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“REPUBLICANS MUST DEFUND AND TOTALLY DISASSOCIATE THEMSELVES FROM NPR AND PBS, THE RADICAL LEFT ‘MONSTERS’ THAT SO BADLY HURT OUR COUNTRY!” posted convicted felon President Trump on Tuesday, the “MONSTERS” obviously referring to campy queer Grover and neurotic weirdo Telly, the muppets that have hurt the country badly by normalizing their behavior.

Questioning Oliver Stone is on Capitol Hill about John F Kennedy’s assassination – who knows why the hell this is even happening – grandma Congresswoman Lauren Boebert couldn’t even get her Stones right, confusing the director with unhinged traitor Roger Stone, who accused Lyndon B Johnson of ordering Kennedy’s assassination. Oliver merely accused Johnson of covering it up, lol.

Fucking idiot National Security Advisor Mike Waltz used personal Gmail accounts to conduct government business during the two months he’s served in his role, the Washington Post reports.

“The GDPNow model estimate for real GDP growth (seasonally adjusted annual rate) in the first quarter of 2025 is -3.7 percent on April 1, down from -2.8 percent on March 28. The alternative model forecast, which adjusts for imports and exports of gold as described here, is -1.4 percent.”

“After this morning’s construction spending report from the US Census Bureau and incorporation of the available March data into the models’ dynamic factor model, including manufacturing data from Institute for Supply Management and measures of consumer attitudes from two surveys, both the standard model’s and the alternative model’s forecasts of first-quarter real final sales to private domestic purchasers growth declined from 1.5 percent to 0.4 percent,” says the Atlanta Federal Reserve Bank’s GDPnow forecast updated Monday, which is so insanely Venezuelan.

That’s the replacement for “woke” here, since woke’s so damn overdone. Had considered some other options, like “Atlanta Fed’s latest GDP forecast now even more Jewish,” which works on a few levels – especially when we’re talking about the Federal Reserve – but it’s too tricky. “Palestinian” is dicey. “Hamas” isn’t an adjective. “Socialist” is just as played out as woke. “DEI” isn’t bad but there’s something about “Venezuelan” that just clicks intuitively as an antonym for MAGA. The Atlanta Fed is forecasting negative GDP growth, which means they’re against Trump and America First.

Therefore, they’re Venezuelan. They’re not literally Venezuelan, they’re just sort of Venezuelan-like or pro-Venezuelan… Actually “Tren de Araguan” might be even be snappier there, but that could’ve been swinging a little too hard when this was already a base hit. No need to put it in the stands, yet.

After losing a rules vote over Anna Paulina Luna’s revolt against Jesus Dork Speaker Mike Johnson’s opposition to her push to allow new parents to vote by proxy as Luna was joined by eight other Republicans and every Dem, Majority Leader Steve Scalise pulled a pussy-ass bitch move and sent every member home for the rest of the week, CNN’s Manu Raju reports. It’s fucking Tuesday.

“NASA has awarded SpaceX of Starbase, Texas, a modification under the NASA Launch Services (NLS) II contract to add Starship to their existing Falcon 9 and Falcon Heavy launch service offerings. The NLS II contracts provide a broad range of commercial launch services for NASA’s planetary, Earth-observing, exploration, and scientific satellites. These high-priority, low and medium risk tolerant missions have full NASA technical oversight and mission assurance, resulting in the highest probability of launch success,” says a NASA press release from Tuesday, the “award” part doing a lot of heavy lifting to make it look like an open, honest, meritorious process in which other companies came up juuust short of winning however fucking much money this is going to be.

Why can’t Ketamine brain just get it over with and change the name to Weyland-Yutani already?

This is total war. Everyone’s gotta pitch in and do their part in the form of paying higher prices for shit after electing the president who said he was going to bring prices down on day one.

Cops in various jurisdictions in Germany have been wit with a rash of homicide reports turning out to be cases of sex doll littering, as per the UK’s Times at least three such incidents in the past two weeks, with investigators theorizing that because the dolls are so, um, anatomically realistic nowadays and that owners are too embarrassed to risk being seen leaving it on the curb in front of their home with the rest of their garbage that they instead dump them in remote areas, sometimes setting them on fire, which in turn leads to others calling thinking they found a homicide victim.

After a burned “body” was found poking out of a bush by a dog-walker in Rostok, the largest city in Mecklenburg-Vorpommern state, cops spent five hours preparing to examine the scene, deploying drones and all sorts of other forensic equipment before they figured out the victim was a sex doll.

In a statement, the Rostok Police Department said “All police measures were immediately terminated. The undertaker could fortunately be cancelled. The police would like to take this opportunity to ask people to dispose of their rubbish in the appropriate locations.” A spokeswoman laughed it off saying “We can write this off as an exercise. Fortunately we don’t get this every day.”

As for the other incidents, another “body” was found floating in a canal in Hanover in February, a “silicone backside” thought to be a real human body part was found in a field near Bad Kreuznach, and on Monday cops in the western city of Bingen responded to another “body” a beach.

Maybe just don’t buy a sex doll unless you’re REALLY sure you want to keep it forever.

The FAA confirmed Tuesday to CBS News that they’re investigating a fistfight in the air traffic control tower at Ronald Reagan DC National Airport last week, the same place where fat fucking idiot convicted felon President Trump claimed that “DEI” caused a deadly collision between an Army Blackhawk helicopter and an American Airlines jet that left 67 people dead in January.

Metropolitan Washington Airports Authority Police cops say they were called to the DCA tower on Thursday over the fight between staff, arresting 39 year-old controller Damon Gaines of Upper Marlboro, Maryland. Gaines faces charges of assault and battery. It’s not clear if he’s a “DEI hire.”

Joining just as Krazy Kommunicator Karoline claims that Kilmar Armando Abrego Garcia was a member of MS-13 and is not explaining what evidence she saw confirming that point.

Describing convicted felon President Trump’s “Liberation Day” tariff launch on Wednesday as leading to a moment where the economic backlash to it “may well liberate Lutnick from his role in the administration,” Politico reports that no fewer than six sources are eager for weasely Commerce Secretary Coward Nutlick (teehehehehe) to be fired over policy decisions that are actually Trump’s.

“I think people would take special pleasure in blaming him,” one source said, not even aware they’re perpetuating the “he cannot fail, he can only be failed” mentality so central to Trump’s power.

The person continued saying Lutnick is constantly in the Oval Office, giving Trump “bad advice, pushing more aggressive tariffs.” Another source said Lutnick’s “a new voice at the table pushing crazy shit. I don’t know anyone that isn’t pissed off at him.” This is all so fucking stupid, lol.

“Today, Attorney General Pamela Bondi released the following statement: ‘Luigi Mangione’s murder of Brian Thompson – an innocent man and father of two young children – was a premeditated, cold-blooded assassination that shocked America. After careful consideration, I have directed federal prosecutors to seek the death penalty in this case as we carry out President Trump’s agenda to stop violent crime and Make America Safe Again,'” says a Justice Department press release.

“As alleged, Luigi Mangione stalked and murdered UnitedHealthcare executive Brian Thompson on December 4th, 2024. The murder was an act of political violence. Mangione’s actions involved substantial planning and premeditation and because the murder took place in public with bystanders nearby, may have posed grave risk of death to additional persons. Following federal murder charges handed down on December 19th, 2024, Attorney General Bondi has now directed Acting US Attorney Matthew Podolsky to seek the death penalty in this case. This is in line with Attorney General Bondi’s Day One Memo as Attorney General entitled Reviving The Federal Death Penalty And Lifting The Moratorium On Federal Executions,” the press release continued.

Hmmmm… Prooooobably not the politically smartest move, putting a folk hero’s life on the line.

House Judiciary Committee Chair Jim Jordan’s working on a power counter as he grapples under the robes of dominating jurists who could pin him down and leave the administration helpless to the ravages of injunctions thrusting deep into their inner workings: The judicial overreach-around, a reversal with an extremely tight grip on the tip of the – something something need more graphic homoerotic allusions to courts and wrestling to fill out the rest of this introduction.

On deck as witnesses are slimy amphibian Newt Gingrich, Heritage foundation Nazi dickhead Paul Larkin, and “Cindy Romero, Victim of criminal activity perpetrated by terrorist organization Tren de Aragua in Aurora, Colorado.” It’s not clear why there isn’t a minority witness.

In other live feeds here’s the House GOP leadership press conference:

And in the House Foreign Affairs Committee’s moronic “Censorship-Industrial Complex” hearing, Ranking Dem Sydney Kalmacher-Dove’s already called complete fucking douchebag witness Matt Taibbi a “serial sexual harasser” in her opening statement, lol:

This is a mess of tweets about a worse mess in the real world: Earlier on Tuesday National Zero very perfunctorily picked up a Politico article by their courts beat guy Kyle Cheney, citing a Monday filing in which ICE admitted that they sent the wrong guy to the CECOT dungeon in El Salvador and can’t get him back since he’s outside of their jurisdiction now. The ICE official literally wrote that Kilmar Armando Abrego Garcia had been sent there in “error,” based on a likely false accusation that he was a member of MS-13, something that in 2019, during the first Trump Administration, an immigration judge had considered and then “granted withholding of removal to El Salvador pursuant to 8 USC § 1231(b)(3)(A). This grant of protection prohibited his removal to El Salvador.”

Writing Tuesday that he “didn’t want to indulge in the White House’s fantasy of raising rates on top earners. But whatever. I will. So we can all stop talking about this,” Punchbowl’s Jake Sherman went and asked House Majority Whip Tom Emmer about the scattered reports that some in the Trump Administration are pushing for the tax plan to let the top earner rate expire and slip from 37 percent back to 39.6 percent as it had been prior to the 2017 Trump tax cut bill.

“Emmer tilted his head back and laughed very loudly,” Sherman writes, transcribing the Minnesotan’s response as “Hahahahahha, no.” Mike Johnson was more staid if just as cartoonishly villainous about it, saying “It’s not something that’s been discussed. I’m never for increasing taxes, ever.”

“The audio is worth listening to. Especially on Emmer’s laugh,” Sherman writes.

In an article headlined “The Ghost of Jimmy Carter Comes Back to Haunt America: China Blocks Panama Canal Sale to Blackrock — Setting Up Major Confrontation with President Trump,” the Gateway Pundit reports – and lol had to source them because of the “Major Confrontation with President Trump” part – that the Chinese communist regime have blocked the sale of $23 billion in port facilities in and around the Panama Canal – among 43 other major seaports worldwide – from Hong Kong-based CK Hutchison Holdings to a US consortium led principally by BlackRock.

Last month the fat fuck had declared victory over the commies at the canal in his stupid joint address Congress, saying “to further enhance our national security, our administration will be reclaiming the Panama Canal, and we’ve already started doing it. Just today, a large American company announced they are buying both ports around the Panama Canal, and lots of other things having to do with the Panama Canal, and a couple of other canals,” but like with a lot of other things Trump, he had burst it out prematurely as the Xi Regime have sicced their regulators on the deal.

“This sets up a major confrontation with President Trump,” Jim Hoft writes in his article without elaborating on how Donald is going to defeat Xi in this high-risk board game of global supremacy.

“Another activist judge making a stupid ruling”: Tom Homan reacts to judge blocking the admin from ending deportation protections for Venezuelans. pic.twitter.com/F321gnXvuM

— FOX & Friends (@foxandfriends) April 1, 2025

Or he saw pics of his grandchildren playing soccer on Facebook rather than being there in person because his kids won’t let him anywhere near them. Either way he got himself fired up and pissed off before this bit on Fox and Friends in which he seethed angrily over that judge blocking the revocation of temporary protected status for 430,000 Venezuelan refugees. It’s not clear why the Fox News social media staffer in charge of making these clips included the part where Homan asserted that the “temporary” part of TPS is contingent, that “once the conditions of that country they’re from, once the conditions change, then people should be removed from the” US, or whether after the cutoff he went on to claim Venezuela is in much better shape than it was three years ago, but it either way it most certainly is not – probably considerably worse after Maduro stole that election – and it’s pretty cunty to make THAT the argument for removing the refugees.

Writing he wants to “tread carefully on this” Talking Points Memo founder Josh Marshall reports he’s heard from the parents of two disabled adults who receive Social Security insurance payments for support who say the online portal on Monday abruptly changed to say “This beneficiary is currently not receiving payments” under the “Benefits and Payments” page. They’re not 100 percent sure yet whether the payments have actually been cut off since one of the adults lives in a care home that’s the direct recipient of the benefit disbursement, the other family says the parents are the recipients and sometimes the payout can come slightly later than usual, so it could still arrive on Tuesday.

“Each family contacted me independently and each is from a different part of the country – one in the Midwest, another in the Northeast. Each family is part of a loose local network of families or support group of families with disabled adult children. And in each case multiple families in each support network started seeing the same thing today,” Marshall writes, remarking that it’s clear this isn’t an isolated thing, however a few of the families seeing the “This beneficiary is currently not receiving payments” still got the direct deposits anyway for some completely opaque reason.

Marshall also notes that so far what he’s seen has been confined to Social Security Insurance (SSI) but not Social Security Disability Insurance (SSDI) and, since many of the families in his sources’ networks receive both, it appears that it’s only the former that’s been disrupted. “Of course, we’re dealing with small sample sizes. So it’s possible SSDI might be affected too,” he continues, but also adding that both of the families he’s in contact with are Social Security retirement beneficiaries and they’ve seen no interruption to those sacred cow entitlement payments this month at least.

A Republican Congressman or Congresswoman tells Politico that an “April 1st massacre” for the party in Tuesday’s elections – specials in Florida 1st and 6th Districts and the state Supreme Court seat in Wisconsin determining the bench’s majority – would be “a beautiful thing,” because, per Politico, it “would rouse congressional Republicans to the damage” Ketamine Brain “is doing and hand political capital to the lawmakers facing the most difficult races next year,” lol.

Can’t decide what part of that is funnier: That they’re this freaked out about Musk or that they’re claiming THIS is the moment and reason that they’d finally grow some balls and stand up to the Orange God Emperor after nearly a decade of failing to take him on for worse shit. The anonymous House member claims there’s 26 others considered vulnerable next year who will “decide how they want to be part of the team going forward,” and that are hyper-focused on Musk because “the shit he puts up on the internet” about government spending or DOGE savings “is wrong.”

“Elon’s work needs to wrap up, and he needs to exit stage left,” another member told Politico, whose reporter Jon Martin writes “Naturally, in a reminder of the power Musk wields because of his money and ownership of X, neither Republican wanted to be identified by name… With fear of defeat, however, can come courage. Or at least a willingness to tell Speaker Mike Johnson or Trump himself in private that something must be done on Musk.” Ughhhhhhhhhhh, Jesus Christ, lol.

I've never shied away from speaking out about fraudulent elections–while it hasn't always been easy, difficult times require strong people. Tina Peters is a strong woman–who's been punished because of it.

We can't allow this Gold Star Mom to die behind bars for doing her job… https://t.co/3Vppgm3PJt

— Kari Lake (@KariLake) April 1, 2025

Continued Lake after the cutoff in her attempt to evoke sympathy for a fellow maniac: “We can’t allow this Gold Star Mom to die behind bars for doing her job and exposing election fraud. Some of us were brave enough to talk about the most important issue of our time when many others would not. Tina was prosecuted for exposing that fraud. Please demand Tina’s release from prison now.”