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“It will be interesting to see how loudly Joe Rogan gets BOOED the next time he enters the UFC Ring??? MAGA2024” posted convicted felon former President Trump Friday after the brainwormed podcaster ended up endorsing brainwormed independent candidate Robert F Kennedy Jr.

Fugitive Catalan secessionist leader Carles Puigdemont has allegedly somehow wiggled out of Spain and made it back to Belgium, leadership of his party announced on Friday following a brief public appearance then a massive manhunt in Barcelona the previous day, AFP reports.

Catalonian cops aren’t so sure and think it might just be a feint. “Until we have proof that he is outside the jurisdiction of the Mossos d’Esquadra, we will continue to look for him,” Eduard Sallent, head of Catalonia’s regional police, the Mossos d’Esquadra, told reporters on Friday.

Puigdemont, leader of the Catalan nationalist Junts per Catalunya party, had been hiding in Brussels for the last seven years after he fled charges over a failed 2017 independence referendum for the eastern region, encompassing 16 percent of the country’s population, about 7 percent of its total area, and kicked in 20 percent of national GDP last year. The sudden reappearance in Barcelona on Thursday was seen as a bid to disrupt the investiture of Socialist former Spanish health minister Salvador Illa as the new Catalan president, set for this afternoon local time. Illa is not on team rebel it appeared Pudgy’s goal was to cast the frenemy pro-independence party Catalan Republican Left (ERC), as collaborators with Madrid because of their agreement to support Illa’s investiture.

A review by social analytics platform Zelf picked up by FYP.news finds that last week there were 76,000 posts mentioning convicted felon former President Trump on TikTok, receiving a collective 1.3 billion views – 89 percent of the top-performing posts mentioning him were negative, 3 percent were neutral, and 8 percent were positive. Whole lot of good flipping on TikTok did him.

For Vice President Kamala Harris, Zelf found that there were 85,500 TikTok posts mentioning Harris last week, receiving a collective 1.4 billion views and 17 percent of the top-performers TikTok were negative, 1 percent were neutral, and 82 percent were positive. We don’t want to know what it was like for Biden, but we imagine it was an absolute shitshow on the Gen Z-fave platform.

Trump also needs to start tweeting again. Yesterday. The narrative for everything is being driven by hyper-online morons who never see daylight instead of Trump himself.

— Ashley St. Clair (@stclairashley) August 9, 2024

You probably never heard of Ashley St Clair, but she’s apparently a pretty big deal on the MAGA internet. This is a gentle warning from her compared to what the other schmucks are up to: Laura Loomer went off on the campaign on Thursday, Tim Pool on Friday followed Joe Rogan and declared his allegiance to RFK Jr, Nick Fuentes abandoned Trump completely in a tirade.

And these are just the MAGA-famous people. Who knows how many average dickheads are losing faith or following Rogan/Pool onto Team Brainworms or Fuentes onto Team Not-Voting? Probably a lot, which is leading Catturd and the rest of the die hards to freak the fuck out over displays of defeatism and disloyalty. Obviously there’s still a ways to go, so there’s no guarantee most of these mutants – who were unprincipled and twisted enough to be MAGA in first place – won’t be back.

Maybe if President Joe Biden was still running we’d be getting a lot of headlines about how old he is and how long he’s been in Washington that he was already a senator at this moment when President Richard Nixon signed his letter and then boarded the helicopter out of town in disgrace.

As David Frum points out in the Atlantic, Nixon just got dealt a bad hand compared to his far more corrupt and downright fucking evil successor, Donald J Trump, who was avoiding STDs and screaming the n-word at his nephew over the roof to his Cadillac being slashed. Tricky Dick faced a party with decency and integrity – a GOP that began to turn on him the previous fall when he fired the attorney general, the deputy attorney general, and let Solicitor General Robert Bork take the heat and fire special prosecutor Archibald Cox. In this day and age it’s only the Democrats, who still love and respect their president, who were able to talk him into stepping down from reelection, simply to give them a greater chance at defeating that piece of shit Trump. Which he did.

No need for a longer retrospective on Watergate, Trump, and Biden here. We’re not going back.

It’s not clear what Corey Lewandowski is up to these days and if he broke up with Kristi Noem after she printed a book about murdering her dog. More specifically, it’s not clear if he’s on the Trump 2024 campaign’s payroll or if he’s just hanging around. Reuters doesn’t say it in their report from inside Team Orange, they just describe him as a “longtime adviser to the former president.”

But Lewandowski uses “we” in the sentence “The race has changed. There’s a lot of us that wanted to very actively run against Joe Biden. We felt very good about our race,” which could indicate that he’s on the team. Or maybe he thinks he’s on the team. In any event he still thinks the race favors Trump but goddamn he seems just as sore over facing Harris as his fat orange boss does.

The other minions quoted were just as apprehensive. “It’s clear to everyone she could win,” said an anonymous advisor. Harris taking over for Biden “doesn’t change the map as much as shrink it. Now there’s no reason to talk about places like New Jersey anymore,” said another. Too bad about that, would’ve been great to see them piss away money chasing such fantasy states. On the other side of that however, Republican lobbyist and Trump fundraiser Justin Sayfie tells Reuters the Trump team are “putting money in [North Carolina] now in the hope she decides to leave it alone.” In the next sentence Reuters notes that “the Harris campaign is already up on the air in the state.”

Responding to convicted felon former President Trump’s repeated unprovoked attacks, Georgia Gov Brian Kemp on Thursday told a conservative conference audience he was going to double down on delivering the state’s electoral votes to the fat fuck anyway, the AJC’s Greg Bluestein reports

“Despite all of that noise, my position hasn’t changed. I’ve said for a long time, before the presidential primary ever started, when we had all those great candidates that were running, that I was going to support the nominee, that we were going to use our political operation to win Georgia despite past grievances, differences in a political opinion, ideals, issues or whatever the case may be with any individual or the former president… It’s all in our best interest that we win in Georgia in 2024 – unlike we did in 2020,” said Kemp, calling the Orange Satan’s continuing abuse “noise.”

Fat Hitler’s vicious German Shepherd had a little trouble maneuvering when asked by a Newsmax host why her demented boss would make shit up about flying in a helicopter with former San Francisco Mayor Willie Brown on Friday, stammering through a non-explanation about how Trump has lots of great stories from a lifetime in business, entertainment, and politics, and that his bizarre lie speaks for itself. Luckily for Karoline Leavitt, Newsmax picked up a thing or two from the mainstream media and didn’t actually follow-up and press the point, letting the segment end.

Minnesota Governor and Harris running mate Tim Walz hosted Asad Zaman of the Muslim American Society of Minnesota in May 2023 to talk about using state resources to help secure mosques from white nationalist terror attacks, and then five months later posted that he “stands in solidarity with Palestinians against Israeli attacks,” following Hamas’s brutal assault on Israeli civilians, and then posted a Palestinian flag in reply to another Muslim leader who wrote that Joe Biden was “on the wrong side of history” for “supporting the extremist Zionist regime and its illegal settlements.”

Oh and in 2015 Zaman posted a link to a piece on a website for a pro-Hitler film called The Greatest Story Never Told, a film that the Washington Examiner describes as “a favorite among antisemites and QAnon conspiracy influencers, according to the Anti-Defamation League,” in their lengthy oppo report trying to connect Walz to this guy. Probably could’ve skipped the QAnon mention since, well, you know the QAnon antisemites aren’t exactly going to flock cast their ballots for Harris-Walz.

Anyway, here’s your heads up on the “Imam Walz” memes that’ll come up until the pushback about Trump’s far less tenuously based connections to antisemites like Nick Fuentes (though he went off on the Orange God Emperor again Thursday night, and it got pretty ugly) makes the fanboys remember that maybe it’s not the best tree for them to be barking up. It’s also funny how the last few days of propaganda has been so focused on Walz rather than his would-be boss herself. They seem to be forgetting she’s the real problem and that they’re supposed to be “defining” her.

A focus group of Wisconsin voters conducted by Axios and Engagious/Sago finds that out of 12 participants who voted Trump in 2016 and then Biden in 2020 nine of them see the most similarities between Vice President Kamala Harris and former President Obama, with one saying “they’re both really high energy speakers, very eloquent with their words and it kind of says to me, leadership.”

“Zoom in: 11 of the 12 respondents said, if they had to hypothetically bet $50 on the results of the 2024 election, Harris would win,” Axios writes. And no this isn’t a scientific poll but a focus group. If it was, it wouldn’t be that great of news for the Harris-Walz ticket as Axios writes that “Four of the 12 focus group respondents said they were not planning to vote for Biden, but that they now plan to vote for Harris. In a six-way race, eight respondents said they would back Harris, one would back Trump, two would back Robert F Kennedy Jr and one would not vote.” While we have no way of knowing precisely how many Cheeseheads flipped from Trump to Biden between the last two elections overall, the state is extremely tight and a third of them not planning on voting for the Dem again now in August means there’s still plenty of work to be done to win them over one more time.

Tim, you're the exact same kind of pussy, as Joe Rogan. Sit this one out, you fucking girl.

— Brenden Dilley (@WarlordDilley) August 9, 2024

Nawwwww! Isn’t it so cute how these little kitties get into adorable little wrestling matches and they make their squeaky little meows while they tumble on top of a blankie and a shoebox?!? Let’s see if the first itty bitty kitty with the big bald under his precious tiny wool cap is gonna go pounce back at the fat kitten with the hairy stubbly face for jumping on him and starting the play fight.

“DON’T CALL IT A RESET – DONALD TRUMP’s news conference yesterday was meant to offer him a fresh start after his campaign has struggled to respond to the new Democratic ticket. Going into the event, the question on the minds of many Republicans was posed by the Wall Street Journal editorial board in yesterday’s paper: ‘Will Donald Trump Blow Another Election?'” writes Politico Playbook in the Friday morning edition of their newsletter, replete with their trademark “buzz.”

“In a briefing for reporters beforehand, Trump advisers argued that Harris’ recent good run was just a ‘honeymoon’ or ‘suspended reality’ and would end ‘in a few days.’ This line of thinking reminds us a little bit of the many times that Biden’s advisers told us that Trump’s lead in the polls was just temporary because voters weren’t paying attention and that once the race was joined, the numbers would shift. But we learned with Biden that this doesn’t just happen – the candidate matters. When Biden showed up at the CNN debate, his party realized he was incapable of making the case against Trump,” the intro to the often Republican-talking point-friendly daily roundup continued.

“In terms of reach and impact, the Mar-a-Lago news conference was nothing like the debate. (How many people were watching basic cable at 2 pm on a Thursday in August during the Olympics?) But Trump’s lack of focus and his inability to mount a coherent case against Harris and TIM WALZ reminded us a little of Biden’s communications breakdown, even if it wasn’t as bad,” and yeah we kept intact the annoying all-caps names in this copypasta of someone else’s analysis.

Bald conspiracy-loving jackass Joe Rogan endorsed brainwormed idiot independent presidential candidate Robert F Kennedy Jr in the Thursday edition of his podcast, Variety reports.

“He’s the only one that makes sense to me… He doesn’t attack people, he attacks actions and ideas, but he’s much more reasonable and intelligent. I mean, the guy was an environmental lawyer and he cleaned up the East River. He’s a legitimate guy,” Rogan said of his fellow anti-vaxxer, adding that Kennedy doesn’t “spin” everything like the mainstream politicians in the two major parties do.

“That’s politics. They do it on the left, they do it on the right. They gaslight you, they manipulate you, they promote narratives – and the only one who is not doing that is Robert F Kennedy Jr,” Rogan continued with his nod, thereby probably doing some not-insignificant damage to convicted felon former President Trump’s bid to return to the White House and end American democracy.

We had originally expected this last year after Kennedy dropped out of the Democratic primary, but as Trump’s momentum continued we began to instead take for granted that Rogan’s increasingly anti-anti-Trump edgelord bullshit would come full circle the same way Elon Musk’s did. So this is maybe slightly surprising but absolutely welcome given Rogan’s influence over low-info, young male dumbasses in Trump’s target demographics who have now been handed permission to throw their vote away on Bobby Brainworms and his truck full of roadkill rather than the Orange God Emperor.

Japanese authorities on Thursday issued the first ever “mega-quake advisory” to citizens living along the Pacific coastline in the southern half of the island nation, warning of a “relatively distant” but still serious enough probability of a massive earthquake from the Nankai Trough, a tectonic boundary capable of breaking at the highest intensities possible, NHK reports.

Geological officials believe a 7.1 magnitude quake that struck Thursday off Kyushu, the southernmost of the four main Japanese islands, may have been a precursor to a larger event on the scale of the apocalyptic, 9.1 magnitude 2011 Tōhoku earthquake and tsunami that devastated the Pacific coastline of the northern half of the largest island, Honshu, a quake that was the fourth most powerful ever recorded by modern seismology. While the specifics of why the Thursday Kyushu quake was a possible precursor were not made clear, there’s certainly a logic to anticipating that another event would occur along a different section of the same boundary that produced the 2011 one. The Pacific plate subducts under the Japanese archipelago but not all of its edge moves at the same pace. It’s possible that the southern half of Japan is overdue for such a reckoning.

US State Department officials are taking the warning seriously enough to pass it along to Americans in Japan, tweeting “The Japan Meteorological Agency has issued an alert warning about the increased risk of a possible large earthquake around the Nankai Trough. This follows a magnitude 7.1 quake off the coast of Kyushu… but does not indicate that an earthquake is imminent. Please stay alert and take disaster prevention measures. The US Embassy in Tokyo will be releasing informational content over the coming days to re-emphasize good emergency preparedness.”

“On Thursday, August 15th, the President and Vice President will travel to Maryland to discuss the progress they are making to lower costs for the American people. Additional details to come,” says the White House press office in a statement announcing their first joint campaign appearance.

Fox “Senior National Correspondent” Kevin Corke may have been watching Thursday afternoon’s press conference featuring a rambling, paranoid 78-year-old Donald Trump, a convicted felon who’s also the Republican presidential nominee, through rose-colored glasses, or if he’s just reading from the company script to hide the disconnection the GOP candidate is showing from reality.  In the hour-long presser, Trump never promoted a new policy initiative or fully answered any question at all while repeatedly misrepresenting reality.  To Corke, though, that was a realistic outlook.

“Uh, no, it wasn’t all about doom and gloom, or joy from former president Trump today,” Corke fictionalizes.  “Actually he offered, I think you can fairly say, a clear-eyed and sober assessment of the state of the nation as he sees it, suggesting today that unless the Biden-Harris Administration is ushered out of power in ninety days, our country’s in big trouble.” [Editor’s Note:  that “as he sees it” carries a lot of weight here.]

In his disastrous press conference Thursday afternoon, the convicted felon and adjudicated rapist heading the Republican Party, Donald Trump, told an amazing story about sharing a near-death experience with former San Francisco Mayor Willie Brown:  a close call that Trump described as an emergency landing.

It never happened.  According to the New York Times, the confused 78-year-old Trump never shared a helicopter with Kamala Harris’s one-time romantic interest Willie Brown.  He did however, once fly in a chopper with former Democratic California Governor Jerry Brown, definitely not a twin of Willie, who says there was no emergency landing and no discussion at all of Kamala Harris.

Jack Smith’s office filed a motion to delay further action in the Special Counsel’s Washington, DC prosecution of adjudicated rapist and GOP presidential nominee Donald Trump for his attempt to undermine the 2020 election, ABC News reports.  Smith says his office needs more time to consider the impact of the recent Supreme Court decision granting limited presidential immunity for official acts.

Smith’s office must now undertake a review of the four felony counts to decide if they wish to pursue counts based on the SCOTUS decision or if they want to change the arguments offered, knowing that any assertion will be challenged immediately as an “official act” from the Trump legal team.  Trump’s team did not object to the three-week delay request sent to Judge Tanya Chutkan.

Sean Hannity hates Kamala Harris with every fiber of his Flintstone-esque body.  Not just because she’s a Democrat, but also because she’s a woman and she’s not white.  With a smirk on his face, Hannity claims Harris is stuck in “Joe Biden’s basement” even though it’s his sponsor, Donald Trump, who is scheduling only one rally per week.  Here, Hannity mocks Harris saying she enjoys hard work, stopping just short of claiming she’s a lazy n-word.

In his ongoing effort to steamroll migrants’ rights, Republican Texas Governor Greg Abbott issued an executive order requiring all hospitals in the state to collect the immigration status of every patient to track how much money is being spent on migrant health care costs, CBS News reports.

According to the order, Abbott demands hospitals collect the data because Texans need to know how much the state is spending to care for “the illegals” and demand the federal government reimburse the state.  Of course, Abbott won’t demand a similar investigation into how much those same people pay in taxes to the state.