The big Axios “scoop” fed directly to them from the Trump Regime in exile is that they’re planning to “counterprogram” the upcoming House January 6th Select Committee hearings with the usual song and dance, but not knowing what the committee has in hand, the white nationalist GOP isn’t sure how hard to “counterprogram” the hearings because they also want to pretend the “legitimate political discourse” didn’t happen, so bitching about the “illegitimate” hearings is kind of its own form of “legitimizing” them. “Trump himself has not ruled out making some sort of an appearance,” says Axios from a GOP source, which means lots of “anticipation” for it. Really excited to see the Axios follow-up “scoop” on Trump “previewing” his intended “message”.

“Tim Michels is a very successful businessman running for Governor of the Great State of Wisconsin. During my Administration, Tim served on my infrastructure task force, and helped us plan and start building the Keystone XL Pipeline before Joe Biden launched his assault on American Energy production. The current Governor, Tony Evers, has been an abject failure for the people of Wisconsin, from his abysmal handling of the China Virus, where lockdowns were unprecedented, to rampant crime across the State,” proclaimed the Orange Allah in a Thursday night statement.

We were unaware of the existence of a Tim Michels until this endorsement was announced. Our understanding was that the Wisconsin GOP gubernatorial primary field consisted of shitbrain “front-runner” former Lt Governor Rebecca Kleefisch, douchebag 2018 Senate loser Kevin Nicholson, and 2020 election “decertification” guru Assemblyman Timmy Ramthun, all three of whom we laugh at heartily for their misery at losing out on their God’s affections. It’s possible that like the “infrastructure task force” he supposedly served on that “Tim Michels” himself only exists on paper, a fictional character invented to make it look like the Trump White House was actually working on infrastructure instead of fucking off and leaving it to Biden to get passed.

In that case Trump might as well pad Michels’ resume and say he was the mastermind of the great new healthcare plan he got passed, architect of the towering border wall for which Mexico paid every cent of labor and material costs, and served with distinction as his ambassador to Nambia.

MAGA capitalist Dave McCormick, trailing New Jersey man Mehmet Oz in the Republican primary for the 2022 Pennsylvania Senate election by 974 votes as a recount is underway, scored a win Thursday in a state court case over roughly 880 mail-in ballots missing a date on their outer envelope (but were otherwise filled out correctly and received on time) that could cut into Oz’s lead depending on the outcome of a US Supreme Court decision over those ballots, the AP reports.

The problem for McCormick is that, even if the recount finds enough ballots for him to close and exceed what would be the 90-odd vote gap, there’s no timeline on the Supreme Court’s administrative stay of a lower federal court ruling from last month that found the Pennsylvania state law disqualifying ballots missing the date and/or signature on the outer envelope violated voters’ civil rights. Meaning they could just sit on it until after the reporting deadline on the recount comes and goes on Tuesday, leaving McCormick squirming while Doctor Dipshit celebrates.

South Florida is under a gender fluid tropical storm warning as the former female-named Pacific Hurricane Agatha undergoes a transition to “Alex”, NBC Miami reports. Though “Alex” can be a diminutive of either the male “Alexander” or the female “Alexandria”, the alternating male-female order in which tropical storms and hurricanes are assigned names leaves the intent unambiguous. “Bonnie” is the second name on the National Hurricane Center’s 2022 list, followed by “Colin”, thus “Alex” is male. The only hope for Florida – where acknowledging the existence of such transitions is prohibited in schools – lies with Communist Cuba whose land mass could prevent the currently unnamed remnant of Agatha from gathering the strength to fully realize its new identity as Alex.

The Manhattan District Attorney’s office has been subpoenaing witnesses and allies of Steve Bannon over the “We Build the Wall” scam for which he was arrested for in 2020 by federal authorities but pardoned by fat former President Trump in 2021, CNN reports. Two of Bannon’s accomplices, Brian Kolfage and Andrew Badolato, have already pleaded guilty while a third, Timmy Shea, is currently on trial for the scheme which defrauded dumbass Trump fans who thought they were donating to build a wall on the southern border. Experts say the double jeopardy clause would not apply in New York’s case against Bannon because his federal case was never brought to any conclusion in court. Bannon goes on trial next month for his charges of contempt against Congress.

A 14-year-old girl from San Antonio, Texas won the 2022 Scripps National Spelling Bee in the first-ever “spell-off” to decide the contest, USA Today reports.

Harini Logan and her last opponent, Vikram Raju, went through rounds 13 through 18 without spelling their assigned words correctly, so the judges opted for the first-ever “spell-off” where each competitor had 90 seconds to spell as many words correctly as possible.

Logan finished with 21; Raju ended with 15, making Logan the champion.

After the Tampa Bay Rays worked with the New York Yankees to focus their social media postings during their game on gun violence, Republican Florida Governor Ron DeSantis has once again used his political power to punish a private entity for exercising free speech.

According to WTSP CBS-10 Tampa Bay, DeSantis used his line item veto to cut $35 million in state funding for a baseball facility in Pasco County that would serve as the Tampa Bay Rays’ spring training facility, as well as a park for community organizations.

This isn’t DeSantis’s first time wielding this cudgel.  He ran a legally-dubious bill through the legislature that would revoke Disney’s self-governance provisions allowed by state law to punish Disney for speaking out against the DeSantis-ordered “Don’t Say Gay” bill.

Three of Alex Jones’s business entities withdrew their Chapter 11 bankruptcy claims they filed to avoid being part of a settlement for the defamation case Jones lost that was brought by the families of Sandy Hook victims, Reuters reports.

While his lawyers deny it was an attempt to protect assets, Jones filed bankruptcy applications for his InfoWars media company and two other brands he controls.  Jones filed in the immediate aftermath of losing a case to the survivors and families of some of the 20 children and six teachers killed by a teenage mass murderer with an assault weapon.  Jones claimed that the attack was actually a false flag attack and that the “victims” were “crisis actors” who weren’t killed or injured.

Jones has been cautioned by the court for various delaying tactics to prevent the Sandy Hook families from getting his financial records and other information to determine what his financial liability for his false claims would be.

“There is no candidate in this race who has fought harder to support the America First movement than me. I have also supported President Trump as a donor and elector – things the other candidates in this race did not do,” writes Arizona Republican Senate candidate Jim Lamon in response to the Donald endorsing his rival Blake Masters on Thursday. It’s a tearjerker of statement from a guy for whom there is a fairly decent chance he could be federally prosecuted for participating in a conspiracy to defraud the United States – among other possible felonies – for signing the fake Trump 2020 electoral college certificates in December 2020.

“As a staunch supporter of President Trump’s America First policies, I am especially disappointed in his endorsement, but I don’t think Arizonans will nominate someone whose candidacy is a wholly owned subsidiary of a Big Tech, California billionaire, and who spent the majority of his adult life living and working in Silicon Valley until just a few years ago. Blake Masters would be shred to pieces by Mark Kelly and the DC Democrats as someone who has unironically quoted a Nazi, called World War II an unjust war, called the Unabomber one of his intellectual influencers, and shared an article attacking Israel as the North Korea of the Middle East,” Lamon adds, as if any of that opposition research is supposed to be a turnoff for Arizona Republican primary voters who want a carnivorous Draco-Reptilian alien freak like Blake Masters “fighting” for them.

President Joe Biden addresses the nation after a series of mass shootings in the United States over the last month, including the murder of ten people by a white nationalist in Buffalo and the massacre of 19 students and two teachers at Robb Elementary School in Uvalde, Texas.

🗓️ Thursday, June 9th at 8:00pm

The Select Committee will hold a hearing to provide the American people with a summary of our findings about the coordinated, multi-step effort to overturn the 2020 presidential election.

— January 6th Committee (@January6thCmte) June 2, 2022

Totally must see TV incoming. Serious, tremendous Nielsen numbers. It’ll show how much more popular the House January 6th Select Committee is than Trump. Watch! Will be wild!

On Thursday obese Missouri Congressman and GOP Senate Primary candidate Billy Long tweeted his campaign platform is to “Get Kamala Harris to resign, have Biden appoint Trump as VP, and then get Biden to resign” and to finish “KeystoneXL” and “the wall.” Long formatted this list so poorly we couldn’t simply embed it here as usual. It is probably actually the most realistic path to restoring Trump to the presidency short of him winning in 2024 if you really think about it.

Republicans know better than anyone how hard it is to remove a president through an impeachment trial conviction because they were too gutless to do it to Trump – twice. Maybe Long’s on to something with just asking nicely for Harris to resign, Biden to appoint Trump as Vice President, then resigning himself. It’s a better shot than convincing enough Dems to convict him on an article of impeachment for his son’s laptop and then Harris for having sex with Willie Brown 30 years ago.

On Thursday Trump showered Thiel acolyte Blake Masters with his golden glory, and giving the rapey-looking fascist a steamy endorsement to take on Dem Senator Mark Kelly in November.

Georgia Secretary of State Brad Raffensperger testified before a Fulton County grand jury about Donald Trump’s efforts to coerce state Republican officials to void the certified results of the 2020 election to hand the state to him, CNN reports.

Trump infamously called Raffensperger January 2, 2021, and implored him to find “11,779 votes,” one more than the official margin of victory with which President Joe Biden won the state:  “So look. All I want to do is this. I just want to find 11,780 votes, which is one more than we have because we won the state.”

Fulton County District Attorney Fani Willis is conducting a thorough investigation into the attempt of Trump and the Trump campaign to undermine election integrity.  Numerous official Trump associates, as well as independent efforts by people like Lin Wood, held rallies in Georgia to gain support for legal action, which sputtered because it had no basis in reality.

President Joe Biden will address the nation on gun violence as a spate of mass shootings sweeps across the country and a bipartisan group of Senators are negotiating gun control measures they hope will pass the chamber even though Republicans are committed to fulfilling the NRA’s agenda, Politico reports.

With 58 mass shootings (3 or more people wounded), including five mass killings (3 or more people killed), in the past month, the President will push for Congress to put legislation on his desk that will prevent mentally ill or dangerous people from getting guns and that will limit access to the deadliest weapons like assault weapons that have been used in the two deadliest mass shootings, in Buffalo, New York and Uvalde, Texas.

The speech will start at 7:30 p.m. ET.  National Zero will feature a live feed of the address.

This is what happens when you declare war on U.S. domestic energy production. pic.twitter.com/QQ1DSc9Tid

— Oversight Committee (@GOPoversight) June 2, 2022

Wow. You’d think these gas prices were a picture of Alexandria Ocasio Cortez at a pool party when she was 14, that’s how excited they are. Weird too because it’s not like it’s actually a good thing that Americans are paying more or that they can do literally fucking anything to fix it even if they do win a majority in the House and/or Senate in November. They just seem to like pointing it out while acting like drivers in pretty much every other country aren’t also getting ripped off too.

Convicted in February of one count of wire fraud and one count of aggravated identity theft, former attorney Michael Avenatti was sentenced to four years in prison for stealing nearly $300,000 from his client, Stormy Daniels, CNN reports.

Avenatti forged a letter from Daniels to the publishing company who signed Daniels to write a memoir, saying that $300,000 of her $800,000 advance should be sent directly to Avenatti.  Daniels’ book deal was highly anticipated given that she disclosed she had a sexual relationship with Donald Trump, for which Trump paid her $130,000 from his company’s money to keep the affair secret.

The maximum sentence Avenatti could have received is 20 years.  He’s currently serving 30 months in prison for attempting to extort $20 million from sportswear manufacturer Nike.

Shitbag Republican South Dakota Attorney General Jason Ravnsborg, who effectively got out of jail free after lying and covering up his negligent vehicular homicide of a “Democrat” rude enough to be walking on the side of the road at night right when Ravnsborg was reading some very important MAGA bullshit on Real Clear Politics on his phone, will not be running for reelection even if he survives his upcoming impeachment trial in the state Senate over the incident, sources tell Dakota News Now. Not clear is why the fuck he doesn’t just resign if he won’t be there at this time next year and give his replacement a head start running for the next term, or why he didn’t resign when he ran over an innocent man who was just minding his own business back in September 2020.

Whoa! BREAKING NEWS! The crazy asshole who shot and killed four people before taking his own life at a hospital in Tulsa, Oklahoma on Wednesday is a registered Democrat! It says it right here on VoterRecords.com that Michelet “Michael” Louis, 45, of Muskogee, Oklahoma is a registered Democrat AND a website called CreativeHipHop.com says he’s Black too! Louis is officially a “violent radical leftist”! And even though his motive was reportedly revenge on an orthopedic surgeon Dr Preston Philips – also Black – for an allegedly botched surgery that left Louis in crippling pain, at least one of the other three victims was white, so it’s a race thing!

This definitively proves that right wing white nationalist terrorism isn’t a problem because mentally unhinged Black Democrat gun owners commit mass shootings too! See libs? Why aren’t you doing anything about your voters? You libs say MAGA hatters are the violent ones but this one largely isolated incident will be milked for years as a “What about” counterexample every time some 4chaner posts a “Replacement” manifesto shortly before racking up a double digit body count.

Wednesday’s attack also shows we must arm doctors and nurses to keep hospitals safe from mentally ill people who listen to too much rap music and play lots of Halo and Call of Duty. Patients should be equipped with pistols as soon as they’re admitted to any medical facility. They’re the last line of defense against other patients. Maternity wards will also need to be supplied with tiny derringer-like pistols taped to newborns’ hands so they can defend themselves in the event of a shooting. And while they’re at it, Oklahoma Republicans should also figure out how to equip fetuses with even smaller versions of these derringers so they can protect themselves from abortion.

Crying over how unfair it is they got caught submitting fake signatures for the Michigan Republican gubernatorial primary and kicked off the ballot, candidates Perry Johnson and Donna Brandenburg are taking their “rules are for libtards” argument to the state’s highest court after losing on appeal, the Detroit News reports. Brandenburg and Johnson, along with and Michael Markey, Michael Brown, and would-be nomination frontrunner former Detroit police Chief James Craig were booted off the ballot last month after the fraudulent petition scam was exposed. The state board of canvassers deadlocked 2-2 along party lines on the final decision, meaning the determination made by the state elections bureau staff stood and the five were hilariously removed.

“This is it. Without relief in this court, Mr. Johnson will not be on the ballot this August and every single one of the over 15,000 voters who validly signed a petition to place him on the ballot will be denied their candidate,” wrote Johnson’s lawyers, falsely claiming there were 15,000 real voters.

The candidates’ main argument hinges on a technicality: That the state elections bureau has to individually analyze each and every one of the estimated 68,000 fraudulent signatures submitted by the campaigns, rather than the rough sampling method that they used to determine page-by-page that the scumbags were cheating. The problem for the MAGA campaigns is that the burden of proof is on them and not state elections personnel. The other problem is the hard deadline set by the Michigan Secretary of State’s office for knowing whose names to print on the GOP primary ballot is Friday sooooo their lawyers might be kind of stuck screaming into the state Supreme Court’s voicemail at 4:27 PM. And again at 4:29 PM. Then 4:31 PM. And a few more before finally a “You motherfuckers. You fucked us. I… I *sobs* I have never been so fucking disrespected in my entire career of election litigation *sobs* I fucking ha-a-a-ate you. Fucking die” at 5:09 PM.