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Sources on convicted felon former President Trump’s campaign tell the Guardian’s Hugo Lowell they decided to fuck off from the traditional election year interview with CBS’s 60 Minutes because they couldn’t agree on terms “in part because CBS wanted to do ‘live fact checking,'” per Lowell.

EVERYONE KNOWS I WOULD NOT SUPPORT A FEDERAL ABORTION BAN, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, AND WOULD, IN FACT, VETO IT, BECAUSE IT IS UP TO THE STATES TO DECIDE BASED ON THE WILL OF THEIR VOTERS (THE WILL OF THE PEOPLE!). LIKE RONALD REAGAN BEFORE ME, I FULLY SUPPORT THE THREE…

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) October 2, 2024

“EVERYONE KNOWS I WOULD NOT SUPPORT A FEDERAL ABORTION BAN, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, AND WOULD, IN FACT, VETO IT, BECAUSE IT IS UP TO THE STATES TO DECIDE BASED ON THE WILL OF THEIR VOTERS (THE WILL OF THE PEOPLE!). LIKE RONALD REAGAN BEFORE ME, I FULLY SUPPORT THE THREE EXCEPTIONS FOR RAPE, INCEST, AND THE LIFE OF THE MOTHER. I DO NOT SUPPORT THE DEMOCRATS RADICAL POSITION OF LATE TERM ABORTION LIKE, AS AN EXAMPLE, IN THE 7TH, 8TH, OR 9TH MONTH OR, IN CASE THERE IS ANY QUESTION, THE POSSIBILITY OF EXECUTION OF THE BABY AFTER BIRTH. THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER!”

Oh, this is *totally* rational and not a screaming post from a senile old man who you just know was standing screaming at a television in his underwear mere minutes before. Apparently watching the underwhelming peformance of his hand-picked running mate during his debate, Grampa also forgot that for years, he took credit for overturning Roe v. Wade thanks to his hand-picked judges who lied during their Supreme Court nomination hearings.

Republican Vice Presidential nominee JD Vance 3.1 had a very good debate.  He was well-practiced, largely non-specific, and person-like.  In fact, he was almost personable, with some points his opponent shared with his Democratic opponent, Tim Walz.

The problem is, we know Theilian Politician Model Vance 3.1 is a special model for the event.  And we remember the previous models.  The Vance 3.0 will be back on the campaign trail trying to make people forget the fallible Vance 2.0 that sucked up to right-wing nationalist groups–and honestly, the current model still leans that way–and certainly to erase any memory of the Vance 1, which referred to Trump as “America’s Hitler,” a “moral disaster,” and a “douchey celeb.”

Vance 3.1 reverted back to the 2.0 in refusing to say he would certify an election Republicans had lost even though state legislatures certified them.  “Tim, I’m speaking of the future,” Vance said.  “That is a damning non-answer,” Walz responded. 

Minnesota Governor Tim Walz and Mike Pence replacement JD Vance will face off in front of CBS anchors Marg Brennan and Norah O’Donnell in an audience-free studio face-off in New York City in what’s potentially going to be the final debate of the 2024 campaign – though the outcome tonight could determine whether convicted felon former President Trump caves on his vow to not face Vice President Kamala Harris again as quite a bit of both reporting and analysis suggests that the fat bastard will not want his running mate to “have the final word” in front of a large number of voters.

“Nissin Foods USA, a global leader in convenient and affordable Asian-inspired meals, has announced a donation of 50,000 servings of its iconic Top Ramen® to families, frontline workers, and communities across Upstate South Carolina and Western North Carolina to support relief efforts.”

“‘In the wake of Hurricane Helene, our hearts are with those affected,’ said Brian Huff, president and CEO, Nissin Foods USA. ‘At Nissin Foods, we are committed to being a supportive neighbor, and our donation to relief efforts reflects that. Together, we’ll face these challenges with resilience and hope, working toward brighter days. Our thoughts remain with everyone impacted, together we will rebuild and create a stronger future for all,'” says a press release from the instant ramen brand.

Ugh… Yeah it’s nice of them to donate it buuuut… Man, you have to be really freaking hungry and even then to have that freaking 180 percent or whatever recommended daily serving of sodium sitting in your gut and then to smell it in your nose every time you burp. Those poor people.

A 42 year-old The Villages, Florida man is facing charges of larceny and drug possession after a cop spotted him handing $43.97 worth of clothing had been taken from TJ Maxx to his female companion in a golf cart before the man stepped inside the a nearby Petco store to shoplift approximately $85 worth of dog biscuits for God knows what the hell reason, Villages-News reports.

Kevin Ronald Miller maybe could’ve left the cocaine and heroin at home if he was planning on a shoplifting spree, but then again someone who steals shit from stupid TJ Maxx and $85 worth of dog biscuits probably isn’t all there to begin with. Miller was booked on a $6,000 bond.

“A programming note: 60 Minutes is scheduled to air a primetime election special on a Monday edition of the broadcast on Oct. 7 at 8 pm For over half a century, 60 Minutes has invited the Democratic and Republican tickets to appear on our broadcast as Americans head to the polls.”

“This year, both the Harris and Trump campaigns agreed to sit down with 60 Minutes. Vice President Harris will speak with correspondent Bill Whitaker. After initially accepting 60 Minutes’ request for an interview with Scott Pelley, former President Trump’s campaign has decided not to participate.”

“Pelley will address this Monday evening. Our election special will broadcast the Harris interview on Monday as planned. Our original invitation to former President Donald Trump to be interviewed on 60 Minutes stands,” says CBS News in a statement about fat former President Trump’s cowardice.

Worth asking why Donald even agreed to it in the first place when he had a complete meltdown over the 60 Minutes interview in 2020, tweeting about it in the middle of when he was supposed to be taping, requiring CBS to provide anchor Lesley Stahl with a 24 hour security detail after he kept caterwauling over her throwing him too many hardballs during the sit-down at the White House.

Their personae could not be more different:  the elitist Yale-educated former venture capitalist who thinks government is a tyrant because only he knows the most righteous way for you to live your life versus the lifelong public servant with faith in Americans and their ability to make their own choices.

Tonight’s Vice Presidential debate between Democrat Tim Walz and Republican James David Donald Bowman Hamel Vance, the man steadfastly against a person’s ability to change how they refer to themself, pits not just two different visions for the nation against each other, but also matches two very different communication styles and two divergent visions for the nation that, frankly, fall in favor of the Democrats in the fight for votes.

The contrast between the two will be obvious from the outset.  Vance will preach to the crowd from the pedestal of Peter Theil’s creation, pontificating on what’s best for American women, America’s families, and America’s businesses–and none of it involves migrants or LGBTQ people, who are destroying the already decimated American carnage.  Vance knows what’s best for you, what you need to fear, and what you must do to protect yourself from The Threat, and he won’t hesitate to tell you.

At least 159 people were killed by Hurricane Helene across Florida, Georgia, the Carolinas, Tennessee, and Virginia following the massive storm’s landfall on Thursday, the AP reports.

Disgraced New York Magazine reporter Olivia Nuzzi on Monday accused her ex-fiancee, Politico Playbook editor Ryan Lizza, of having “explicitly threatened to make public personal information about me to destroy my life, career, and reputation – a threat he has since carried out,” after her sexting thing with fucking weirdo Robert F Kennedy Jr, CNN reports on some soapy drama.

The accusation came in a filing and before a judge in Washington, DC’s Superior Court this week for some sort of case – we guess she’s suing Lizza – to which Lizza told CNN that he’s “saddened that my ex-fiancée would resort to making a series of false accusations against me as a way to divert attention from her own personal and professional failings. I emphatically deny these allegations and I will defend myself against them vigorously and successfully.” Or more simply they’re true and it’s defensible because Lizza probably would not have exposed the kind of twisted “affair” if it had been some college friend of Nuzzi’s and not an actual subject of her reporting.

Kamala, after delivering brief, scripted remarks, ignores questions — as usual. pic.twitter.com/j0UpUyZSU1

— Trump War Room (@TrumpWarRoom) October 1, 2024

It was good on Monday when convicted felon former President Trump refused to answer a question about why he lied about President Biden speaking with Georgia Governor Brian Kemp.

Apparently having dispensed with the need for a lengthy schedule of evidentiary hearings and all that shit, MAGA Judge Aileen Cannon on Tuesday scheduled jury selection to begin in the trial for Trump’s would-be assassin Ryan Routh for November 18th, 2024, just 64 days after the attempt.

A Montana man was sentenced today to six months in prison for committing two felony wildlife crimes – a conspiracy to violate the Lacey Act and substantively violating the Lacey Act – as part of an almost decade-long effort to create giant sheep hybrids in the United States with an aim to sell the species to captive hunting facilities. Arthur “Jack” Schubarth, 81, of Vaughn, is the owner and operator of Sun River Enterprises LLC, also known as Schubarth Ranch, which is a 215-acre alternative livestock ranch in Vaughn. The Schubarth Ranch is engaged in the purchase, sale and breeding of ‘alternative livestock’ such as mountain sheep, mountain goats and various ungulates.”

“The primary market for Schubarth’s livestock is captive hunting operations, also known as shooting preserves or game ranches. According to court documents, Schubarth conspired with at least five other individuals between 2013 and 2021 to create a larger hybrid species of sheep that would garner higher prices from shooting preserves. Schubarth brought parts of the largest sheep in the world, Marco Polo argali sheep (Ovis ammon polii), from Kyrgyzstan into the US without declaring the importation. Average males can weigh more than 300 pounds, with horns that span more than five feet. Marco Polo argali are native to high elevations of the Pamir region of Central Asia.”

“They are protected internationally by the Convention on International Trade in Endangered Species (CITES) and domestically by the Endangered Species Act, and are prohibited in the State of Montana to protect native sheep from disease and hybridization. Schubarth sent genetic material from the argali parts to a lab to create cloned embryos. Schubarth then implanted the embryos in ewes on his ranch, resulting in a single, pure genetic male Marco Polo argali that he named ‘Montana Mountain King’ or MMK,” says a Justice Department press release on Dr Frankensheep’s downfall.

Bath water will finally be less disgusting to drink as the Elmira, New York Leader reports the Village of Bath’s lead pipes will be replaced using a $500,000 grant from Gov Kathy Hochul.

“When it comes to New York’s water infrastructure, we’re getting the lead out,” Hochul said, sounding like a classic rock station DJ amping you up for “Whole Lotta Love,” adding “Keeping New Yorkers safe is my top priority and by giving communities the support needed to replace lead service lines, we’re helping to safeguard public drinking water for generations to come.”

“President Donald J Trump respectfully submits this opposition to the motion by the Special Counsel’s Office proposing redactions to their so-called ‘Motion for Immunity Determinations,’ which they have re-styled in an unsuccessful effort to mask the fact that there is no basis in federal criminal procedure or the Constitution for a filing that attempts to usurp control and presentation of a defendant’s defense in a criminal case. The Motion reflects a largely unexplained about-face on materials the Office designated ‘Sensitive’ pursuant to that Protective Order, and does not adequately address the implications for witnesses, potential jurors, and the integrity of the proceedings,” write convicted felon former President Trump’s lawyers in an opposition to special counsel Jack Smith’s plan to dump a shit ton of evidence against the fat fuck in court.

“The true motivation driving the efforts by the Special Counsel’s Office to disseminate witness statements that they previously sought to lock down is as obvious as it is inappropriate. The Office wants their politically motivated manifesto to be public, contrary to the Justice Manual and longstanding DOJ norms in cases not involving President Trump, in the final weeks of the 2024 Presidential election while early voting has already begun throughout the United States. Having criticized President Trump for, according to the Office, trying to ‘litigate this case in the media’ and ‘improperly press his case in the court of public opinion,’ the Office is seeking to do just that, in violation of the very restrictions they previously claimed were essential to the ‘fair administration of justice.’ While the Presidential immunity filing contains few, if any, new allegations not already covered in other politically motivated and inaccurate lawfare efforts that President Trump’s opponents have improperly funded and disseminated, it is irresponsible for the prosecutors to so quickly abandon the safety and privacy interests that they previously assigned great weight in this case and in the Southern District of Florida,” the scumbag lawyers continued bitching.

Vice President Kamala Harris will be on the ground in Georgia to inspect the damage from Hurricane Helene on Wednesday with another trip to North Carolina planned shortly after, the AP reports.

The headline is the entirety of a Tuesday Truth Social post by convicted felon former President Trump, apparently feeling like he’s getting the boost he desperately wanted when he complained in July and then again last month that OPEC was rigging the election against him by not raising prices.

Earlier the fat bastard posted “WE ARE CRIME FIGHTERS, THEY (KAMALA AND JOE) ARE CRIME CREATORS!” probably in response to media coverage of decreasing crime rates.

Then his campaign put out a lengthy rant billed as his statement on the Iranian missile attack on Israel. “The World is on fire and spiraling out of control. We have no leadership, no one running the Country. We have a non-existent President in Joe Biden, and a completely absent Vice President, Kamala Harris, who is too busy fundraising in San Francisco, a City which she and Gavin Newscum totally destroyed, and staging fake photo ops. No one is in charge and it’s not even clear who is more confused: Biden or Kamala. Neither has any idea what is even going on” blah blah blah…

“Under ‘President Trump,’ we had NO WAR in the Middle East, NO WAR in Europe, and Harmony in Asia, No Inflation, No Afghanistan Catastrophe. Instead, we had PEACE. Now, War or the threat of War, is raging everywhere, and the two Incompetents running this Country are leading us to the brink of World War III. You wouldn’t trust Joe or Kamala to run a lemonade stand, let alone lead the Free World” blah blah blah… “If I was in charge, October 7th never happens, Russia/Ukraine never happens, Afghanistan Botched Withdrawal never happens, and Inflation never happens. If I win, we will have peace in the World again. If Kamala gets 4 more years, the World goes up in smoke.”

A British magistrate on Tuesday ordered 41 year-old Tranmere Rovers supporter Allan Sutton to a pay a £400 and serve a three year ban from any professional football game in the UK for climbing up on an entrance gate roof and “baring his buttocks” in full view of other fans after being refused entry to an August 30th away match at Rovers rival Carlisle United’s field, the BBC reports.

Prosecutor Diane Jackson described Sutton as slurring his words and swaying on his feet during two confrontations with the staff at Brunton Park before he climbed up onto the turnstile roof where he continued to be “aggressive and abusive, shouting at members of the public as they walked past, including families and children. He switched between being abusive, face-timing his friends and sunbathing. At 7:30 BST he made a decision to come down after four-and-a-half hours when he was arrested.” It’s not clear precisely at what point in that timeline the buttocks exposure occurred.

Lead magistrate Jill Robson scolded Sutton, as his “behavior wasted a lot of emergency services workers’ time. That time could have been needed in a more pressing situation than watching you behave in that way on a roof,” before banning him from being within a mile of any professional soccer venue in the United Kingdom for four hours before and after any match until 2027. Probably a lighter sentence than Sutton deserved considering he did five years in the clink for a 2015 incident in which he drunkenly broke into the wrong house and mistakenly beat the shit out of a person within.