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Offer Shlomi launches primary vs Republican Texas Congressman

Offer Shlomi, better known as “Vince Offer,” a former TV pitchman famous for the “ShamWow” miracle towels, the nut chopper, the “Underground Comedy Movie” starring Joey Buttafuoco, and getting arrested for punching a hooker after she bit his tongue because he’s the kind of John that passionately kisses prostitutes, has filed to launch a primary challenge against 84 year-old Republican Texas Congressman John Carter in the state’s 31st District, NBC News reports.

It’s not clear if Shlomi used his legal name in the filing documents. Shlomi’s campaign is said to be a crusade to “destroy wokeism” in Congress and a tribute to the “original woke-buster” Charlie Kirk.

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Jim Comey, Letitia James completely and totally exonerated

A South Carolina federal judge in on Monday tossed the Trump Regime’s “cases” against former FBI Director James Comey and New York Attorney General Letitia James, finding that incompetent idiot Eastern Virginia US Attorney Lindsey Halligan was appointed unlawfully by scumbag Pam Bondi.

“Mr Comey now moves to dismiss the indictment on the ground that Ms Halligan, the sole prosecutor who presented the case to the grand jury, was unlawfully appointed in violation of 28 USC § 546 and the Constitution’s Appointments Clause. As explained below, I agree with Mr Comey that the Attorney General’s attempt to install Ms Halligan as Interim US Attorney for the Eastern District of Virginia was invalid. And because Ms Halligan had no lawful authority to present the indictment, I will grant Mr Comey’s motion and dismiss the indictment without prejudice,” wrote South Carolina Senior Judge Cameron McGowan Currie who was appointed by the Fourth Circuit to weigh on the matter of Halligan’s legitimacy from outside the Eastern District of Virginia.

That Currie tossed Comey’s charges without prejudice rather than with is a distinction without a difference: Because the five year statute of limitations is already up there’s no way to bring the same charges again. He walks and there’s no recourse for the Trump Reich. They’re going to have to come up with some other pretextual pile of bullshit inside of the last five years to go after him.

Earlier this month George Conway refused to speculate on what would ultimately destroy the case against Comey, saying that there were simply too many different ways the former FBI director could get the charges tossed he didn’t want to name any one of them as the likeliest kill shot.

The case against James meanwhile can be revived but need more info on that.

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Petey Pee Pants threatens to recall Mark Kelly for court martial

“A thorough review of these allegations has been initiated to determine further actions, which may include recall to active duty for court-martial proceedings or administrative measures. This matter will be handled in compliance with military law, ensuring due process and impartiality.”

“Further official comments will be limited, to preserve the integrity of the proceedings. The Department of War reminds all individuals that military retirees remain subject to the UCMJ for applicable offenses, and federal laws such as 18 USC § 2387 prohibit actions intended to interfere with the loyalty, morale, or good order and discipline of the armed forces. Any violations will be addressed through appropriate legal channels. All servicemembers are reminded that they have a legal obligation under the UCMJ to obey lawful orders and that orders are presumed to be lawful.”

“A servicemember’s personal philosophy does not justify or excuse the disobedience of an otherwise lawful order,” the tweet continued after the cutoff and good God the performative milking of this is so fucking lame and impotent. Stop threatening to do something and just do it you pussies.

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MAGA Land workshops bold new policy agenda for Trump

“Trump needs to concentrate on the economy, gas, energy and food prices, and continued ICE operations. Some work needs to be done on housing affordability and healthcare costs. Don’t give democrats any opening” – Top comment on the Fox News article “Trump claims GOP has ‘never been so united,’ calls Greene and other Republicans ‘lowlifes,'” posted Sunday evening.

Wow, that’s a pretty solid policy plan, right? You’d think a candidate who hammers it constantly could win over a lot of voters and maybe even get them to overlook their manifold character flaws and predilection for criminally insane behavior including violent sexual abuse of women. That it’s a Fox News commenter saying this – and with some very scarcely concealed frustration over these issues – seems to indicate that they would like the current president to be that candidate.

And to ditch the tedious sarcasm for a bit this is freaking gold. Love the remove from it too, like a WFAN caller saying the Yankees need to develop a better bullpen if they’re going to be in serious contention next year because failure to do so would give the Red Sox an opening. This asshole wants Trump to make it look like he’s concentrating on affordability because the other team could win on those issues, rather than that making shit more affordable would be a win in and of itself.

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Jake Sherman follows up

Self-quoting from his earlier reporting on how several House Republicans told him they hate their jobs and considering resigning their seats, Punchbowl’s Jake Sherman writes that “since this ran this morning – 4 hours ago? – I’ve gotten countless text messages from House Republicans agreeing with this sentiment and saying why the hell should we stay in Congress if all we’re going to do is vote on censures and be a potted plant.” Would be nice if at least some of those “countless” members follow through if they’ve already given up on hanging onto the majority into 2027.

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“We’re a long way from Nuremberg trials and slaughtering Jews”

This stitching of clips is long but it’s worth a watch to appreciate how fucking unhinged House GOP Caucus chair Lisa McClain is with defending convicted felon President Trump’s meltdowns and threatening to have Dem members of Congress executed for that video in which they encouraged military personnel to disobey illegal orders. The “We’re a long way from Nuremberg trials and slaughtering Jews” line from her is particularly insane since it’s basically her saying that Trump hasn’t repeated the Holocaust yet so why is anyone worried at this point. What a freaking animal.

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Canada yet to be punished with 10 percent tariff over Reagan ad

Convicted felon President Trump’s regime has yet to actually follow through on the fat bastard’s pledge to increase tariffs on Canadian exports by 10 percent after Ontario Premier Doug Ford accurately quoted former President Ronald Reagan in a video opposing the pointless and probably illegal levies, the Independent reports on more TACOing from the Orange God Emperor.

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Benny Johnson impressed by classic low-rent dictator excuse

“Foreign interests” are the “dog ate my homework” of shitty, incompetent autocrats who cannot get their act together and impose their will on the people they seek to impose their will upon, so naturally Benny Johnson thinks it’s a winning message from his Orange Caesar.

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“Immigration is maybe having a negative impact on my party”

Republican former North Carolina Gov Pat McCrory tells Politico that he’s worried that convicted felon President Trump’s regime is overplaying their “mandate” in the Tar Heel State with the recent ICE surge in Charlotte and that there could be some consequences for incidents like a US citizen getting arrested in a shopping center parking lot and a raid on a country club house.

“Republicans had the upper hand on immigration, as long as they were going after the criminals and the gangs, but I think they’re losing the upper hand on that issue because of the apparent disjointed implementation of arrest. From a PR and political standpoint, for the first time, immigration is maybe having a negative impact on my party,” McCrory said, adding “if I were the administration, I would be really emphasizing who they’ve arrested and the negative impact they’ve had on the community, but we’re not hearing that.” This as though Homeland Security and ICE don’t constantly publicize and post about the criminal suspects they’ve arrested, so what McCrory’s actually complaining about is the “family-oriented” migrants that keep getting tossed in the gulag, which they won’t stop doing.

Edwin Peacock III, a moderate Republican who lost an at-large Charlotte City Council race to a Dem earlier this month, warned the raids are leaving “a real sour aftertaste” with voters. “Is the price of doing this worth it? I don’t see this cloud moving away from what will be in the voters’ minds.”

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Surprise! Trump T1 phone still vaporware

You will not be surprised to learn that, according to NBC News, they and indeed all other would-be buyers who put down a $100 deposit to preorder the not-actually-made-in-America $500 Trump Mobile T1 smartphone when it was first announced have yet to receive their reskin of a $169-ish Chinese budget Android model two months after the anticipated street date of September.

NBC writes that during one of their repeated calls to the customer support line in October asking where the goddamned phone was they were told the phone would ship on November 13th. With that date having come and gone, they called again and the support agent said early December.

“The operator cited the government shutdown as a reason for the delay, without further explanation,” says the article and L-O-freaking-L, my kingdom for that person’s internal logic behind that excuse. Was it supposed to be some sort of customs issue or what? Holy shit.

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New Twitter feature exposing national origin a real hoot

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House Republican thinks Dems could get majority before 2027

Several House Republicans tell Punchbowl News they’re considering following Marjorie Taylor Greene in simply resigning before next year’s midterms, possibly enough to hand Dems the majority before the expected flip following the November elections, with one particularly pissed one writing the following in a text: “This entire White House team has treated ALL members like garbage. ALL.”

“And Mike Johnson has let it happen because he wanted it to happen. That is the sentiment of nearly all – appropriators, authorizers, hawks, doves, rank and file. The arrogance of this White House team is off putting to members who are run roughshod and threatened. They don’t even allow little wins like announcing small grants or even responding from agencies. Not even the high profile, the regular rank and file random members are more upset than ever. Members know they are going into the minority after the midterms. More explosive early resignations are coming. It’s a tinder box.”

“Morale has never been lower. Mike Johnson will be stripped of his gavel and they will lose the majority before this term is out,” the unidentified member continued in the very ragey text.

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DOGE has been DOGEd

Sources in the Trump Regime tell Reuters that DOGE “doesn’t exist” anymore and has officially been disbanded with eight months still left in its mandate. Firing thousands of park rangers, VA nurses, and so on had been framed as a matter of national life and death until it wasn’t.

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It’s okay, the president is mentally stable

“THE TRAITORS THAT TOLD THE MILITARY TO DISOBEY MY ORDERS SHOULD BE IN JAIL RIGHT NOW, NOT ROAMING THE FAKE NEWS NETWORKS TRYING TO EXPLAIN THAT WHAT THEY SAID WAS OK. IT WASN’T, AND NEVER WILL BE! IT WAS SEDITION AT THE HIGHEST LEVEL, AND SEDITION IS A MAJOR CRIME. THERE CAN BE NO OTHER INTERPRETATION OF WHAT THEY SAID!” posted convicted felon President Trump on Saturday.

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The innocent explanation is that Trump is suffering from dementia

Now the first time the reporter asked convicted felon President Trump if he’d had any comment on his buddy disgraced former Brazilian President Jair Bolsonaro’s arrest it was, admittedly, hard to hear over the wash of Marine One’s rotors. Watching on TV with subtitles off you probably would not have made out what the guy was saying. Trump did not and asked the reporter to repeat himself.

There’s no mistaking what the reporter then said, much more clearly. “Do you have any comment about Bolsonaro’s arrest?” he said and then even louder and specifically “The former Brazilian president!” to which Trump started “So I spoke last night to the gentleman you just referred to, and we’re gonna be meeting I believe in the very near future.” The press corps then raised their hackles and the reporter asked “Sir any comment on the former Brazilian president being arrested today?!?”

Trump then realized what he was said, switching to “No I don’t know anything about it. I haven’t heard anything about it. Is that what happened? That’s too bad. No I just think it’s too bad.”

Did Trump somehow get Bolsonaro confused with current Brazilian President Luiz Lula? If he spoke to Lula on Friday to plan an in-person meeting in the future there’s no public reporting on it. In fact there’s no reporting on Trump speaking with ANY foreign leader on that evening. Sure this is “The most transparent administration in history,” but you know sometimes even they slip up and forget to list a record of the president’s calls to foreign leaders. So maybe it was Lula or some other Latin American leader and the White House neglected to put it in the public ledger then Trump got a little more than mildly confused and spoke too fast when a reporter brought up Bolsonaro.

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“Romantic Homicide” artist a suspect in post-romantic homicide

LAPD officials this week announced that Alt-R&B artist David “D4vd” Burke, 20, is being considered a suspect in the death of 14 year-old Celeste Hernandez, a runaway whose body cops discovered in the trunk of a Tesla registered to Burke, a few days after it was towed from a spot in the Hollywood Hills where it had been abandoned by Burke on or before July 29th, People Magazine reports.

Hernandez’s remains were, horrifically, not intact and in an advanced state of decomposition when a worker at the impound lot noticed a foul odor emanating from the front trunk of the car belonging to the “Romantic Homicide” artist on September 8th, with it taking until the 17th for the medical examiner to make a positive ID on the teen. People’s reporting on her short life describes her as a troubled youth from Riverside County who ghosted on her family no fewer than three times in recent years, the last being in April 2024. Her family by that point was aware that she’d been dating someone named “David” but had no further contact with her after a brief call the next month.

People cites the Los Angeles Times’s reporting that Burke has a tattoo saying “Shhh…” on his right index finger and that Celeste’s mom had told TMZ her girl had the same on her very same finger.

Why it took homicide detectives in Los Angeles two goddamned months to name Burke as a suspect in the girl’s death is not clear. The easiest answer lies in California’s lack of a felony abuse of a corpse statute – the usual go-to in other states to keep a suspect held without bail when cops and DAs have this strong of circumstantial probable cause but still need more time to bring a homicide case before a grand jury. The state legislature might want to get on that copy and paste job.

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Bolsonaro cuffed on suspicion of trying to flee Brazil

America’s favorite Brazilian Supreme Court Justice Alexandre De Moraes at 12:08 AM local time on Saturday detected an unusual signal from disgraced former President Jair Bolsonaro’s ankle monitor and immediately ordered the asshole’s arrest on suspicion of him planning to flee, the AP reports.

“That information shows the intent of the convict to break the ankle monitoring to assure his escape is successful, which would be made easier by the confusion that would be caused by a demonstration organized by his son,” the justice said, adding he had reasonable suspicion that Bolsonaro was headed to one of any number of foreign embassies located near his Sao Paolo home.

Oh wait, the headline’s wrong because De Moraes specifically ruled that his arrest should be effected “with all respect to the dignity of former President Jair Messias Bolsonaro, without the use of handcuffs and without any media exposition.” Should change it. Still symbolically accurate, right?

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Fucking idiot spells Tim Walz’s name wrong in racist post

“Minnesota, under Governor Waltz, is a hub of fraudulent money laundering activity. I am, as President of the United States, hereby terminating, effective immediately, the Temporary Protected Status for Somalis in Minnesota. Somali gangs are terrorizing the people of that great State, and BILLIONS of Dollars are missing. Send them back to where they came from. It’s OVER!” posted convicted felon President Trump on Friday, deciding that doing something racist, cruel, and unlikely to be legally effective is a great way to change the subject from what Marjie just posted.

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