “If Congressman Molinaro is serious about safeguarding access to all FDA-approved birth control, the first step is clear: sign the petition.”

For reasons unexplained, “Nude Africa” pervert/Black Nazi North Carolina GOP gubernatorial nominee and Lt Governor Mark Robinson has decided to give CNN a 99.95 percent discount on the money he says they owe him for accurately reporting on all the sick shit he posted online more than a decade ago, dropping the $50 million in damages sought against down to $25,000, WSOC reports.

Hey you never know… These guys are supposed to be pros but even the pros fuck up sometimes and get caught in the windy tendrils of the ravenous beast borne of the chasm above.

“A Philadelphia man is facing federal charges for allegedly threatening to skin alive a state party representative who was recruiting poll watchers, according to an indictment unsealed Monday.”

“Prosecutors say that 62-year-old John Pollard sent several text messages to the representative, who isn’t named in court documents. The party also isn’t identified,” says the lede to a CNN report that took all of three minutes of googling to find suspect John Courtney Pollard’s Facebook account where the profile pic is literally a “Harris-Walz” button so which fucking party do you think it was?

Actually first it was that he wrote “I WILL KILL YOU KKKUNT” in the text message. “KKKUNT” is definitely an online lefty slur. Then it was that his LinkedIn profile came up with a lengthy resume of stage design for off-Broadway playhouses. And then there’s the “I also previously served as personal assistant to actress Sarah Jessica Parker, assisting with the planning and execution of Ms Parker’s wedding to actor Matthew Broderick and her busy day to day schedule,” in the “About” part of his LinkedIn page which doesn’t sound all that MAGA. The Facebook profile was just the icing.

But really at the get-go it was the “a state party representative who was recruiting poll watchers,” and we know the Dems aren’t doing much if any of that. So Johnny went way overboard with harassment and threats to the GOP’s institutional program of harassment and threats to voters. The lesson here is to find other, more creative ways to fuck with the bad guys’ “election integrity” scams.

No. That is not what I said. I said that I asked them if they would be interested in talking to elon. They said they would, but they didn’t trust him not to disclose on X, what was said https://t.co/pTsWpF3Viq

— Mark Cuban (@mcuban) October 21, 2024

While it’s a source frequently cited–from headlines on cable news to posterboards held up by Republicans during Congressional hearings–the political site that sponsored John Solomon’s series of unsubstantiated articles about Burisma, The Hill, frequently features ill-informed articles that–shockingly!–nearly always favor conservatives.  Why, it’s like they want to make headlines (literally) before getting the story straight.

“Can you get this out to every canvasser immediately: Good morning all! Thank you all for your hard work. This weekend we knocked on a record-breaking numbers of doors in our battleground states.”

“Even with the difficulty of this turf, it’s mind-blowing what our 1500+ canvassers are accomplishing every single day. And it’s working – turnout among low-propensity voters in battleground states is shattering 2020 levels. A handful of disgruntled former contractors who were either fired or demoted are conspiring with reporters who want to elect Kamala Harris and undermine our program”

“Please ask your canvassers to keep an eye out and let their managers know if they receive any calls we should know about. If for whatever reason a reporter calls and you find yourself in a conversation, just politely say ‘no comment’ and end the conversation to comply with the non-disclosure agreement that all of us are under. These reporters want to elect Democrats and embarrass their sources so ‘no comment’ is always the best approach,” says a text message sent out to door-knockers working for Blitz Canvassing, a contractor hired by Leon Elon Musk’s PAC to run convicted felon former President Trump’s “ground game” in Arizona and Nevada where as many as 25 percent – maybe even more – of the door-knocks have been completely faked.

The best part is that the Guardian’s Hugo Lowell posted a screenshot of that text, two days after he reported that it was a complete shitshow on the ground and whatever jerkoff that wrote this is telling the rest of the canvassers in this message that the leak’s already been plugged, lol.

“Attorney General Kris Mayes today issued the following statement after Defendant Peggy Judd entered a guilty plea this morning in case number: CR2023-008495-001. Mr. Judd acknowledged that she failed to canvass the election as required by law and agreed to plead guilty to Failure or Refusal to Perform Duty by an Election Officer, a Class 3 misdemeanor. Judd will be sentenced to unsupervised probation for not less than 90 days. She will also pay a maximum $500 fine. A copy of the signed plea agreement will be available below later this morning,” says the Arizona Attorney General’s office in a statement on the find out phase of Cochise County’s MAGA fuck around.

Following a mishap in which hundreds of donuts fell out of the back of a delivery truck in Allen Park, Michigan late at night last week, forcing local police to spend an hour cleaning them up off the road to prevent a traffic hazard from the glaze, global donut company Krispy Kreme decided to apologize and show gratitude to the cops by sending them 40 boxes of donuts, the Detroit Free Press reports.

“We thought we’d thank them,” Krispy Kreme spokesman Jack Farmer told the Free Press, adding that they were glad the accident happened at 1:30 AM on Friday and not during rush hour when drivers would’ve mocked the cops for picking donuts up off the road. The police department made fun of themselves too at least, writing “While investigating a traffic hazard, it was found a delivery truck lost its load. The road was cleared but most of the Krispy Kreme donuts were lost. Our officers are still grieving but will press on,” in a Facebook post following the donut accident.

“Welcome to the 24/7 KTN Kenya News Channel – your trusted source for the latest news and updates in Kenya and beyond. Stay informed with our comprehensive news coverage, breaking stories, in-depth analysis, and exclusive reports,” says the promo for KTN and it seems pretty legit.