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“No boxes or artificial lifts will be allowed to stand on during my upcoming debate with Comrade Kamala Harris. We had this out previously with former NYC Mayor Michael Bloomberg when he was in a debate, and he was not allowed a ‘lift.’ It would be a form of cheating, and the Democrats cheat enough. ‘You are who you are,’ it was determined!” posted convicted felon former President Trump on Saturday. We’re pretty sure fatass never actually shared a debate stage with Mike Bloomberg.

The Boeing Starliner spacecraft whose unreliability has stranded two astronauts aboard the International Space Station – until February 2025 at the earliest – landed safely and intact at White Sands Missile Range in New Mexico early Saturday, CNN reports. For all the caution being exercised with NASA astronauts Butch Wilmore and Suni Williams staying in orbit until a SpaceX mission can be launched to return them home for fear the creaky Boeing capsule could break apart on reentry, the landing was actually a milestone achievement for American spaceflight: It’s the first time a US capsule parachuted down on dry land rather than splashing down in the ocean.

NASA Commercial Crew program manager Steve Stich said an overabundance of caution played a role in Williams and Wilmore’s extended stay in orbit, but the modeling of the landing procedure left the risks unacceptably high. “Now we’ve landed a capsule in the US on land. The entry in particular has been darn near flawless, so that – I wouldn’t say it surprised me – but as I step back and think about the mission, the entry itself was just, and the deorbit burn was spot on.”

“If we’d had a model that would have predicted what we saw tonight perfectly, yeah, it looks like an easy decision to go say we could have had a crewed flight – but we didn’t have that. From a human perspective, all of us feel happy about the successful landing. But then there’s a piece of us, all of us, that we wish it would have been the way we had planned it. We had planned to have the mission land with Butch and Suni on board,” Stich continued, not exactly regretting playing it safe either.

• Fuck.  It’s “too soon” to have a serious discussion about gun violence. Again.
• Yes, paying more for butter and eggs because of inflation sucks, but when conservatives whine about costs, note that Donald Trump added $24,000 to each American’s individual debt burden by increasing the federal debt by $8 trillion in four years.  That’s roughly six times the cost Republicans claim inflation takes out of household income.  
• The American Dream of freedom, liberty and prosperity gets wonderfully illustrated by the exuberance and energy of the Harris-Walz campaign.  
• Notice most of Trump’s rallies are scheduled earlier in the day to avoid him rambling as he sunsets.  Trump, though, thinks his tale of sharks and batteries is now one of his “hits” he thinks his fans want to hear at each rally.
  Read More ▶ “Random thoughts Friday, Volume CXC”

“We have major breaking news out of New York City where, well, very abusively biased Judge Juan Merchan announced the sentencing of former President Donald J. Trump has been postponed until after the election in November,” Trump advisor Sean Hannity says on his subsidized ad for the Trump campaign.

In his annual financial disclosure, Supreme Court Justice Samuel Alito reported a pair of concert tickets valued at $900 from a German princess, the only gift worthy of him noting on the forms, NBC News reports.  In other news:  Germany still has princesses.

Filed after getting an extension, Alito’s financial forms report the concert tickets gift came from Gloria, Dowager Princess of Thurn and Taxis, a Bavarian socialite, but it doesn’t specify what concert Alito attended.  Another Justice also reported getting tickets, but she proudly announced the performer: Ketanji Brown Jackson got a pair of tickets to see Beyonce, valued at $3,700.

“Dick Cheney is an irrelevant RINO, along with his daughter, who lost by the largest margin in the History of Congressional Races! They couldn’t get Scooter Libby, who did so much for them (but was so unfairly treated!), PARDONED. I did it! He’s the King of Endless, Nonsensical Wars, wasting Lives and Trillions of Dollars, just like Comrade Kamala Harris. I am the Peace President, and only I will stop World War III! What Liz Cheney did with the Unselect Committee of Political Losers is unthinkable. She and her Unselects deleted and destroyed all evidence and info – IT’S GONE.”

“Much of it proved that Nancy Pelosi was responsible for J6 – DIDN’T PROVIDE SECURITY. Cheney and the others should be prosecuted for what they did, but Comrade Kamala is even worse!” posted convicted felon former President Trump on Friday, plainly annoyed that one of history’s evilest Republicans endorsed a Democrat over him, even as it does nothing to move the needle.

That said, Old Dickhead’s clearly a third domino to fall in a row: Adam Kinzinger, then Liz Cheney, then the former Veep. Even if he himself does not expand the permission structure – to not just be anti-Trump but pro-Harris – it could continue spreading to other non-MAGA Republicans. When it gets to Mitt Romney or Lisa Murkowski then yeah, that might be a real problem and certainly a bigger problem than dipshits Bobby Kennedy Jr and Tulsi Gabbard are for Kamala, lol.

Devil’s Lake in Lincoln County, Oregon is completely safe to swim in, health officials announced Friday, saying that the waters named for the King of Hell has been cleared of any danger and those immersed will not have their souls taken to the underworld, the Salem Statesman Journal reports.

Officials advised however that to stay on the safe side, folks should report if they see any foamy, scummy, thick like paint, pea-green or blue-green, or if brownish-red mats or green clumps are suspended in the water as that means their bodies may become possessed with a deadly toxin.

Weeks after hosting an ostensive “press event” about crime that somehow turned into a political rally complete with Trump banners, Livingston County (Michigan) Sheriff Mike Murphy is facing a slew of complaints about politicizing the Sheriff’s Department and improperly using his public office, Michigan Advance reports.

At issue is an August 20th event which claimed to have been a candidate forum for Trump to discuss crime and security promoted by the Sheriff’s Department at its headquarters. When media arrived at the Sheriff’s office, the presentation area had been staged with deputy’s cars as a backdrop.  Uniformed deputies stood behind Trump as he rambled on about various topics and against Democrat Kamala Harris.

The state Election Commission received no fewer than seven complaints against Murphy and the county Sheriff’s Department.  But instead of backing away from politics, Murphy has doubled down, leaving the board of a local organization that helps victims of domestic abuse and filming an ad criticizing Harris and Democratic Senate candidate Elissa Slotkin.

Republican former Congresswoman Liz Cheney on Friday told a panel at the Texas Tribune Fest that her dad, former Vice President Dick Cheney, will be voting for his successor in the office, Kamala Harris, because Donald Trump is too fascist for the guy suspected of engineering the 9/11 attacks.

A Tennessee man with a pistol strapped to the gas tank of his motorcycle and a chihuahua tucked inside of his jacket was arrested last week in Alpena County, Michigan for carrying without a permit but not endangering or abuse of animals or anything like that, the Detroit Free Press reports.

The unnamed 56 uear-old biker had been pulled over speeding on the way to his girlfriend’s house, having traveled for what had to be at least 12 hours from Tennesee with the freaking tiny, scared little dog in his jacket. It’s not clear what happened to the dog, Michigan State Police Lt Derrick Carroll said he assumed it was taken to the girlfriend’s house as she lives nearby.

Manhattan Judge Juan Merchan on Friday pushed convicted felon former President Trump’s sentencing date to November 26 amid uncertainty over the fat fuck’s ongoing efforts to involve federal appeals courts in the case, Politico’s Josh Gerstein reports

Convicted felon former President Trump did not have a great morning at the Second Circuit Court of Appeals when his lawyers tried to get the verdict in EJ Carroll’s first defamation lawsuit verdict against him tossed. Already the fat bastard started this press conference by complaining about the Justice Department indicting those Russian scumbags and exposing the influence network.

This is supposed to be a press conference too. We’ll see if he actually answers any questions.

An excerpt from The Fund, a 2023 book about hedge fund Bridgewater Associates by New York Times finance reporter Rob Copeland, picked up by GoErie.com, reveals that then-co-CEO and current Republican Pennsylvania Senate candidate Dave McCormick pressured a woman who claimed she had been groped at a party by then-CEO Greg Jensen. Billionaire founder Ray Dalio, who is supposedly pretty anti-MAGA, had examined footage of the alleged groping and told the woman, Katina Stefanova, he didn’t see any evidence that the touching had occurred.

“She reminded (Dalio) that she had never recanted her story. ‘Maybe you’re remembering it wrong,’ Dalio offered. Stefanova assured him that she wasn’t… McCormick piped up, leaning in, ‘Maybe the issue is that you aren’t being a supportive public presence for us.’ Finally, Stefanova understood the urgency of the meeting… Dalio and McCormick had just wanted to remind her that they had the power to destroy her business if she didn’t toe the line,” Copeland wrote in the book. It’s not the only such episode – another clip describes how McCormick cornered another woman who said she’d been pressured by another man and then quit. “Shortly before leaving, she also received an unexpected in-person visit from Bridgewater co-CEO David McCormick. He told her that if she ever broke the agreement, she would be in litigation for the rest of her life.”

Then there’s that McCormick had asked LGBT employees not fly a Pride flag because it would upset partners from the Middle East, and how he’s invested the hedge fund in positions in companies tied to the Chinese military or involved in fentanyl production. So real stand-up guy, this Dave McCormick.

It’s not clear what the hell actually happened before this brawl between two MAGA hicks to break out at a meeting of the Saline County, Arkansas GOP. KARK doesn’t know, simply describing it as a disagreement between the two women in line to speak to the whole floor that led to the fight.

Let’s just go ahead and guess that it was a false accusation that one of them was a “groomer,” a Chinese-paid communist, a Jew, or something like that. Pretty much every internecine conflict in MAGAmerica deals with purity or lack thereof to the cause of subjugating American democracy.

It was kind of like OJ Simpson’s infamous police chase in that a Ford Bronco was the pursued’s vehicle and it ended with his arrest. But in other respects, it was different. The Bronco was red. The chase happened in Ontario, Canada. And finally the suspect was trapped at a Tim Hortons donut shop drive-thru when he almost drove the SUV over the hood of a patrol car in the drive-thru.

The CBC reports the unnamed 25-year-old suspect on Tuesday had stolen the Bronco from London, Ontario and was at the Tims in nearby Mississauga, when cops responded to reports of the suspect’s presence as he had been spotted shoplifting items from another store nearby just a few weeks ago. The chase was very brief, about as long as the drive-thru outside the Tims. The suspect tried to ram his way out of the police cordon and ended up driving up on the hood. He was then tased and dragged out to face Canadian justice for his crime spree. It’s not clear how many cops who had responded took advantage of the location following the suspect’s apprehension.

“Today, the US Department of Transportation (DOT) launched an inquiry into the four largest US airlines’ rewards programs that is aimed at protecting rewards customers from potential unfair, deceptive, or anticompetitive practices. As part of the probe, US Secretary of Transportation Pete Buttigieg sent letters to American Airlines, Delta Air Lines, Southwest Airlines, and United Airlines ordering them to provide records and submit reports with detailed information about their rewards programs, practices, and policies. DOT’s probe is focused on the ways consumers participating in airline rewards programs are impacted by the devaluation of earned rewards, hidden or dynamic pricing, extra fees, and reduced competition and choice,” says a US DOT press release.

“Points systems like frequent flyer miles and credit card rewards have become such a meaningful part of our economy that many Americans view their rewards points balances as part of their savings,’ said US Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg. ‘These programs bring real value to consumers, with families often counting on airline rewards to fund a vacation or to pay for a trip to visit loved ones. But unlike a traditional savings account, these rewards are controlled by a company that can unilaterally change their value. Our goal is to ensure consumers are getting the value that was promised to them, which means validating that these programs are transparent and fair.'”

As election nears, last-minute motions could prove pivotal for criminal cases against Trump https://t.co/lwknLX0hLc

— John Solomon (@jsolomonReports) September 6, 2024

“Total nonfarm payroll employment increased by 142,000 in August, and the unemployment rate changed little at 4.2 percent, the US Bureau of Labor Statistics reported today. Job gains occurred in construction and health care. This news release presents statistics from two monthly surveys.”

“The household survey measures labor force status, including unemployment, by demographic characteristics. The establishment survey measures nonfarm employment, hours, and earnings by industry… The change in total nonfarm payroll employment for June was revised down by 61,000, from +179,000 to +118,000, and the change for July was revised down by 25,000, from +114,000 to +89,000. With these revisions, employment in June and July combined is 86,000 lower than previously reported. (Monthly revisions result from additional reports received from businesses and government agencies since the last published estimates and from the recalculation of seasonal factors),” says the US Bureau of Labor Statistics in its monthly jobs report for August 2024.

The 142,000 jobs comes in slightly weaker than the 161,000 expected by Dow Jones, though the rate matched the estimate, according to the Wall Street Journal. It’s not clear yet how the numbers will affect the size of the very long-anticipated interest rate cut by the Federal Reserve Bank.

Right wing crypto douchebags tell Politico that Don Jr and Eric Trump are – shocker – fucking up at their attempted foray into the scammy world of imaginary digital fiats given the shaky rollout of the nebulous “World Liberty Financial” platform that was marred this week by other scammers who hijacked Lara and Tiffany Trump’s Twitter accounts to post fake URLs. Then there’s a fake Telegram account posing as World Liberty that has lured tens of thousands of users into a different scam. Lol.

“This is a huge mistake,” says complete tool Nic Carter, a Trump fan and founding partner at the crypto-focused VC firm Castle Island Ventures. “It looks like Trump’s inner circle is just cashing in on his recent embrace of crypto in a kind of naive way, and frankly it looks like they’re burning a lot of the goodwill that’s been built with the industry. Maybe it doesn’t move the needle for most people, but if this thing is hacked or regular folks lose money on it or it opens up the door for the SEC to investigate, it only looks like it has downside risk. It looks to have very little upside risk.” Lol.

An anonymous crypto lobbyist said he’s got “a laundry list of concerns,” particularly that Uday and Qusay’s incompetence and dipshittery that it could reflect poorly on the industry as it pushes for policy changes that would help legitimize the sector in Congress and regulatory agencies. Lol.

Crypto news outlet CoinDesk printed an article this week describing Super Trump Bros Crypto Coin Inc as “a borrowing and lending service strikingly similar to Dough Finance, a recently hacked blockchain app built by four people listed as World Liberty Financial team members.” Lol.