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🚨 BREAKING: Man in custody after windows broken at Vice President JD Vance's unoccupied Cincinnati home, Secret Service says pic.twitter.com/hj5RtOSTsM

— Fox News (@FoxNews) January 5, 2026

“The obvious question is how seriously to take all this talk. The received wisdom during the bluster of Trump 1.0 was to take the president seriously, but not literally – but things have changed somewhat this past year. The bombing strikes on Iran’s nuclear sites in the summer followed by the audacious capture of Maduro on Saturday has confirmed Trump as the most aggressively interventionist US president since George W Bush. And in case you hadn’t noticed, he appears unencumbered by legal and diplomatic norms,” writes Politico Playbook in the Monday morning edition of their all-too-often downright insufferable round-up. They wanted Trump back, they got him, now they can dust off that trusty bromide to make it look like they’re better at scrutinizing a madman’s ravings than you are. “OOOOH LOOK AT HOW PLUGGED IN WE R, U PLEBETARDS.”

You will not be surprised to learn that White House sources tell the Washington Post that convicted felon President Trump over the weekend publicly declined to back Venezuelan opposition leader Maria Corina Machado’s nascent bid to hold and run in a new US-backed election in her home country because she did not give her Nobel Peace Prize to him following her win in early October.

“If she had turned it down and said, ‘I can’t accept it because it’s Donald Trump’s,’ she’d be the president of Venezuela today,” said a person “close to the White House” on Machado’s “ultimate sin.”

In secret meetings in freaking Qatar prior to Saturday’s swift US military raid on Caracas, convicted felon President Trump’s minions worked out a deal with Venezuelan officials disloyal to now-ex-dictator Nicolas Maduro – officials including then-VP Delcy Rodriguez and her brother Jorge – to allow the raid to happen and for the more pliant Rodriguez to take over, the Telegraph reports.

So yeah. All of Delcy’s shittalk is just kayfabe and this is why Trump was uninterested in helping Maria Corina Machado take over. Delcy’s just going to kiss Donald’s ass and do whatever he wants.

Right wing influencer Dan Bongino, a former NYPD officer and Secret Service agent who returned to public service last year as Deputy FBI Director and then found out that said right wing influence can go only so far when on the inside, has officially departed from his post as of Saturday, less than a year into his tenure as second-in-command of the US’s top federal law enforcement agency.

Bongino had reportedly come EXTREMELY close to quitting back in July right after the Justice Department leadership, acting on orders from convicted felon President Trump, had abruptly reversed on their previous pledges to release all the files on their previous investigations into Donald’s ex-bestie Jeffrey Epstein, yet was talked off the ledge and into a more orderly, gradual exit from the post. During that stretch the more pliant Trump ballsucker Andrew Bailey departed his job as Missouri Attorney General to take the completely made-up position of co-Deputy FBI Director.

Presumably Bailey will now serve as the sole Deputy FBI Director going forward. Whether he finds his current job more professionally fulfilling and rewarding than his previous elected leadership position – in which he sued the state of New York at the Supreme Court for interfering in the 2024 election by prosecuting then-former President Trump for interfering in the 2016 election and Starbucks for allegedly harming their customers through a decline in service quality wrought by hiring too many non-white baristas – is unclear, as is how Bongino will address the motivations behind his departure when (not if) he eventually returns to the MAGA propaganda grifter industry.

Secretary of State Marco Rubio on Sunday told NBC’s Kristen Welker that “people are fixated” on who’s actually running Venezuela and not enough on whatever the rest of the bullshit he spewed was about, making it plain he’s frustrated at having to answer for his Orange Overlord’s fucking insane rant claiming that the US has effectively colonized the now-leaderless South American state.

The Grant County, Washington Sheriff’s Office Crime Reduction Team are asking for the public’s help in solving the massive heist of as many as 400 Hot Wheels cars stolen from a storage unit in Lakeview, the Columbia Basin Herald reports. Around half of the stolen miniature vehicles were still in their original packaging, raising the chilling possibility they could be trafficked to buyers on eBay.

The brazen December 27 heist was not the only storage unit collectible crime in the county last week, as on the 31st the renter of a unit in Cascade Valley reported that between 60 and 80 tiny little soldiers and “orcs” used to play the Warhammer tabletop strategy game had been stolen in a burglary. Unclear is if the miniatures were of the original, medieval fantasy-themed Warhammer or the Warhammer 40,000 variant – which is the same thing except it’s like an intergalactic space version where they have spaceships and laser guns – or a mix of miniatures from both sub-brands.

No connection between the heists has been established and it would be surprising if the burglaries were the work of the same individual or crew given the separate, disparate markets of adult collectors of the toy brands: dorks who think the Fast and Furious movies are good and dweebs with mounted magnifying glasses used to painstakingly stroke little dabs of acrylic paint onto tiny merch-armored soldiers using fine brushes made from the tail hairs of a species of weasel native to Siberia.

Stay focused patriots. The US military attack and occupation of Venezuela is just a distraction from the massive fraud perpetuated by the millions of illegals from Somalia in Minnesota and other Blue States. The globalist billionaire military industrial complex led by evil Liz Cheney wanted this destructive waste of taxpayer dollars and human lives to further perpetuate their own power.

Libtards can STFU with their “So why did President Trump order the attack and capture of Nicolas Maduro?” questions. Trump is infiltrating the Neocon cabal by playing along with their plans to get America’s troops mired in another forever war in Venezuela. It’s just like with Jeffrey Epstein, where Trump was pretending to be friends with an evil sex trafficker so he could expose him and his accomplices, even sending girls from Mar-a-Lago to Epstein’s estate as part of his own independent sting operation that lasted for years. It’s why Trump ordered Epstein killed in his cell before his trial.

Somalian fraudsters shouldn’t get too comfortable though. Even though they probably think the spotlight is off of them now that President Trump is pretending to be George W Bush by ordering an invasion of Venezuela to seize their oil, the real patriots will continue exposing their daycare center fraud racket with their iPhones. Those Somalians will be back in the media in no time. Trust the plan.

National Zero will resume our regular news coverage after this important reminder that the distraction ops never succeed in diverting the American people’s attention from the real issues.

“Trump has no right to take us to war with Venezuela. This is reckless and illegal. Congress should vote immediately on a War Powers Resolution to stop him. My entire life, politicians have been sending other people’s kids to die in reckless regime change wars. Enough. No new wars,” says lefty Texas Dem Greg Casar in a statement on Saturday responding to the Orange Overlord’s attack.

Convicted felon President Trump on Saturday was pretty sure no American troops were killed during the blitzkrieg strike on Caracas that ended in the capture of dictator Nicolas Maduro.

Convicted felon President Trump ordered a brief bombing campaign in Caracas during which Venezuelan dictator Nicolas Maduro and his wife were arrested by US special forces and flown to New York to face trial, the entire media is reporting. Venezuelan Veep Delcy Rodriguez is currently in charge.

Barstool Sports founder Dave Portnoy, a leader in the bro podcaster movement against political correctness and wokeism, responded Tuesday to the charges against star New England Patriots wide receiver Stefon Diggs with skepticism in an Instagram video posted on Tuesday and picked up by Us Weekly., saying “I gotta remind a couple people before we get into this. First of all, in this great country of ours, America, it’s innocent until proven guilty. And what team won the first Super Bowl after 9/11 that brought this country together and stood up for everything great about this country?”

“The Patriots,” the Boston-area native declared, adding “So I believe in the rules of this country. No team has taken the higher road, had better moral integrity, than the New England Patriots.”

As for the circumstances of the case against Diggs, accused of choking his personal chef during an argument over her wages, Portnoy said “I have a personal chef. I just hired one. A lot of you people out there probably don’t have personal chefs. You don’t know the intricacies of working with a personal chef,” adding “I find it peculiar a personal chef can have all these back wages owed and still be cooking. If you’re owed all this money and the guy is not paying, you stop cooking, or you’re on a salary and the money is getting paid. So how do you have so many back wages that suddenly you’re getting choked out?” referring specifically to Diggs choking the woman because she wanted to be paid weekly instead of monthly, a condition which apparently also had led to the backlog.

“As founder of the self-consciously lowbrow Barstool Sports digital media empire, Dave Portnoy has, over the past decade, parlayed an outsized, aggressively macho social-media presence into a status as a right-leaning populist champion,” Politico wrote in a glowing 2021 profile of Portnoy.

“On 12/23/25 Fred Smith was wrongfully charged and arrested for using ‘counterfeit money’ at Kwik Trip. But what actually happened is that Fred had a novelty $100 bill that was not at all an attempt at being a fake $100, mixed in with his other cash and debit card. He left that along with his debit card (which had more than enough to cover his bill). Kwik Trip failed to authenticate the money he used then proceeded to call the cops and officers arrived to Fred’s house and arrested him,” says the intro to the currently paused GoFundMe campaign headlined “Support Fred Smith’s Fight Against Injustice,” launched by the family of the 75 year-old Blue Mounds, Wisconsin resident and Purple Heart-recipient Vietnam combat vet who paid for his lottery scratch-offs with a “novelty” $100 bill.

Possibly to make Fred more sympathetic, the family omitted the detail found in a Mount Horeb Police Department press release following the arrest, stating plainly that the “100-dollar bill was realistic in appearance including size, and design including holograms and 3D blue security ribbon, but did have an image of Donald Trump rather than Benjamin Franklin,” emphasis added on the face depicted on the obverse of the bill. Badger State MAGA propaganda site Wisconsin Right Now on Friday put together a lengthy account of Fred’s predicament: A disabled widower who’s suffered from lifelong health issues after getting shot five times in Vietnam, requiring a year-long hospital stay in the 1970s – issues that have gotten worse in recent months and have caused him to slip mentally – and he now faces a “Forgery-Uttering charge,” six years max, over the incident.

“It is truly unfortunate that anyone has to spend the holidays in jail,” the press release continued and yeah, Smith was in the clink from Tuesday the 23rd until Friday the 26th. “The officer in this case investigated the incident and made a decision that was supported by policy and statute.”

I unironically ended JD Vances entire fucking presidential campaign by calling him fat LMAO.

— Clavicular (@Clavicular0) December 31, 2025

Now you are definitely, not probably, asking “Who the hell is ‘Clavicular’ and what evidence is there in support of his claim to have ended Jaydee’s yet-to-be-launched 2028 presidential bid?” which is completely fair given this site’s history of questionable editorial discernment in elevations of low-tier internet personalities. Yet fairness goes both ways and interrogatory obligates attention.

So either hear it from The Bulwark’s Tim Miller, who on the Wednesday edition of his podcast played a clip of Daily Wire wiener Michael Knowles’s plainly dismayed reaction to Señor Clavicular’s quasi-endorsement of California Gov Gavin Newsom based solely on looks… and then played it again as Miller and his guest John Heilemann from Puck were cracking up too hard to fully appreciate it…

In what one might call ripe conditions due to an overabundance of combustable materials present, the Montana Timberline Firewood Company’s in 30,000 sq ft warehouse in Kalispell, Montana went up in flames on Tuesday night, requiring the response of 16 separate fire departments, taking them more than 16 hours to bring the blaze under control due to water shortages, 8KPAX reports. One person was seriously injured in the inferno for which the cause is still under investigation.

Like the exact cause. Not the part about why a 30,000 sq ft warehouse ultimately burned to the ground which, if anything, was in itself a testament to the quality and efficacy of the product inside.

“The White House Doctors have just reported that I am in ‘PERFECT HEALTH,’ and that I ‘ACED’ (Meaning, was correct on 100 percent of the questions asked!), for the third straight time, my Cognitive Examination, something which no other President, or previous Vice President, was willing to take. PS, I strongly believe that anyone running for President, or Vice President, should be mandatorily forced to take a strong, meaningful, and proven Cognitive Examination.”

“Our great Country cannot be run by ‘STUPID’ or INCOMPETENT PEOPLE!” posted convicted felon President Trump of Friday, evidently realizing the how stupid and incompetent it was to have done that interview with the Wall Street Journal about his health situation.

US officials tell CNN that Venezuelan dictator Nicolas Maduro’s regime have detained at least five Americans over recent months, adding that some might have been involved in drug smuggling but the precise reasons are still being sorted out. Sources say that Maduro is copying from Vladimir Putin’s go-to move during the Biden Administration as a way of building diplomatic leverage – this coming at a time while convicted felon President Trump threatens war with Caracas.

In an “impromptu” interview granted after Wall Street Journal reporters contacted the White House press office for comment on a story about convicted felon President Trump’s rapidly deteriorating health situation, the demented old asshole began angrily with “Let’s talk about health again for the 25th time. My health is perfect,” and that all the aspirin he takes is why his hands look awful.

“They say aspirin is good for thinning out the blood, and I don’t want thick blood pouring through my heart. I want nice, thin blood pouring through my heart. Does that make sense?” said Trump, who should probably ask a doctor that and not a reporter. “They’d rather have me take the smaller” dose of aspirin. “I take the larger one, but I’ve done it for years, and what it does do is it causes bruising.”

“I have makeup that’s, you know, easy to put on, takes about 10 seconds,” Trump told the Journal when asked about the sensitive topic of his sensitive hands. As for regular exercise that isn’t swinging a golf club, Trump says “I just don’t like it. It’s boring. To walk or run on a treadmill for hours and hours like some people do, that’s not for me.” Maybe because the effort might kill him.

Trump also retconned his MRI from a few months ago, now claiming it was a CT scan. “It wasn’t an MRI,” the notorious liar told the paper he’s suing for $15 billion. “It was less than that. It was a scan.”