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Trump’s America: Trader Joe’s, Kroger limiting egg purchases

America is like a third world country under the failed and feckless “leadership” of fat fuck President Trump just over three weeks into his second administration. Nowhere is this more apparent than the egg crisis that has only gotten worse while he and Elon Musk jerk each other off with their administrative purges that mean nothing to the Arizona voter who said “I like Trump because he’s like good at business and will get us a new economy after all this crazy inflation and shit, fam.”

In the latest escalation of this crisis, NPR reports that grocery chains Kroger and Trader Joe’s are limiting purchases of cartons of eggs to one or two max per customer – and the Orange Caligula has done nothing about it, let alone the insane price of $4.95/dozen on average nationally. Instead he dicks around with renaming the Gulf of Mexico as if working families give a fuck.

“We hope these limits will help to ensure that as many of our customers who need eggs are able to purchase them when they visit Trader Joe’s,” the grocer said in a statement. “The rule could be lifted when there are no issues on the supply.” Kroger meanwhile said the limits are not nation-wide yet, but in certain divisions at “two dozen per customer, per trip.” Total bummer, eh fam?

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SDNY acting attorney quits over Eric Adams case fuckery

In a letter obtained by the New York Post, now-former acting US Attorney for the Southern District of New York Danielle Sassoon – a Federalist Society member and former clerk for dead extremist Justice Antonin Scalia, thus no flaming libtard – wrote Thursday to far right Attorney General Pam Bondi that “because the law does not support a dismissal, and because I am confident that Adams has committed the crimes with which he is charged,” Sassoon “cannot agree to seek a dismissal driven by improper considerations,” namely the leashing of Adams to the MAGA Reich.

“Rather than be rewarded, Adams’s advocacy should be called out for what it is: an improper offer of immigration enforcement assistance in exchange for a dismissal of his case,” Sassoon wrote.

Bove, a creepy looking fuck who was once himself a prosecutor at SDNY less than four years ago, told the Post he “concluded earlier this week that the prosecution of Mayor Adams must be dismissed in order to prioritize national security and public safety over continuing with a case that has been tainted from the start by troubling tactics. There is no room at the Justice Department for attorneys who refuse to execute on the priorities of the Executive Branch — priorities determined by the American people. I look forward to working with new leadership at SDNY on the important priorities President Trump has laid out for us to make America safe again.” Sorry, not sorry.

There’s a whole Saturday Night Massacre currently going on at SDNY, right as Adams is being ripped a new asshole by Trump Reichsminister Tom Homan in a meeting at ICE’s Manhattan office.

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Igloo coolers recalled over fingertip amputation risk

The somehow still-functional US Consumer Product Safety Commission on Thursday issued a recall for Igloo brand 90 Qt Flip and Tow Rolling Coolers manufactured prior to January 2024, due to at least “12 reports of fingertip injuries, including fingertip amputations, bone fractures, and lacerations,” per the notice, which also specifies “the recalled coolers have a tow handle. ‘IGLOO’ is printed on the side of the coolers. The coolers were sold in multiple body and lid color combinations, some of which are pictured above. The following cooler models with tow handles are included in the recall. The model number is located on labels affixed to the bottom of the cooler.”

Bad as this is, at least it’s sort convenient in that you’d have somewhere to keep your severed fingertip(s) on ice so they could be surgically reattached. Can’t say that about an edge trimmer.

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Zelensky plays Trump’s ego

Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky told convicted felon President Trump that Russian dictator Vladimir Putin is only pretending to want to negotiate a peace deal because he is “afraid of you,” sources tell Axios of the ego-stroking that may or may not actually work.

“Putin told you he wants a deal only because he is afraid of you, because you are strong,” said Zelensky to Trump, to which the fat bastard said “We will know soon,” whether Putin is serious.

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Matt Schlapp sexually assaults another man, again

CPAC chief Matt Schlapp is in not-very-closeted trouble again as independent journalist Yashar Ali reports there was little dick-grabbing incident at a bar near Schlappy’s home in Virginia last weekend. A man told Ali that “Every time I looked around – whether we were on the dance floor, at the bar, or back at the table talking to people – every time I turned around, this guy was right there, one foot behind me. And I was just not comfortable with this.” The man’s wife/girlfriend (not specified) said she confronted Schlapp and told him to back off, to which Schlapp promptly grabbed the man’s crotch. Schlapp was then ejected from the premises. Ali confirmed Schlapp was there by viewing security footage from the bar, but did not see the specific incident.

“After I texted Schlapp the allegations and information about my story, he quickly called me twice and also texted, asking me to call him. I told him I would call him back in five minutes, and he acknowledged my response. I returned the call five minutes later but received no answer. My text message not only laid out the allegations but also provided Schlapp with a specific deadline for comment. I stated that I would only speak to him or his representatives on the record and would not engage in off-the-record or on-background conversations a long-standing policy I follow when stories involve allegations of misconduct. Schlapp never returned my call. Since that brief text exchange, I have texted him several more times, called him again, and emailed him. I also tweeted at him before I published this story,” Ali wrote. Sounds pretty on-brand for Schlapp.

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Shapiro sues Trump Regime over federal funding fuckery

“Since around January 27, 2025, federal agencies have restricted Pennsylvania agencies’ ability to access funding for grant programs that, in total, obligated over $3.1 billion to Pennsylvania for fiscal years 2022 to 2026. In addition to funding for the programs described above (and many more), these include around $800 million in funding authorized and appropriated for Pennsylvania to provide grants for investment in clean water infrastructure…” says the intro to a federal complaint filed against the Trump Regime by Pennsylvania Governor Josh Shapiro on Thursday.

“Governor Josh Shapiro and members of Pennsylvania’s agencies have been working with federal partners and legislators to try to fully restore access to these funds. Despite that work, and despite two temporary restraining orders requiring federal agencies to restore access to suspended funds, federal agencies continue to deny Pennsylvania agencies funding that they are entitled to receive.”

“So, Governor Shapiro and several Pennsylvania executive agencies now seek relief from the federal agencies’ flagrantly lawless actions,” the intro continued in the complaint that Greg Abbott and Jeff Landry and the rest would never have the balls to file even as their states get fucked just as badly.

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MAGA Reich removes “Tesla” from $400 million purchase order

Faced with questions from the New York Times about why the State Department is buying $400 million worth of Cybertrucks from Ketamine Brain this year, the Trump Administration did not answer but instead just amended the document to say “armored electric vehicles,” and not Teslas.

Forget the whole hypocrisy thing from the “Waste, Fraud, and Abuse” crowd here. Nothing new about that. The real question is how the fuck does the State Department need $400 million worth of road vehicles? Planes, helicopters, boats? Fine. Those are pricey. They also can be fueled pretty much anywhere a pump exists. How many Tesla chargers are there in Uganda or Kyrgyzstan or North Macedonia? Probably not that many. So how the fuck does Marco Rubio justify buying 4,000 Cybertrucks the next time he’s on a Sunday morning show? Probably just acts like a bitch.

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Taxpayers sue DOGE circlejerk over Treasury breach

A group of taxpayers on Thursday filed a federal civil complaint against Ketamine Brain, Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent, the Office of Personnel Management, and the Treasury itself “for damages resulting from Defendants’ unlawful ongoing, systematic, and continuous disclosure of personal and financial information contained in Defendants’ records to Elon Musk and other members of the so-called ‘Department of Government Efficiency’ (‘DOGE’),” seeking a class action status for others too.

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Tom Homan claims MAGA Reich overdid it on ICE raid hype

Trump Regime Reichsminister of Racial Purity Tom Homan claims to Axios that his Orange Overlord’s hype of ICE raids on communities of undocumented immigrants has been counterproductive as they’ve had the effect of scaring people into hiding and avoiding the stormtroopers.

“It’s all about operational security. We may have to stop the media ride-alongs because – I’m not pointing the finger at them – but the less people that know about these operations, the safer it is for our agents,” said Homan, as if there have been gun battles between ICE and those targeted.

And yet a lot of the hype is just that. Watch this clip of Colorado journo Kyle Clark for a succint summary of how full of shit the whole MAGA propaganda-industrial complex is these days.

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Fat fucking idiot screams over contract signed in 2018

“DOGE: Looks like Radical Left Reuters was paid $9,000,000 by the Department of Defense to study ‘large scale social deception.’ GIVE BACK THE MONEY, NOW!” posted convicted felon President Trump on Thursday, after some asshole found a line item to ThomsonReuters for exactly that.

Problem is the fucking contract was signed on September 28, 2018, right in the middle of Trump’s failed first administration, so he’s screaming over something he was too addled and distracted to stop from happening. The actual nature of the (obviously legitimate) contract with ThomsonReuters, a much larger company with an array of products far beyond than the news reporting most people know from wire stories reprinted on other websites, doesn’t really matter when it’s something that he says is bad yet he was ultimately the one responsible for the $9 million being spent.

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Florida woman arrested for beating husband with dildo

An arrest report from the St Lucie County Sheriff’s Office states that the husband of 50 year-old Julissa Negron told them that his wife “was well behaved all day on 02/08/2025 but started arguments about who he follows on Instagram on 02/09/2025. The VICTIM also stated that Negron was drinking alcoholic beverages resulting in her acting disorderly. Negron was angry at the VICTIM and began to get in the VICTIMS face which he believes was to antagonize him.”

“The VICTIM threatened to call law enforcement when Negron pulled out a dildo and began to hit the VICTIM with it. This is when the VICTIM stepped outside the residence and called Law Enforcement. Upon arriving on scene, Negron was found in the VICTIMS bed asleep I woke Negron up by knocking on the wall of the bedroom. Negron was disorderly and stated to be confused. While attempting to speak to Negron she continued to go in circles with her story repeating herself multiple times. I was unable to get a clear story from Negron,” the arrest report continued.

Negron was cuffed and booked in the county lockup on a domestic battery charge.

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Denver school district sues DHS over ICE raid policy

Denver Public Schools on Wednesday filed a lawsuit against the Trump Regime over their policy allowing ICE agents to raid classrooms to detain suspected illegal immigrants, with the complaint calling it a hinderance to the district’s “mission of providing education and life services to the students who are refraining from attending DPS schools for fear of immigration enforcement actions occurring on DPS school grounds” forcing them to “divert resources from its educational mission to prepare for immigration arrests on DPS school grounds,” Denverite reports.

There haven’t been any reports of ICE agents on the grounds of schools in the Colorado capital thus far but Superintendent Alex Marrero says the fear is working and “the fact that some folks feel that it’s going to happen in our schools is just going to really cripple the way we function.”

“A lot of kids, we haven’t seen,” teacher Matt Meyer said shortly after raids on an apartment complex last week. “What I’m worried about is it doesn’t help anyone to have kids not at school.”

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Tesla brakes fail, Chinese passenger pays company $23,000

Ketamine-brained billionaire Elon Musk’s deathtrap car brand has a pretty sweet deal with the Chinese communist party where Tesla can just sue the fuck out of people for publicly complaining about safety failures. The AP reports that among the most recent of these wins was against a Zhang Yazhou who was in her Model 3 with her dad behind the wheel when the brakes suddenly shit out on them, sending the car crashing into a concrete barrier and the airbag into her face.

And now she’s on the hook for $23,000 and a public apology after the company won a defamation verdict against her for filing a complaint with a market regulator office over the 2021 crash. “Tesla’s employees were very arrogant and tough in dealing with my complaints,” Zhang said in an interview, describing her failed attempt to obtain the vehicle’s data from the crash. “I was burning with anger.”

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Sword of Damocles hangs over Eric Adams

Reichsminister of national purity Tom Homan has summoned lowly supplicant New York City Mayor Eric Adams to his fortified redoubt in Manhattan, the New York Post reports, as the hateful old fuck is “not happy” with the failure by the underling to seize and arrest undocumented migrants in the vast metropolis, especially after the regime pulled the plug on the criminal case against Adams.

“Homan wants something immediate and doesn’t want to wait till next January. The mayor has emergency order power. He’s going to have to beg and be a good boy for Trump,” a source told the Post. And yeah, that really is the rub as Talking Points Memo’s Josh Marshall points out, writing the dumbass mayor has “essentially been given 10 months to perform for his freedom. Perform for Donald Trump. Indeed, Bove said explicitly that one of the reasons Adams shouldn’t have been charged is that being on trial takes Adams’ focus away from helping Donald Trump with mass deportations out of New York City. (Again, they’re refreshingly candid about why this is happening.)”

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Dipshit Missouri AG sues Starbucks for “discrimination”

“Today, Missouri Attorney General Andrew Bailey filed suit against Starbucks for violating federal and state laws prohibiting race discrimination. The lawsuit asserts that Starbucks enforces race-and-sex-based hiring practices, unlawfully segregates employees, and provides exclusive training and employment benefits to select groups in violation of anti-discrimination laws,” says Missouri Attorney General Andrew Bailey’s office in a statement. The complaint itself is a fucking riot.

“As of September 28, 2024, Starbucks’ US workforce was 8.1 percent black, 31.7 percent Hispanic, 5.6 percent Asian, 47.8 percent white, 0.6 percent American Indian or Alaska Native, and 0.5 percent Native Hawaiian or Other Pacific Islander. Starbucks’ US workforce was 70.9 percent women and 28.4 percent men. In other words, since 2020, Starbuck’s workface has become more female and less white,” Bailey’s team writes and, no, they don’t really dog-whistle where they’re going with this.

“The injuries that Starbucks’ discriminatory patterns, practices, and policies cause also create indirect effects on an even greater portion of Missouri’s population: consumers of Starbucks’ goods and services. Starbucks no doubt serves more consumers in Missouri than it has employees in Missouri. By making employment decisions based on characteristics that have nothing to do with one’s ability to work well, Starbucks, for example, hires people by thumbing the scale based on at least one of Starbucks’ preferred immutable characteristics rather than an evaluation of an applicant’s merit and qualifications.” Yup, the payoff’s coming in the next paragraph.

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President celebrates Idi Amin-esque honor

“President Donald J Trump was just unanimously elected Chairman of the Board of the prestigious Kennedy Center in Washington, DC. The President stated, ‘It is a Great Honor to be Chairman of The Kennedy Center, especially with this amazing Board of Trustees. We will make The Kennedy Center a very special and exciting place!’” posted His Excellency, President for Life, Field Marshal Doctor Donald John Trump, VC, DSO, MC, CBE, Lord of All the Beasts of the Earth and Fishes of the Seas and Conqueror of the Venezuelan Empire in the Americas in General and in Colorado in Particular, Chairman of the Board of the prestigious Kennedy Center in Washington, DC on Wednesday.

Created by potrace 1.16, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2019

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