Japan’s Agriculture Minister on Wednesday submitted his resignation to Prime Minister Shigeru Ishiba, just four days after he bragged in a speech that he never had to buy any rice because, as a former eight-term elected MP with supposed hardcore following, his fans send him so much of the country’s staple food, which was pretty tone deaf amid increasing costs, the Japan Times reports.

“I have never bought rice. My supporters give me so much rice that, in the food pantry of my house, I have enough to sell it,” said the now former Ag Minister Taku Eto, who got off easy by just getting fired. You know back in the old days he would’ve had to get on his knees and slice open his bowels with a tanto blade and then Ishiba would “second” Eto by swiftly decapitating him with a katana, his head sent rolling on the pavement of the castle’s ornate courtyard. It would’ve been the only way to spiritually atone for the shame and dishonor he brought upon his master’s house and his ancestors.

But then again if this were the old days there was no democracy and Ishiba probably wouldn’t have cared if Eto had so mocked commoners. It would take something like Eto getting drunk on sake and insulting a neighboring lord during Ishiba’s daughter’s wedding feast, maybe by saying that lord had prayed insufficiently to the harvest spirits resulting in a lower rice yield. He’d be so screwed then.

In conclusion feudal Japan was pretty fucking badass because shit like that happened all the time.

“Waste brine,” an oil extraction byproduct long considered far too toxic for drinking water supplies that is typically dumped underground or repurposed for fracking, is getting a second look in Texas where H2O supplies are strained by rapid population growth, leaky infrastructure, and uneven rainfall. The Lone Star State’s oilmen, always happy to find a way to make a quick buck and finding themselves with more of the brine than they can offload – the ratio of waste brine to crude oil extracted seriously averages about five-to-one barrels – are looking to fill in the market’s demands.

Buuuuuuuut, as the Texas Tribune reports, even though the oilmen swear the water’s safe to drink after it’s been properly treated, the just want to make sure all their bases are covered. You know, just in case of anything pesky like cancer or birth defects show up in regions of the state whose water utilities are being supplemented with the brine. Better safe than sorry is their thinking on that angle and as such their employees in the state legislator are working on passing a bill to immunize them.

And the companies contracted to treat the water too. Can’t have them getting bankrupted by some kid who needs a double kidney transplant. They’ll be performing an important service for Texans.

One issue the bill doesn’t address is that the name “waste brine” has too many negative if vague connotations. The bill should call it “Liberty Water” or something and market it with “Texas’s own source of freedom from thirst.” That’ll increase social pressure to avoid telling friends and neighbors something like “Ugh, my pancreas failed because of too much Liberty Water” like some gay libtard.

New book details cover-up of Biden's declining health
Watch the full video here: https://t.co/9LngzjHtLk pic.twitter.com/WUhqPuKZ1n

— The Lead CNN (@TheLeadCNN) May 20, 2025

Corrupt shitbag Congressman Andy “Diet George Santos” Ogles on Tuesday told Fox News’s Chad Pergram he’s pumping the brakes on the “Big Beautiful Bill,” saying his “preference would be let’s get it right. Let’s not try to rush it and hit some arbitrary deadline of Memorial Day. I’ll stay here and work all weekend. I’ll stay here and work next week. Let’s get this done for the American people. Well when California and New York are screwing the American people in Tennessee and Florida have to pay for it, I’m a no go,” which sure sounds like he’s opposed to any SALT deduction increase.

Extra cunt points on the part about “the American people in Tennessee and Florida,” implying that Californians and New Yorkers are not Americans. Not like it matters but what the hell let’s run the numbers anyway: New York and California in FY 2022 – the most recent year available – contributed a combined net $113.3 billion to federal tax revenue after expenditures. Tennessee and Florida were in the red by an estimated $57 billion combined in the same year. Who’s paying for who now?

Convicted felon President Trump’s regime violated a court order Tuesday, sending a man from Myanmar and another from Vietnam to goddamned South Sudan after a federal judge specifically ordered them not to send them to any third country, Politico reports on the usual shit in 2025.

“Joe Biden was not for Open Borders, he never talked about Open Borders, where criminals of all kinds, shapes, and sizes, can flow into our Country at will. It wasn’t his idea to Open the Border, and almost destroy our Country, and cost us Hundreds of Billions of Dollars to get criminals out of our Country, and go through the process we are going through now. It was the people that knew he was cognitively impaired, and that took over the Autopen. They stole the Presidency of the United States, and put us in Great Danger. This is TREASON at the Highest Level! They did it to destroy our Country. The Joe Biden that everybody knew would never allow drug dealers, gang members, and the mentally insane to come into our Country totally unchecked and unvetted. All anyone has to do is look up his record. Something very severe should happen to these Treasonous Thugs that wanted to destroy our Country, but couldn’t, because I came along. MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!” posted convicted felon President Trump on Tuesday, reversing years of claims of Biden being a dictatorial mastermind nearly an hour after the stupid “Golden Dome” announcement was supposed to start.

“We must maintain our status as the Worldwide Leader in WiFi, 5G, and 6G, connecting every American to the World’s BEST Networks, while also keeping everyone safe. We can do both at the same time. Bottom line, I am going to free up plenty of SPECTRUM for auction, so Congress must put 600 MHz in ‘THE ONE, BIG, BEAUTIFUL BILL.’ Let’s make sure all options are on the table. Never bet against American Ingenuity. MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!” the fat bastard continued in a subsequent post, obviously concerned with the brass tacks of getting his bill passed over intraparty opposition. That “6G” promise will definitely win over both the Freedom Caucasians and SALT crew.

Nobody should ever look at Walmart is a good citizen. It’s a pretty scummy, rapacious company with a track record far too long to even entertain listing here in this space. Little if anything they do is altruistic. Yet in taking high road relative to Amazon and Apple‘s apparent submission to convicted felon President Trump’s rage at corporate giants for publicizing the inflationary effects of his stupid trade war they still manage to look better in comparison. CNBC reports that sources within the company tell them the decision to defy the Orange God Emperor’s commands “was motivated by a sense of obligation to explain to customers and investors why prices would increase.”

That “obligation” can ultimately be traced back to profit motive, as retail analyst Steve Shemesh says Walmart “may have decided to be transparent with its shoppers about the financial realities of tariffs for its business, especially since its customer base tends to be price sensitive,” which is a nicer way of saying “poor” or “not actually poor but fucking cheapskates who dress like they’re poor.” Still, according to other analyst egghead Mike Baker, in taking a stand “they’re trying to signal the idea that prices will go up and brace the consumer and the US population for that idea, and also, in a way, send a message to policymakers that it’s impractical to think that the entirety of the tariffs will be absorbed by the retailer or the manufacturer… It’s never good to be on the opposite side of an issue with the US government and particularly with the bully pulpit that Trump tends to use.”

In a bit of fortuitous timing as it comes less than 24 hours after National Zero raised the very important matter of “How’s that hunt for the anti-Tesla terrorist masterminds going?” drug-addicted billionaire Elon Musk on Tuesday told some Qatar Economic circlejerk that the “terrorists” who attacked his dealerships “will go to prison. And the people that funded them and organized them will also go to prison. Don’t worry, we’re coming for you,” lame MAGA propaganda site Red State reports.

So there’s the answer to that burning (hehe) question: There’s no new info. He’s just talking shit. It also seems that the campaign kind of worked since Musk also announced he’s stepping back from politics. Red State outright ignores this in their article, writing “It’s clear that the last few months have taken a toll on Elon Musk, but he’s not going back down from this fight. No longer content to let violent extremists hide behind the guise of ‘protest,’ Musk is rightly putting the full weight of his influence – and likely his legal firepower – behind efforts to hold the guilty accountable. And if his track record is any indication, the agitators should take him seriously. Very seriously,” lol.

Convicted felon President Trump will on Tuesday announce his long-hinted “Golden Dome” plan, a bigger version of Israel’s Iron Dome, except named after a more valuable metal, Reuters reports.

The missile defense shield project seems destined to achieve the same level of success and accomplishment as Trump’s previous ambitious major national projects like the giant 1,955 wall along the southern border that Mexico paid for, the Obamacare replacement that took two weeks to finish and get passed through Congress, inventing 6G wireless, and the elimination of the national debt.

“We share President Trump’s call for unity within the House Republican Conference. A fair SALT deduction is a matter of fundamental fairness for the hardworking families we represent, including the many who proudly support President Trump and voted for him, in part, because he promised to restore SALT. We hope his remarks today motivate the Speaker to advance a SALT proposal that delivers meaningful relief for our middle-class constituents, as we have worked in good faith with House Leadership for more than a year. Our states are donor states, consistently subsidizing so-called fiscally responsible red states,” says a joint statement from Republican Representatives Young Kim of California, Tom Kean of New Jersey, and New Yorkers Andrew Garbarino, Nick LaLota, and Mike Lawler. Other Empire Stater, malevolent razorback Elise Stefanik, did not put her campaign logo on the statement, a curious omission from Team SALT. Must be Trump yanking her leash while dangling the fresh meat of an endorsement in next year’s gubernatorial race in front of her.

Love the “he promised to restore SALT.” That’s just going to piss the fat bastard off even more.

Still even with all this mess nobody should declare the bill – or at least some major package down the line – to be doomed. You may however want to recognize the math problem: Assume all Dems show up to vote no. Kentucky hick Thomas Massey is also a hard no. That’s 214 seats out of 431 presently filled, leaving a margin of TWO VOTES. Five are saying they’re not budging. This is even before we get to the Freedom Caucasians, several of whom are not at all happy with the present situation which may or may not end up being exacerbated by further concessions to Team SALT.

And then there’s the Senate, which is a whole other giant clusterfuck of shaky support…

Hardcore conservative Christian college Liberty University agreed to pay $15 million to its former president, Jerry Falwell Jr, in a settlement last year for “wrongfully” firing him in 2020 after finding out that he liked to jerk off while watching his wife fuck the pool boy, USA Today reports.

The settlement’s monetary term went undisclosed until Tuesday, when the paper’s reporters dug into Liberty’s recently filed 2023-2024 IRS disclosures and found the payout. In total, Falwell will receive roughly $5.5 million to settle the lawsuits in addition to roughly $9.7 million he already won as part of his retirement package that was in dispute, according to the tax documents.

It’s not clear if the Falwells will use the proceeds to travel around the world in search of adventure and exotic young pool boys for wife Becki to fuck. Not to kink-shame or anything.

On this week’s edition of “Shit Trump voters tell the Economist/YouGov national survey” the question of “How much do you think Donald Trump’s business interests and positions are affecting his decision-making while he is serving as president?” finds a combined 78 percent of Trump 2024 voters (24 percent “A lot,” 29 percent “Some,” and 25 percent said “Not much”) admitting that yeah, he’s directing US executive branch policy in ways that affect his personal bottom line.

Just 21 percent of Trump 2024 voters said “None.” Which is the correct answer to how much he should be doing that and a sign that so few remain of the fanboys still either that fucking stupid or lying to themselves and/or YouGov about the extent of fat Donald’s venality. While it’s no surprise that Trump fans would move the goalposts as soon as a reality they once refused to recognize becomes undeniable, this may be the starkest quantification of such admission ever seen.

And one that they (largely) figured out how to rationalize, as the next question “Do you agree or disagree that what is good for Donald Trump’s business is good for the country?” found 61 percent of MAGA respondents agreeing (23 percent “Strongly,” 38 percent “Somewhat”) to just 21 percent disagreeing (12 percent “Strongly,” 9 percent “Somewhat”), while 18 percent said “Don’t know,” which means “No” but don’t want to say it. Only 2 percent of Harris voters said they didn’t know.

Finally, when confronted by a more direct way of asking the question with “Do you think President Trump is using his office for personal gain?” only 14 percent of his fans said yes, 9 percent didn’t know, and the rest – 77 percent said – no. Damn good survey design to get them to squirm and shift uncomfortably like that. These were all asked within the first six questions out of about 100 too.

President @realDonaldTrump dances to YMCA for the wonderful kids at Take Our Daughters and Sons to Work Day 🤣🇺🇸 pic.twitter.com/sc9tlsiMhT

— Margo Martin (@MargoMartin47) May 20, 2025

Florida Governor Ron DeSantis must be spinning in his political career’s grave after seeing this heinous, bloated, attention whore dressing up like a dumpy, clownish man and teaching young children a dance coded to urge young men to visit flophouses to engage in casual gay sex. It’s like he’s openly spitting on DeSantis’s largest and most impactful legislative accomplishment.

Following convicted felon President Trump’s inspiring pep talk on Tuesday, members of the “SALT Caucus” have “reached out to the Speaker to tell them they are a no on the bill,” Punchbowl’s Jake Sherman reports and yeah that might just be kind of a problem in the way of passing it this week.

“Today, Oscar Mayer announces the ‘Wienie 500’ – a first-of-its-kind spectacle where the fleet of Wienermobiles will haul buns to the legendary Indianapolis Motor Speedway for a race unlike any other. Ahead of this year’s Indianapolis 500, which draws more than 330,000 fans who consume nearly 30,000 hot dogs, Oscar Mayer’s beloved Hotdoggers will make their racing debut on the very same track as the pros. The race will be streamed live on Friday, May 23 at 2pm ET on the FOX Sports app and across @INDYCARonFOX social accounts, and fans can catch highlights from the race during Sunday’s Indy 500 pre-race show on FOX,” says a press release from Oscar Mayer.

“The Wienie 500 will also mark the first ‘meat-up’ of all six Wienermobiles in over a decade and the first competitive race for the fleet, each sporting an all-new look. Each Wienermobile will represent a different regional dog, including the Chi Dog (Midwest), New York Dog (East), Slaw Dog (Southeast), Sonoran Dog (Southwest) Chili Dog (South) and Seattle Dog (Northwest). From custom Hotdogger racing suits, to a trophy presentation in the ‘Wiener’s Circle’, complete with a condiment spray and hot dog for the wiener’s enjoyment, every moment of the race is designed to spark smiles, serving up a delightful racing event only Oscar Mayer can,” the press release continued, turgid with anticipation over the very thought of six large phallic objects thundering down the raceway in front of fans sure to be already tantalized by the sweaty, piston-pumping main event’s overtones of dominance over submissive rivals, thunderously loud purring, and the occasional rear-ending.

Also, who the hell decided to call it the “Wiener’s Circle” and who kneels in the middle of it? Lol.

A flamboyant, makeup-wearing New York native who had some liberal sensibilities until he horseshoed into hardcore MAGAism now hates Jews again and wants them to stop bombing Gaza immediately, going so far as to protest the campaign waged by the Israeli state, Axios reports.

The Jew-hater is of course convicted felon President Trump and if what Axios printed about him being “frustrated by the ongoing war in Gaza and upset by images of suffering of Palestinian children, and has told his aides to tell Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu he wants him to wrap it up” is correct then by Trump’s own standards he hates Jews and is basically a Nazi.

He might as well start wearing a kiffeyeh and declare himself an honorary Palestinian. Hell, he should be deported to Gaza, really, for betraying Israel, the Jews, and America. He’s no better than the terrorist Jew-haters who seized control of college campuses to protest the war.

This fucking idiot literally said habeas corpus is “a constitutional right that the president has to be able to remove people from this country,” to which New Hampshire Senator Maggie Hassan said, very understatedly, “That’s incorrect,” before educating dog murderer Kristi Noem on what the Latin phrase actually means. Later, when asked by Hassan “If the president tries to suspend habeas corpus and a federal court reverses the president’s order, will you comply with the court order and uphold habeas corpus, or will you follow the president’s directive?” Noem said “We are following all federal court orders,” Hassan then replied “That is not true for anybody who reads the news.” The fucking moron then tried for a “mic drop” with “I wouldn’t rely on the news for your facts.”

Noem then had no answer when Richard Blumenthal said “Let me go to some of the expenditures that your department is making. $200 million for an ad campaign fawning over President Trump’s supposed accomplishments… none of these expenditures are in your present budget… you’re just spending recklessly and it would seem wastefully without authorization. That’s against the law.”

From a memo sent to soldiers of the Army’s 43rd Adjutant Battalion based at Fort Leonard Wood in Missouri, linked by the Army Times: “The usage of profanity, vulgar language, rude gestures or remarks are strictly prohibited while operating in official capacities during duty hours. Such language does not align with the Army’s core values and undermines the integrity of our Soldiers and our formations therefore will not be tolerated in the 43rd Reception Battalion. Restrictions: Vulgar or disparaging language will not be utilized during meetings, briefings, training exercises, while addressing superiors, peers, or trainees. Vulgar or offensive language will not be displayed on any piece of clothing or personal effects at any time within the Battalion footprint.”

That’s kind of woke, isn’t it? Taking the fun out of being in the military would qualify, right? Someone pass this along to Secretary Petey Pee Pants whenever he’s done sleeping off his breakfast gin.

Convicted felon President Trump on Tuesday warned House Republicans “Don’t fuck around with Medicaid,” Punchbowl’s Jake Sherman reports from a source in the closed-door meeting. The words come even as he hopes for them to deliver him a bill that will, in fact, fuck around with Medicaid by imposing onerous paperwork requirements on recipients, a great deal of whom already do work, and simply create attrition through red tape with mail that they’ll probably miss – if it’s even sent.

The fat bastard also urged Blue State Republicans to take the $40,000 SALT cap offered by Mike Johnson on Monday night, an offer that wasn’t received very well by Mike Lawler and pals. Trump then singled out Lawler, saying “I know your district better than you do, if you lose because of salt you were going to lose anyway.” Note that this is less than two weeks after Trump endorsed him.

“TRUMP is now complaining about the debt limit deal that Kevin McCarthy cut with Joe Biden. This is a greatest hit for Trump,” Sherman later tweeted. Poor Kev, a failure even in political death, lol.

Lurching into the Capitol to cajole House republicans to shut the fuck up and vote yes on his “Big Beautiful Bill,” convicted felon President Trump on Tuesday sounded kind of different on the matter of SALT deductions than he did on the campaign trail last year. On September 17th, 2024 the fat bastard posted “WHAT THE HELL DO YOU HAVE TO LOSE? VOTE FOR TRUMP! I will turn it around, get SALT back, lower your Taxes, and so much more” in the middle of hyping his stupid rally at Long Island’s Nassau Coliseum that week. Now, after losing his original home state, he’s wary of anything that benefits residents of “very blue states that I don’t really believe… if we had honest elections, I think I would’ve won California, I would’ve won New York. I even think I would’ve won Illinois.”