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In an interview taped on Thursday but to be aired Sunday, convicted felon President Trump told NBC’s Kristen Welker that “the good parts are the Trump economy and the bad parts are Biden economy,” and then doubled down on kids not needing so much stuff, however he bumped “two dolls” up to “three dolls or four dolls” and “they don’t need to have 250 pencils, they can have five.”

The fat bastard also said “I don’t know” when asked whether he had any obligation to follow the Constitution and cried “this is such a dishonest interview” when challenged on his bullshit claims that prices are going down. Overall it was a huge win for the MAGA dickheads who like this shit.

Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky on Saturday issued a not-terribly veiled threat of a violent attack on Moscow’s May 9th World War II victory celebration, telling Interfax Agency that “we cannot bear responsibility for what happens on the territory of the Russian Federation,” while also warning of a false flag at the parade set to be attended by Chinese dictator Xi Jinping, DPA reports.

Russian dictator Vladimir Putin unilaterally declared a three-day ceasefire to come into effect May 8th, hoping that Kyiv wouldn’t attack during their big shindig. Zelensky refused to agree after Moscow shot down a counter-proposal to extend the ceasefire to 30 days into June.

Late last month, as part of a much longer piece on the “NO RAGRETS” Trump voters, the Chicago Tribune checked in with Woodstock, Illinois paper straw manufacturer Gaetano “Guy” Spinelli, previously profiled by the Washington Post in early March after his business, Boss Straw, suddenly became collateral damage in the Orange Ayatollah’s jihad on eco-friendly alternatives to plastic straws out of mere personal distaste. Spinelli had spent his life savings developing and standing up a factory – obviously based in the United States and ostensibly employing American citizens in cranking out the straws. He did not at any point have federal supply contracts, yet his buyers for reasons opaque took the fat bastard’s executive order banning government purchases of paper straws as a sign that the public’s preferences were headed in the same direction, canceling their orders and decimating Spinelli’s business as they apparently switched back to plastic.

The Tribune writes that Spinelli – who in 2023 received free advertising and a rave review of his product from Fox News douchebro Jesse Watters – has sent five letters and a dozen emails to the White House urging the convicted felon president to try it and see for himself. “I even sent him a box of straws,” Spinelli said. You’re smart and you already guessed what response he received.

“He’s put me from a profitable picture to a nonprofitable company,” Spinelli told the Tribune. “And my product is a strong product. I’ve got a paper straw that lasts two weeks in any drink, hot or cold,” without affecting the taste of the beverage one is consuming out of a Boss Straw.

pic.twitter.com/x2HrR939tn

— The White House (@WhiteHouse) May 3, 2025

Hardcore Putin minion and former Russian President and Prime Minister Dmitry Medvedev on Saturday took issue with convicted felon President Trump’s insane revisionism on American contributions to World War II, Reuters reports on the fat bastard again pissing off his allies.

“Trump recently announced that the US made the biggest contribution to victory in World War Two and that he will introduce a special holiday on May 8. A holiday is not a bad thing, but his first statement is pretentious nonsense,” Medvedev posted on shitty Russian Facebook clone VK. “Our people sacrificed 27 million lives of their sons and daughters in the name of destroying accursed fascism. Therefore, Victory Day is ours and it is May 9! So it was, so it is, so it will always be!”

Shark. Chomp. Blood. Boat. Explode. Amity. Death. Roy. Beach. Mayor. Screaming. Teeth.

Japanese Finance Minister Katsunobu Kato on Friday told a TV station that the country’s massive holdings in US Treasuries are on the table in trade negotiations with the Trump Regime, which is kind of like an economic Hirosh- er, nuclear option against the United States, the Japan Times reports.

“It does exist as a card,” said Kato when asked if Japan’s stance of not selling treasuries could be a negotiation tool with the Trump Regim. “Whether or not we use that card is a different decision.”

Charles Schwab capitalist something Kathy Jones freaked the fuck out when asked to comment on Kato’s statement. “This is a very serious tactic to discuss publicly. Just the threat of it could have implications for the Treasury market, although I think Japan’s finance officials are smart enough to know that actually following through on it could be harmful to their own economy,” said Jones.

Fucking AI’s such a pain in the ass. Two goddamned hours with ChatGPT making progress on an obnoxious “VATICAN DECIDES 2025” graphic only to get shit like “You’re absolutely right – and I get why this is frustrating. Yes, I did previously generate an image that included the phrase ‘VATICAN DECIDES’ before the system flagged and halted further edits based on that phrase. Since then, additional safeguards kicked in that now block any attempts to continue generating variants with that specific combination of real-world religious context and political framing — even when the intent is clearly parody or satire.” Every image I would ever want to make for National Zero reasons is always in some way restricted because of the unilateral disarmament of “the establishment.”

This whole Pope situation requires a VERY subtle and poorly-defined aesthetic mapping the insipidity of cable news election coverage and Nate Silver/Steve Kornacki-ism onto the conclave, not the pussy-ass-bitchery of these goddamned “safeguards” that freaking ChatGPT will give me suggestions on how to circumvent and then tell me that it wasn’t actually circumvented.

Anyway USA Today reports a crew at the Vatican installed the smoke chimney ahead of the conclave. ChatGPT drained the creative energy I’d had to make it into a joke about media hype.

“Tesla has not paid Sun Coast for millions of dollars of fuel it Sun Coast delivered. Tesla’s only reason for not paying Sun Coast is that Sun Coast has allegedly not ot paying complied with its requirements for invoice submittals. To the contrary, Sun Coast has jumped through all of Tesla’s proverbial hoops and provided all the documentation Tesla has requested, often multiple times, and Tesla continues to delay and make excuses as to why it has not paid for products that it knows it received,” says the intro to a complaint filed in a Harris County, Texas court against Ketamine Brain’s exploding electric car company by Sun Coast Resources, Inc, alleging Tesla has fucked them out of $2 million in utility payments, obtained by The Independent.

“Prime Minister Mark Carney says he told [Tory] Leader Pierre Poilievre he would trigger a byelection as soon as Poilievre can find a vacant seat. ‘No games,’ says Carney,” per the Toronto Star’s Rob Benzie. Copied that verbatim as unsure what it means exactly but it seems like Carney’s throwing his newly-unemployed rival a mulligan and helping him find a way back into Parliament.

“NOW COMES Plaintiff, the state of Maine, and Defendants, the United States Department of Agriculture and Secretary of Agriculture Brooke Rollins, and hereby jointly file the instant status report pursuant to the Court’s Order on Joint Motion to Extend Temporary Restraining Order (Dkt #16, Apr 16, 2025), which requires the parties to update the Court regarding the scheduling of a preliminary injunction hearing by May 2, 2025 The parties write to inform the Court that they have executed a settlement agreement which fully and finally resolves the pending matter The state of Maine will file a voluntary dismissal of its claims with prejudice in this matter pursuant to Federal Rule of Civil Procedure 41(a)(1)(A)(i) See D Me Local R 41.1(a)(1) (‘parties must promptly notify when an action has been settled’ and ‘must file the papers necessary to terminate the action’) Upon entry of the dismissal, the matter will be resolved, thereby obviating the need to schedule a preliminary injunction hearing or further proceedings,” says a notice to the court in Maine’s lawsuit against the Trump USDA over pulled food assistance in what was Trump’s usual petty revenge bullshit.

Germany just gave its spy agency new powers to surveil the opposition. That’s not democracy—it’s tyranny in disguise.

What is truly extremist is not the popular AfD—which took second in the recent election—but rather the establishment’s deadly open border immigration policies…

— Secretary Marco Rubio (@SecRubio) May 2, 2025

On Friday the Verfassungschutz, modern Germany’s top domestic intelligence agency, designated the Fourth Reich party Alternative for Germany (AfD) as a right-wing extremist organization which, well no shit that’s their branding, but with it comes enhanced surveillance. “The ethnicity- and ancestry-based understanding of the people prevailing within the party is incompatible with the free democratic order,” wrote Verfassungschutz officials in a statement and, well, a spade’s a spade.

If tomorrow you were to form a political party hell bent on ending elections and seizing permanent control with which to enact ethnic cleansing through mass deportation then what the fuck else are you if not a right wing organization? If your goal was to end elections and then redistribute all wealth then holy shit what the hell else need be written here? It’s not that complicated. Stop trying to make this and everything else into these insufferable fucking sob stories about oppression when the stated objective of the supposed victims of that action IS oppression. Rubio sure as shit wouldn’t be pissing and moaning if the AfD were an Islamist party looking to impose goddamned Sharia law.

Taking a page out of now-former Canadian Prime Minster Justin Trudeau’s meaningless gestures as a means of allowing convicted felon President Trump an off-ramp to declare victory in the early battles of World War Trade, China’s Xi Regime are putting out feelers to find ways to “address the Trump administration’s gripes over China’s role in the fentanyl trade,” the Wall Street Journal reports.

If and when the glasnost comes and the two tyrants back down from their centimeter-based dick measuring contest we can look forward to right wing media declaring that this is the greatest victory for America since, no greater than, the end of World War II, after which Xboxes will still be more expensive and zero Americans will be working in reshored jobs assembling iPhones and manufacturing will not have made the promised comeback because the pain was necessary to make sure that children’s toys don’t have lead paint in them and so on. None of that will or will have ever mattered if the fat fuck takes this off-ramp that you’d be foolish to bet big against him taking.

Hey, what the hell. Why not, right? Axios reports bald Nazi Stephen Miller is being considered to take over for already the Secretary of State Marco Rubio as White House National Security Advisor.

You might’ve seen the phrase “All power is unitary” being thrown around a lot these days and, though it definitely does ring like a bullshit truism that some intellectual styrofoam at the National Review deploys to pad out his masturbatory column, it’s worth a refresher: Basically what it means is that nothing in government or politics happens in isolation and for any leader a victory or momentum on one policy front begets another in a completely different one. And, more relevant here, it may be even more true on the reverse end. Look no further than the last administration for fucking corrupt assholes Joe Manchin and Kyrsten Sinema, neither of whom ended up facing voters again, waited until after the Afghanistan withdrawal shitshow to decide they were no longer team players and they could do whatever they wanted to jam up Biden’s ambitious legislative agenda.

Without going down a rabbit hole as to whether or not those two were bribed (they probably were, let’s be completely honest) the more relevant question is whether or not something similar is what’s happening here with Ron “RonAnon” Johnson. Don’t kid yourself about this miserable cocksucker suddenly going all “resistance,” in fact think of it as being directionally the same as Manchinema 2022: That he’s pulling the whole plan further to the right of what convicted felon President Trump’s already been convinced by Mike Johnson and his House pals is the bill(s) he wants to sign.

Staring at a possible dead end for the “Alien Enemies Act” shitshow, convicted felon President Trump’s minions are now looking into whether they can label suspected cartel and gangbangers as “enemy combatants,” CNN reports on the next way of justifying extrajudicial detentions, deportations, and probably application of lethal force if we’re being honest with each other here.

“Lawyers and policy folks like me said that it was nuts and that they’d never meet the legal definition, and if we started treating migrants like terrorists it wouldn’t just be a slippery slope – it would be a fucking mudslide into illegality and police state behavior,” said a former Trump official who served at Homeland Security during the fat fuck’s first failed administration.

Chilean officials on Friday ordered a mass evacuation of the country’s remote southern coast after a shallow 7.4-magnitude earthquake struck the sea floor far offshore in the Strait of Magellan, threatening a tsunami, Reuters reports. “We’re calling to evacuate the coast in the whole region of Magallanes,” President Gabriel Boric tweeted, adding that the country’s resources would be made available to deal with any impact. Chilean outposts on the Antarctic Peninsula were also evacuated and damn that would fucking suck to have to deal with as winter approaches in the southern hemisphere. NOAA forecasts that any resultant tsunami should be limited to 0.3 to 1 meters in Antarctica and 1 to 3 meters were expected in Chile, but nobody’s really going to know until it hits.

God has forsaken thee, America. You failed to repent and this is what happens: Kotaku reports the most-anticipated new game of the decade, Grand Theft Auto VI is not hitting stores this October as expected but in May 2026, over a full year from now. The millennials nostalgic for the mass shooting simulator will have to continue to be happy with Grand Theft Auto V, released back in 2013.

Oh and it’ll be more expensive to play it if you don’t already own an Xbox Series X/S or a Playstation 5 since Trump’s tariffs have prompted permanent price increases for such hardware.

Yeah, most of you NZ readers don’t care, but for a certain generation the series is a cultural landmark, having introduced us to “Young Turks” by Rod Stewart and the joys of strapping C4 to a stolen truck and lifting it up with a military helicopter to crash it into other players in a fictionalized version of Downtown Los Angeles. It’s worth asking that if Grand Theft Auto III hit stores in 2001, Vice City in 2002, San Andreas in 2004, IV in 2008, IV‘s large expansions The Lost and Damned and The Ballad of Gay Tony in 2009, and V in 2013 then what the fuck was taking Grand Theft Auto VI so long? This certain generation doesn’t really ask, being long conditioned to disappointments.

“Gasoline just broke $1.98 a Gallon, lowest in years, groceries (and eggs!) down, energy down, mortgage rates down, employment strong, and much more good news, as Billions of Dollars pour in from Tariffs. Just like I said, and we’re only in a TRANSITION STAGE, just getting started!!!”

“Consumers have been waiting for years to see pricing come down. NO INFLATION, THE FED SHOULD LOWER ITS RATE!!!” posted convicted felon President Trump on Friday and, apologies for oversaturating the newsfeed with the insane shit the fat bastard’s been writing from the toilet, but it’s important to stay focused on this as he plummets further down this ever-bottomless chasm of insanity he’s been dragging the entire nation down for now almost a decade at this point.

Gas is still $3.18 a gallon on average nationally, eggs still retail for $6.23 a dozen as of March, the 30-year fixed mortgage rate remains above 6.5 percent, there are no actual figures yet to support the claim of “Billions of Dollars pouring in from Tariffs,” which are going to be paid by American consumers, and yeah Trump’s just going to keep making shit up like this as things get worse.

A 12 year-old tabby named Mirage is lucky to be deprived of her fucking idiot owners after the two of them either stupidly walked off a cliff in Utah’s Bryce Canyon National Park in darkness or intentionally jumped while holding her in a carrier late Monday or early Tuesday, CBS reports.

Matthew Nannen, 45, and Bailee Crane, 58, had been itinerants driving around the country in a U-Haul until they met the business end of a 380 ft high ledge in the park and, while it would seem like they were taking Mirage with them as they ended it all together, it’s entirely possible they could’ve just been drunk or high or something too. The reporting is kind of scant on details that could indicate one or the other, as in whether they were also carrying camping gear and what not and it was simple misadventure. Either way, Mirage – who veterinarians say appears to be in good shape despite the ordeal but they want to conduct further tests to see if she suffered any rib damage – is in need of a new home and can be adopted from the Best Friends Animal Society in Kanab, Utah.