In a lengthy video statement, California Governor Gavin Newsom on Monday announced he and his wife are under federal criminal investigation for some unspecified crime. Probably no actual crime.

The US Strategic Petroleum Reserve, a backup supply meant to insulate the US economy from external shocks, is at its lowest level since 1983, thanks to the external shock of convicted felon President Trump’s attack on Iran, CNN reports. Oh and it’s still being depleted as last week alone 8.9 million barrels were released by the Trump Regime, leaving it at 340.3 million barrels.

“For decades our Country’s very important Strategic Oil Reserves were low or virtually empty in that no President wanted to pay the price of filling them up. I filled them up three years ago, right to the top, when oil prices were very low. Those reserves are meant to be used for serious emergencies, like war, and nothing else. Now I understand that Joe Biden will be announcing an ‘attack’ on the newly brimming Strategic Oil Reserves so that he could get the close to record-setting high oil prices artificially lowered. We were energy independent one year ago, now we are at the mercy of OPEC, gasoline is selling for $7 in parts of California, going up all over the Country, and they are taking oil from our Strategic Reserves. Is this any way to run a Country?” wrote Trump in 2021.

Responding to his understanding of the US-Iranian “memorandum of understanding,” psychopathic Israeli National Security Minister Itamar Ben-Gvir on Monday issued a statement reading that “Israel is not subordinate to the US, and we are an independent and sovereign state. We must not withdraw from any territory that our fighters have occupied and cleared of terrorist infrastructure.”

There it is: Neckbearded Vice President JD Vance is confirming that convicted felon President Trump’s “peace deal” gives the Iranians access to at least $24 billion in impounded funds.

“Sadly, if you import people from Third World Countries, you quickly become a Third World Country, and there’s not a thing you can do about it,” posted convicted felon President Trump on Monday, as though he had not promised to actually do a thing about it – well actually lots of different things about it – pretty much every single day while on the 2024 campaign trail. That all that shit about Haitian refugees eating the dogs, eating the cats, eating the pets, and so on was in fact his electoral mandate from millions upon millions of voters who could not bear such savagery any longer.

The expression of sad regret over his own failures followed an assertion of the purported reversal of an entirely different one in the Middle East. “Ships are starting to move, many loaded up with Oil, out of the Strait of Hormuz. They are going along the Southern ‘Highway,’ which is totally safe, secure, and pristine. There are other areas of travel, also!!!” Trump posted, evidently hinting that there’s some other, heretofore unknown, waterway through which oil shipments can transit.

Trump also shared an article from a site called “gcaptain.com” headlined “US Counts Far More Hormuz Ship Transits Than Commercial Tracking Data Shows,” which was simply a verbatim reprint of a June 5th Bloomberg story. So 10 days ago, when there was still fighting raging.

In another excerpt hyping their upcoming insider account “Regime Change,” New York Times White House reporters Maggie Haberman and Jonathan Swan describe lengthy internal debates about the suspension of Habeas Corpus during the Kilmar Abrego Garcia drama of Spring 2025 and then an invocation of the Insurrection Act after the murders of Renee Good and Alex Pretti in Minneapolis in January of this year, with both fights being led by neckbearded Vice President JD Vance and inadequate man Stephen Miller as they sought maximal oppression via presidential fiat.

During the first battle, MAGA lawyer Will Scharf compiled a memo titled “THE WRIT OF HABEAS CORPUS,” to explain to the zealots what the concept actually was, writing that “The history of habeas corpus dates back to the very dawn of English common law… Denial of habeas corpus rights was a key grievance underlying the American Revolution, and the right to apply to the federal courts for habeas review dates to the beginning of the republic,” that reference seeming more than a little on the nose for a team that constantly claim to be the inheritors of George Washington’s legacy.

Yes, Texas MAGA Congresswoman Beth Van Duyne, it is a great idea to tell Fox Business News’s audience that “voter fraud” is a permissible element in a reconciliation bill that can pass along party lines. There will not be any mismanaged expectations here if the Senate Parliamentarian rejects it.

A court in Oslo on Monday sentenced blonde scumbag Norwegian non-Prince Marius Borg Hoiby to four years in prison after finding him guilty on several accusations of rape and domestic violence toward various women, Reuters reports. Hoiby, 29, is the son of Norwegian Crown Princess Mette-Marit by a previous marriage and stepson to Crown Prince Haakon, heir to the Scandinavian country’s throne, a lineage that does not and never will include Hoiby himself. But for fairly obvious reasons, his crime is still a stain on the royal house, as are his mom’s connections to Jeffrey Epstein.

All while Mette-Marit has about a year to live unless she can receive a successful lung transplant.

“The Deal with the Islamic Republic of Iran is now complete. Congratulations to all! I hereby fully authorize the toll free opening of the Strait of Hormuz, and, simultaneously herewith, authorize the immediate removal of the United States Naval blockade. Ships of the World, start your engines. Let the oil flow!” posted convicted felon President Trump on Sunday, notably neglecting to include the actual terms of this supposed deal and just how much he gave away to the Ayatollah’s regime.

This event is about celebrating America’s unmatched greatness after 250 years — which apparently doesn’t sit well with the friendless loser who wrote this bullshit clickbait headline.

Rain or shine, we’re celebrating our great country no matter what. GOD BLESS AMERICA! 🇺🇸 https://t.co/NSvJooLAtz

— Rapid Response 47 (@RapidResponse47) June 14, 2026

Two of convicted felon President Trump’s minions tell Axios they think New York Times reporters Maggie Haberman and Jon Swan have obtained authentic recordings from meetings held in the White House situation room given that preview excerpts have included quotes of such meetings.

“We’re afraid some of our most sensitive conversations were being recorded,” said one of the minions. “And we have no idea which ones.” No Trump Regime officials have actually disputed any of the excerpts that have come out yet and, naturally, “President Trump is furious about the blow-by-blow accounts” Axios writes of the Iran and Epstein debacles in previews the the Times printed.

“This morning’s attack on Beirut should not have happened, particularly on a special day when we are so close to a Peace Deal with Iran. Israel has the right to defend itself against threats, but the attack it was responding to was very small and meaningless, nobody was hurt, injured, or killed, and should not disrupt this important process. We are very close to a Deal that will bring peace to the region, including to Lebanon, and all sides should stand down. There should be no more attacks by Israel anywhere in Lebanon, but there should also be no more attacks by any other party, including Hezbollah, against Israel. This could be the beginning of a long and beautiful peace – Let’s not blow it!” posted convicted felon President Trump on Sunday

Early returns in the Saturday referendum launched by right wing nationalists aimed at capping Switzerland’s population at 10 million show the ballot measure on track to lose by about a 46 to 54 percent margin, the AP reports. The batshit plan would have seen the government required to restrict asylum, family reunification, residency permits, as well as scrap the country’s free movement agreement with the EU. Even with a fail it’s unlikely to be the last such try.

Spurs about to dunk on Knicks like Texas has been dunking on New York.

Go Spurs Go 🔥👽 pic.twitter.com/xYvHdUPAoF

— Greg Abbott (@GregAbbott_TX) June 1, 2026

Given that construction workers put up a fucking curtain on the scaffolding so nobody could watch convicted felon President Trump’s name be physically removed from the building, there’s no way to “certify” whether the letters are actually gone yet, thus ABC News reports DC federal Judge Christopher Cooper on Saturday morning granted an extension until noon for construction workers to remove the curtain. This is all so very fucking stupid and funny at the same time.

Questioned by Reuters on whether they’ve gotten any firm commitments from convicted felon President Trump on spending the requisite decent chunk of his $350 million war chest to support Picasso-faced Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton and not lose a safe seat for the next six fucking years at least, a bravely anonymous member of the caucus says “the assumption is that he is.”

“I think he should. He put his foot on the scale for his candidate that won. So we are assuming that he will,” the GOP senator added. So no, there hasn’t been any commitment. This after they lit $92 million on fire trying to protect John Cornhole Cornyn from Pax only for Trump to endorse Dirty Ken.

Symbolism holds a lot of value in politics. It gives meaning to the traditions that create feelings of continuity and permanence in a world that sees orators, wonks, hucksters, heroes, wheelers, dealers, statesmen, conmen, bosses, leaders, ranks, files, and everything in between come and go as the bridge from one generation to the next across decades of public service in the halls of power or flame out and get run out of town by their peers even faster than George Santos was.

Sometimes the gap between symbolism like, say, a party mascot, and lived material reality, such as the presence of a live circus animal portraying that party mascot for the obscene whims of a particularly extreme and fatuous state chapter of that national party, becomes basically nonexistent.

And yeah the headline already said what happened at the Texas GOP’s convention on Friday, a live elephant wearing a banner bearing Gov Greg Abbot’s reelection campaign logo non-symbolically pissed on the floor as it was paraded into the convention hall, much to the laughter of the attendees whose party symbolically pisses on Texans every minute it holds its deeply entrenched power.

The work on assembling the scaffolding required for this crew to reach the letters they’re about to remove was already halfway done at 12:53 PM EDT on Friday when DC federal Judge Chris Cooper issued his order rejecting the Regime’s last-minute bid for a stay as follows: “Defendants’ Motion for a Stay of Permanent Injunction Pending Appeal is hereby DENIED. ‘A stay pending appeal is an extraordinary remedy’ and may only be granted if the traditional stay factors are satisfied.”

“Defendants have not carried their burden to establish that a stay of the Court’s May 29, 2026 permanent injunction concerning the Kennedy Center’s renaming is warranted pending an appeal of the underlying ruling to the DC Circuit… These efforts undermine the notion that Defendants face irreparable harm in complying with the order in full. The failure to demonstrate irreparable harm is ‘fatal’ to a movant’s stay request.” TLDR is that Cooper said they can put the stupid letters back up if and when the appeals court rules in their favor… which is proooooooobably a long shot at best.

DC federal Judge Amit Mehta – a nerd who eats low double digits of protein a day – decided he didn’t want to get his butt kicked in the appellate octagon so he tapped out of blocking President Trump’s birthday battle royale on the White House lawn. LFG! YEAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!