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Peruvian President Dina Boluarte has achieved what can only be described as a historic level of national unity as can be found in public polling: A national Ipsos survey published Monday by paywalled Spanish-language outlet Peru21 put Boluarte’s approval rating at 2 percent. Not a typo, as her disapproval rating is at 94 percent. A typical margin of error means she could be at negative 2 percent approval, in theory. If only Boluarte had a Peruvian Fox News on her side.

And @realDonaldTrump loves Texas! I’m proud to vote with President Trump 99% of the time and fight for Texas with the President. pic.twitter.com/R42q9ldD1c

— Team Cornyn (@TeamCornyn) May 12, 2025

Tell us you’re freaking the fuck out without telling us you’re freaking the fuck out about that poll showing a colossal scumbag like Ken Paxton in the lead for a primary taking place a year from now.

Seriously what the hell else are we supposed to think with this? Lol.

“Stay safe while enjoying Rock Creek Park! Swimming and wading are not allowed due to high bacteria levels. Stay out of the water to protect streambanks, plants and animals and keep you and your family (including pets!) safe from illness. Rock Creek has high levels of bacteria and other infectious pathogens that make swimming, wading, and other contact with the water a hazard to human (and pet) health. Please protect yourself and your pooches by staying on trails and out of the creek. All District waterways are subject to a swim ban – this means wading, too!” says the National Park Service’s page on DC’s Rock Creek Park, not specifically mentioning the source of the bacteria.

It’s raw sewage leaking out of the city’s system, according to the Washingtonian, who included that detail under of Robert F Kennedy Jr’s tweet showing the top US public health official swimming in the waters. Maybe ivermectin works for cholera. Or maybe not and we’ll need a new HHS secretary.

In what the Hollywood Reporter calls a “surprise move,” NBC Sports on Monday announced the addition of legendary gambler Michael Jordan to their roster of on-air talent, presumably to help viewers make informed decisions on which NBA teams to place their prop bets on, likely in segments sponsored by DraftKings, BetMGM, or other major legalized sports gambling concerns.

“I am so excited to see the NBA back on NBC,” said Jordan in a statement he may or may not have issued between rounds at an eight-figure buy-in poker tournament in the Cayman Islands. “The NBA on NBC was a meaningful part of my career, and I’m excited about being a special contributor to the project. I’m looking forward to seeing you all when the NBA on NBC launches this October.”

“And I’m even more excited for the lucrative contract which will fund my own personal gambling pursuits,” Jordan did not add, though the implications of deal with NBC was obvious.

Letter from Congressman Dan Goldman to extremist Attorney General Pam Bondi: “I write to express my grave concern about what appears to be a concerted effort by you to delay and even prevent the release of the Jeffrey Epstein Files in their entirety potentially at the direction of the sitting President of the United States, Donald J Trump. On February 27, 2025, to much fanfare, the Department of Justice under your leadership released a trove of already-public documents related to the Jeffrey Epstein case titled The Epstein Files: Phase 1. This document dump, which was redacted ostensibly to ‘protect victims,’ was sold to the American people as a fulfillment of President Trump’s promise of government transparency. It was rightly met, however, with widespread ridicule from across the political spectrum as a ham-handed attempt to gaslight the American people.”

“Shortly after the underwhelming ‘Phase 1’ release, you sent a letter to FBI Director Kash Patel attempting to pin blame on the FBI’s New York field office for the missing material. In that. letter, also dated February 27, 2025, you demanded that the FBI deliver, within 24 hours, ‘the full and complete Epstein files… including all records, documents, audio and video recordings, and materials related to Jeffrey Epstein and his clients, regardless of how such information was obtained.’ You went on to clearly state that, ‘[t]here will be no withholdings or limitations to my or your access.'”

Convicted felon President Trump will on Monday announce his awesome new prescription drug pricing executive order that does somewhere between nothing and next to nothing.

“Immigration and Customs Enforcement’s Homeland Security Investigations (HSI) Los Angeles Field Office issued a Title 8 subpoena to the State of California’s Cash Assistance Program for Immigrants (CAPI). This program provides benefits to aliens who are ineligible for Social Security benefits because of their immigration status. The subpoena requests all records from the Los Angeles County Department of Public Social Services – who administers the state program – to determine if ineligible illegal aliens received Supplemental Security Income (SSI) from the Social Security Administration, between January 2021 to present,” says a Homeland Security press release.

Which means either this is empty busywork making it look to MAGA voters like something’s actually happening or they’re going to pick tens of thousands of random names that they think are “illegal” and use that to throw all of them off Social Security without recourse. Should be fun.

A new survey of Texas Republican primary voters finds Picasso-faced Attorney General Ken Paxton leading incumbent Senator John Cornhole Cornyn in a head-to-head matchup of next year’s primary by 56 to 40 percent, Punchbowl News reports on a brutal finding made even worse by the fact that the polling was commissioned by the Senate Leadership Fund, the McConnell-Thune PAC that works for establishment GOP members in the chamber, which could be why Cornyn went and posted that transparently desperate pic of himself in front of stupid “Trump Burger” in Houston on Saturday.

The same survey also found Cornyn trailing in a three-way with MAGA Congressman Wesley Hunt, who hasn’t launched a campaign yet but is reportedly considering it seriously enough for the SLF to include him too, with Paxton at 44 percent, Cornyn at 34, and Hunt in third at 19 percent… which if it were the actual primary election would just drag things out and cost even more money as it would lead to a runoff between Paxton and Cornyn that would put them in the exact same place.

Then there’s the general that SLF also surveyed: Cornyn leads 2024 Dem loser former Congressman Collin Allred – also yet to declare his intent – by 6 percent while Allred leads Paxton by 1 percent. Make of that what you will as it could be that a pro-Cornyn pollster is just trying to sandbag Paxton.

Acting ICE Director says 75% of detainees at Newark facility have committed crimes pic.twitter.com/xHuaqfkmVg

— FOX & Friends (@foxandfriends) May 12, 2025

Supposedly AOC is going to be permitted to tour the ICE lockup in Newark on Monday – the one where the city’s mayor was arrested outside trying to get into on Friday – but after a few days when they’ve had time to prepare and make it look cleaner and God what else they’re hiding.

And not to mention also after the televised Fox News tour led by the second Acting Director of ICE since convicted felon President Trump returned to power. Why the tweet bizarrely mentions that 75 percent of the detainees within have allegedly committed crimes is kind of bizarre, since the reich claims that all illegal immigrants are criminals by the very dint of their status.

The first 49 of however many white South Africans – some of whom may or may not be claiming to be distant cousins of Elon Musk – who departed their homeland on Sunday bound for the US under convicted felon President Trump’s patently racist new “refugee” program were instructed by staff at the US embassy not to speak with reporters at the Johannesburg airport prior to their departure, the New York Times notes in their report on the exodus of the seemingly white trash foreigners.

They did however speak with an applicant for the program living in the town. “No white person in their right mind would stay in this country. I believe South Africa is finished,” said 52 year-old Afrikaner Jaco Van Der Merwe, who claim to the Times he and his wife had been victimized by violent criminals and passed over for employment due to their whiteness. A few paragraphs further down the Times notes that “Although white South Africans make up only 7 percent of the population, they own farmland that covers about half of the country. That is indicative of a broader prosperity gap, with white South Africans enjoying much higher employment rates, lower poverty rates and more lucrative wages than their Black counterparts,” a pretty unsubtle knock on the “refugees.”

And a sure sign that these folks will feel right at home wherever they end up being resettled in MAGAmerica, a place in which it’s never a Caucasian high school dropout’s fault that they make less money than that Black lawyer or Indian-American doctor, it’s that everything’s woke and Trump will fix it by deporting that El Salvadoran kid who used a stolen social security number to work as a dishwasher at Applebee’s and banning transgender people from serving in the military.

Van Der Merwe said he hasn’t heard back from the US Embassy yet on his application for the refugee program. It’s not clear what his job skills are or whether he was required to provide them.

The Trump and Xi regimes agreed to a 90-day pause on tariffs in exports between their two respective countries in a “deal” that forestalls some but not all of the pointless economic damage wrought by the Orange God Emperor’s suicidally stupid trade war, Reuters reports.

“So the fact that the Defense Department is getting a GIFT, FREE OF CHARGE, of a 747 aircraft to replace the 40 year old Air Force One, temporarily, in a very public and transparent transaction, so bothers the Crooked Democrats that they insist we pay, TOP DOLLAR, for the plane. Anybody can do that! The Dems are World Class Losers!!! MAGA” posted convicted felon President Trump on Sunday night, admitting that he’s taking a gift from the Qatari Royal Family but not mentioning them and leaving out the condition that it be transferred to his presidential library in early 2029 (maybe that was the “temporarily” part), as well as kind of calling Laura Loomer a “World Class Loser” for ripping into him over it. This is indeed a very public and transparent act of corruption.

West Coast port officials on Friday told CNN that, for the first time since the pandemic, there were as of that morning zero container ships headed from China to be offloaded at American docks, a sign all the more troubling for the fact that six days ago, 41 vessels had been scheduled to depart from the bloated, dysfunctional autocratic state that is nonetheless the US’s largest trading partner.

Thus it’s no real mystery why convicted felon President Trump is making the kind of panic moves like he did that same morning, posting “80 percent Tariff on China seems right! Up to Scott B.” He’s been warned repeatedly by his minions that what he set in motion with “Liberation Day” will, within the next few weeks, come to bear down on an electorate of which a near-majority last year bought into horseshit like the Fox News propaganda above – which you may remember used what was actually a 2011 photo of a store in Japan from near that nuclear reactor that exploded after being hit with a goddamned tsunami – being used to exploit lingering supply chain issues from – again – COVID.

Yeah, COVID’s actually going to be something of a running theme here given the certain overlaps in the respective situation. In fact it overlaps in so many respects – except for the deadly virus part.

“President Putin of Russia doesn’t want to have a Cease Fire Agreement with Ukraine, but rather wants to meet on Thursday, in Turkey, to negotiate a possible end to the BLOODBATH. Ukraine should agree to this, IMMEDIATELY. At least they will be able to determine whether or not a deal is possible, and if it is not, European leaders, and the US, will know where everything stands, and can proceed accordingly! I’m starting to doubt that Ukraine will make a deal with Putin, who’s too busy celebrating the Victory of World War ll, which could not have been won (not even close!) without the United States of America. HAVE THE MEETING, NOW!!!” posted convicted felon President Trump on Sunday, more than 2,644 hours after his self-imposed deadline of 24 hours to end the conflict after returning to power. Minimizing Russian contributions to winning World War II in Europe (which Trump spelled with two lowercase Ls, again, for some reason) is sure to help get them to the table too.

In an interview aired on Sunday, rapey-mustached Kremlin spokesman Dmitry Peskov told ABC’s Martha Raddatz that the Putin regime would need to see “certain dynamics” on the battlefront between the two countries before they start talking “peace,” among them a halt to US arms shipments to Kyiv, which still continue despite Trump’s ill-gotten second presidency.

Responding to a series of spirited disagreements among teenagers that erupted into physical violence, a Fairfax County, Virginia McDonald’s location has implemented what amounts to a de facto requirement that youngsters fight each other outside of the establishment, NBC4 DC reports.

On paper it’s a minimum age of 21 to enter the establishment and dine-in, in practice it’s a door locked at all times for which customers must ring the doorbell and present identification if staff are unsure of the person’s age, but in reality it’s an effective ban on physical combat in the dining room, as the sign now hanging on the front door even says “Due to repeated incidents of student violence, the location is temporarily closed for dine-in service to anyone under 21 years of age.”

“These kids are off the chain. They have no respect, no discipline,” said regular customer Stacey, adding “And it seem like how they acting, their parents are allowing them to act,” as if the whole point of going to McDonald’s after school to throw strawberry milkshakes at other teenagers as a means of initiating a savage, bloody fistfight isn’t to do so without parental supervision. “Like we’re sitting down eating, y’all smoking, y’all drinking, y’all cussing. Like, come on, y’all,” Stacey continued, telling NBC4 she fully supports the new rule. “I understand where they coming from, because that’s turning customers away. If you’re here, you’re acting up, they losing they business.”

The rowdy teenagers remain free to fight each other in the parking lot of the McDonald’s location.

Asked to address the Dollar Tree warning that they’ll raise prices again in response to convicted felon President Trump’s suicidally stupid tariff plan, something that’ll hurt the people of his state who rely on cheap shit from such retailers to get by, Wyoming Senator John Barrasso told NBC’s Kristen Welker on Sunday that he travels “around Wyoming. People in Wyoming are very happy with the president and what he’s doing to help our economy,” so no concerns, lol. In another non-answer Barrasso told Welker the “bully pulpit” and Trump’s alleged mastery of it was the answer to Trump telling Americans their daughters should have two dolls instead of 30. Lastly Barrasso sort of kind of actually addressed the question of whether he would vote in favor of suspending habeas corpus like bald freak Stephen Miller hinted at on Friday, telling Welker that yeah, he might be open to doing so.

Hardcore MAGA asshole Louisiana Governor Jeff Landry is nagging convicted felon President Trump to support Congresswoman Julia Letlow in a primary challenge against “RINO” Senator Bill Cassidy next year, the AP reports. It’s a campaign that the low-profile Letlow – who was elected in 2021 in a special after her husband, Congressman-Elect Luke, died of COVID in December 2020 before he could take his seat – hasn’t even launched yet and it’s not clear if she intends to, and yet Landry’s already anointed her to punish Cassidy for voting to convict Trump in his second impeachment trial.

Changes to Louisiana’s primary system also present a challenge to Cassidy given that only registered Republicans and non-affiliated voters can vote in either major party’s primary next year, which reduces the chance that Dem voters will step in to save Cassidy’s ass. All that said, there could be some opportunity here for a Dem candidate even though obviously it’s tough. Either former Governor John Bel Edwards or if the DSCC somehow recruits Drew Brees to run for the seat is the only way that a flip becomes realistic. Brees quit the GOP in 2019 and is currently an independent.

In a Howard Nutlick double-header, the huckster Commerce Secretary failed to satisfactorily answer questions from both CNN and Fox News on what the hell’s going on with the Trump Regime’s tariff policy, at one point telling dockworkers getting laid off that they “should be very optimistic and positive, because the president truthed it out, and I rely on the president,” lol.

Asked Sunday what he’s going to do to handle the ongoing shitshow at Newark International Airport, former MTV Real World cast member Sean Duffy told NBC’s Kristen Welker that “we actually have brought down the number of airplanes that come in and leave Newark because, listen, our mission is safety. And so – yeah, I hate delays. I hate cancellations. And I hate families who come with little kids that are sitting there for four hours. I’ve done that myself on occasion. It’s hard. But I want you to get to where you’re traveling. And if that means slowing down flights into Newark, we slow them down to make sure we can do it safely. We lost a few controllers who were stressed out by the first connectivity that we lost last week. And so we have less controllers working the Newark airspace right now. And, you know, we’re having these – these glitches in the system. So we slow it down and keep people safe. That’s what we do,” which is weird because it was supposed to be a DEI thing.

On Sunday, there was a complete ground stop at Newark, again, because the radar scopes crashed.

Convicted felon President Trump will accept “a super luxury Boeing 747-8 jumbo jet” from the Qatari royal family to use as Air Force One until the end of his reign, upon which ownership will be transferred to his “presidential library” and not the federal government, ABC News reports.