There’s a lot of bad Christmas music out there. Most of it is bad. Do not click on that Coldplay video about. We just put it there to serve as an example of bad Christmas music. We didn’t even listen to it, we already know it’s bad because it’s Coldplay. Click on the links below instead.

#1 Jingle Bell Rock by Bobby Helms: Really the only thing that sucks about it is that it’s too short at two minutes and 11 seconds, too brief a respite from mostly awful other Christmas music.

#2 Holly Jolly Christmas by Burl Ives: Also pretty short. Also needs to be the album version. The one Ives sings as the snowman in “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” isn’t nearly as good.

#3 Frosty the Snowman by the Ronettes: It was good before it was in Goodfellas. It’s even better that it was in Goodfellas in the scene where the crew celebrates the Lufthansa heist.

#4 Blue Christmas by Elvis Presley: The King crushed it.

#5 Santa Claus is Coming to Town by Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band: So did The Boss.

https://twitter.com/TwitterSupport/status/1604531265419591681

In our monthly SportsBall report:  Using a game-deciding technique reviled around the world, one of the most corrupt sports tournaments in the world, played at a facility loathed for the toll in human life it took to build and paid for by a few hundred thousand people with way too much money, ended as Argentina defeated defending champion France in a non-American football game to win the egotistically-named World Cup.

Seriously, it was a good match, but we ain’t sports reporters, so if you want kick-by-kick analysis, you should look elsewhere for coverage of Argentina’s shoot-out win after both teams scored in overtime.

Democratic New York Governor Kathy Hochul signed a law this week banning the sale of dogs, cats and rabbits in pet stores in an effort to eliminate animal cruelty at so-called “puppy mills,” NBC News reports.

Instead of selling animals from commercial breeders, the stores can serve as agents for local animal shelters and adoption groups, hosting events to showcase animals available for adoption.  The stores may charge fees to the groups, but really, why would they because they’re developing new customers and providing a public service.

California, Maryland and Illinois have similar laws in place banning the sale of commercially bred pets in stores.  The advocates for the dozens of pets stores operating in the state say the law will shut their businesses down while doing nothing to improve the conditions of in-state breeders or out-of-state providers.

Trump went on quite the rampage on Truth Social Sunday morning, apparently freaking out over the impending criminal referrals from the House January 6th Select Committee, likely unaware that they’re going to be essentially symbolic and won’t carry any actual legal weight (though the Justice Department is criminally investigating him over January 6th anyway). Bringing up these lame attempts at real-time ass-covering during the insurrection might be the most pathetic post he made.

At World Cup right now pic.twitter.com/CG7zMMxSjE

— Elon Musk (@elonmusk) December 18, 2022

Remember how Elon Musk declared that anyone sharing his location without his permission–which he declared was “doxxing” even though the information was available through public sources and various media outlets–would be suspended from Twitter?  Well, National Zero has obtained not-so-exclusive information that Elon Musk is at the World Cup, sitting near Argentina’s goal line opposite the broadcast cameras.  Look in the luxury boxes.  Your move, Elon.

Days after Japanese leaders vowed to double their defense spending to increase the nation’s ability to defend itself from such attacks, North Korea tests fired a missile capable of hitting Japan in the first such display of its military capability in a month, the New York Times reports.

North Korean leader Kim Jong-un reportedly watched the firing of the two missiles believed to have intercontinental range from Tongchang-ri space flight center.  While the exact type of missile launched was not released, North Korea has used the site to test launch its Hwasong-17 two-stage solid fuel rocket November 18th.  The missiles launched Sunday flew only around 300 miles before crashing into the sea, apparently intentionally, between the Korean peninsula and Japan.

On Friday, Japan announced its intention to bolster its ability to counter such North Korean aggression and to defend itself from outside threats from the likes of China and Russia by obtaining at least 1,000 missiles, including US-made Tomahawk cruise missiles, and developing its own long-range missile manufacturing capability, which the nation lacks.

Pope Francis has directed that a radical anti-choice priest and a former advisor to Donald Trump be immediately defrocked for post blasphemous comments on social media and other offenses against the Church, the New York Times reports.

A leading anti-choice activist, Frank Pavone founded the advocacy group Priests for Life, a faction of priests that believed in using extreme non-violent tactics to end the medical abortion procedure.  The group had long been criticized within the Church and the priesthood for questionable tactics and more questionable financial practices. In 2014, New York Archbishop Timothy Dolan, who reviewed Priests for Life’s operations, stated that the group needed to undertake significant reforms but that Pavone had been resisting necessary reforms.

A letter written by the Church’s Dicastery of the Clergy, which governs actions of priests not affiliated with a specific priestly order, stated, “This action was taken after Father Pavone was found guilty in canonical proceedings of blasphemous communications on social media, and of persistent disobedience of the lawful instructions of his diocesan bishop.”

Two Tennessee men have been charged with plotting to kill federal investigators looking into one of the pair’s involvement in the January 6th domestic terrorist attack on Congress, the Washington Post reports.

Thirty-three-year-old of Edward Kelly of Marysville reportedly assaulted one of the police officers defending the Capitol in January 2021, for which he was indicted in May.  He amassed a list of 37 different law enforcement officers involved in his case as a “hit list” of people he would target.  Kelly then recruited two people from his job with his plan:  Austin Carter, 26, of Knoxville and another individual who contacted the FBI to become an informant.

Kelly then met with the pair at a local park to discuss “assassination missions” to eliminate the people on the list, particularly one individual who had executed a search warrant on Kelly’s home and of whom Kelly had security camera footage. Later, Kelly gave them the lists of intended targets and told the pair to memorize the names and burn the list.

Some people have home movies of a trip to the Grand Canyon or a week at the beach, but leave it to Junior to take his spawn Spencer on a shooting spree with a cache of weapons that would make the pirate-eyed Elmer Stewart Rhodes jealous.  Apparently, there’s also a grenade launcher involved, because what exemplifies a Trump better than blowing shit up just for the helluva it.

The Biden Administration has rescinded a long-standing order revoking the security clearance for physicist Robert Oppenheimer which was revoked in the 1950s, posthumously reissuing the credential to clear his record, NBC News reports.

In 1954, Oppenheimer was the subject of a formal investigation into potential un-American activities.  His affinity toward communist interests was known to military intelligence when he led the development of the atomic bomb at Los Alamos Laboratories, helping to end World War II.

Energy Secretary  Jennifer Granholm said the Atomic Energy Commission, the governing agency at the time of Oppenheimer’s clearance revocation, acted not because he was a threat to national security, but because he expressed pacifist viewpoints and spoke out against nuclear weapons proliferation.

“I love President Trump but he just forgot one of the rules. You cannot apologize enough to satisfy these bastards. They will make you say I’m sorry every day”

– The current top comment on the Breitbart story “Exclusive – Trump Denounces Fuentes: ‘Nobody’ That Embraces Antisemitism Has a Place in America First Movement or GOP,” posted Friday.

The article itself is far heavier on Trump’s excuses and bullshit than it is him actually “denouncing” Fuentes. All he said was “No, they don’t,” when asked if “whether the views of Fuentes have any place in the GOP or the America First movement,” before ranting about the coverage, saying “The fake news media made a big deal over something, and they shouldn’t have done that,” and “But again, it was very unfairly covered. It was very, very unfairly covered.”

Pretty typical for Breitbart, whose Editor-in-Chief Alex Marlow claim of being “overwhelmingly staffed with Jews,” is not entirely inaccurate, given he himself is Jewish, as is CEO Larry Solov, late founder Andrew Breitbart, and Senior Managing Editor Joel Pollak, the last of whom Fuentes called a “traitor” for being Jewish last year on Twitter. Fuentes was kicked off not long after that, so unfortunately we don’t have more of the exchange (actually fortunately as it means Elon Musk hasn’t reinstated Fuentes… yet). Anyway, that Breitbart managed to corner Trump into this half-assed non-denunciation almost a month later seems almost self-serving, like now they can sleep better at night for having supported him all these years, through all the other terrible fascist, criminal shit he pulled before, during, and after his four year maladministration. We’ll just leave it here instead of trying describe what it looks like to us goys with our bare minimum of political correctness.

Was totally going to write the headline as “Tracking device found on Hillary’s vehicle,” but that might’ve been a little much, even though it would be technically accurate as non-partisan Reno, Nevada Mayor Hillary Schieve on Thursday sued a private investigator seeking damages and the identity of the party who hired him after an auto mechanic found a GPS tracking device attached to her vehicle just prior to her reelection to a third term in November, the Nevada Independent reports.

“In a time of heightened political tumult, the recent revelation of Defendants’ actions still managed to shock the conscience,” said Schieve’s complaint against private investigator David McNeely and his company 5 Alpha Industries, specifying that the party who hired McNeely will be added as a defendant once their identity is ascertained. Whatever the assholes were trying to get on Schieve, a non-partisan endorsed by local Dems, didn’t work as she won reelection by 18 percent last month.

Failed right wing Highland Park, Illinois mayoral candidate Robert Crimo Jr, father of July 4th parade massacre MAGA terrorist Bobby Crimo III, was arrested Friday on seven felony counts of reckless conduct – one for each of the victims killed the massacre – over his 2019 sponsorship of his then 19 year-old asshole son’s gun application, the Associated Press reports.

“Parents and guardians are in the best position to decide whether their teenagers should have a weapon,” said Lake County State’s Attorney Eric Rinehart. “In this case, the system failed when Robert Crimo Jr sponsored his son. He knew what he knew and he signed the form anyway.”

The people have spoken.

Accounts who doxxed my location will have their suspension lifted now. https://t.co/MFdXbEQFCe

— Elon Musk (@elonmusk) December 17, 2022

Elon Musk, chided by Twitter users who overwhelming demanded he reinstate the accounts of journalists and commentators who covered his erratic antics and struggling businesses, has reinstated the accounts of a number of journalists purged this week.

On Thursday, the accounts of Ryan Mac of The New York Times, Donie O’Sullivan of CNN, Drew Harwell of The Washington Post, Matt Binder of Mashable, Micah Lee of The Intercept, Steve Herman of Voice of America and independent journalists Aaron Rupar, Keith Olbermann and Tony Webster were suddenly suspended. The journalists who have talked to the media about this have stated that there was no warning or reason given.

• The Meadows Texts > Hunter’s laptop
• Republicans:  It’s immoral to talk to children about LGBTQ people.  Also Republicans:  Marge should discuss buying dildos and butt plugs at a Young Republicans dinner.  For the children.
• Trump’s NFT scam proves P.T. Barnum underestimated the pace at which suckers are born.  
• Any rational, mature adult would be embarrassed by such a vainglorious depiction of themselves as those pictorials on Trump’s NFTs and would distance themselves from the product, unless it’s a parody which Trump’s isn’t.  Trump, of course, is not rational and mature.  He envisions himself as a superhero hybrid of Mussolini and Superman, with laser beams shooting out his eyes.  SuperTrumLini®.  
  Read More ▶ “Random thoughts Friday, Volume C”

Justice Department: “A criminal complaint was unsealed today charging Edward Kelley, 33, of Maryville, Tennessee, and Austin Carter, 26, of Knoxville, Tennessee, with conspiracy, retaliating against a federal official, interstate communication of a threat, and solicitation to commit a crime of violence. Kelley and Carter made their initial appearance in federal court today in Knoxville before U.S. Magistrate Judge Jill E. McCook. Both defendants have been detained. Carter has a detention hearing scheduled for Dec. 21. According to court documents, Kelley, who is facing charges in U.S. District Court for the District of Columbia related to his assault on a law enforcement officer during the breach of the Capitol on Jan. 6, 2021, obtained a list of law enforcement personnel who participated in that criminal investigation. In conversations with a cooperating witness, Kelley and Carter discussed collecting information and plans to kill the individual law enforcement personnel on the list that included an attack on the FBI’s Knoxville, Tennessee Field Office.”

“After rigorously examining the photographs from the Juno probe’s flyby of Jupiter’s volcanic moon Io, our scientists and researchers have unanimously concluded that the images strongly suggesting the existence of at least one species of eusocial, possibly intelligent life forms capable of simple methods of agriculture and construction of small cities is indeed accurate. We can now confirm that there is life on other worlds, an historic discovery that will change our entire understanding of the universe and humanity’s place in it. We are not alone in this solar system and quite likely in the space beyond it,” said NASA Administrator Bill Nelson in a press release we completely made up.

Juno really is flying by Io this week, approaching the tiny hellish world as we speak, third of the three planned visits to the Galilean moons after Ganymede and Europa (the fourth Galilean moon, Callisto, apparently being deemed too lame to bother checking out). Next to Europa, Io is probably the most likely candidate for harboring extraterrestrial life in our solar system given its active volcanism caused by Jupiter’s gravitational pull. However there’s not going to be any announcement like the one above. All our “MAJOR ANNOUNCEMENTS” these days turn out to be moronic scams. If there ever is life found on Io it’s unlikely to be viewable with anything other than a microscope, requiring distant future astronauts to actually land there and collect rock samples.

Attorney General Merrick Garland has issued two memos that provide guidance to correct a decades-long disparity in how people convicted for crack cocaine possession were punished versus the sentencing of those carrying powder cocaine, NBC News reports.

Sentences for 500 grams of powder cocaine were equal to those issued to people carrying just 28 grams of crack: a five-year minimum.  A study by a non-partisan think tank found that in general, prison sentences for crack cocaine were general 18 to 100 times that of a similar amount of powder cocaine.

In one of the memos, Garland noted the disparity in sentencing guidelines that led to “higher penalties for crack cocaine offenses are not necessary to achieve (and actually undermine) our law enforcement priorities, as there are other tools more appropriately tailored to that end.”

I'm back!! Thank you @elonmusk and by the way MELT DOWN THE ELECTRONIC VOTING MACHINES AND TURN THEM INTO PRISON BARS!

— Mike Lindell (@realMikeLindell) December 16, 2022