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Former NYPD Commissioner and Trump crony Bernie Kerik died at the age of 69 on Thursday from “a private battle with illness,” according to FBI director and fellow “Stop the Steal” d-bag Kash Patel, Fox News reports on the end of a not-terribly well-regarded figure in the MAGA community.

Leave it to the GOP to push their biggest donor away.

All they had to do was codify the DOGE cuts and they could have had unlimited funding for the midterms.

They somehow managed to F that up.

Now @elonmusk is pissed and walking away.

Can’t really blame him.

— Laura Loomer (@LauraLoomer) May 29, 2025

A church friend of detained Hong Kong immigrant Ming Li “Carol” Hui tells the New York Times that she “voted for Donald Trump, and so did practically everyone here,” in their Missouri town. “But no one voted to deport moms. We were all under the impression we were just getting rid of the gangs, the people who came here in droves,” added Vanessa Cowart, the “friend” of Carol, who has two boys, 14 and 12, and a 7 year-old girl with her Guatemalan-born partner, who is apparently a citizen.

“Lost a lot of good men today. I like Trump but this isn’t what I voted for. This will absolutely kill the economy in construction. I thought he was going after gang members and criminals with warrants, not hard working guys,” posted construction manager Jake Cowan from the site of Thursday’s ICE raid in Tallahassee, Florida. No Jake, this is actually what you voted for and you didn’t realize it.

“My fiancee’s visa got denied to be renewed… She’s a Chinese woman who is 46 and has never done a crime or done anything wrong… Why are your immigration policies punishing innocent people?” tweeted Brian Lane in reply to @realDonaldTrump last week. “I did not vote for this. I voted for you to control the crime that was coming into this country. Not run off innocent women who’ve been here for a long time. And only needed their Visa renewed.” Again, Brian did in fact vote for this.

“The US Court of International Trade incredibly ruled against the United States of America on desperately needed Tariffs but, fortunately, the full 11 Judge Panel on the US Court of Appeals for the Federal Circuit Court has just stayed the order by the Manhattan-based Court of International Trade. Where do these initial three Judges come from? How is it possible for them to have potentially done such damage to the United States? Is it purely a hatred of ‘TRUMP?’ What other reason could it be? I was new to Washington, and it was suggested that I use The Federalist Society as a recommending source on Judges. I did so, openly and freely, but then realized that they were under the thumb of a real ‘sleazebag’ named Leonard Leo, a bad person who, in his own way, probably hates America, and obviously has his own separate ambitions,” posted convicted felon President Trump on Thursday, turning on a god of the right wing legal movement, possibly foolishly.

“I am pleased to nominate Paul Ingrassia to head the United States Office of Special Counsel (OSC). Paul is a highly respected attorney, writer, and Constitutional Scholar, who has done a tremendous job serving as my White House Liaison for Homeland Security. Paul holds degrees from both Cornell Law School and Fordham University, where he majored in Mathematics and Economics, graduating near the top of his class. Congratulations Paul!” posted convicted felon President Trump Thursday.

Among other hateful MAGA bullshit, Ingrassia is the author of the Nikki Haley birther theory. He never disputed whether she was born in the US, just that she was ineligible for the presidency because her parents weren’t citizens at the time of her birth. John Eastman tried the same shit with Kamala Harris back in 2020, but didn’t get a whole lot of traction with it. Which meant it was perfect for Ingrassia to plagiarize it to absolutely no effect whatsoever against Nikki Haley.

An unnamed Miami cop pulled an absolutely kick ass move in the Bayfront Park area on Sunday when he clung to the hood of a moving BMW whose driver had tried to run him over, pulled out his service pistol, and proceeded to blast the son of a bitch through the windshield, NBC6 reports.

Supect Menelek Clarke, 21, is facing charges including aggravated battery on a law enforcement officer, leaving the scene of a crash with no serious bodily injury, fleeing or eluding a police officer, and resisting an officer with violence, jail records showed. Clarke was arraigned via videoconference from his hospital bed on Thursday. An arrest report says the officer had been directing traffic outside of a concert when Carke’s car made contact with him. “The defendant began slowly driving towards officer [name redacted] who can be seen on body-worn camera using a whistle and raising his hand with his palm facing outward, signaling the defendant to stop,” the report said.

Clarke then kept driving, causing the cop “to bend forward and place both hands on the hood of the vehicle to maintain his balance,” after which Clarke hit the gas, sending the cop onto the hood of the moving vehicle. The cop then fired several shots through the windshield, striking Clarke in the torso.

Sherylann Clarke, who was in the car, claims the cop started the confrontation with her brother. “He was trying to move and the officer went in front of his car again and he’s moving with his car as he’s moving trying to get out of his way so obviously they came into contact because he’s hovering over my brother’s car, touching his car. Then he pulls out his gun to shoot him,” she told NBC6. The entire incident was caught on bodycam, so a jury will eventually decide who started the little tiff.

Massive wildfires in Canada’s Manitoba province and other regions are threatening to send another smoke storm into the US, almost two years exactly after early June 2023’s smokefest, CNN reports.

🚨BREAKING: Massive ICE raid taking place in Tallahassee.

I voted for this.
pic.twitter.com/C3QWNvLnZI

— Benny Johnson (@bennyjohnson) May 29, 2025

A job site for new student housing at Florida State University was raided Thursday by ICE and state troopers, per WTXL. Some chuds on Twitter are saying as many as 50 of the workers were rounded up and that just might not an exaggeration given that ICE and/or the cops brought a prison bus.

WTXL made it too damn easy to write that headline too, as their article carried a statement: “Hedrick Brothers Construction fully complies with all regulatory standards, including all E-Verify employment verification requirements. Furthermore, we require all independent subcontractors to follow the same legal standards, as outlined in our contractual agreements with their companies. We have been made aware that the authorities have taken control of the site. Hedrick Brothers Construction will fully cooperate with all elements of the investigation.” Hedrick Brothers’ website lists a Dale Hedrick as “Founder, CEO and President” and OpenSecrets.org lists no fewer than 472 donations, one of which was $3,300 to “Donald Trump (R)” on April 30, 2024. That was eight days after sent the same amount to “Come and Take It PAC (R).” They just came and took your employees, lol.

Also funny: Listed on the Hedrick site is Dale’s son (or nephew) Burk as “President, Development,” also on OpenSecrets.org as a 2020 Trump donor. The idiot listed his occupation as “HOMEMAKER,” a colloquialism that means stay-at-home wife, not goddamned housing construction. Fucking moron.

Leadership at ICE will be shaken up for the God-knows-how-many-th time in under five months as convicted felon President Trump rage and his minions rage at the agency over the slowing pace of immigration arrests, CBS News reports, citing sources inside. Kenneth Genalo, who leads the ICE branch tasked with carrying out arrests and deportations, Enforcement and Removal Operations, will retire early while ICE Homeland Security Investigations chief Robert Hammer will be reassigned to some presumably shittier job. It’s not clear if firing the first guy and demoting the other will result in increased arrests or if it just makes it sort of feel like something different is happening.

A federal appeals court on Thursday enjoined the United States Court of International Trade’s Wednesday night ruling tossing most of convicted felon President Trump’s tariffs, setting a June 9th deadline for both parties to respond. Sucks for you, Heard and McDonald Islands.

“At 800 AM MST (1500 UTC), the center of Tropical Storm Alvin was located near latitude 13.8 N, longitude 106.3 W. Alvin is moving toward the northwest near 10 mph (17 km/h). This general motion is expected to continue through today, followed by a northward turn tomorrow and Saturday.”

“Maximum sustained winds have increased to near 40 mph (65 km/h) with higher gusts. Some additional strengthening is expected through tonight, but weakening is expected to begin by late tomorrow. Tropical-storm-force winds extend outward up to 45 miles (75 km)from the center. The estimated minimum central pressure is 1005 mb (29.68 inches),” says a National Hurricane Center bulletin on the first named storm of the 2025 season coming two days before the 2025 season.

“Hormel Foods Corporation, a Tucker, Ga establishment, is recalling approximately 256,185 pounds of canned beef stew product that may be contaminated with foreign material, specifically wood, the US Department of Agriculture’s Food Safety and Inspection Service (FSIS) announced today. The canned beef stew item was produced on February 4, 2025. The following product is subject to recall: 20-oz metal cans containing ‘Dinty Moore BEEF STEW’ with ‘BEST BY FEB 2028’ and lot code ‘T02045’ printed on the can. The lot code may have an additional number at the end. The product subject to recall bears establishment number ‘EST 199G’ printed on the can. These items were shipped to retail locations nationwide,” says a recall alert from the somehow still-functional USDA.

“The problem was discovered after the establishment notified FSIS that they had received three consumer complaints reporting pieces of wood in the beef stew product. There have been no confirmed reports of injury due to consumption of this product. Anyone concerned about an injury should contact a healthcare provider. FSIS is concerned that some product may be in consumers’ pantries. Consumers who have purchased this product are urged not to consume it. This product should be thrown away or returned to the place of purchase,” the bulletin continued. You should probably see a doctor anyway if you’ve been consuming “Dinty Moore BEEF STEW” from a can.

Karoline krazy! No fuck with Karoline, fake news media! Karoline will DESTROY you!

“US Representative Greg Steube (R-Fla) today introduced the Make Autorail Great Again Act to block all federal funding to the Washington Metropolitan Area Transit Authority until it officially changes its name to the ‘Washington Metropolitan Authority for Greater Access’ (WMAGA) and renames the Metrorail the ‘Trump Train.’ ‘WMATA has received billions in federal assistance over the years and continues to face operational, safety, and fiscal challenges,’ said Rep Steube. ‘In the spirit of DOGE, this bill demands accountability by conditioning federal funding on reforms that signal a cultural shift away from bureaucratic stagnation toward public-facing excellence and patriotism.'”

“Rebranding WMATA as WMAGA and the rail system as the Trump Train represents more than a name change; it is a mandate for performance and transformation. ‘Like any struggling institution, WMATA needs a fresh identity that aligns with efficiency, service quality, and renewed trust. These new names serve as a bold rallying point for much-needed reform,’ Steube added. ‘With Washington, DC preparing to host major global events such as the FIFA World Cup and the 2027 NFL Draft, our capital’s transit system must meet the highest standards,’ Steube emphasized. ‘The American people expect modern, reliable, and well-managed public services in their nation’s capital.”

“This bill leverages federal funding to ensure the transit system earns the right to represent the nation on the world stage,'” says a press release from dickhead Congressman Greg Steube’s office.

Convicted felon President Trump’s lawyers on Thursday told a federal appeals court they’ll be taking his bid to overturn the US Trade Court’s ruling to the Supremes on Friday if they don’t get immediate relief, the New York Post reports on a quick way to end this tariff shitshow once and for all.

Not-terribly-reliable narrator Michael Wolff tells the Daily Beast that Third Lady Melania Trump this week kind of snapped over a joke about her fat felon husband declaring jihad on Harvard was motivated by son Barron getting rejected from the prestigious Ivy League school not because some libs online were saying it, but staffers inside the White House privately among each other.

“Barron did not apply to Harvard, and any assertion that he, or that anyone on his behalf, applied is completely false,” said a Melania spokesworm this week in a rare public statement issued in response to… somebody. The most prominent name mentioned by the Beast as having cracked the joke was Rhode Island Senator Sheldon Whitehouse, but his tweet got a few thousands likes.

“Because they’re like, ‘What is he doing?’ This is, you know, this is crazy stuff. Why would this be happening? And then they tell the Barron joke,” Wolff said, adding that he’s not sure whether or not Barron actually applied to Harvard. “It’s important not to lend too much calculation and planning to anything” that Trump does, Wolff said. “But the other thing is that, by the way, he didn’t get into Harvard,” he continued, referring specifically to Donald Sr and his vendetta against the college.

“That’s what makes the show great. The Trump show. He picks fantastic enemies. And Harvard, all it represents, fits right into the Trump show. Going after Harvard has proved to be an incredibly reliable headline. So he’s on the money. He’s done what he set out to do. Dominate headlines.”

In related headlines, the New York Times reports a Massachusetts federal judge just extended the pause on the Trump Administration’s ability to block Harvard from enrolling foreign students.

In a lavish celebration feting guests that may or may not have included Arsenio Hall, Cedric the Entertainer, Eddie Griffin, and others, the royal houses of the lords of Black comedy King Edward Murphy and King Martin Lawrence were united as one this month with the wedding of Prince Eric Murphy, son of King Edward and ex-Queen Paulette McNeely with that of Princess Jasmin Lawrence, daughter of King Martin and ex-Queen Patricia Southall, the scribes at E! News report.

Eric, in his thirty-fifth year, and Jasmin, in her twenty-ninth year, were betrothed November last following no fewer than three years of extramarital coupling. Both are the first born of the grand kings of Black comedy. May their blessed union bear the greatest of all in comedic creation – a conqueror of white comedy, Asian comedy, and Latino comedy even – a grand scion whose talents of timing, delivery, and perspicacity of audience reaction shall be forever unrivaled.

This twatwaffle went on Maria Bartiromo’s show Thursday morning and declared some semblance of moral victory in that his bill to allow convicted felon President Trump to run for a third term (but not Barack Obama, because the proposed constitutional amendment stipulates the third term can only come after a non-consecutive one) has been “forcing a conversation” about how great his Orange Allah is compared to Joe Biden and that the economy is so much better now something something.

So yay? Ogles has gotten news coverage that previously would’ve been about how the FBI raided his house in a corruption investigation that was killed off after he introed this dead end bill?

A win’s a win, even when you look like an idiot and a scumbag wasting taxpayer time, right?

At least seven of the sources cited in the footnotes of Brainwormed HHS Secretary Robert F Kennedy Jr’s “MAHA report” – which he lauded as a “gold-standard” roadmap to improving American public health policy in the 21st century – do not “appear to exist at all,” according to a review by NOTUS that does not mention AI-generated text but how the hell else would the idiot’s team have handed in a paper rife with that very telltale and distinct kind of laziness and dumbassery?

“The paper cited is not a real paper that I or my colleagues were involved with,” Epidemiologist Katherine Keyes told NOTUS via email when asked if she ever wrote the MAHA report’s cited works studying the occurrence of anxiety in adolescents. “We’ve certainly done research on this topic, but did not publish a paper in JAMA Pediatrics on this topic with that co-author group, or with that title.”

The study, which ChatGPT or some other AI chatbot titled, “Changes in mental health and substance abuse among US adolescents during the COVID-19 pandemic,” was printed out with a URL pointing to a PDF that does not and never did exist, but at least it was smart enough to attribute it to a real scientist. Even better: The real research the AI cited made some deeply misleading interpretations or flat out misstatements of the findings, such as one citation of a study that found “antipsychotic prescriptions for children increased by 800 percent between 1993 and 2009,” actually found an eight-fold increase from 1995 to 2005. Which would mean that for even Team Brainworms’ evident aim of discrediting psychiatric meds – because Xenu and Thetans or whatever the hell it is – they actually undersold it by lengthening the period in which the increase occurred. Fucking morons.