The Detroit Free Press spoke via Facebook chat with Oxford, Michigan parent Stacey Scheidt who on Friday shared with them a November 16th email exchange with principal Steve Wolf. Wolf told Scheidt there was nothing to be concerned about over rumored threats to the school circulating on social media, specifically a countdown clock shooter Ethan Crumbley allegedly posted on TikTok.

“I know it’s been investigated but my kid doesn’t feel safe at school,” Scheidt wrote to Wolf last month, adding “He didn’t even want to go back to school today”, to which Wolf responded “I know I’m being redundant here, but there is absolutely no threat at the HS. Large assumptions were made from a few social media posts, then the assumptions evolved into exaggerated rumors.” Scheidt told the Free Press that an Oxford counselor called then her “to again reassure me that school was totally safe and that they had had numerous conversations like this with parents and students alike and there was no threat to the school” and man is this guy fucked.

Former Wisconsin Supreme Court Justice Michael Gableman, czar of the state House GOP’s 2020 election “review” has petitioned a court to toss mayors Eric Genrich of Green Bay and Satya Rhodes-Conway of Madison in jail for failing to appear for testimony in his little investigation, the Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel reports. Attorneys for the two mayors say the grown man who wears dental braces never specified when or where the interviews should take place, and mayor Genrich’s attorney wrote a letter to a county judge asking him to sanction Gableman for his dumbassery.

“Based on our initial review, the Petition is not only lacking in legal merit and built upon a gross distortion of the relevant facts, but it departs so greatly from legal standards that Mayor Genrich intends to serve the Special Counsel with a motion for sanctions,” Green Bay city attorney Jeffrey Mandell wrote to Waukesha County Circuit Judge Ralph Ramirez on Wednesday.

Gableman’s Chief Wiggum-like handling of the “investigation” doesn’t quite draw the same headlines as the now-infamous Cyber Ninjas clusterfuck in Arizona did, but all the gross incompetence and downright malevolent intent is very much there – and in many ways worse. A fake cybersecurity company based in Florida with zero experience conducting election audits – real or fake – getting hired to do just that in Arizona was never going to end well. A Wisconsin judge formerly of the state’s highest court investigating the election in Wisconsin sounds much more reasonable on paper and didn’t have to be a complete shitshow. But here we are nonetheless.

See what we did there? A white Christmas? That’s just barely more satirical than the promo itself for a very real and very far-right Caucasian nationalist Christmas spectacular scheduled for December 19th. These guys are so clever with their total lack of subtlety and deeply non-ironic appreciation for America and Christmas back before everyone not white and Christian ruined it.

For those unfamiliar, Blake Masters is an ultra-nationalist Peter Thiel pawn gunning hard for a Trump endorsement, while Mark Finchem is a “Stop the Steal” asshole turned Trump-backed candidate for Arizona Secretary of State. Louie Gohmert and Madison Cawthorn need no introduction here.

Ponysaurus, a Durham, North Carolina brewery, had introduced “Don’t Be Mean to People: A Golden Rule Saison,” a beer whose proceeds will benefit a fund to help the LGBTQ community after the state’s lieutenant governor referred to its members as “filth,” People magazine reports.

“There’s no reason anybody anywhere in America should be telling any child about transgenderism, homosexuality, any of that filth,” Republican North Carolina Governor Mark Robinson, 53, said in his October speech. “And yes, I called it filth. And if you don’t like it that I called it filth, come see me and I’ll explain it to you.”

Can kicked until February 18th, per NBC’s Sahil Kapur.

MAGA lawyer John Eastman, Claremont Institute fellow and author of the Electoral College count coup memo presented to Mike Pence in the days before January 6th has pleaded his Fifth Amendment right to avoid self-incrimination in a letter to the Capitol riot committee after skipping out on testifying, Politico reports. Citing some pretty cunty excuses like “the lack of true minority representation combined with your decision to take testimony in secret proceedings creates an extreme risk of gross unfairness to the subjects of your investigation” in the letter from his attorney, Eastman weasels away from the consequences for attempting to destroy democracy – for now.

In a White House meeting the day before the attack, Eastman briefed Pence and Donald Trump on his much-ridiculed legal theory that the Vice President can unilaterally reject the certified electors from any state, a move Eastman claimed would allow Pence to reject Electoral College electors from swing states, which would give those states’ Republican legislature to assign Trump-friendly electors – to “Howls, of course, from the Democrats”, as Eastman wrote.

A Michigan prosecutor has filed charges against the parents of Oxford, Michigan school shooter Ethan Crumbley, the AP’s Jonathan Lemire reports. The verified MAGA assholes bought their 15 year old son the weapon he used to shoot and kill 4 other students on Tuesday.

Senator Marco Rubio took a meeting Tuesday with José Antonio Kast, the far-right Chilean presidential candidate with ties to the fascist 1980s-era Pinochet regime, The Intercept reports. Kast’s father, a Wehrmacht lieutenant who joined his pals Josef Mengele, Adolf Eichmann, and others in taking up residence in the Third Reich’s South American early retirement community, raised his Chilean sons to be upstanding Conservatives in public service, with Miguel Kast becoming labor minister and central bank president under the Pinochet regime, Christian allegedly leading peasant worker massacres, and Jose a reactionary propagandist who worked hard to keep the regime in place. “If Pinochet were alive, he would have voted for me,” Kast likes to boast.

Rubio has a history of cuddling the Latin American far right, meeting with insane asshole Brazilian president Jair Bolsonaro, accusing “international marxists” of inciting protests against the Colombian government’s brutal response to unrest last spring, and suspending aid funding for a Guatemalan anti-corruption commission while it was investigating conservative President Jimmy Morales, just to name a few. Marco’s really living La Vida MAGA these days.

Ben Raymond, co-founder of the British Neo-Nazi group National Action has been found guilty of continuing to operate the organization after it was banned, the BBC reports. Raymond was sentenced to eight years in prison plus two years supervised release after he was convicted in the Bristol Crown Court of violating the Terrorism Act of 2000, as well as possessing a manifesto by Norwegian terrorist Anders Breivik and a manual on how to build homemade explosives. Judge Christopher Parker QC told Raymond he was especially dangerous for his work as propaganda chief for the MAGA-like organization, and “grooming” young people to join Raymond’s “white jihad”.

“You intended that the material should be used in order to recruit new members, and specifically new young members,” Parker said. “In effect these young people were at risk of being groomed by your material to commit acts of extreme racial violence [with] which National Action no doubt had sympathy.” Raymond is the 17th NA member to be convicted of defying the ban on the group.

Sidney “Kraken” Powell likely falsified information when she incorporated “Defending The Republic” in the state of Texas last year, the Guardian reports, citing sources close to the federal grand jury investigation. Specifically, the Kraken listed fellow MAGA lawyer Lin Wood and Brannon Castleberry, a California business consultant as fellow members of a board when neither had consented to it.

The grand jury is looking at crimes related to the misrepresentation was intended to defraud donors and if the Kraken spent donor funds on her own personal expenses, rather than the proper way of running a scam non-profit by and billing it for services rendered and paying oneself an exorbitant salary. Federal investigators also have determined that of all the millions raised and all the lawsuits the Kraken filed attempting to overturn the 2020, only one was actually financed by Defending The Republic. It’s been a bad week for the slimy cephalopod and her pals.

Prominent popcorn conspiracy theorist Nimrata “Nikki” Haley has been permitted to return to the court of the Holy Orange One, Politico reports. It had been many months since Nimrata was barred from the Emperor’s palace for blasphemous public pronouncements that dared question his wisdom, but he graced her with his presence for an unknown price paid in certain favors.

Montgomery County, Maryland fire department spokesman Pete Piringer says no people were injured when a home in Dickerson, MD was burned to the ground after the homeowner’s attempt to smoke out a “snake infestation” in his basement went horribly awry last Tuesday. “It is believed heat source (coals) too close to combustibles… status of snakes undetermined” Piringer tweeted.

.@staceyabrams doesn’t represent women in Georgia.

We ALL know how awful our lives & kids lives would be if she was Governer during Covid.

Tyrannical shutdowns, never ending masks mandates, & high unemployment would be our existence.

I’ll be leading GA Women to defeat Stacey.

— Marjorie Taylor Greene 🇺🇸 (@mtgreenee) December 3, 2021

Texas state House Speaker Dade Phelan mini-shanked Lt Governor Dannie Goeb (aka Dan Patrick) over the state’s power grid vulnerabilities going into winter after February’s catastrophic failures per the Texas Tribune’s report on how state Dems are turning it into a top issue. “Lt. Gov Patrick has held his post since 2015 without making the grid a priority, but in only my second month as Speaker it was the House that first demanded action and accountability after the fatal grid collapse,” said Phelan in a statement, adding “The House’s approach to grid reform was about saving lives in the future while the motivation behind and who benefits from the Senate’s approach remains unclear.”

On record with Politico, human urinal cake Lindsey Graham says Dr Mehmet Oz’s campaign for the Pennsylvania Senate is “It’s a good sign for the Republican Party that somebody of his standing and stature would want to run under the Republican banner. He’s got an incredible background and personal story. It’s good news for the Republican Party, and I think he’d be very competitive.”

Privately however, they have some concerns, especially the thousands of hours of television Oz has hosted that could be used against him, the fact that he lives in New Jersey, and overall his medical quackery. Then there’s also his Muslim background and pro-vax statements that could bring a hell of a fight from lesser known MAGA rivals in the primary. But hey, he’s got name recognition.

Oakland County Sheriff Michael Bouchard says more than 60 schools in the Detroit area are closed Friday as copycat threats pour in after the deadly Oxford High School shooting, Yahoo News reports. Over 100 direct threats or social media posts threatening attacks on schools have surfaced in recent days, Bouchard said. “We anticipated a flood of false threats. I don’t know what is in people’s minds to think after a real tragedy it makes sense to make threats,” Bouchard told reporters at a Thursday press conference.

A compilation of all the work product, summaries and reviews done by the Mueller team investigating Russian interference into the 2016 election, referred to as the “Alternative Mueller Report,” has been located by the Department of Justice and is being prepared for review and release, Politico reports.

“At least for posterity, I had all the [team] members … write up an internal report memorializing everything we found, our conclusions, and the limitations on the investigation, and provided it to the other team leaders as well as had it maintained in our files,” wrote Special Counsel Robert Mueller’s deputy Andrew Weissmann in “Where Law Ends: Inside the Mueller Investigation,” in the first public reference to the report.  That mention prompted the New York Times to file a Freedom of Information Act request for the government to release the documents.

The report is expected to provide insight into the process, evidence and conclusions of the investigators tasked with tracking information in the probe, which focused on Russian interference in the 2016 election and the rumored influence the Russians had with the Trump campaign.  The investigation expanded to include probes into National Security Advisor Mike Flynn lies to the FBI and Trump’s personal efforts to impede the investigation.

Republican Florida Governor Ron DeSantis pitched an idea to reboot a World War II civilian military force that only he would control, putting it out of the chain of command of the Pentagon, CNN reports.

To be called the Florida State Guard, the force would assist in disaster preparation and recovery, according to DeSantis.  In the new iteration, the state guard would consist of 200 volunteers and cost $3.5 million.  It is unclear at the moment if their uniform shirts would be brown.

Democrats quickly reacted to the proposal.  Congressman Charlie Crist, a Democrat running for governor in 2022, tweeted, “No Governor should have his own handpicked secret police.” State Sen. Annette Taddeo, another gubernatorial candidate, wrote on Twitter that DeSantis was a “wannabe dictator trying to make his move for his own vigilante militia like we’ve seen in Cuba.”

After Republican Arkansas Senator Tom Cotton accused Democrats on not standing up to Vladimir Putin and Russia, New Hampshire Democrat Jeanne Shaheen reminded Cotton that he got special favors from Russia denied to her.

“Mr. President,” Shaheen says to the chair after Cotton ends his statement, “I just have to take real umbrage at your suggestion, Senator Cotton.  I’m the one Vladimir Putin refused a visa to get into Russia because of my opposition to Russia and to what Putin was doing.  He didn’t deny you a visa to get into the country, so don’t talk to me about how I’ve not been tough enough on Russia because that dog won’t hunt.”

Three NFL players from the Tampa Bay Buccaneers were suspended three games each for providing false information claiming they were fully vaccinated, ESPN reports.

Star wide receiver Antonio Brown, backup safety Mike Edwards, and recently-released wide receiver John Franklin III will not be able to play in a game until December 26th.  Franklin, a free-agent, would not be able to join a team until that date.  Neither Brown nor Edwards will be paid by the team during the suspension.

Rumors swirled two weeks ago that Brown had received a counterfeit vaccine card as the league was dealing with star Green Bay quarterback Aaron Rodgers’ disclosure that he had lied about being vaccinated.