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In testimony to the Texas State K-12 Senate Education Committee on Tuesday, far-right pastor and suspected conspirator in the President John F Kennedy’s 1963 assassination Rafael Cruz Sr urged lawmakers to impose an anti-communism history curriculum as part of a plan to instill Christian dominionist beliefs on schoolchildren in the Lone Star State, the Texas Tribune reports.

“Communism needs to undermine the construct of god because government must become your god,” said Cruz, 85, apparently without any irony given the devotion displayed by the GOP toward a certain figure central to their politics since 2016. “In many instances our classrooms are failing us, because they’re following an agenda. It is not our agenda. It is a communist agenda that has, like tentacles, immersed itself into our education system. So we need to retrieve our educational system from that evil agenda,” Cruz continued, adding that kids are “brainwashed on the virtues of socialism” through Critical Race Theory, Diversity or Equity and Inclusion, and other woke shit.

A number of South Dakotans tell Politico they don’t expect any ICE raids in Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem’s home state anytime soon given that removing even a fraction of the farm labor workforce would completely cripple its agriculture industry, particularly the dairy sector.

“It would be a political disaster if she did,” said former Dem state Representative Kathy Tyler, adding that Noem showing up in her militia Barbie getup would remind people about how lax she was on the issue when she was governor. Former state Ag Commissioner Walt Bones, who himself got slapped with fines for employing some not legal fellas, keeps lobbying for shit that will never happen.

“The focus now is bad actors – the folks with criminal records who are here and committing crimes and are not stellar citizens and who are not contributing to society. My hope is that, let’s focus on those folks, and in the meantime, let’s try to get some policies in place so that we can keep our good people here who are contributing,” Bones said, but might as well have been using “family-oriented.”

Rosie O'Donnell announced that she has escaped the US for Ireland and won't consider coming back until it's "safe for all citizens to have equal rights there."

Will anybody miss her?? pic.twitter.com/qGtaK49hqy

— Libs of TikTok (@libsoftiktok) March 11, 2025

How could she do this to us?!?! In the moment we needed her most Rosie O’Donnell has fled to Ireland!!! All hope is lost!!! We are so fucking screwed now America!!! So freaking owned, all of us!!!

Convicted felon President Trump’s regime will fire approximately 50 percent of the US Department of Education’s workforce at 6 PM on Tuesday, ABC News reports on another imminent catastrophe.

The Dow Jones Industrial Average closed down 478 points on the day at 41,433, putting the index over 2,000 points below where it closed on November 6, 2024, after the fat fuck’s ill-gotten win.

“A Pennsylvania man was caught with a turtle concealed in his pants when the Transportation Security Administration body scanner triggered an alarm in the area of the man’s groin on Friday, March 7, at Newark Liberty International Airport. A TSA officer administered a pat-down of the area of the man’s body where the alarm was triggered and in doing so, determined that there was something concealed in the area of the man’s groin. When asked if there was something hidden in his pants, the man, a resident of East Stroudsburg, Pa, reached down the front of his pants and pulled out a live turtle that was wrapped in a small blue towel. The turtle was estimated to be about 5-inches in length. The man told officials that it was a red-ear slider turtle. Port Authority Police questioned the man, took possession of the turtle and indicated that they would contact the US Fish and Wildlife Service and local animal control officials. The man missed his flight and was escorted out of the checkpoint by police,” says a TSA press release.

Republican Orange County, California Superior Court Judge Jeffrey Ferguson, who shot his wife Sheryl square in the chest during a drunken argument at their home in front of their 23 year-old son back in August 2023, is almost certainly headed to a second trial after some fucking asshole on the jury refused to vote to convict over eight days of deliberation, prompting Los Angeles Superior Court Judge Eleanor J Hunter to declare a mistrial on Monday, USA Today reports.

On August 3, 2023., the couple’s son Phil said he witnessed Jeffrey and Sheryl first arguing over dinner at a Mexican place where Jeff made a gun-like hand gesture at her chest. Then at home, the argument flared up again in the living room when Sheryl screamed “Why don’t you point a real gun at me?” Jeff did, pulling a .40 Glock he kept strapped to his ankle and promptly shooting her in the chest. Jeff then dialed 911 and when the dispatcher asked if he shot his wife the judge said he wasn’t ready to discuss it at the time. Before the cops came he then texted his clerk and said “I just lost it. I just shot my wife. I won’t be in tomorrow. I will be in custody. I’m so sorry.”

That of course was not what happened according to Ferguson’s testimony at the trial, with the judge claiming he was placing his gun on a coffee table at the request of his wife when a pain in his right arm caused him to accidentally fire the weapon. It’s semi-consistent with the lie he told Hunter after his ankle monitor detected alcohol in his system, that he’d applied hand sanitizer to it due to chafing.

.@POTUS: "The price of eggs has come down … interest rates have come down, gasoline prices have come down. It's all coming down … We're doing it the right way, and I have tremendous confidence in this country and the people of this country." pic.twitter.com/fmOyqjIqmq

— Rapid Response 47 (@RapidResponse47) March 11, 2025

Ukraine’s government has agreed to a 30-day ceasefire in the war with Russia, with the Trump Regime in return resuming intel sharing and weapons shipments, Axios’s Barak Ravid reports, citing the US State Department. It’s not clear yet where the Russians stand on this.

Baytown, Texas detectives can probably close the book on this one after finding that local man Ty Vaughn googled “is it illegal to kill an illegal immigrant” minutes before the January 14th shooting death of fiancee Luis Banos, KHOU reports. Vaughn, 31, blasted Banos, 27, in the face with a bolt-action rifle and then attempted to claim it had been a suicide. After nearly two months of inconsistent statements, prosecutors finally charged Vaughn with murder last week.

White House Press Secretary Karoline “Blondi” Leavitt’s first press conference this week ought to be interesting since her fat fuck of a boss has been hiding from reporters for nearly 48 hours now.

Even Fox News nepo-correspondent Peter Doocy hinted it’ll get ugly from the briefing room, reminding the studio that Team Orange “came in trying to get federal workers to retire by the hundreds of thousands. But it is tough to make the argument you should retire if your retirement accounts are getting throttled which is what is happening right now.” Watch it, Pete.

“On Sunday, March 9, 2025, at approximately 11:56 pm, the Austin Police Department (APD) responded to the call of a shooting at the Chandelier Apartments located at 2336 Douglas Street.”

“When officers arrived on the scene, they located one victim, later identified as Jamie White, lying on the ground in the parking lot with apparent trauma to his body. White was transported to a local hospital, where he was pronounced deceased at 12:19 am on March 10, 2025. Homicide Detectives and Crime Scene Specialists responded to process the scene and interview witnesses. The initial investigation shows that White was shot and killed in the parking lot of the apartment complex in which he lived. The suspects then fled the scene. Detectives believe the suspects were possibly burglarizing White’s vehicle, when he interrupted them,” says a statement from Austin Police on the death of Infowars writer Jamie White, shot dead after midnight on Monday.

Of course that’s what they want you to believe, not that White was just about to blow open the gay frogs conspiracy. Big Fluoride was after him… Or something. Lots of fun to be had with this one.

The Trump regime is preparing to impose restrictions on Canadian visitors to the US, requiring them to register their personal information with the government and submit to fingerprinting, Bloomberg reports on some petty, impotent bullshit attempt at retaliating in a fight Donald started.

Like just fucking ban them from entry if you’re going to start treating them as suspect aliens. This isn’t even a half-measure, it’s like a tenth-measure that does nothing but inconvenience people needlessly for the whims of a small-dicked madman. Go hard if you want them to go home.

Jesus Dork Speaker of The House Mike Johnson got in some Baghdad Bobbing about the pain convicted felon President Trump is inflicting on the markets with his tariff dumbassery before then talking a bunch of shit while non-answering a question on what crime Columbia protestor Mahmoud Khalil committed to warrant his detention and possible deportation… because there was none.

The First Circuit Court of Appeals on Tuesday tossed convicted felon President Trump’s regime’s bid to lift an injunction against the fat fuck’s executive order banning birthright citizenship.

The Dow Jones Industrial Average dropped more than 500 points immediately following convicted felon President Trump’s unhinged rant doubling tariffs on Canadian steel and aluminum in response to Ontario jacking up electricity rates to adjacent US states on Tuesday, CNBC reports.

“Based on Ontario, Canada, placing a 25 percent Tariff on ‘Electricity’ coming into the United States, I have instructed my Secretary of Commerce to add an ADDITIONAL 25 percent Tariff, to 50 percent, on all STEEL and ALUMINUM COMING INTO THE UNITED STATES FROM CANADA, ONE OF THE HIGHEST TARIFFING NATIONS ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD. This will go into effect TOMORROW MORNING, March 12th. Also, Canada must immediately drop their Anti-American Farmer Tariff of 250 percent to 390 percent on various US dairy products, which has long been considered outrageous. I will shortly be declaring a National Emergency on Electricity within the threatened area. This will allow the US to quickly do what has to be done to alleviate this abusive threat from Canada. If other egregious, long time Tariffs are not likewise dropped by Canada, I will substantially increase, on April 2nd, the Tariffs on Cars coming into the US which will, essentially, permanently shut down the automobile manufacturing business in Canada. Those cars can easily be made in the USA! Also, Canada pays very little for National Security, relying on the United States for military protection. We are subsidizing Canada to the tune of more than 200 Billion Dollars a year. WHY???”

“This cannot continue. The only thing that makes sense is for Canada to become our cherished Fifty First State. This would make all Tariffs, and everything else, totally disappear. Canadians’ taxes will be very substantially reduced, they will be more secure, militarily and otherwise, than ever before, there would no longer be a Northern Border problem, and the greatest and most powerful nation in the World will be bigger, better and stronger than ever – And Canada will be a big part of that. The artificial line of separation drawn many years ago will finally disappear, and we will have the safest and most beautiful Nation anywhere in the World – And your brilliant anthem, ‘O Canada,’ will continue to play, but now representing a GREAT and POWERFUL STATE within the greatest Nation that the World has ever seen!” screamed convicted felon President Trump on Tuesday.

This article’s supposed to be focused on how Missouri MAGA Congressman Mark Alford admitted to CNN on Tuesday that there will be cuts to the sacred cows of Medicaid, Medicare, and Social Security, which is newsworthy on its own, but somehow even more “newsworthy” is the way this cheap little man-slut so undeftly praises Musk’s genius and then literally in the next sentence all but admits Ketamine Brain is too autistic to communicate effectively. What the actual fuck, lol.

Dem former Congresswoman Katie Porter on Tuesday launched her campaign for California governor, Politico reports on her once again making the first move in a statewide race that may be dominated by a heavier hitter. In 2023 Porter did not wait for then-Senator Dianne Feinstein to announce her retirement (or die before that, which she did) to launch a bid for her seat, ultimately losing to higher-profile now-Senator Adam Schiff who launched somewhat hastily a few weeks later.

This time Porter’s getting ahead of a possible bid by former Vice President Kamala Harris, and Politico notes that an internal polling memo showing Porter up significantly over other potential Dem rivals for the highest office in the most populated of the United States – such as Lt Gov Eleni Kounalakis, former Los Angeles Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa, and former state Attorney General Xavier Becerra – does not include Harris in the field. So that version of the poll probably didn’t look so great for Porter. Politico asserts that, absent Harris, Porter does have considerable advantages though.

Separately CNN’s Isaac Dovere reports an aide said Porter will “probably” drop out if Harris enters.