“Michigan autoworker Joseph Knowles, a guest at President Donald Trump’s address to a joint session of Congress, explained why he ‘made a damn good choice’ switching from being a lifelong Democrat to a Republican. During Trump’s address on Tuesday, when he honored a 13-year-old brain cancer survivor and the mother of a 12-year-old girl who was murdered, allegedly by illegal migrants, most Democrats remained seated. Some protested the address by holding signs that read ‘FALSE,’ ‘NO king!’ and ‘MUSK STEALS,'” says the lede to a Fox News story printed early Saturday morning, itself just a recap of an on-air segment from Wednesday after Trump’s stupid speech.

“I’m very disappointed in the Democrats on how they handled things,” Knowles told two Caucasian Fox News anchors in the middle of the afternoon. “And you know what? I feel like I made a damn good choice of not voting for them anymore, and I’m very proud of how Donald Trump handled it.”

Moving on from complaining about Dems’ conduct at the speech, he then ripped into the party overall. “They said their agenda was for the working people, but that’s not the case,” said literally every fucking Fox News guest billed as a “former Democrat” over the last decade Knowles. “They’re out-of-touch, and I can no longer support an organization or a political party like that.”

It might’ve been around this point, or maybe when Knowles said “I got very good hope for the Republican Party. I mean, more and more people are seeing the true colors of the Democrats. And it took me, I’m sorry, 20 years to see that, and I woke up. I’m very confident the American people will wake up too,” that a reader might begin to perceive something about this interview. Not just that Knowles’s lines were scripted, because you’d have to be pretty fucking stupid not to have picked that up right away, but that they were scripted with a specific intent. A very specific intent.

Acting on orders directly from the White House, ICE agents on Saturday detained Columbia grad student Mahmoud Khalil, a Palestinian-born Algerian citizen green card holder, who had acted as a negotiator during last year’s protests at the Ivy League college’s NYC campus, Drop Site reports.

Khalil had last week participated in a sit-in at Milstein Library at Barnard, a college within a college at Columbia, protesting the recent expulsion of three Barnard students over pro-Palestine activism, at which the NYPD arrested nine. Khalil was not among those cuffed, but several MAGA and far right pro-Israel Twitter accounts over the previous few days had been tagging convicted felon President Trump, Secretary of State Marco Rubio, Attorney General Pam Bondi, and dog murderer Kristi Noem in posts identifying Khalil as a protestor. Then on Saturday night, two ICE agents approached Khalil as he was headed into his campus residence with his wife, who is eight months pregnant.

A statement by the pro-Palestine group Writers Against the War on Gaza (WAWOG) stated that Khalil was told his (non-existent) student visa was revoked “despite the fact that he has a green card, not a visa, and is a lawful permanent resident” and “abducted and detained without the physical demonstration of a warrant or officially filed charges,” with an ICE database apparently listing Khalil as being held at an ICE detention center in New Jersey under God knows what conditions.

Needless to say this is extremely fucked up and dark. As tempting as it might be to revel at the misfortune at another “Genocide Joe” dead-ender getting theirs (and there’s no info on how deep Khalil was into that shit), just keep in mind that next time it might be a Ukrainian green card holder.

As early practitioners of siege warfare in the late Middle Ages learned during the first few times they utilized rudimentary artillery against their foes, one need check wind conditions and correct accordingly to make good on their intended target. Failing to do so typically meant no worse than a perfectly good cannonball landing in the mud behind the castle it was supposed to strike, though there were no doubt more than a few medieval warlords who were big on punishing waste, fraud, and abuse by their troops and were happy to make examples of incompetent cannoniers.

It’s this kind of history that North Texas human cannonball Chachi “The Rocketman” Valencia may do well to contemplate as he convalesces from a similar fuckup he brought upon himself last Sunday at the Riverside County Fair and National Date Festival in Indio, California. “I know the mistake that we made,” Valencia told KHOU from the San Diego-area home of a relative where he’s currently laid up.

“And it was a judgement call probably,” Valenica continued as he described the chain of events leading to he and his wife/assistant deciding it was go time. “So when I got shot, the wind completely caught me,” sending him into and then over the net around his target and onto the adjacent pavement. “A broken wrist. I got a few broken ribs. And I have a bleeding liver,” he said.

“If it wasn’t for my wife who is here, I don’t know how I could survive really. It’s just so hard to move around, you know,” Valencia said, adding he’s going to be much more careful next time. Whenever he’s healthy enough to be shot out of a cannon again. “You know, this is what I do for a living. It’s not like I can stop this tomorrow and get some other job or something. This is what I do.” Plus he can’t let the fans down. “They’re so excited to see you get shot out of a cannon. Hard to say no, you know what I mean? In the future I just need to be, be a little bit more firm” about waiting out the wind.

MAGA Michigan state Representative Josh Schriver, a pro-child marriage far right racist zoomer constantly in trouble with his superiors, is taking things a few steps further than the intrusive online age verification laws imposed by Republicans in other states and working hard on slapping together a bill outlawing pornography in the Great Lakes State, the Detroit News reports.

Schriver’s still got some kinks (no pun intended) to work out of the plan, namely how such a prohibition would actually work in practice. “Is that something you guys are equipped to enforce?” Schriver asked Michigan State Police Detective Lt Jeff Hoffman during a Tuesday hearing of the House Communications and Technology Committee. Hoffamn said state troopers do “not enforce the internet,” but MSP’s involvement “would depend on the bill.” So no, Hoffman was not looking forward to having to stop vehicles with out-of-state plates to see if issues of “Buttlovers XXL” or DVDs titled “Karate Fist Fest 9” are stashed in the trunk, to say nothing of the internet and VPNs.

Asked how it’d work, Schriver said simply “In the same way child porn is rightfully illegal, all porn shall be so.” Luckily for Michigan masturbators this has approximately zero chance of passing.

In a no doubt heavily edited interview with batshit idiot Maria Bartiromo aired Sunday, convicted felon President Trump said he would “hate to predict something like that” when asked if there could be a recession this year, downplayed the beating investors are taking in the stock market, and more or less told CEOs to go fuck themselves if they want economic stability. So yeah, it was a pretty typical performance by the president who told his fans “the only reason the stock market is doing good, doing OK, but it’s doing actually good, because everyone thinks that Trump is going to win the presidency,” three days before the election and whose whose voters said shit like they have “no doubt he will make the US better than where we are financially.”

New York Governor Kathy Hochul on Saturday declared a state of emergency in effect for eastern Long Island’s Suffolk County as a number of wind-driven brushfires broke out in the wooded areas north of Westhampton, leading to the evacuation of an Air National Guard post, WCBS reports.

The largest fire was about 80 percent contained on Sunday morning, but the dry, windy conditions continue to pose an elevated risk. “We have about 600 acres burned. Two commercial buildings that suffered damage. There are no residential buildings that have been damaged or threatened at this time, and there are no evacuations at this moment, and we hope it to stay that way. But as the day goes on, we’ll be able to proceed from there,” said Westhampton Beach Fire official Lewis Scott.

Secret Service agents on Saturday shot a libtard who was brandishing a firearm near the White House early Sunday morning, NPR reports. The libtard, believed to have traveled from Indiana, was flagged as a security risk to the Orange God Emperor prior to the incident.

“On Sunday March 9th, an adult male was shot by US Secret Service personnel following an armed confrontation with law enforcement in Washington DC. Earlier on Saturday, local police shared information about a suicidal individual who may be traveling to Washington DC from Indiana.”

“Around midnight, members of the Secret Service encountered the individual’s parked vehicle near 17th and F Streets, NW. They also saw an individual on foot matching the description nearby,” said the Secret Service in a statement. As officers approached, the individual brandished a firearm and an armed confrontation ensued, during which shots were fired by our personnel. The suspect was transported to an area hospital and his condition is unknown. There were no reported injuries to Secret Service personnel. The incident is under investigation by the Metropolitan Police Department Internal Affairs Division’s Force Investigations Team, which investigates all law enforcement officer involved shootings in the District of Columbia,” said the Secret Service in a statement.

“ELON AND MARCO HAVE A GREAT RELATIONSHIP. ANY STATEMENT OTHER THAN THAT IS FAKE NEWS!!! DJT,” posted you know who on Saturday evening, apropos of not very much.

Calling the DOGE shitshow ruining people’s lives capriciously “exciting,” “exhilarating,” and “the greatest thing that’s happened since I’ve been in Congress,” in an interview with the Associated Press, National Republican Campaign Committee chair Congressman Richard Hudson was then asked “Do you feel any blowback back home from people losing their jobs, cuts to veterans?”

Hudosn’s answer: “(Musk) did say that the the the firings at the VA (Department of Veterans Affairs) were a mistake done by that agency, by the VA. He said mistakes were made by bureaucrats.”

It gets even better. Asked “what’s your message to the fired federal workers, what do you say to them?” Hudson: “Hang tight.” AP: “What does that mean?” Hudson: “I mean there may be some mistakes that are being corrected.” AP: “Do you think that will be an OK message for other GOP lawmakers to use?” (Keep in mind Hudson is responsible for defending and expanding the House Republican majority. He was in charge last year when it shrank by two seats). Hudson: “The American people are sick of the swamp. They’re sick of waste, fraud and abuse. For the first time. ever, we finally have the tools to affect it. So I think the voters are going to reward us.”

Hudson closed out the interview by boasting that Democrats eyeing a 2026 wave are “digging their own grave politically. We’re on the side of the angels. We’re doing what the American people asked us to do, what 77 million people voted for Donald Trump to get. We’re going to pick up seats.”

Not sure what to add here. It’s one thing to project confidence when things are obviously starting to go south for one’s team, it’s another to project hubris a minute after feigning sympathy for those fucked over needlessly but then saying it was also “exhilarating.” Also pretty telling that Hudson did not go into any detail about asking Musk to overrule these nameless “bureaucrats” at the VA.

Among several articles linked in Truth Social posts by convicted felon President Trump’s account on Saturday morning was a February 17th piece in the Daily Caller by small-faced propagandist Charlie Kirk headlined “Shut Up About Egg Prices – Trump Is Saving Consumers Millions,” in which Kirk wrote “Democrats are positively giddy about the price of eggs. A dozen currently costs around $7, up from just $2 in October. For liberals who resent President Trump’s overwhelming electoral mandate, that’s sufficient proof that these backward, ‘extreme’ MAGA Republicans didn’t know what they were voting for,” and that it’s actually Joe Biden’s fault, libs, and blah blah blah.

It’s possible Trump himself did not personally post the link to the article as previous patterns and reporting seem to indicate that when there are no poorly spelled and unhinged text-based “Truths” then it’s one of his minions who has access to the account. That does not make this a good look and it goes without saying Biden would’ve been impeached within hours if he’d done the same.

The media’s not terribly likely to make this a thing given all the other shit the fat bastard is “flooding the zone” with these days, but they might do well to ask about it at the next press conference.

"It negates the whole idea of sitting down for a family game night": @LaraLeaTrump reacts to the new Monopoly game that replaces cash with an app on your phone pic.twitter.com/lMJWZ4TKNd

— FOX & Friends (@foxandfriends) March 8, 2025

“On March 4th, 2025, a Lee County Sheriff Deputy went to the residence of 2219 Valley Road to serve an active order for arrest on Jessica Nicole Jones (37). Upon pulling into the driveway, the Deputy observed Jones lose no time as she dashed into the residence. Samantha Michelle Goins (an occupant in the residence) falsely told the Deputy that Jones was not inside of the residence and attempted to keep Deputies from entering. Deputies entered the residence and noticed a refrigerator had been moved to obstruct a door that led to the garage area. Once inside of the garage, Deputies located Jones hiding in a pile of clothes and placed her into custody.”

“Jones was taken before a Lee County Magistrate and issued no bond. Deputies also placed Goins (32) into custody for resist, delay, obstruct, and harboring a fugitive. Goins was taken before a Lee County Magistrate and given a $2500.00 bond,” says a Facebook post from the Lee County, North Carolina Sheriff’s Office. It’s not clear what crime Jones was wanted for. Probably something drugs.

Condemned murderer Brad Sigmon chose original recipe Kentucky Fried Chicken, green beans, mashed potatoes with gravy, biscuits, cheesecake, and sweet tea for his last meal before his firing squad execution at Broad River Correctional Institution in Columbia, South Carolina on Friday, USA Today reports on the fast food chain getting some free advertising in a nationally-watched case.

“Brad’s death was horrifying and violent. It is unfathomable that, in 2025, South Carolina would execute one of its citizens in this bloody spectacle,” complained Signmon’s defense attorney, Gerald “Bo” King, adding that Signmon’s request for a few extra buckets of the fried chicken so “he could feed the men locked up with him” on death row “was denied” for unspecified reasons.

Sigmon, sentenced to death in 2002 for the gruesome baseball bat murders of his ex-girlfriend’s parents, Gladys and David Larke, had chosen to die by firing squad rather than the default lethal injection or the electric chair given the possibility of botching either, making him the first US inmate to be executed via the method since 2010. The inmate was strapped to a chair, blinded with a hood, and a doctor placed a target over his heart. Three corrections officers then took aim with rifles, all firing live rounds (traditionally one or more of the men on the firing squad is supposed to be given blanks so none of them truly know who did it) and Sigmon was pronounced dead at 6:08 PM.

Too bad he didn’t choose the electric chair. Headline would’ve been snappier.

Holy shit this movie is so dumb. When it came out Navy recruiting offices hung the poster in the window, trying to draw in fans of a sci-fi actioner based off a goddamned Milton Bradley board game, just adding to the absurdity. “Join up and YOU can become an alcoholic lieutenant who somehow ends up commanding an international fleet against alien invaders and then when that goes to shit you can marshal up a group of WWII veterans and use their retired vessels to defeat them!”

Oh shit, SPOILER.

Embrace the suck of Battleship. It’s a very good bad movie, trying too hard to out-Michael Bay Michael Bay and actually succeeding at it. The “chicken burrito” moment in the beginning is somehow legitimately sweet. The over-the-top hardassery of Alexander Skarsgaard and Liam Neeson are funny as hell. Rihanna as a Navy officer is just not very believable. Enjoy.

A little over 10 years ago the New York State Department of Motor Vehicles was kind of fucking me over. I kept getting the runaround on why I was unable to renew my driver’s license, trip after trip to the godforsaken Stalinist/Brutalist state office tower complex near the Long Island Expressway in Suffolk County ended with no straight answer. Needless to say I was pissed. During one of the interminable Kafka-esque waits to walk out with no license an alarm went off and the building was evacuated, extending the drudgery. As I waited outside I struck up a brief conversation with a fellow evacuee, some dude who worked for a state agency, quickly turning to why the building had been cleared. He said he wasn’t sure but it might’ve been a security threat because the alert sounded different from the fire alarms he was used to occasionally going off there during his workday.

I then said “Well the way things are going for me with the DMV today I’m starting to understand why people park truck bombs outside of government buildings.” And yeah that ended the conversation.

Eventually I got my answer and had to take the fucking road test, several weeks later at the same complex, having some lady shrieking at me to look behind my shoulder when I’m changing lanes driving around the vicinity like I was a goddamned teenager again. Apparently my license had been revoked for an insurance lapse like seven years earlier, nobody ever notified me, especially not the five different car rental agencies I had rented vehicles from nor the cop who had pulled me over searching for a bank robber or the other for a broken tail light during the intervening time. I passed, despite the shrieking. The lady changed her tune when I told her I’d already had a license before.

Taking a cue from FiveThirtyEight, Monmouth University in New Jersey is shutting down its polling institute after one too many findings that missed the mark ahead, the New Jersey Globe reports.

Two federal prosecutors working the case against dipshit New York City Mayor Eric Adams were placed on administrative leave and escorted out of the building housing the US Attorney’s office in Manhattan on Friday for who the hell knows what reason but it’s can’t be good, NBC News reports.

It appears that former Trump defense lawyer and now Deputy Attorney General Todd Blanche, a former SDNY prosecutor himself, wrote the letters to Andrew Rohrbach and Celia Cohen informing them they were on a shitlist. Cohen and Rohrbach had also prosecuted the cases against Sam Bankrupt-Fried and Jeffrey Epstein’s madam Ghislaine Maxwell, who Trump wishes well.

Convicted felon President Trump will be hosting a “crypto summit” with all the industry guys who aren’t in prison cheering him at the White House even though they’re secretly starting to hate him.

The Trum Justice Department has opened an antitrust investigation into egg producers, the Wall Street Journal reports on the regime’s best effort at making it look like they’re doing something about a problem that was supposed to be fixed “on day one.”