Invoking the authoritarian and hardcore anti-LGBT regime of CPAC’s favorite European country, accused male sexual assaulter Matt Schlapp on Thursday told some MAGA media douchebag his fanboy convention organization’s next event will ban any journalist who has reported on Schlapp’s inability to get laid the night a Herschel Walker campaign staffer drove him to a hotel last October.

FBI agents will conduct a search of Vice Former Guy Mike Pence’s house in Indiana for any classified documents he might have accidentally taken from his time in office, the Wall Street Journal reports.

The “raid,” which is not pursuant to a warrant, will happen sometime within the next few days and Pence’s lawyers have been notified, similar to the FBI search of President Biden’s vacation house in Rehoboth Beach, Delaware on Wednesday, which didn’t end up finding any new documents.

She is the
✓ Youngest governor in America
✓ First female governor in Arkansas history
✓ First father-daughter governance in history

Everyone—including President Biden—should tune in. pic.twitter.com/8FlP4p8OIL

— Kevin McCarthy (@SpeakerMcCarthy) February 2, 2023

You can’t pick a small liar to deliver a load of untruths in a rebuttal following the State of The Union address. You need a big one. An all-time great gaslighter and propagandist to bullshit the American people right after their President is mostly honest with them for 90 minutes or so. Go XXXL Triple Whopper with extra bacon and cheese plus extra large lies and chocolate shake or go home.

An American Jew screaming over “idolatry” was arrested in Jerusalem on Thursday after vandalizing a crucifix in the Church of the Flagellation, the Daily Beast reports with an embedded video showing a passerby described as Palestinian wrestling the crazy asshole to the floor before police arrived.

Though most Palestinians are Muslim, there is a sizable Christian minority among them, and maybe the man who intervened was a congregant at the church. Or a Muslim who thought it was wrong to trash a house of worship even if it’s that of another faith. It’s just the latest in a string of attacks on Christian sites by Jewish extremists in Israel over the past month or so since the Netanyahu regime returned to power, and coming on day when the House Republicans, driven by the Evangelical Christian obsession with the modern Israeli state, are voting to kick a Muslim Congresswoman off the foreign affairs committee for criticizing Israeli influence over American politics a few years ago.

So if you want the scorecard there it is: Jewish extremists unleashed by an Israeli dictator are making life harder for Christians there – trashing graveyards, churches, and Christian-owned restaurants – while the supposedly pro-Christian House GOP settles a vendetta against a Muslim.

When asked Thursday by conservative dickhead radio host Hugh Hewitt if he would commit to supporting another Republican presidential nominee for 2024, twice-impeached former President Trump said “It would depend. I would give you the same answer I gave in 2016 during the debate… It would have to depend on who the nominee was,” which means no, he probably won’t.

It raises the question of why Trump doesn’t just go ahead and drop out of the primary and declare himself an independent candidate now. He doesn’t give a shit about the GOP, what does he have to lose by screwing them over and short-circuiting their whole primary? Plus he can simply say he “would’ve won but wanted to take his case directly to the American people” or whatever bullshit line.

Russian military leadership were forced to deploy a rapid response unit to put down a riot among their troops in the Donetsk region of eastern Ukraine, a Ukrainian military spokesman told Ukrayinska Pravda in a not very clearly translated article carried by Yahoo News.

“It became known yesterday that the SOBR unit (The Special Rapid Response Unit – ed.) has approached Donetsk Oblast from the Russian side. This is not related to assault actions, but to the morale and psychological state of the troops. This unit came to quell riots,” Colonel Oleksii Dmytrashkivskyi said, adding “Russian marines are also at work. The day before yesterday, in the Vuhledar area, marines tried to assault Ukrainian positions, and got, as they say, their ‘just deserts’. Thereafter, 10 people from this unit surrendered. A considerable amount of Russians died.”

Separately the Wall Street Journal reports Ukrainian forces are bracing for a large Russian offensive in the next few weeks as the first anniversary of the invasion approaches.

An omniscient rodent emerged from his darkened lair on Thursday and proclaimed to worshippers that the winter season shall continue another six weeks, KDKA reports. The rodent, whose cult of faithful call “Punxsutawney Phil,” delivered a psychic message confirming more winter to an acolyte priest, who then divined the message to those assembled for the annual pagan ritual.

The divination of a similar pagan ritual centered on a rodent god in the New York City borough of Staten Island was not yet known at this time. Extra precautions are still in place after Mayor Bill “Godslayer” DeBlasio publicly murdered one of the holy psychic rodents in 2014.

California Congresswoman Nancy Pelosi on Thursday endorsed fellow California Dem and Trump nemesis Adam Schiff’s 2024 run for the state’s not-yet-vacant Class I Senate seat, provided that 90 year-old Democrat Senator Dianne Feinstein actually retires, CNN’s Manu Raju reports.

“If Senator Feinstein decides to seek re-election, she has my whole-hearted support. If she decides not to run, I will be supporting House Intelligence Committee Chair Adam Schiff, who knows well the nexus between a strong Democracy and a strong economy,” Pelosi told Raju.

A dipshit Republican Kansas state House member on Tuesday invoked the September 11th attacks when trying to push a bill severely restricting the use of ballot drop boxes out of fear of “mules” collecting legitimate ballots and placing them in the boxes, the Kansas Reflector reports.

“Well, you know, on September 11, 2001, I bet people really wished they had locked the cabins on airplanes on September 10, but it was too late. If we’ve identified vulnerabilities, it’s ridiculous that we would not try to address those vulnerabilities until we’ve got evidence that they’ve been exploited in the election,” said Republican Kansas state Representative Pat Proctor in pushing for HB 2507, which would restrict ballot drop boxes to one per 30,000 residents of a given county and force local election officials to monitor them around the clock via surveillance camera.

The whole bill was inspired by Dinesh D’Souza’s moronic “2000 Mules” movie. The only non-Kansas state House member who spoke in favor of the bill during the Tuesday session was from out of state. Madeline Malisa, of the “Opportunity Solutions Project,” told lawmakers that there’s no evidence of ballot drop box fraud in Kansas because the drop boxes aren’t currently monitored by video camera. “I think part of the concern that’s kind of driven bills like this has been partly the whole notion of what are called mules, as far as that somehow somebody’s going to stuff a ballot box akin to, you know, there was a documentary called ‘2,000 Mules’ that came out a year ago,” said another MAGA lawmaker during the session, as if the “concern” isn’t self-generated on the right.

South African coal mining concern Seriti Resources announced Thursday it will build a 155 megawatt wind farm to supply power to its coal mines in the Mpumalanga Province, so it can keep mining coal to be burned for electricity at power plants across South Africa, Reuters reports.

South Africa’s grid has been strained by poor management and increased demand, forcing the company that mines the coal for electricity to come up with its own deeply ironic way to generate reliable power. “There are short-term solutions to alleviate some stages of [power outages], but the only long-term solution is new generation,” said Seriti’s renewable subsidiary CEO peter Venn.

Democratic voters cheer on gas stove ban: poll https://t.co/Oip3rS7aVM

— Fox News (@FoxNews) February 2, 2023

Nicholas Malindretos, a 26-year-old man from Clifton, New Jersey, has been charged with the Sunday attack on a Bloomfield synagogue in which a man was videotaped throwing a Molotov cocktail at the building, the CBS New York reports.

Malindretos failed in his attack; the bottle didn’t break.  He was identified thanks to a license plate reader that recorded his car at the time of the attack. For his effort, he’s facing federal charges of attempted use of fire to damage and destroy a building used in interstate commerce, which carry a sentence of 5 to 20 years in prison and a fine up to $250,000.

“I would like him to learn from this and to realize that we as a community are not those things that he fears and hates, but rather we are a diverse, loving, open community,” Rabbi Marc Katz said.

The company that governs the Advanced Placement tests released its final version of the curriculum for its new African American Studies program, and conservatives are crowing that the College Board caved to demands from Republican Florida Governor and guy you know who’s already planning the new curtains for the Oval Office Ron DeSantis.  But it all may have been political theatre.

According to the New York Times, the College Board claims it has time-stamped correspondence showing that the changes to earlier versions of the program were finalized in December, a month before DeSantis held a press conference decrying the “woke” agenda of the program and his Department of Education sent a defiant letter to the College Board declaring that it wouldn’t certify the program because it taught things like Critical Race Theory and white people’s role in the American slave trade and the Civil Rights Movement and stuff.

The College Board maintains that it had previously changed the curriculum, removing many of the most controversial aspects of the program and adding a suggestion that a project could be centered on Black conservatives.  From a business perspective, it makes sense:  removing controversial subject matter, regardless of its academic appropriateness, would smooth the adoption of the program in the 26 states that passed anti-CRT legislation in the Republican race panic.

A one-time Washington state glacier that stretched between Mount Rainer and Glacier Peak, the Hinman Glacier, has completely vanished, leaving only a few snowfields and a lake where a 320-acre glacier sat 50 years ago, CNN reports.

Researchers didn’t find characteristics of glaciers remaining in the receding snow, but a new lake, unofficially named Hinman Lake, was identified by the team.  “It’s completely disappeared. This was the biggest glacier in this part of the mountain range — it was exceptional,” Mauri Pelto, a glaciologist with Nichols College, told CNN. The glacier could reform, he said, “but as we continue to warm into the future that will be even less hospitable.”

Human roll-on deodorant and Republican Florida Senator Rick Scott told DC’s conservative cyber-rag Washington Examiner that his removal from the powerful Senate Commerce Committee was retaliation from human-turtle hybrid Republican Minority Leader Mitch McConnell for challenging McConnell for leadership of the Party caucus, an effort that failed miserably.

Scott says he and Utah’s Mike Lee, who supported Scott’s run, were removed from the committee by McConnell, a huge insult to Scott.  “This is what happens when you challenge leadership,” Scott said in a statement provided to the outlet. “It was McConnell’s decision to remove someone who has actually run businesses and ran the third largest state from a committee I’ve served on for four years. You’ll have to ask him why.”

I’ll post the video here, but I ain’t transcribing it.  Why?  Because as much as I don’t like Lindsey Graham–besides his politics, I find him cowardly and hypocritical for hiding his suspected sexuality after nearly three decades in Congress because he fears the rabid homophobia in the GOP would lead to the loss of his job, less respect and heaps of ridicule–I hate homophobes more and whether Fox acknowledges it or not, Tucker Carlson is a homophobe.

Carlson notes in this screed–in which he lambasts Graham as an odd supporter of Donald Trump because he’s a neocon NATO supporter–that Graham “has no children and [is] not worried about the future,” later calling Graham the “most flamboyant neocon.”  Let’s not mince words here:  Carlson isn’t using these words accidentally.  Nor is he highlighting Graham’s hypocritical private life (as I hope you understand I’m doing when I mock Graham).  No, Carlson’s using his airtime on Fox to old-fashioned gay bash, 1980s style.

A Wisconsin federal judge on Wednesday ruled the father of one of the men killed in MAGA hero Kyle Rittenhouse’s vigilante adventure during the 2020 Kenosha protests can sue the little shitbag and the cops who let him roam around armed with an assault rifle, the Associated Press reports.

John Huber, father of victim Anthony Huber, filed the lawsuit in 2021 against Rittenhouse, the Kenosha Police Department, and city officials accusing them of conspiring to cause harm to protestors which, no shit, they let a teenager patrol the streets with a loaded weapon so it sure sounds like what an open and shut case. But so did the murder case against the little fucker.

“And that’s when Joe flies to his beach house with a bucket of bleach and a book of matches,” bro host Jessie Watters fictionalizes, disappointed that an FBI search of President Joe Biden’s beach house didn’t uncover a trove of documents like Donald Trump possessed because, Watters asserts, Biden destroyed evidence and not that Donald Trump is such a despicable person that he actually stands alone in the volume of documents he took from the White House.  “You don’t think Joe knew the FBI was gonna hit the beach house next.  That’s why he brought the clean-up crew.  Well, today, two weeks after Joe scrubbed his second home the FBI shows up for a search.”

Let me help you with that, Jessie.  You seem to be struggling with reality:  “At least fifteen months after being advised–the first time–that he needed to return scads of government documents, including some later found to bear classified marking, Donald Trump’s Mar-a-Lago residence was searched by the FBI, and they found thousands of pages of additional documents that weren’t returned as required.  Oh, and Joe Biden was complying with the law, unlike Donald Trump.”

Lawyers for Hunter Biden, the son of a White House resident who acknowledges having a drug problem, have called for a criminal investigation into Trump allies who openly traded his personal data, NBC News reports.

Mentioning Rudy Giuliani by name, Biden’s lawyers said it requested investigating “individuals for whom there is considerable reason to believe violated various federal laws in accessing, copying, manipulating, and/or disseminating Mr. Biden’s personal computer data.”  Biden sent the letters to federal officials at the Department of Justice’s National Security Division and to Delaware state prosecutors, citing several potential violations of Delaware law.

As noted before, the conundrum of “Hunter Biden’s laptop” is that no one is really talking about a physical laptop; they referring to a set of computer files that include some authenticated communications and files from the President’s son and many other non-verified files.  Giuliani acknowledges that he had once been in possession of a copy of Hunter Biden’s data, having shared it with others in an attempt to denigrate Hunter Biden and therefore Joe Biden in an effort to reinstall Donald Trump.

School bus drivers affiliated with the Teamsters in the Matanuska-Susitna School District went on strike Tuesday over a contract dispute with the district’s transportation contractor, but instead of doing it early in the morning or after school hours, the drivers fucked off and left as many as 19,000 students stuck waiting for their parents to come pick them up, the Anchorage Daily News reports.

What a freaking dick move. It’s one thing to go on strike, everyone in a union needs to stick it to the man every now and then, but that’s bullshit leaving kids stuck at school, especially in a district reportedly covering an area the size of West Virginia. Just do the last run and then go on strike.