Conservative Mormon entrepreneur Trevor Milton, founder of failed EV truck company Nikola, who had been sentenced to four years in the joint for two counts of wire fraud and one count of securities fraud for lying to investors about the technology and how many preorders had been placed for the trucks, and on the hook for $695 million in court-ordered restitution to shareholders and a backer, is now free of such burdens after receiving a pardon as a return on investment to convicted felon President Trump’s 2024 campaign, CNBC reports on more third-world bullshit.

“Oh my gosh, oh, you won’t believe what just happened,” Milton, who sent $920,000 to the “Trump 47 Committee,” said in an Instagram video posted Thursday. “Probably the best day I’ve had in five years. I just got a call from the president of the United States, on my phone, and he signed my full and unconditional pardon of innocence… I am free. The prosecutors can no longer hurt me. They can’t destroy my family, they can’t rip everything away from me, they can’t ruin my life.” There was some doubt initially over whether Milton was pardoned, but the White House confirmed it to CNBC.

Nikola was once a “unicorn” in the space despite being stuck taking famed inventor Nikola Tesla’s first name since his last name was already taken, lol. They’re the second American electric truck company born in the era of the Orange God Emperor’s “manufacturing is back” bullshit in his first term to turn out to be built on a foundation of lies after the Lordstown Motors failure.

A GoFundMe page set up for Harvard Medical School bioinformatician Kseniia Petrova linked from an article by a Cyrillic site CurrentTime.tv detail how Petrova was arrested at Boston Logan International Airport last month carrying frog embryos she allegedly failed to declare or were contraband or something and has since been locked up in an ICE facility in Louisiana.

“Hello! We are friends of Kseniia and are hoping to find others who will help to support her through a difficult time ahead. Kseniia’s story (in brief): Ksenia fled persecution in Russia for protesting (without destruction or violence) the war in Ukraine. As a talented computer scientist, she was hired to work for Harvard Medical School and came to the US on a work visa. She has worked hard and lived in the US for over two years now. Coming back from a trip in France, she had her visa revoked and stated she was afraid to be sent back to Russia. At that point, she was taken to an ICE detention center. We are awaiting her parole, but she has been detained since Feb 16,” says the GoFundMe page’s summary of the predicament that seems a little extra on the hopium for parole and not the distinct possibility that Petrova will be deported to face Russian “justice.”

Worth asking if the Trump regime grabbed her because the Kremlin mentioned they needed a favor.

Great to be in Manila with @dndphl Secretary Gilberto Teodoro, Jr. The U.S.-Philippines alliance was forged in WWII and remains stronger than ever. Shoulder to shoulder, we stand for peace through strength in the Indo-Pacific. pic.twitter.com/AMl4v9heQO

— Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth (@SecDef) March 28, 2025

“President Trump’s dramatic rug pull of Rep Elise Stefanik’s (R-NY) UN ambassador nomination has given House Speaker Mike Johnson (R-La) a new series of headaches,” says the lede to a Thursday Axios story immediately followed by a “Why it matters” bullet point saying “Johnson has to reassure GOP lawmakers after their president said he’s nervous about a Trump +20 district.”

Lol. Then, in a “Driving the news” bullet Axios writes “In explaining his decision, Trump undercut the NRCC line that there was no risk of the GOP losing any special elections this year.”

Also lol and very reminiscent of when the fat bastard refused to rule out a recession in that interview with Fox News idiot Maria Bartiromo, causing stocks take an absolute beating the next day. It’s almost like just shutting the fuck up and letting the cards fall as they may would’ve been the better option for Trump in both situations which, though different, are inextricably linked. Mostly in one direction, as a recession and even talk of one are definitely a factor in the GOP’s electoral outlook.

The Axios story doesn’t have any good anonymous quotes but Politico‘s similarly-premised Friday article has an unnamed “top GOP operative” saying “If we’re far underperforming in seats Trump won by 30 then there’s obvious concern about having to chance special elections in seats Trump won by a lot less. The juice is not worth the squeeze sweating them out.” Sucks for Elise Stefanik.

A mid-level Department of Homeland Security official is currently on unpaid leave, faces revocation of her security clearance, and is almost certainly going to be looking for a new job after an incident in late January when she accidentally added a reporter from a DC-based right wing news outlet to an email thread about and prior to a series of ICE raids in the Denver area, NBC News reports.

It gets better: The official – unidentified by NBC’s sources “out of fear she would face retaliation from members of the public who are pro-immigration enforcement” – realized her mistake and then spoke to the reporter who agreed not to publish any of the unclassified details of the planning for the raids, apparently not even after they were executed without incident. The official owned her mistake to colleagues, who let it go save for one who passed it along to dog-murderer Kristi Noem and bald asshole Tom Homan – during a time when both were having public tantrums over leaks supposedly having compromised other operations. Homan himself fucking told people in December that Chicago would be the main target for ICE raids and that made its way to a Wall Street Journal article. Then in February he told Axios others in the administration needed to stop publicly hyping raids in advance, almost certainly after getting screamed at by convicted felon President Trump.

Anyway, the DHS official has 30 days to appeal her security clearance revocation. To whom the NBC article doesn’t say but it doesn’t sound like it’s going to end well for her or that she’ll still be working there in a few months. They do however amply contrast her predicament with a certain other situation currently unfolding in the Trump regime but it’s so fucking obvious that there’s no point in putting it here. It’s not like them letting some heads roll while guiltier ones stay on is anything new.

https://t.co/PVdINmsHXs pic.twitter.com/Bw5YUCI2xL

— The White House (@WhiteHouse) March 27, 2025

ChatGPT users taking advantage of the AI chatbot’s new image generator have been going hard on creating “Studio Ghibli”-style renditions of real-life events and, never the ones to look out of sync with the cultural zeitgeist, the White House on Thursday decided to publish to its official Twitter account a depiction of an undocumented immigrant being arrested in the art style of the Japanese anime studio beloved by millions. That’s where were at on month three of the second Trump regime.

A fake penis used for deceiving parole officers with synthetic urine during observed piss tests is a real headache for a South Dakota convict who wasn’t supposed to have it – or the meth and marijuana in his bedroom at his parents’ house, the Mitchell Daily Republic reports.

The piss-fueled nightmare for 45 year-old Mitchell man Courtney Stork began when a detective spotted him driving around town without a license and, rather than stopping, Stork drove home and bolted inside. He then came back out with his mom and consented to a search of the vehicle, in which cops found the “Whizzinator” fake penis rig, an elaborate pump system in which a pouch of fake piss is strapped to one’s abdomen and then they squeeze it out in view of parole/probation officers loathe to look too closely at their dicks. Stork admitted it was his, upon which cops called his parole officer to search the home for the shit that Stork is not supposed to have while enrolled in the 24/7 drug testing program. There they found meth residue and a half-smoked joint.

Local prosecutors took their time on the February 26th incident, and for whatever reason took until this week to bring charges against Stork. On Tuesday he pleaded not guilty to two possession misdemeanors for drug paraphernalia and under two ounces of weed, and possession of meth, a felony. It’s not clear what happened to the fake cock or if it counts as “drug paraphernalia.”

A 7.7 magnitude earthquake centered near Myanamar’s second largest city of Mandalay on Friday collapsed at least three high-rise buildings in that town and killed at least three people in neighboring Thailand in a disaster that is guaranteed to have a grievous toll, the AP reports.

At least 90 construction workers were missing at a site in Bangkok, said Thai Defense Minister Phumtham Wechayachai. The shallow quake even caused damage and injuries in China.

Presiding over a preliminary hearing in American Oversight’s complaint against the MAGA Reich over their use of auto-delete-y texting app Signal to discuss their fucking attack plans against the Houthis in Yemen, DC Circuit Judge James Boasberg on Thursday ordered the dumbasses to preserve all their messages from March 11th through 15th, ABC News reports.

It had to be a little awkward for Don Jr to have a new baby half-brother when he was 29, from a stepmom who has only a few years on him. He’s probably chatted about this with Lachlan Murdoch, whose half-sister Grace is also 30 years younger, ex-stepmom Wendi four years older.

There’s a woman named Svetlana in Berlin who’s got them beat though, as her new baby brother Philipp is 45 years younger. There’s another difference and this story’s so fucking wacky that it needed some kind of roundabout intro: It was Svetlana’s mom, 66 year-old museum owner Alexandra Hildebrandt, who gave birth to Philipp, her 10th, per Fox News, citing German outlet Bild.

For her part Alexandra looks to be in extraordinarily good shape for her age, and told Bild she eats “very healthily, swim regularly for an hour, run for two hours, don’t smoke or drink, and have never used contraception,” and feels “like I’m 35.” Philipp was born via c-section like most of his siblings.

It’s not clear if Alexandra’s descended from the product of some Nazi breeding program. Those were real and there’s no way around it that their freakishly superior genetics are present in the populace today. Still get the sense that it’s kind of “taboo” there to identify as having some Nazi selection.

Israeli officials complained to their submissives in the US intel community after reading that “The first target – their top missile guy – we had positive ID of him walking into his girlfriend’s building and it is now collapsed,” line dumbass National Security Advisor Mike Waltz had written in the Signal chat the moron invited the Atlantic’s Jeff Goldberg to join, potentially compromising an informant the IDF has on the ground in the Houthi-controlled region of Yemen, the Wall Street Journal reports.

Pretty standard shit for a crew so fanatically obsessed with protecting Israel from terrorists.

Note that Turkish Tufts PhD candidate Rumeysa Ozturk, 30, is not alleged to have actually participated in any “ruckus.” All she did was write an op-ed in support of the Palestinians. That’s what got her abducted off the street by ICE agents in Somerville, Massachusetts on Tuesday.

“The Secretary expressed concerns regarding recent arrests and protests in Türkiye,” says a Wednesday State Department press release about a meeting with Foreign Minister Hakan Fidan. The concerns were not elaborated upon but maybe had something to do with freedoms of speech and expression being cracked down during protests over anti-democratic political repression, lol.

Senate Foreign Relations Chairman Jim Risch on Thursday confirmed that the White House has officially pulled shrieking monster Elise Stefanik’s nomination to the UN Ambassadorship, Semafor’s Burgess Everett reports on a total bummer for those of us who never wanted to see her again.

“As we advance our America First Agenda, it is essential that we maintain EVERY Republican Seat in Congress. We must be unified to accomplish our Mission, and Elise Stefanik has been a vital part of our efforts from the very beginning. I have asked Elise, as one of my biggest Allies, to remain in Congress to help me deliver Historic Tax Cuts, GREAT Jobs, Record Economic Growth, a Secure Border, Energy Dominance, Peace Through Strength, and much more, so we can MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN. With a very tight Majority, I don’t want to take a chance on anyone else running for Elise’s seat. The people love Elise and, with her, we have nothing to worry about come Election Day.”

“There are others that can do a good job at the United Nations. Therefore, Elise will stay in Congress, rejoin the House Leadership Team, and continue to fight for our amazing American People. Speaker Johnson is thrilled! I look forward to the day when Elise is able to join my Administration in the future. She is absolutely FANTASTIC. Thank you Elise!” posted convicted felon President Trump shortly after, confirming the withdrawal and admitting failure while calling it a win.

The Trump Regime wasn’t worried about Stefanik’s NY-21 seat being empty for months so much as actually losing it this November or whenever the special would be held, according to “RINO” op-ed guy Matt Lewis, who writes “A MAGA fan/CEO named Anthony Constantino was gonna run as a 3rd party candidate. Plus the Democrat has raised a couple million dollars already, I’m told…”

Russian dictator Vladimir Putin on Thursday told a gathering of his fearful, trembling sycophants that it “would be a grave mistake to think that” convicted felon President Trump’s imperial ambitions of conquering Greenland are “just some eccentric talk of the new American administration, nothing of the kind,” Sky News reports. “Those plans have deep historic roots and it is obvious that the US will continue to promote their geopolitical, military and economic interests in the Arctic,” Vlad added, with the “historic roots” alluding to some 19th century US attempt to annex Greenland and Iceland.

“As for Greenland, I think that this is an issue that concerns two states and has nothing to do with us. However, we are concerned by the fact that the NATO countries increasing identify the far north as a foothold for possible conflicts,” Putin continued, as if Denmark isn’t already in NATO and that there’s an US Space Force base in Greenland’s far north where Jaydee and Usha are soon headed.

Bizzare moment person in Pikachu costume flees Police amid protests in Turkey pic.twitter.com/40X2aKtyJA

— New York Post (@nypost) March 27, 2025

Sources tell Axios that Dem Minnesota Congresswoman Ilhan Omar is working on articles of impeachment of white nationalist alcoholic Pete Hegseth, CIA Director John Ratcliffe, and idiot National Security Advisor Mike Waltz for their texting dumbassery.

Obviously it’s a tall order, especially given that Dems are in the minority but Axios writes that she could try to force some kind of vote on it through a privileged motion. Depending on how it’s played, Omar might be a smart pick given how the MAGA dickheads act like she’s “pro-terrorist” and it’d be tough to paint her as somehow sympathetic to the Houthis if she’s demanding accountability for conduct that at least in theory could have compromised a lethal military operation against them.

“We the undersigned bar organizations stand together with and in support of the American Bar Association to defend the rule of law and reject efforts to undermine the courts and the legal profession. In particular, as outlined by the ABA: We endorse the sentiments expressed by the chief justice of the US Supreme Court in his 2024 Year End Report on the Federal Judiciary, ‘[w]ithin the past year we have also seen the need for state and federal bar associations to come to the defense of a federal district judge whose decisions in a high-profile case prompted an elected official to call for her impeachment. Attempts to intimidate judges for their rulings in cases are inappropriate and should be vigorously opposed,'” says the American Bar Association in an open letter.

“We support the right of people to advance their interests in courts of law when they have been wronged. We reject the notion that the US government can punish lawyers and law firms who represent certain clients or punish judges who rule certain ways. We cannot accept government actions that seek to twist the scales of justice in this manner. We reject efforts to undermine the courts and the profession. We will not stay silent in the face of efforts to remake the legal profession into something that rewards those who agree with the government and punishes those who do not.”

“Words and actions matter. And the intimidating words and actions we have heard and seen must end. They are designed to cow our country’s judges, our country’s courts and our legal profession.”

What does this actually mean in practice? Who the hell knows. Maybe nothing. Maybe it does actually signal that they’re going to start throwing their weight at the Trump Regime and their minions for trying to neutralize court challenges to their evil plans by crippling law firms. One would have to think that the body with sway over the ones who can and cannot actually practice law in the United States and its courts just miiiiight be formidable here. Let’s see if they’ll do something.

Monstrous fascist Republican New York Congresswoman Elise Stefanik may back out of the nomination for UN Ambassador, confirmation for which has been on hold for months, per CBS’s Jen Jacobs, who writes the new gig is “in jeopardy as pressure mounts for her to back away” from the job “partly because Republicans hold a small majority in the US House. There are discussions being held this morning about whether she should pull her nomination as soon as today.”

First off that would sure suck if Stefanik stays in Congress and not at the UN where nobody has to ever hear from her again, but more importantly that’s pretty fucking strange, right? Why wouldn’t they at least wait until after the specials in Florida next week? Republicans have FL-1 in the bag and are still heavily favored in FL-6, despite Randy Fine being such a cunt that even other MAGA clowns hate him. Two House Dems in blue districts died just this month and probably won’t have anyone taking over until November, so by next Saturday it’ll (likely) be 220 R to 213 D. How’s that meaningfully different than where they were at when Stefanik accepted the nomination?

Not going to tantalize anyone by speculating that maybe they know something we don’t about a major scandal and/or a health issue facing one or more other House Republicans. The most likely explanation is that now they simply underestimated how hard it would be to cut taxes on the wealthy while inflicting more suffering on poor people and need every single vote they can get.