“THE OPERATION IS OVER! THE PATIENT LIVED, AND IS HEALING. THE PROGNOSIS IS THAT THE PATIENT WILL BE FAR STRONGER, BIGGER, BETTER, AND MORE RESILIENT THAN EVER BEFORE, MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!!!” posted convicted felon President Trump on Thursday morning.

Yeah, he seriously fucking wrote that. In all caps, preserved for effect in the copypasta here.

The owner of a South Carolina Trump merch store called “Keep on Trumpin” says he has no choice but to do exactly that, but at higher prices, Palmetto Politics reports in a story that was printed on Wednesday before the Orange God Emperor imposed what’s now a 54 percent tariff on Chinese manufactured goods, which is probably like fucking everything in the store.

“As we go further into the summer, it could end up being a 10 to 15 percent increase for us,” said Rick Kligman on Monday, low-balling how bad it was going to be for him and the stupid bullshit that he hawks, like the “Make Your Garden Great Again.” gnome. Kligman adds he “won’t have any real choice in the matter” of whether to raise prices on his cult customers. “We’ll have to, but we’ll try to swallow some of it on our end,” he continued, probably lying, but still signaling his “patriotism.”

“We don’t want to be too dramatic,” Kligman then said. Lol. Another interviewee, Israeli immigrant Viktor Ilus, who in 2012 opened “The Dixie Shop” in Myrtle Beach, which sells Confederate battle flags next to cardboard cutouts of Trump and Jaydee Vance, was unintentionally prescient, saying it’d be fine if his suppliers jacked prices up by 10 percent. “That’s not going to affect nobody,” Ilus said. Palmetto Politics then writes “But if those prices spike – by say, 58 percent, he threw out – Ilus won’t hesitate to cut back on pricier items like T-shirts and hats.” Only off by 4 percent.

An unnamed Israeli economic official tells i24 News’s Amichai Stein that they “are in shock” over convicted felon President Trump’s decision to impose a 17 percent tariff on their exports, given how much the Netanyahu Regime does to kiss his fat ass. “We were sure that the decision to completely cancel tariffs on imports from the US would prevent this move. But it didn’t happen.”

New York City Mayor Eric Adams tells Politico he’s dropping out of the Democratic primary to keep his job and instead running as an independent against likely Dem nominee former Governor Andrew Cuomo and whoever the Republican nominee is, probably trying to get the latter elected.

Also hilarious from Treasury Suckretary Scott Bessent: The jackass doesn’t even know for certain if there’s going to be a 34 percent tariff or a 54 percent tariff on Chinese goods.

“On a static basis, today’s announcement would raise just under $400 billion in revenue, or about 1.3 percent of GDP, which would be the largest tax increase since the Revenue Act of 1968. We estimate that today’s announced measures could boost PCE prices by 1-1.5 percent this year, and we believe the inflationary effects would mostly be realized in the middle quarters of the year. The resulting hit to purchasing power could take real disposable personal income growth in 2Q-3Q into negative territory, and with it the risk that real consumer spending could also contract in those quarters. This impact alone could take the economy perilously close to slipping into recession.”

“And this is before accounting for the additional hits to gross exports and to investment spending. Headlines about retaliatory measures by US trading partners are already coming out, and we expect to learn more in coming days. The somewhat confusing nature of today’s news, coupled with uncertainty over how long these tariffs will remain in place, should make for an even less friendly environment for investment spending (though that is one way to narrow the saving – investment imbalance and hence narrow the current account deficit). We plan to revisit our forecast later this week,” writes some egghead at JP Morgan Chase in an “analysis note” or something.

Four Republicans – Lisa Murkowski, Susan Collins, Rnd Paul, and Mitch McConnell – joined with Dems on Wednesday to pass the resolution ending convicted felon President Trump’s “state of emergency” under which he’s imposing these batshit stupid tariffs on every country except Russia and Belarus. Not totally clear if this is a non-binding resolution or if it’s have to go to the House.

Dow Jones, S&P 500, and Nasdaq futures on Wednesday all dropped worse than Fox News anchor Harris Faulkner’s estrogen levels do right before her daily show, with the Dow down 924, the S&P off 188, and Nasdaq shedding 830 points, per CNBC’s ongoing celebration of Liberation Day.

On the list of countries and territories hit with tariffs are the Heard and McDonald Islands, an Australian external territory in the South Indian Ocean with an estimated population of 4 million.

Penguins. Millions of penguins. Zero exports, let alone permanent human inhabitants or any economy or exporting industries. There’s substantial volcanic activity from Mawson Peak on Heard Island. The territory is thousands of miles from mainland Australia, South Africa, Madagascar, and Reunion, and is only occasionally visited by research teams and the Royal Australian Navy.

But should any of that change within the next few weeks and suddenly a semiconductor manufacturing plant sets up shop on McDonald Island – the one without the dangerous active volcano – then they’re not going to be ripping us off anymore right away at 10 percent out the gate.

“Speaker of the House Mike Johnson and Senate Majority Leader John Thune have been working tirelessly on taking the next step to pass the plan for our ONE, BIG, BEAUTIFUL BILL, as it is known, as well as getting us closer to the Debt Extension necessary to continue our great work. The Senate Budget plan gives us the tools that we need to get our shared priorities done, including certain PERMANENT Tax Cuts, Spending Cuts, Energy, Historic Investments in Defense, Border, and much more. We are going to cut Spending, and right-size the Budget back to where it should be. The Senate Plan has my Complete and Total Support. Likewise, the House is working along the same lines. Every Republican, House and Senate, must UNIFY. We need to pass it IMMEDIATELY!” posted convicted felon President Trump after celebrating Liberation Day on Wednesday.

The urgency is of course to get it done before the recession he’s just set in motion fully kicks in and it’ll be harder politically to justify cutting taxes on the wealthiest Americans.

Nintendo unveiled their hotly-anticipated new hybrid home/travel gaming console the Switch 2 on Wednesday, setting an MSRP price of $449.99 on its debut June 5th, just hours before convicted felon President Trump announced 34 percent tariffs on Chinese-manufactured goods puts the price at $603 and thus probably closer to $900 after you get though all the fucking scalpers. So you’re basically taking a piranha plant up the ass just to play the latest Super Mario games.

THIS IS IT! Convicted felon President Trump, after getting rolled twice by both Mexican President Claudia Sheinbaum and former Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau, will finally announce his huge tariff plan and set off a recession just like he’s been planning to do! Or not! Who the fuck knows! Trump definitely delayed this by an hour so he could do it after the stock market closed, lol.

A cashier at the 7-Eleven on North Nebraska Avenue in Tampa won a heated argument with a customer on Monday, according to a police report stating that detectives “are investigating a homicide that occurred in the 10-thousand block of N Nebraska Avenue. At 6:14 pm, officers responded to a call about a disturbance. When officers arrived, they located an adult male with a gunshot wound. He was taken to a local hospital where he later died from his injuries.”

“The preliminary investigation indicates that the shooting resulted from a dispute between an employee and a customer. During the altercation, the employee shot the customer. The employee is cooperating with the investigation, and there is no ongoing threat to the public.”

Arkansas corrections officials have allowed 68 year-old convicted murderer Bruce Ward to escape from death row as the scumbag died of natural causes in his cell just weeks after Governor Sarah Huckabee signed a bill allowing the state to use nitrogen gas for executions, the AP reports.

Had Huckabee acted faster Ward – who was convicted in the brutal 1989 strangling murder of convenience store cashier Rebecca Doss – would’ve been NITROed, but instead he’s escaped capital punishment. There are 24 other inmates who can be NITROed soon, however.

Fucking idiot National Security Advisor Mike Waltz set up at least 20 chat groups on the Signal app for team synergy and ideation among the Pentagon’s top squad, Politico reports on more of this shit.

“On Thursday, April 3rd, at 5:00 PM, Chris Pappas will hold an event at the Puritan Backroom in Manchester, New Hampshire,” says a press release from New Hampshire Dem Congressman Chris Pappas’s campaign that, minus a description, appears to be confirmation that he’s going to run for the Senate to succeed the retiring Jean Shaheen and (maybe) face dickhead Gov Chris Sununu.

Pappas defeated Krazy Karoline in her first and only campaign for office back in 2022.

“An unauthorized vehicle drove onto Library Mall, creating a disturbance. As a result of the investigation into this incident, the driver of this vehicle was identified as David J Volm, 31, of Stevens Point, WI. Volm was booked into the Dane County Jail by UWPD on charges of misdemeanor Disorderly Conduct, and was also cited for multiple traffic violations,” says the University of Wisconsin-Madison Police Department in an incident report putting the arrest as having been effected at about 7:20 PM CDT Tuesday without mentioning the vehicle’s make or model.

It was a Tesla Cybertruck, per the Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel, and the time, hideous electric shitbox, and location – across the street from a polling place on a liberal campus in a solid blue Democratic stronghold – are extremely unlikely to have been unrelated to the state Supreme Court election. There aren’t any other details available on what Volm’s motive was, but to hazard a guess it seems like some half-assed domination/intimidation display for the future of western civilization. Or maybe he was going to run a bunch of libtards down but lost his nerve. Who knows.

MAGA-adjacent failed coup plotters Marcel Malanga, Benjamin Zalman-Polun, and Tyler Thompson are no longer going to die in the Democratic Republic of the Congo this year but instead in a prison there decades from now as the BBC reports three jackasses’s death sentences for participating in a failed attempt to over throw the government led by Malanga’s father Christian – a Congolese-American car dealer a big Trump fan – last year. Christian Malanga himself was gunned down by government troops after they attacked the wrong building – the Palace of the People – thinking President Felix Tshisekedi was inside, even though the palace is a seldom-used ceremonial building.

Malanga Jr grew up in Utah and Thompson is a high school buddy whose family claims he had no idea he was joining a coup plotted by Malanga Sr, who had this insane vision of seizing control of the nation and setting up a state called “New Zaire.” Both of them are in their early 20s. Zalman-Polun, 36 or 37, was a Maryland-based cannabis entrepreneur and who knows how the hell he got mixed up with Malanga for the 4:30 AM raid on Kinshasa that was like the Bay of Pigs but dumber and didn’t even have the fake CIA backing that would rug pull on them at the last minute.

“A powerful Spring storm system will bring a barrage of life-threatening weather including flash flooding and strong tornadoes to portions of the Lower Ohio Valley and Mid-South Wednesday, with the flash flood threat only the beginning of a multi-day catastrophic and potentially historic event. A deepening upper-level trough and accompanying strong low pressure/frontal system over the Plains this morning will push eastward through the Midwest, Mississippi Valley, and southern Plains Wednesday,” says the National Weather Service in a pretty wide-ranging alert posted Wednesday.

“Extremely impressive dynamics given very strong upper-level and lower-level wind fields, as well as a deep influx of boundary layer moisture flowing northward from the Gulf, will help support a broad warm sector featuring widespread, intense thunderstorms stretching from the Great Lakes southwest through the Middle Mississippi/Lower Ohio Valleys, Mid-South, ArkLaTex, and Southern Plains. The Storm Prediction Center (SPC) has introduced a High Risk (level 5/5) of severe weather across portions of the Mid-South where the most favorable overlap of strong upper- and lower-level shear and instability may lead to an outbreak of tornadoes, including multiple intense tornadoes, as well as very large hail and significant damaging winds. A broader at least Enhanced level (3/5) severe threat covers the rest of the region where a more scattered but still significant threat of tornadoes, large hail, and damaging winds exists. Unfortunately, this severe threat will be compounded by the beginning of a life-threatening flash flood event.”

The “5/5 high risk” is extremely rare from the NWS, as in this storm isn’t fucking around.