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Well you probably already guessed. On Tuesday watchdog group American Oversight sued white nationalist binge drinker former Fox News host Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth and his texting buddies John Ratcliffe, Tulsi Gabbard, Marco Rubio, and Scott Bessent over a “failure to meet their obligations under the Federal Records Act regarding messages from a group-chat discussion of planned and active military operations from March 11, 2025, through March 15, 2025, on the messaging application Signal, which can be set up to automatically delete messages.”

So yeah, on Wednesday Politico’s Kyle Cheney reported that the case has landed in front of none other than DC Circuit Court Judge James Boasberg, the very same jurist that MAGA world has been screaming at and threatening to impeach for weeks over his demands for accountability from the Trump Regime over their quasi-genocidal abuses of Venezuelan migrants. Should be fun.

Said Tulsia Gabbard to the Senate Intel Committee of Tuesday: “There was no classified material that was shared in that Signal group,” CIA Director John Ratcliffe to the same hearing: “My communications, to be clear, in the Signal message group were entirely permissible and lawful and did not include classified information.” Convicted felon President Trump, to reporters in the White House: “It wasn’t classified information.” The Atlantic on Wednesday morning: “About that…”

This pisses me off.

Trump won this district by 15 points and Republicans didn’t turn out.

But, what pisses me off equally is that if the 473 Libertarians would have just voted Republican we’d have won the seat anyway.

The Democrats are fired up and funded. An Illinois PAC… pic.twitter.com/uGG9IbuKJA

— Joey Mannarino (@JoeyMannarinoUS) March 26, 2025

Continued irritable Pennsylvania MAGA douchebag Joey Mannarino after the cutoff in the tweet: “An Illinois PAC donated $100,000 to the Democrat in this race. Republicans are hardly donating to down ballot races any longer. I know. I do fundraising. It’s down dramatically. You think we won anything yet? You think they can’t take it all away? The game is just beginning. Don’t get lazy!”

Meh. If he’s crying and panicking then that’s fun, but it’s really not earth-shattering news that a Dem’s going to win a special, even in a hardcore MAGA district. The only thing this result is a harbinger of is what’s already been happening for years: Dem voters show up for low-turnout specials and the candidates overperform. Now MAYBE some eggheads want to do an analysis and demonstrate that the degree of overperformance in this particular election and the other one that the Dem won easily is significantly higher than would have been expected compared to that of specials conducted in similarly demographically-composed jurisdictions last year.

That would be worth looking at. For now though, anyone on the left or right who writes “OMG THE DEMOCRAT FLIPPED AN R+15 SEAT!” like it’s a surprise is just master-click-baiting. Also doesn’t help when Joey can’t even get his fucking math right, as the delta was 797 votes.

Edward “Big Balls” Coristine, 19, and a key member of Ketamine Brain’s DOGE squad, once provided tech support to a cybercrime gang that trafficked in stolen data and stalked an FBI agent, Reuters reports on exactly the kind of guy who should have access to the entire Social Security database.

A new FBI and Department of Homeland Security assessment memo obtained by ABC News stupidly forgets to play up dipshit Attorney General Pam Bondi’s moronic assertion that the attacks on Tesla dealerships are being coordinated by some sophisticated domestic terrorist group.

It also hilariously says the libs are outwitting them by committing the attacks at night, lol. “These criminal actions appear to have been conducted by lone offenders, and all known incidents occurred at night, making identification and arrest of the actors difficult,” the assessment dated March 21, says. “While they may perceive these attacks as victimless property crimes, these tactics can cause accidental or intentional bodily harm. Some individuals with political or social goals are likely to view the publicity surrounding these past incidents as validation that these tactics are successful in drawing public attention, and they may be galvanized to engage in similar violence.”

“Coatimundi Attacks Hiker. On Sunday, March 23, 2025, the Cochise County Sheriff’s Office was contacted about a wild animal attack in Ash Canyon south of Sierra Vista. A USDA Wildlife Specialist responded to the area and could not locate the animal, however he will return later tonight/early in the morning to search again. The man who was attacked advised that he was hiking in the area, and upon returning to his vehicle he observed a coatimundi on his hood,” says a Facebook post from the Cochise County, Arizona Sheriff’s Office and this would be a good time to explain what the fuck a coatimundi is: A relative of cacomistles, coatis, kinkajous, olingos, and olinguitos.

And raccoons. Actually raccoons would probably be the best point of reference here given that kinkajous and olingos sound like those vicious apex predators from Oompa-Loompa land.

Continued from the Cochise Sheriff: “The hiker advised that he shouted and waved his arms to get the animal to leave at which time the animal tore off a windshield wiper of the vehicle before jumping down and attacking the man. The man was able to get inside of his vehicle but not before the animal scratched and bit him, leaving injuries requiring medical attention. The man is receiving the rabies vaccine at a local hospital as a precaution before traveling back to his home in Tucson. The animal will be tested for rabies upon locating it and we encourage people spending time in rural / mountainous areas to be aware of their surroundings and not attempt to engage any wild animal.”

As of Tuesday afternoon wildlife officials were still looking for the fucker, per KTAR.

From the text of convicted felon President Trump’s Tuesday executive order on voting: “To enforce the Federal prohibition on foreign nationals voting in Federal elections: “Within 30 days of the date of this order, the Election Assistance Commission shall take appropriate action to require, in its national mail voter registration form issued under 52 USC 20508:(A) documentary proof of United States citizenship, consistent with” blah blah blah “‘documentary proof of United States citizenship’ shall include a copy of: (A) a United States passport; (B) an identification document compliant with the requirements of the REAL ID Act of 2005 (Public Law 109-13, Div B) that indicates the applicant is a citizen of the United States; (C) an official military identification card that indicates the applicant is a citizen of the United States; or (D) a valid Federal or State government-issued photo identification if such identification indicates that the applicant is a United States citizen or if such identification is otherwise accompanied by proof of United States citizenship.”

Oh gosh, if only people who had passports or access to their birth certificates or had their shit together enough to go to the DMV and get that stupid “real ID” thing could’ve voted in the last election. Might have unfairly disadvantaged one side over another and probably not the one that votes based on which candidate appeared on their favorite podcast or Charlamagne Tha Twat.

Well the ACLU or Marc Elias is going to fuck this order up for years anyway so whatever.

“As temperatures rise with the season changing, Mosquito Joe®, a Neighborly® company, and the leading pest control service, is urging homeowners and business owners to take early preventive measures against mosquitoes and ticks before peak season arrives as well as preventing perimeter pests from invading the home. Recognized with a Gold Level designation by the US Environmental Protection Agency’s (EPA) Pesticide Environmental Stewardship Program (PESP), Mosquito Joe remains committed to environmentally responsible pest control as the 2025 mosquito season begins. Experts predict a longer and more intense season due to rising global temperatures and increased precipitation, creating ideal breeding conditions for pests. The urgency for early prevention is further heightened by last year’s spike in mosquito-borne illnesses in the US, including Eastern equine encephalitis (EEE) and Dengue Fever,” says a Mosquito Joe PR release.

“‘Mosquito activity is already ramping up in many regions due to fluctuating temperatures and lingering moisture from recent storms, which signals a potentially intense season ahead,’ said David Price, Associate Certified Entomologist for Mosquito Joe. ‘Taking action now can help property owners prevent infestations before they start, reducing the nuisance and health risks associated with these pests.'” Oh wow, they even have a CERTIFIED ENTOMOLOGIST on the team! Better listen to the experts and call Mosquito Joe’s because they’re just looking out for you and there’s no sort of bias, interest, or – for heaven’s sake – a profit motive in this totally altruistic, friendly press release!

Fucking dicks. They probably even secretly developed a plague that would wipe mosquitos off the face of the Earth but won’t release it because it would be suicide for their business model.

During another one of his overlong and meandering afternoon sundowns, convicted felon President Trump on Tuesday signed an order declassifying all the files concerning the FBI’s investigation into his 2016 campaign, something he could’ve done at pretty much any point during his first failed term and – more importantly – will probably be a repeat of the “Epstein Files” where his fanboys act like it’s a “BOMBSHELL” and in reality not only is there nothing new but he went out of the way to avoid releasing anything that could ever even come close to incriminating himself.

Absolutely shameful.

Jasmine Crockett is the face of the Democrat party and they all support her.

Just let her talk because the ads write themselves, and America finds out everything they need to know about who the Democrats really are. https://t.co/Qhpqrl5Gkt

— Marjorie Taylor Greene 🇺🇸 (@mtgreenee) March 25, 2025

In related news, Texas MAGA Congressman Randy “Pussy” Weber on Tuesday introduced a censure resolution against Crockett for the “Governor Hot Wheels” comment.

“Attorney General Ken Paxton issued a Civil Investigative Demand (‘CID’) to Community Capital Partners, LP (‘CCP’) as part of an ongoing investigation into CCP’s real estate development, EPIC City. The development, near Josephine, Texas, is affiliated with the East Plano Islamic Center (‘EPIC’). CCP is a corporate entity that was established by EPIC. Additionally, promotional materials advertised by EPIC have explicitly stated that not only was CCP ‘created by EPIC,’ but that EPIC is the ‘only beneficiary of profits’ from EPIC City. The CID aims to acquire material relevant to an investigation regarding potential violations of Texas consumer protection laws. ‘Under my watch, there will be zero tolerance for any person or entity that breaks Texas law,’ said Attorney General Paxton. ‘My office has an open and ongoing investigation into EPIC City, which has raised a number of concerns, and this CID will help ensure that any potential violation of state law is uncovered,'” says a press release from Picasso-faced Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton’s office after somebody fucked up and forgot to bribe him for what QAnon freak Lara Logan claims is an “Islamic mega city.”

Convicted felon President Trump’s regime have begun pausing certain green card applications, including those from already approved refugees, for further vetting, CBS News reports on what’s probably an inexorable march toward simply shutting the entire legal immigration system down.

“USCIS is placing a temporary pause on finalizing certain Adjustment of Status applications pending the completion of additional screening and vetting to identify potential fraud, public safety, or national security concerns, in alignment” with the Orange God Emperor’s executive actions, DHS said in the statement, with “Adjustment of status” the official name of the green card process.

Amen to that – I enjoyed reading the thread – Like reading text messages of the Avengers who put America First

— Nancy Mace (@NancyMace) March 25, 2025

“The Conference Board Consumer Confidence Index® fell by 7.2 points in March to 92.9. The Present Situation Index, based on consumers’ assessment of current business and labor market conditions, decreased 3.6 points to 134.5. The Expectations Index, based on consumers’ short-term outlook for income, business, and labor market conditions, dropped 9.6 points to 65.2, the lowest level in 12 years and well below the threshold of 80 that usually signals a recession ahead. The cutoff date for preliminary results was March 19, 2025,” says the Conference Board’s latest update.

“‘Consumer confidence declined for a fourth consecutive month in March, falling below the relatively narrow range that had prevailed since 2022,’ said Stephanie Guichard, Senior Economist, Global Indicators at The Conference Board. ‘Of the Index’s five components, only consumers’ assessment of present labor market conditions improved, albeit slightly. Views of current business conditions weakened to close to neutral. Consumers’ expectations were especially gloomy, with pessimism about future business conditions deepening and confidence about future employment prospects falling to a 12-year low. Meanwhile, consumers’ optimism about future income – which had held up quite strongly in the past few months – largely vanished, suggesting worries about the economy and labor market have started to spread into consumers’ assessments of their personal situations.'”

Think tank analyst Max Lesser tells Reuters he’s uncovered Chinese Communist entities posing as American companies placing ads as “part of a broader network of fake consulting and headhunting firms targeting former government employees and AI researchers” among those who got DOGEd or expecting the Cybertruck incels to show up with pink slips soon. Move fast and break things, lol.

A bill imposing the revocation of the driver’s, hunting, and other licenses of any business owner found to be employing any person unauthorized to work in the United States failed to pass the Montana state House by a single vote on Monday, with nine Republicans joining all 41 Democrats present (one Dem was a no-show) to sink the bill 50 to 49, the Kalispell Daily Inter-Lake reports.

What exactly happened to HB 536 is a bit opaque on its page on Legiscan but it does appear that it passed 72 to 27 on the first round and then some asshole amended it to strike “knowingly” from “knowingly employs” leading to the failure. What is clear is that the Hinkle boys, Republican brothers Caleb and Jedediah Lee of the 67th and 68th Districts, were the only familial duo to vote yes together. Husband and wife Representatives George and Melissa Nikolakakos of the 20th and 22nd Districts were a yes and no respectively as were Representative Steve (HD 24) and his dad John Fitzpatrick (HD 76). Dem Representative Sid “Chip” Fitzpatrick, in between the two on the roll call, looks nothing like either of them and seems to be mostly of Indigenous American ancestry.

So does Dem Representative Tyson Running Wolf but didn’t even look at his photo. Call it a hunch.

Anyway Montana law already fines those who employ illegal labor $300 each violation which is probably why, per the Daily Inter-Lake, it’s estimated that under 1 percent of the state’s workforce is illegal. Yet the sponsors still wanted to spend $5 million to set up a state law enforcement task force to pursue employers in the amended bill, something John Fitzgerald balked at, saying “I’m not convinced we have that much of a problem to begin with. And then we’re going to put a $5 million fiscal note on a bill that essentially does not have a defined problem.” Very DOGEy there Fitz.

From an NPR internal reporting memo, apparently what they out to local radio hosts to read on-air in their roundups: “NPR’s Tom Bowman has learned that a Pentagon-wide email went out one week ago warning about the vulnerability of using the messaging app Signal. ‘A vulnerability has been identified in the Signal messenger application,’ the email begins. The app is the same one used by Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth and other leading national security officials within the administration to discuss bombing Houthi sites in Yemen.” The timing seems clear enough that this was after the morons invited Jeff Goldberg to their chat on March 14th but not 100 percent.

If it hasn’t been said on right wing media already then it’ll be at some point on Tuesday: That Atlantic editor Jeff Goldberg purposely timed his article about fucking idiot Mike Waltz accidentally inviting him to a Signal chat group about this month’s airstrikes against the Houthis to be the day before participants Director of National Intelligence Tulsi Gabbard and CIA Director John Ratcliffe had to sit for a hearing of the Senate Intelligence Committee. Maybe that Goldberg “colluded” with committee Dems and blah blah blah. May that thought bring the MAGA chuds a small measure of comfort as this very uncomfortable hearing kicks off. Should be some good entertainment for the rest of us.

Spandex-wearing grapple-freak Jim Jordan on Tuesday informed members of the House Judiciary Committee he sucks at chairing will next Tuesday hold a hearing titled “Judicial Overreach and Constitutional Limits on the Federal Courts,” a billing Politico sees as an “off-ramp” for the House GOP’s current screams for dead-end impeachments of judges who rule against the Trump regime.

The article also mentions that Jesus Dork Speaker Mike Johnson is meeting with some of the Republicans leading that tantrum this afternoon to sell them on “reforms” that probably have just about as much of a chance of getting enacted as James Boasberg and others do of being removed from the bench after a Senate trial – if the articles of impeachment even make it out of the House.