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That’s not how this works, Kristi

“But what I also think is that we need to ask Joe Biden if he would please step down cuz every decision that he has made has raised energy costs and gas prices on the American people,” South Dakota Republican Governor Kristi Noem asserts, apparently unaware that the President of the United States doesn’t set gas prices; oil companies–which are reaping record profits–do.

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With knife still stuck in his back, Mo Brooks says he’ll be happy to testify to January 6th committee about everything he knows

After losing the Alabama GOP Senate primary Tuesday largely because he was un-endorsed by Donald Trump, Republican Alabama Congressman Mo Brooks said that he would volunteer to be interviewed by the House Select Committee investigating the January 6th domestic terrorist attack on Congress, CNN reports.

“My basic requirement is it be in public so the public can see it – so they don’t get bits and pieces dribbled out,” Brooks said.  Brooks has been issued a subpoena by the committee, but it has not been served yet because Brooks was absent from Washington, DC because he’s been campaigning in Alabama.

Committee Chair Bennie Thompson said that the committee will update the subpoena and reissue it.

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Authorities arrest owner of seven nursing homes who dumped 800 residents at warehouse during Hurricane Ida

The then-owner of seven nursing homes in Louisiana who transported them to a warehouse during Hurricane Ida in August and then essentially abandoned them with insufficient care and supplies has been arrested by the Louisiana Attorney General, WDSU NBC-6 in New Orleans reports.

Bob Dean allegedly had his staff drive residents of the nursing homes to a squalid warehouse in Independence, Louisiana, around 70 miles northeast of New Orleans.  Dean’s medical staff stayed with the patients for days before trickling away, and when police initially tried to investigate the warehouse in the days after Hurricane Ida passed, they were barred from entering by Dean’s staff.

When officials finally got into the warehouse, they found fetid conditions overrun with filth and few healthcare workers taking care of the hundreds of patients.  Four patients had died; two more would die in the following days from complications arising from the conditions in which they were found.  Dean was charged with eight felony counts of cruelty to persons with infirmities, five felony counts of Medicaid fraud, and two felony counts of obstruction of justice.

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Federal officials expanding monkeypox testing capabilities

With fewer than 150 confirmed cases of monkeypox in the United States, the Biden Administration has contracted with five large medical testing laboratories to allow them to test for the disease, Reuters reports.

The confirmed cases, found in 24 states, are part of an outbreak of more than 3,000 cases worldwide.  The distribution of the testing protocols will allow the companies to process tests from the US or around the world.  The companies will also be able to test for the virus at their brick-and-mortar locations.

“All Americans should be concerned about monkeypox cases. Thankfully we have right now the tools to fight and treat cases in America,” Health and Human Services Secretary Xavier Becerra said. “By dramatically expanding the number of testing locations throughout the country, we are making it possible for anyone who needs to be tested to do so.”

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BALLOT MULE CAUGHT!!!

YES! MAGA! HOLY SHIT DUDE! LOOK AT THAT LIBTARD GETTING CUFFED! FUCK YEAH! VINDICATION! AMERICA WINS, ANTIFA LOSES! SHOW’S OVER BABY! AND… Oh wait. God fucking dammit she’s a Republican. And she was arrested in January 2021. The piece of shit site Dinesh linked acted like it happened today. But yeah BALLOT MULE ARRESTED.

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Justice Department raining subpoenas like dollar, dollar bills, y’all

Federal agents were busy Wednesday, serving people around the country with subpoenas relating to their roles in the attempted coup led by Donald Trump to overthrow the results of the 2020 presidential election, the Washington Post reports.

The shower of subpoenas comes as the Department of Justice feels pressure to pursue charges against the leaders of the coup attempt as the House Select Committee investigating the January 6th domestic terrorist attack on Congress proceeds with televised hearings.

Among those served subpoenas:

  • Brad Carver, a Georgia lawyer who volunteered to be a fake Trump elector;
  • Thomas Lane, a Trump campaign official working on the nullification of votes in Arizona and New Mexico; and
  • David Shafer, the chairman of the Georgia Republican Party.

Additionally, a number of Michigan people who falsely claimed to be Electoral College electors.

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Uvalde schools puts police chief on leave month after massacre

Exactly one month after 19 students and two teachers were murdered in a mass shooting at Robb Elementary School, the Uvalde Independent School District has put its police chief, Pete Arredondo, on indefinitely leave, NBC News reports.

“Today, I am still without details of the investigations being conducted by various agencies,” Hal Harrell, superintendent of the Uvalde Consolidated Independent School District, said. “Because of the lack of clarity that remains and the unknown timing of when I will receive the results of the investigations, I have made the decision to place Chief Arredondo on administrative leave effective on this date.”

Arrendondo has been the target of significant criticism given that he put himself in charge of the police response to the shooting, which didn’t try to breach the door to the classroom or even see if the door was unlocked for more than an hour.

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Fox News kind of fucked off on the “Caravan” story

National Zero’s crack data science team figured out how to use Google Sheets’ bar chart function and determined using a search result of on-air mentions from Archive.org that Fox News fucked off on the “caravan” story after hammering it for a few days around the time of the first House January 6th Select Committee hearing. The timing was simply a coincidence, we’re sure. No way there will be another caravan in Mexico reported on Fox News or its website at any time within the next approximately four months, 16 days, four hours, 49 minutes, and 17 seconds, give or take.

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Herschel Walker says there are 52 states in the US

“If it’s the worst state, why are you, why are you here?” Republican Georgia Senate nominee and prolific offspring discoverer Herschel Walker declared on a Georgia radio show.  “Why don’t you leave?  Go to another.  There’s–what?–fifty-one more other states you can go to.  You don’t have to be here.”

For the record: 51 plus 1 equals 52. There are, in fact, only 50 states.

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Brooks says Trump has “no loyalty”

Loser Congressman Mo Brooks, still seething after his defeat at the hands of “RINO” Katie Britt in the Alabama GOP Senate primary on Tuesday, told Politico’s Olivia Beavers he’s retiring from politics after the “bad guys won” before finally, too little too late, turning his ire on Trump.

“The big loser in the election in Alabama yesterday was Donald Trump,” said Brooks, and when asked to elaborate he added the Donald is not a “man of his word”, has “no loyalty” and won’t do anything unless it “enhances his wallet or his ego.” Huh. That’s pretty interesting, right?

Do we need to add anything here or do we just let this kind of speak for itself? We’re kind of leaning toward the latter, though it is tempting to append the report with some analysis with a lot of profanity to emphasize… Ah forget it. We’re leaving it alone. It’s too perfect on its own.

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Rupert Murdoch hitting the singles market again

Very type-A media mogul and propaganda enthusiast Rupert Murdoch, 91, is said to be unhappy with his wife of six years, Jerry Hall, 65, a woman whose achievements include acting on soap operas or some shit. Maybe we’re just making that up, but whatever. The bottom line is Moloch will very soon be single and ready to mingle once again. So ladies be warned, this cat is on the prowl.

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RonAnon hasn’t looked into fake electors scam

When asked by CNN’s Ted Barrett on Wednesday if he looked into his staff’s involvement in the fake Trump 2020 electors scam, Senator Ron Johnson said “No, I haven’t, haven’t looked in any further because it’s a non-story,” despite claiming some rogue intern on his staff hatched the scheme, implying that he would get to the bottom of it. When asked if he looked inside the envelope containing the fake electoral votes for Wisconsin – and Michigan, which he does not – represent – “I don’t believe I ever did, no,” Johnson answered, still probably pissed over being caught faking a phone call while reporters dogged him outside the Capitol Wednesday.

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FBI serves subpoenas to fake Trump electors, campaign official

The FBI conducted “court authorized law enforcement activity Wednesday morning” at the homes of fake Trump 2020 Georgia elector Brad Carver, Trump 2020 campaign official Thomas Lane in Virginia, and at least several of the fake Michigan Trump 2020 electors, per the Washington Post.

This has to be genuinely terrifying to these assholes. Like it’s one thing to be all “they always get away with it, nothing’s gonna happen”-type gloomy liberal, but see it from their side: Federal law enforcement just banged on the door and said “We know where you live motherfucker. Show up at this address with these documents at the appointed date or you’re going to go live with the big boys and have to shower naked with them every day for a long time. Longer than you’re used to. You might end up there anyway, that’s for the court to decide. Bring some really expensive douchebag lawyer if you want. Not our problem if you have to give up the country club or your kids have to go to community college so you can afford him,” and then left to go get tacos for lunch.

The Trump minions probably then felt really nervous and shaky when trying to text their MAGA buddies to panic about it. Their mouths definitely dried up too as they stammered thinking about what went wrong and what the feds know. The FBI agents meanwhile were a few miles away, arguing with each other over whether Cholula or Tapatío was the superior hot sauce as they looked over the menu at a Tex Mex joint. We could probably keep going with this if we wanted.

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Cruz staying in US as Yucatan peninsula hit by blackout

A massive blackout hit the Yucatan peninsula, including the high-end resorts favored by Texas politicians looking to flee inclement weather in their state, killing power to more than 1.3 million customers Wednesday, the Associated Press reports.

The power outage reportedly was caused by an accident involving a worker on a high-tension line.  The Mexican Federal Electricity Commission said the worker survived the accident and was being treated at a local hospital.  The power outage impacts the Mexican states of Yucatan, Campeche and Quintana Roo.

An inquiry to the office of Senator Ted Cruz (R-Quintana Roo) about his actions to help his constituents in his Cancun district went unanswered.

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January 6th Committee hearing schedule in flux

House January 6th Select Committee chairman Bennie Thompson on Wednesday told the Guardian’s Hugo Lowell that hearings number 6 and 7 have been postponed to July to incorporate new evidence into video presentations and there may be additional hearings added. Hearing number 5 is still on track for Thursday however.

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Things getting really out of hand for North Dakota Senator

Statement from North Dakota Senator Kevin Cramer: “While working in the yard over the weekend, I sustained a serious injury to my right hand, which required immediate surgery. I continue to remain in North Dakota close to medical care as there is a high risk of infection and the possible need for amputation. I am alert and in good spirits. Although I am missing this week of votes and hearings, I am monitoring Senate business closely and in constant contact with my colleagues and staff.”

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DeSantis 39 – Trump 37 in New Hampshire: GOP primary poll

Donald better figure out a way to “Stop the Steal” before the RINO globalist DeSantis rigs the 2024 New Hampshire primary against him. Lots of people are going to have questions about how a stone cold loser like Ron DeSantis could defeat America by using fake “push polls” like this one.

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Wisconsin gov candidate won’t say if he’ll certify 2024 election

Trump-endorsed Republican Wisconsin governor candidate Tim Michels wouldn’t answer the question of whether he’d certify the result of the 2024 presidential election in his state, the Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel reports from their interview with Michels.

“A lot of people have questions about the 2020 election, as do I. Here’s what is very concerning to me, we are 18 months now from the 2020 election. And we’re still having a conversation here in Wisconsin, here in America, about the election in 2020. That is absolutely insane,” said Michels. “We are not a third-world country. We are not a banana republic. This is the United States of America. People should not have questions about the integrity, the transparency and the honesty of an election,” he continued without acknowledging the only reason “people” still “have questions” is because the MAGA propaganda machine keeps telling them the 2020 election was stolen.

“No one knows what the extent of the election fraud was and that’s the problem. The fact that you’re asking me or anyone this question right now, is really the root of the issue here,” Michels continued lying about “election integrity” to soothe the feels of life’s losers too cowardly to admit their anointed God was too unpopular to win a second term. “We shouldn’t be having these types of conversations or having to ask these kinds of questions 18 months after an election.” No we shouldn’t be having this conversation and yet here you are having it, you fucking degenerate.

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Orange God Emperor still raging over Kevin McCarthy’s failure to put MAGA Republicans on House January 6th Select Committee

Fat former President Trump has been driven to increasing anger over the House January 6th Select Committee hearings, with some of his ire directed at Vice Former Guy Mike Pence for his aides’ testimony to the committee, but most of it at House GOP Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy for failing to name Republicans to the committee to fuck things up by running interference and leaking information to him in real time, CNN reports. McCarthy pulled out of the Select Committee last year after Nancy Pelosi rejected his picks of Jim Jordan and Jim Banks to the panel, something Trump of course wasn’t publicly against at the time, apparently happy to call it a “highly partisan January 6 Committee” thinking he could discredit the investigation through the label or “partisanship” alone.

“Well, I think in retrospect, I think it would have been very smart to put [Republicans on the committee] and again, I wasn’t involved in it from a standpoint so I never looked at it too closely,” the fat bastard told Punchbowl News on Tuesday. “But I think it would have been good if we had representation. I think in retrospect [McCarthy should’ve put Republicans on] to just have a voice. The Republicans don’t have a voice. They don’t even have anything to say. I think it would’ve been far better to have Republicans [on the panel]. [Jim Banks and Jim Jordan] were great. They were great and would’ve been great to have them. But when Pelosi wrongfully didn’t allow them, we should’ve picked other people. We have a lot of good people in the Republican Party.”

Created by potrace 1.16, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2019

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