Oak Bluff, Massachusetts man Jonathan Searle tells Remind Magazine that his very brief career as a child actor playing the kid who wore a fake shark fin during a scene in 1975’s Jaws hasn’t had any cosmic bearing on his current role as real chief of police in the town of Oak Bluff, which stood in as the fictional Amity in the film, thus putting Searle in the shoes of Roy Scheider’s Brody.

“Zero. Never. The only shark bite that we had was someone fishing for sharks and caught one. It was hooked, and they were dragging him into the surf, and the shark slid into him riding a wave and accidentally bit him in the leg,” the 61 year-old Searle told the outlet when asked if there had been any shark attacks during his tenure. They either didn’t bother asking if he ever had to respond to a panic caused by a kid wearing a shark fin at a beach or the answer was so terse they didn’t print it.

Asked how Oak Bluff has changed since the movie premiered over a half-century ago, the lawman said “Population-wise, it started after Jaws put it on the map. Hate to say Ted Kennedy put it on the map in the late 60s [referring to adjacent Edgartown and Chappaquiddick]. Yeah. And then Jaws put it on the map, and then visiting presidents Clinton and Obama put it on the map even more. So, our population now is, I’m guessing, two and a half times what it was back in the seventies, and a lot of year-round population. Summer population, I’m guessing roughly 22 to 24,000 year-round, and in the summer that’s easily 120 to 150,000 at least,” just ever-so-casually alluding to the day-to-day headaches he experiences on the job as top cop in a seasonal beach town, busy seasons yet to be punctuated by having to blow up a bus-sized great white shark with a flare gun and oxygen tanks.

“Maine Democratic Party leadership takes seriously our responsibility to hold every candidate who seeks to represent our state to the highest standard. Over the past several weeks, multiple women have made serious, credible allegations against Graham Platner. Today’s statements take those allegations even further. Maine Democratic Party leadership is calling on Graham Platner to withdraw as the Democratic nominee for US Senate,” says a statement from chair Charlie Dingman.

“The Maine Democratic Party leadership stands with women and survivors, and that principle does not bend based on party affiliation. We respect the women who made the hard decision to come forward. Speaking up is often costly. We are entrusted with deciding who represents our values and who carries our banner. That responsibility requires judgment, leadership, and a willingness to act when circumstances demand it. This Senate race comes at a pivotal moment in the struggle against a government, supported by Senator Collins, that serves the interests of the wealthy and powerful at the expense of ordinary Maine people. It is essential that we refocus this campaign on that struggle,” the statement continued and it ought to be interesting if/when Trump chimes in.

“Great news! I have just been informed that one of the biggest, best, and smartest Retailers in America, Walmart, will be lowering prices, by a lot, at my Administration’s request to celebrate our great Country’s 250th birthday. Walmart will, in particular, be dropping the price for a pound of ground beef by almost 15 percent, among many other products. This is a huge deal for the many millions of Americans who, smartly, shop at Walmart, which is a truly patriotic Company who loves the USA. My Administration is lowering prices that Joe Biden incompetently raised with the worst inflation crisis in history, a total disaster along with the Southern Border, the botched withdrawal from Afghanistan, and many other failures. Just as I promised, Oil Prices are plummeting FAST, and Gas Prices at the pump are dropping too, just like egg and Prescription Drug prices which I am bringing down by historic levels. Walmart is stepping up in a big and bold way, and other Retailers should follow the lead of these absolute Patriots. Together, we will make America stronger and greater than ever before!” posted convicted felon President Trump on July 6, 2026.

“Walmart should STOP trying to blame Tariffs as the reason for raising prices throughout the chain. Walmart made BILLIONS OF DOLLARS last year, far more than expected. Between Walmart and China they should, as is said, ‘EAT THE TARIFFS,’ and not charge valued customers ANYTHING. I’ll be watching, and so will your customers!!!” posted convicted felon President Trump on May 17, 2025.

FIFA officials on Monday responded to Belgium’s appeal of the red card and one game suspension against star birthright citizen Flo Balogun by pulling a Sam Alito and simply siding with convicted felon President Trump irrespective of the actual situation, the New York Times’s Tom Bogert reports.

In fairness the appeal was rejected on grounds that Belgium is “not a party to the proceedings and, as such, has no standing to appeal the decision,” and technically if anyone was going to appeal it should be Bosnia. But it doesn’t matter anyway since they were knocked out… Still, seems awfully convenient for the deeply corrupt global soccer federation that made up its own “peace prize” to give to Trump and, almost certainly, no other world leader, ever.

Numerous politics geeks on Twitter are posting that increasingly scandal-tarred and unhinged Maine Dem Senate nominee Graham Platner has canceled all his public appearances ahead of what’s supposedly a very bad story about to drop either Monday or Tuesday. Must be pretty bad if he’s actually canceling the events when maybe he could’ve just dropped out a while ago.

Meanwhile GOP Texas Senate nominee AG Ken Paxton is still the GOP Texas Senate nominee.

“Yesterday’s decision to suspend for a probationary period of a year the implementation of the one-match automatic suspension following the red card issued to the player Folarin Balogun crossed a red line. Football, like any other sports, relies on rules, which are the basis for fair, honest and transparent competition. Sometimes rules are open to interpretation. In this case not. A minimum automatic suspension of one match following a red card is not a discretionary option and does not require the decision of a competent body to be enacted. It is a principle embedded in regulations, which cannot be made subject to exceptions, let alone in the middle of a tournament where several other players have been in the same situation and regularly served their suspension.”

“When the certainty of rules is no longer guaranteed by its guardians, the integrity of the game is at stake and the credibility of a competition is undermined. Equally, such decision creates a precedent in the ongoing tournament, where similar situations will now require an equal treatment, to the detriment of the competition. Football is the most loved sport in the world because it is a beautiful game and is trusted because it is played everywhere with the same laws. A tournament is never a pure standalone and, if the tournament in question is the World Cup, it has the power to drive positive or negative consequences on the game as a whole. We express our disbelief at such an unprecedented, incomprehensible and unjustifiable decision,” says a statement from UEFA following convicted felon President Trump’s literal “working the refs.”

Health officials in New Jersey on Saturday announced that at least 25 Garden Staters were killed by heat-related illnesses over the last few days, ABC News reports on a staggering toll from triple-digit temperatures frying much of the country that is now finally expected to ease up starting Monday.

“Unfortunately, many of these individuals were found in homes without air conditioning,” New Jersey Health Commissioner Dr Raynard Washington told reporters at the news conference on Saturday, adding “A few were outside their residences, some on the street and some even in parked cars.”

…some pretty desperate bullshit.

Found in the mail at the above redacted address on Saturday, having been delivered sometime after whenever it was that the recipient bothered to actually check the mail – probably like five or six days ago, was this very official-looking cry for help marketed as being sent by President Donald J Trump as a public voter registration drive. You know, like in states where they encourage people to join the voter rolls as a service to promote the civic virtue of democratic engagement.

“The organizers of America’s Independence Day Parade, scheduled for July 4, 2026, at 10:30 am, have canceled the parade due to extreme heat in the Washington, DC, region. The National Weather Service has issued an Extreme Heat Warning for DC, with heat index values expected to reach between 110°F and 115°F. This decision was made after extensive and careful consideration of the safety of our participants, spectators and staff as the top priority,” says the DC Mayor’s office.

Convicted felon President Trump’s daily schedule for Saturday still says “TBD: The President attends the Salute to America Celebration,” which probably won’t be out in the daytime sun.

Braving the sweltering summer heat, regime-loyal Iranians turned out in droves Saturday for a state funeral to mark their non-independence from a now-dead monarch, Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, who was killed in an Israeli airstrike more than four months ago, the New York Times reports.

Convicted felon President Trump’s debacle of a “Great American State Fair” to celebrate the US’s 250th went from very, very sparsely attended to just not attended at all on Friday as officials closed the event until 5 PM at the earliest due to extreme heat, freelancer Andrew Leyden reports.

Numerous other sources have mentioned the lack of basic measures like cooling tents and mist fans that a halfway competent team would have put in place to ensure safety for attendees.

“A man is dead after a shooting at a Walmart parking lot on Tuesday afternoon. At approximately 12:28 pm, on June 30, Broward County Regional Communications received a call reporting a shooting in the parking lot of the Walmart located at 7900 W McNab Road in North Lauderdale. Broward Sheriff’s Office district deputies and North Lauderdale Fire Rescue responded. On scene, deputies located Bart Diguglielmo suffering from a gunshot wound. Paramedics transported Diguglielmo to Broward Health Medical Center, where he was later pronounced deceased.”

“The preliminary investigation revealed an adult female and the victim were involved in a verbal altercation over a parking space in the Walmart parking lot prior to the shooting. According to investigators, the shooter, the adult female, remained on scene, cooperated with detectives and she told them the shooting was in self-defense,” says the Broward County, Florida Sheriff’s Office in a press release that did not identify the woman, who has yet to be charged and it’s unclear if she will.

“BREAKING: Bart Diguglielmo, a US Army Veteran, was shot and k*lled by a black woman in Florida during an argument over a parking spot. The woman’s name is currently being withheld by officials, and no charges have been filed yet. Will the legacy media cover this story?” tweeted LibsOfTikTok on Thursday, clearly outraged that the rules thus far have applied to a registered Republican voter.

“Trump is by far my hero. He stopped 8 wars in 8 months. He finalized and cemented the Abraham Accords which in itself is a game changer. But add freeing the Venezuela people, and crushing Iran (the axis of evil) beyond my wildest dreams. I think it’s pretty safe to say, the world is a much safer place today. And for all those who don’t have a clue, riding that TDS bandwagon, Google Iranian hostage crisis, I believe it was 1979…” Bart wrote in a much longer Facebook post on March 7.

The thing with anecdotal data is that it requires a control to be considered worth accepting into one’s larger understanding of a current state. Sure, you may argue – and credibly so – that a frayed, tattered, and essentially destroyed TRUMP-VANCE 2024 flag flying over some douchebag Long Islander’s motorboat in itself is a self-contained anecdote on just how much that fan of the now-current regime actually cares about how his support for the Orange Tyrant presents to others in his socio-political cohort. After all, why not just take it down and get a new MAGA flag to put there?

Then of course there’s the symbolism of it: A two year-old emblem of support for then-resurgent “King Over The Water” disintegrating well past the edges like so many promises of economic greatness, an end to rampant crime and political corruption, the truth about Jeffrey Epstein’s atrocities, cheaper groceries, and so on and so forth. That’s even before the blasphemous positioning of the Trump-Vance flag above that of Old Glory, itself defiled by a torn upper hoist.

Viewed from the side whilst a westerly wind is catching, the US Flag appeared to be hung upside down in the universal sign of distress and, yeah, could go on for quite awhile about that element to the overall symbolism. But in the interest of journalistic integrity this site has a duty to be clear that it was not intentionally hung upside down, just merely neglected by the patriotic boater, whose otherwise pristinely-maintained 21st century watercraft is berthed at a mooring that costs untold thousands of dollars per summer to rent – or a mortgage plus association fees to own.

All subject to the capricious whims of Neptune, who can fuck it up whenever he so pleases.

David Hearn, a former US Olympic canoeist – newsworthy in itself that the Olympics even has friggin “canoeing” as a sport – was indicted by a DC grand jury Thursday on unspecified charges after he was arrested last month for touching the shitty new liner of the National Mall’s reflecting pool despite being told not to by a National Park service staffer present during a period of heightened security for the landmark following a no-bid resurfacing job by a corrupt contractor, CNN reports.

Hearn had been hit with a misdemeanor citation for his manual intrusion into the shallow pool. His attorney told CNN he was not yet aware of the new developments in the “case” against his client.

“Congressional Republicans could counter a possible wave of Democrat investigations into President Donald Trump’s self-enrichment next year with a parallel front of probes if they lose the House majority,” says Semafor in the lede to an “exclusive” Wednesday story headlined “Republicans plot to counter Democrat probes,” in some kind of GOP self-soothing exercise/access toll.

“If the Democrats take the House in November, the Republican minority will be among the strongest in history because they likely will have the Trump administration backing them on core issues that they remain aligned on,” said douchey MAGA lawyer James Mandolfo, who served as House Republican counsel during the pointless “Biden Crime Family” investigations. “The reason this matters is because the Trump administration could take action against companies/institutions that don’t comply with any requests from the minority,” Mandolfo continued with his mafia-esque plan.

Basically it sounds as though the Reich will threaten, say, Bank of America with criminal probes if they don’t give James Comer AOC’s account statements and so he can go on Fox News and question why her uncle wrote her a $50 check on her birthday in 2015 and for what purpose.

Three out of four crew members were rescued Wednesday and the search is on for the fourth after a US Navy MH-60S Seahawk assigned to the USS George HW Bush crashed in the Persian Gulf under unclear but apparently non-combat circumstances, according to the Fifth Fleet command.

“On July 1 at 3:30 am ET, the aircrew of an MH-60S Sea Hawk helicopter assigned to USS George HW Bush (CVN 77) conducted an emergency water landing in the Arabian Sea. There is no indication the emergency was caused by hostile action. Three of the helicopter’s four crew members have been recovered and are in stable condition aboard George HW Bush. US Navy assets in the region are currently searching for other aircrewman still missing. The cause of incident is under investigation,” said the fleet in a post and fucking hell it’s been over 10 hours this sailor’s been MIA.

God willing he/she can be recovered safely but goddamn the Trump regime for four fucking years of “Blood on Biden’s hands” shit from the Kabul evacuation only to return and then waste at least 13 service members’ lives waging a fecklessly cuntish war against the very next country on the map.

At least two masked individuals on Wednesday scaled the spire at the top of New York City’s iconic Empire State Building and unfurled a flag reading “When the power of love beats the love of power, the world knows peace” and attaching it to the apex, per aerial footage broadcast by Fox News.

As of 12:39 PM EDT on Wednesday the two began climbing down but then moved back up for reasons unclear to literally anyone outside of their livestream audience. If there is a livestream audience… Wouldn’t bet against it. The pair at the top, probably a male and female both of slender, athletic builds, then began embracing and the male seemed to propose marriage to the female.

In conclusion, today’s younger generation is too fixated on achieving social media fame, though the romantic angle is a respectable callback to the 1933 blockbuster King Kong. Credit where it’s due.