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New Hampshire Governor Chris Sununu, who obviously actually hates fat former President Trump, flailed more than a little helplessly Sunday when questioned by ABC’s George Stephanopoulos over whether he personally feels comfortable with supporting Donald while he’s on trial for felonies.

“Well, I don’t — I don’t think any American is comfortable with any of this,” Sununu said when Steph told him he’s asking about right and wrong. “But I mean, when it comes to actually looking at each of these trials as they kind of take place, whether it’s this year or next year, as they kind of line up the right now, this is about an election,” continued the shitweasel who campaigned hard for Nikki Haley and mocked Trump for confusing her with Nancy Pelosi… And then flipped to Team Orange.

Wrapping up the interview, Stephanopolous said “Just to sum up, You support Trump for president even if he’s convicted in the classified documents case. You support him for president even though you believe he contributed to an insurrection. You support him for president even though you believe he’s lying about the last election. You support him for president even if he’s convicted in the Manhattan case. I just want to say, the answer to that is yes, correct?”

It’s obvious from the “not just check a box” line that Jesus dork is aware that 18 USC §611 already prohibits non-citizens from voting in federal elections, but some rogue producer at Fox decided to drive it home even further – or was not rogue and assumed that the audience is stupid and wanted to push the text of the existing law as if it were that of Johnson and Trump’s bill.

What’s in the actual text of the Johnson/Trump bill is not public at this point, but it’s hard to see how it would actually work in practice other than requiring every single voter to either re-register using a passport, birth certificate, etc or show up to the polls with one of those on election day. Which would be fucking suicidal to Trump and Republicans who are counting on irresponsible, low-info voters to turn out en masse. If it’s only engaged voters with passports or their birth certificate in a file cabinet whose votes would count then you’d be looking at a coast-to-coast wipeout the likes of which the world has never seen before. Like 65 percent Biden, 35 percent Trump national popular vote, 400+ Electoral College for Biden would not be unrealistic to expect in that scenario.

It’ll be fun to see how many House Republicans realize that and refuse to vote for it, though it’ll probably be zero because they know the Senate will simply ignore it if they send it up.

“Judge Juan Merchan, perhaps the most highly conflicted Judge in New York State history, only gave us a short period of time to read and study hundreds of thousands of pages of documents that DA Alvin Bragg illegally hid, disguised, and held back from us. Of course, and as the Judge knows, we need far more time than that. They could have started this Fake Biden Trial many years ago, not right in the middle of my campaign for President, and time would not be a problem.”

“This is a blatant and unprecedented attack on Crooked Joe Biden’s Political Opponent (who is leading in every poll!), done in close coordination with the White House, that cannot be allowed to go forward!” posted fat former President Trump on Sunday, invigorating those of us who so righteously enjoy watching him suffer the consequences of his bottomless corruption and fuckery.

During the 2022 midterm races, former President and soon-to-be-indicted coup leader Donald Trump had a hard choice to make in the Pennsylvania Senate election:  does he introduce the carpetbagging celebrity doctor turned talkshow host, or does he choose the other political dilettante in the race, a carpetbagging hedge fund manager?  Trump chose the former, and now Democrat John Fetterman is in the Senate.

This time around, Trump endorsed the loser in that race, McCormick, negating all his criticism heaped on in the previous round, which Oz won by less than 1,000 votes in election results no one is screaming about two years later.  Should McCormick win the GOP nomination, he’ll square off against incumbent Democrat Bob Casey.

“I am officially giving my endorsement to David McCormick tonight. He’s a good a man. He wants to run a good ship. He’s a smart guy, who was a very successful guy. He’s given up a lot to do this,” Trump alternately bellowed and mumbled at his rally Saturday night as he read from the teleprompter, CNN reports.  “I’ll tell you what: He’s the nominee of the Republican Party, David McCormick. Go out and vote for him because Casey doesn’t do a damn thing.”  (Fact check:  a Senator since 2007, Casey has been the primary sponsor on eight bills that have become law; that eight more than Republican Judiciary chair Jim Jordan, who has served the same time in the House.). McCormick, for his part, did not appear at Trump’s rally, claiming a previously scheduled family event.

Saying it’s “not over” yet, Israel’s Defense Minister Yoav Gallant said the nation should prepare for more missile and drone strikes after more than 300 were launched by Iran, the BBC reports, with no fatalities reported.  Israel reports it knocked out 99% of the weapons fired in the attack, with US and British military forces saying its troops assisted in the effort.

In its first direct attack on Israel–previous attacks were done by Iranian-backed proxy groups, Iran announced that it had “achieved all its objectives” to avenge the death of Iranian military leaders in an April 1st attack on a building in the Iranian embassy complex in Damascus, Syria.

Confident he’ll get listed on the ballots in all 50 states, Robert Kennedy Jr. said he would not seek the presidential nomination for the Libertarian Party and will continue to pursue a hopeless campaign as an independent, ABC News reports.

“We’re not gonna have any problems getting on the ballot ourselves so we won’t be running Libertarian,” Kennedy said as he was in Iowa using a quirk of state law to get on the ballot in that state.  The law allowed Kennedy to hold a one-day “Party” convention, with a minimum of 500 Iowa voters from at least 25 of Iowa’s 99 counties.  Having gathered the faithful, Kennedy’s nomination was pre-ordained.

Kennedy’s campaign announced they attracted more than 680 accredited “delegates” from more than 35 counties to come to a meeting in West Des Moines; Kennedy said that he’s confident his team will find ways like this to get on all state ballots.  The campaign explained getting 500 diehards to meet was easier than getting 3,500 verified signatures on petitions.

A photograph surfaced purportedly showing a Marine color guard attending a fundraiser held at Donald Trump’s Florida eldercare events center, bookended by what-passes-for-glam-in-Florida patrons of the event.

Uniformed Marines at a Mar-a-Lago fundraiser last night. pic.twitter.com/2ijQGCGWdw

— Ron Filipkowski (@RonFilipkowski) April 13, 2024

The problem is, members of the military are barred from wearing uniforms to political events.  And it’s unlikely the Marines would have approved for a Marine color guard at a political fundraiser.  People have also questioned the demeanor of the men in uniform, questioning whether they were actual Marines or literal cosplayers.

Somewhat predictably, multi-jurisdictional defendant and previously-adjudicated rapist Donald Trump has asked his pet judge Aileen Cannon to delay the proceedings in his Florida federal criminal documents trial indefinitely until his New York state criminal election interference case is concluded.

President Donald J. Trump respectfully submits this motion seeking an adjournment of the recently set May 9, 2024 deadlines for Defendants’ Rule 16 expert disclosures and CIPA § 5(a) Notice.  The requested adjournment is necessary because the trial in People v. Trump begins on April 15, 2024, and is expected to take at least six weeks.  As explained below, the May 9 deadlines would deny President Trump his constitutional right to participate in critical aspects of his defense, and infringe on his constitutional right to counsel of his choice in this case. Accordingly, President Trump respectfully requests an adjournment of the May 9, 2024 deadlines until three weeks after the conclusion of the trial in People v. Trump.

Nah just kidding. The fat fuck posted exactly what you think he would, then adding “Biden, on Israel, didn’t do his ‘Address to the People’ LIVE. He taped it. This is no time for taped speeches!!! DJT”

“AFTER READING MY TRUTH, BIDEN’S HANDLERS CONVINCED HIM NOT TO RELEASE HIS TAPED SPEECH ON ISRAEL. HE’LL NOW ATTEMPT TO DO IT LIVE, PROBABLY TOMORROW. HE DOESN’T WANT TO LEAVE HIS HOUSE, WITH THE CORVETTE, IN DELAWARE!!!” Trump then posted, cuntishly acting as if it’s all about him and the Biden White House are reading his stupid rants.

Citing unnamed administration officials in the US and Israel, Politico reports Iran has started its long-awaited attack against Israel in retaliation for the death of an Iranian military leader.  The attack consisted of dozens of drones and may have included some missiles.

President Biden cut his weekend in Delaware short and headed back to the White House on Saturday as US and Israeli officials warned of a major Iranian attack on Israel, Axios reports.

Incredible photo https://t.co/wbYpP5X0m7

— Benny Johnson (@bennyjohnson) April 13, 2024

Incredible that a Burger King franchise in Pennsylvania actually wants to give President Trump a Whopper on them. Today. And an actual photo of the marquee exists. Amazing. Grown men who make a living on the internet are awed by the sign of President Trump’s support from the franchise owner making unambiguous their intent to offer a tribute of a fast food burger to him. Electrifying.

“Has Mark POMERANTZ been prosecuted for his terrible acts in and out of the DA’s Office. Has disgraced attorney and felon Michael Cohen been prosecuted for LYING? Only TRUMP people get prosecuted by this Judge and these thugs! A dark day for our Country. MAGA2024!!!” posted fat former President Trump on Saturday, plainly violating his gag order by whining about a witness.

Before that the orange slob wrote “There is NO WAY I can be given a Fair (Biden) Trial on Monday with Judge Juan Merchan, who is totally conflicted and corrupt, presiding. Soros backed Alvin Bragg, the ‘District Attorney’ who has, along with his sidekick Leticia James, let violent crime flourish in New York, never wanted to bring this case because it is a sham and mockery of our legal system.”

“He brought it anyway for purposes of saving the WORST PRESIDENT IN THE HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. ELECTION INTERFERENCE!” he continued, and lol that specific whine is perfect, as he’s facing the consequences of interfering in the 2016 election by paying off a pornstar.

Lots of MSNBC and CNN legal experts say Trump is SO SCREWED when his criminal trial starts Monday because the jury pool hates him and he’s going to get convicted, Raw Story reports.

Hahahaha! Now we’re going to get a bunch of clicks and comments because the headline starts with the word “TRUMP,” even though we didn’t say anything here. It’ll get so much more traffic and readership than the previous article, a thoughtful reflection which took around 150 minutes to write starting at 6:30 in the morning after spending the previous night sitting in a movie theater for about the same amount of time and spending $22 for a ticket (plus another $20 for pretzel and Diet Coke).

LMAO. Spartan so owned even after looking like a complete weirdo scribbling notes about a fucking movie while watching it in a darkened theater. TRUMP GOING ON TRIAL MONDAY! CLICK HERE! LOL!

When the trailer for Civil War first dropped a few months ago I was thinking more or less what you were all thinking: “Holy smokes there’s a MAGA rebellion movie coming out soon and it’s going to be SO controversial and shit!” and “Why are California and Texas on the same side?!?!?”

And I expected it to be all over politics Twitter and news websites – left, right, and center – when it hit theaters starting Friday, that it would be “SO DIVISIVE” and the MAGA media would be losing their shit over this grave insult by Hollywood elites mocking them. It’s easier to notice the presence of such “buzz” than its absence, so in retrospect maybe I already knew subconsciously that Civil War is not a better crafted, higher budget version of The Purge: Election Year or The Forever Purge.

• We’re about to see, for the first time, a former President sitting at the defense table in a criminal courtroom.  The event of the trial isn’t jeopardizing our Constitution; the denial of the defendant to the fact that he’s un-special and must answer for his acts–and his cult of lemmings–is why it’s at risk.
• Nothing demonstrates the fake sanctimony of the GOP than Kari Lake pleading with Arizona Republicans to protect abortion access after she and her Party have called it a sin and murder.  Their passionate morality was discarded when it got in the way of their quest for power.
• Kamala Harris is the Vice President we need on the Democratic ticket right now.  As a woman and a former state attorney general, she addresses the need for strong laws to protect reproductive freedom with an authority and perspective a male politician can’t authentically project.  
• The defeat of the effort to derail FISA’s renewal signals the end of the far-right Deep Paranoia’s influence on national security.  They’ll still have impact–Marge will move to oust Mike Johnson likely later this week, throwing another tantrum–but they won’t have significant influence on legislation that passes.
  Read More ▶ “Random thoughts Friday, Volume CLXVIII”

Although he was acquitted of murder charges in the deaths of his wife, Nicole, and her friend Ron Goldman, recent transplant to Hell OJ Simpson died owing the Goldman family more than $100 million due to an unpaid civil judgment that found Simpson responsible for the deaths, the New York Daily News reports.

After a 1997 civil trial, Simpson was ordered to pay the families of his victims $33.5 million (roughly $65 million today), but he only paid about $130,000 to the Goldman family despite multiple legal efforts to secure payment.  With interest, the accrued amount owed to the family is $114 million.

“He died without penance,” Fred Goldman’s lawyer said. “He did not want to give a dime, a nickel to [Ron’s father] Fred, never, anything, never.”

Manuel Rocha, the 71-year-old former US ambassador to Bolivia under Clinton and GW Bush, was sentenced to fifteen years in prison and fined $500,000 after pleading guilty to one count of conspiring to act as an agent of a foreign government, Politico reports.  Prosecutors dropped more than a dozen other charges, including financial fraud counts, in exchange for the guilty plea and Rocha’s cooperation in ongoing investigations.

Prosecutors said that when Rocha entered government service with the State Department during the Reagan Administration, he was already an agent for the Cuban government and as he rose through the ranks during his career, he fed the government in Havana information about US policies and planning.

An Associated Press report discovered that the CIA had been informed by a Cuban who defected that Rocha was a double agent in 2018, one of a number of red flags the US intelligence community either ignored or dismissed during Rocha’s career.

U.S. District Judge Maryellen Noreika, the federal judge for Delaware, denied Hunter Biden’s efforts to dismiss gun charges against the son of the President, who argued that he was being prosecuted for political goals, the Associated Press reports.  Biden’s lawyers argued the fact that they had a deal in place on lesser charges, but the charges were increased after political fallout from media coverage of the deal’s dismissal.

“The pressure campaign from Congressional Republicans may have occurred around the time that Special Counsel decided to move forward with indictment instead of pretrial diversion, but the Court has been given nothing credible to suggest that the conduct of those lawmakers (or anyone else) had any impact on Special Counsel,” Noreika wrote. “It is all speculation.”

Sneaker pitchman and adjudicated rapist Donald Trump greets–with his trademark handshake pull–the partner in his latest grift: a Bible printed with historical national documents, and the lyrics of Lee Greenwood’s commercialization of patriotism.