Pakistani officials on Wednesday ordered the closure of all seminaries within the side of Kashmir under Islamabad’s control, officially citing a heat wave as the cause but a possible imminent war with India the real reason, a top minister tells Reuters as the tensions continue to escalate.

“Right now, we are facing two kinds of heat – one from the weather and the other from (Indian dictator) Modi,” Hafiz Nazir Ahmad, the director of Pakistani Kashmir’s Department of Religious Affairs, told Reuters, adding that the cover story was to avoid panic. Why the hell the guy just says this to western media without worrying it’ll get back to people in his jurisdiction was unclear, but the fear that Indian troops would target such schools as they consider them to be terrorist training centers probably makes it the right call. “We held a meeting yesterday in which it was unanimously decided not to put innocent children at risk,” Ahmad added about the “precautionary” closures.

Once again, the potentially catastrophic situation was supposed to be the kind of thing that only happened when Joe Biden was president because India and Pakistan and all the other countries prone to violent confrontations with their neighbors were afraid of how tough President Trump is, and yet here we are one fuckup away from war between two nuclear-armed belligerents.

Maybe if he was then Mike Waltz wouldn’t have been fired (does math) three hours later. Oh well.

“In this lawsuit brought under 28 USC § 2241, Petitioners JAV, JGG, and WGH challenge Respondents’ attempt to remove them from the US based on the Alien Enemies Act, 50 USC § 21, and the Proclamation that President Donald Trump issued on March 14, 2025, entitled ‘Invocation of the Alien Enemies Act Regarding the Invasion of the United States by Tren De Aragua.'”

“Simultaneous with their initiation of this habeas action, Petitioners presented a motion to certify a class of ‘All noncitizens in custody in the Southern District of Texas who were, are, or will be subject to the [Proclamation] and/or its implementation’ (Class Cert Mot, Doc 4, 7) For the following reasons, and based on the record and the applicable law, the Court finds the requested relief appropriate, to the extent indicated in this Order and Opinion,” says an order from Trump appointed South Texas federal Judge Fernando Rodriguez. Not sure how big of a deal this is yet, but not likely a small one.

Dipshit National Security Advisor Mike Waltz and his top deputy Alex Wong have been fired, CBS’s Weijia Jiang reports, characterizing it as them “leaving their posts.” Smart money would say Laura Loomer fired them since Waltz was a “RINO” and Wong Chinese-American, thus a “communist spy.”

At 101 days, Waltz managed to last 76 more than convicted felon President Trump’s first pick for the job, traitor former General Mike Flynn, who quit on February 14th, 2017 after getting caught lying about contacts with Russian government officials during the transition period. Waltz’s fuckup, adding the Atlantic’s editor-in-chief to a group chat about a military action, was sort of as bad.

Trump works fry cooker at McDonald’s as MAGA faithful line up to order pic.twitter.com/sW9vUk8imA

— New York Post (@nypost) October 20, 2024

From the fast food giant’s Q1 2025 earnings report: “‘McDonald’s has a 70-year legacy of innovation, leadership, and proven agility, all of which give us confidence in our ability to navigate even the toughest of market conditions and gain market share,’ said CEO Chris Kempczinski. ‘Consumers today are grappling with uncertainty, but they can always count on McDonald’s for both exciting new menu items and delicious favorites for exceptional value, from a brand they love.’ First quarter financial performance: Global comparable sales decreased 1.0 percent, impacted by the comparison to Leap Day in the prior year: US decreased 3.6 percent International Operated Markets decreased 1.0 percent International Developmental Licensed Markets increased 3.5 percent Consolidated revenues decreased 3 percent (2 percent in constant currencies),” and blah blah blah.

Remember that $18 Big Mac “apocalypse” that the fat fuck was supposed to fix? How’d that go?

“On April 7, 2025, the Honorable District Court Judge Stephen P Ochoa sentenced Ryan Reese, of Alamogordo, NM to 391 years in the New Mexico Department of Corrections. On February 14, 2025, an Otero County jury found Reese guilty of 18 counts of Criminal Sexual Penetration in the First Degree (minor under 13), 7 counts of Criminal Sexual Contact (minor under 13) and 6 counts of Incest (minor under 13). The sentence is the longest prison sentence ever handed down in the 12th Judicial District of New Mexico. Judge Ochoa was appointed to the bench in 2023 and elected to office in 2024. Suggs, a former Otero County Magistrate, was elected as District Attorney 2024.”

“Suggs prosecuted the case just 6 weeks after taking office. Newly elected District Attorney Ryan Suggs had this to say about the sentencing, ‘When we have a case like this, I will not rest until I know I am going to put the strongest case possible before the jury. My team of prosecutors, staff and victim’s advocates share the same sentiment. When I said that my administration will prosecute those who viciously abuse our children, to the fullest extent of the law, I meant it. I respect Judge Ochoa’s sentence, it’s the most our law allowed him to impose or otherwise I would have asked for something more.’ By law, these crimes are considered serious violent offenses. This means Reese must serve at least 85 percent of the sentence imposed before being eligible for parole. With that, Reese would not become eligible for parole until the year 2357,” says a Monday press release from the 12th Judicial District Attorney’s office, kind of rubbing it in with that abstraction of a sentence.

A search of voter data reveals that Reese is not Republican, though his parents Richard and Kathryn, whom the 40 year-old apparently lived with before he was arrested for his vile crimes, are.

Bitch-ass Turkish dictator Recep Erdogan’s regime on Thursday shut down all bus, ferry, and metro service in the nation’s largest city ahead of planned May Day protests, as well as arresting more than 400 suspected protestors, coming off a Wednesday sweep of 100 organizers, AFP reports.

This usually happens every May 1st, but this year the heat is considerably higher given the ongoing bogus prosecution of the city’s Mayor Ekrem Imamoglu of the opposition Republican People’s Party, who had been expected to mount a formidable challenge to Erdawg in the 2028 election.

Young white nationalist sociopaths Karoline Leavitt and Stephen Miller will headline this extra early edition of making shit up about pretending to govern on Thursday, snapping at reporters angrily for asking them to reconcile the hateful lies and propaganda with reality if not other hateful lies and propaganda. CBS’s Scott MacFarlane this week reported that the recent earlier-hour pressers have been scheduled as such to catch the “audience of one” while he’s watching Fox and Friends. Given that this morning’s start time is already 27 minutes late from its 8:30 AM billing, the couch crew at Fox are probably having no trouble filling the time with fawning praise for their Orange God Emperor.

Or maybe Karoline gave Team Fox the heads-up while the MSM reporters in the briefing room are having their time wasted pointlessly just for being the “Enemy of the People.” Could be the case.

The most reviled creature in all Biblical and Aesopian parables really stuck it to humanity again on Thursday, this time the son of a bitch got tangled up in the electrical cables crucial to powering Japan’s JR Central bullet train line between Tokyo and Osaka, officials tell NBC News.

The blackout occurred at 5:26 PM local time and was not restored until 7 PM, affecting 86 trains and stranding tens of thousands of passengers, a spokesperson for JR said. The fucking snake at least died as it cursed its hapless warm-blooded nemeses to the obnoxiously long delay.

General Motors on Thursday issued a statement estimating that the Orange God Emperor’s tariff fuckery will eat as much as $5 billion in profits, Bloomberg reports. The automaker had in January issued guidance pegging EBITDA at $15.7 billion but now have revised it lower to a range between $10 and $12.5 billion as a direct result of “Liberation Day.” Trump loves auto workers, libs.

It is an EXTREMELY BAD BREACH OF ETHICS that the @WSJ would publish a DELIBERATELY FALSE ARTICLE and fail to include an unequivocal denial beforehand by the Tesla board of directors! https://t.co/9xdypLGg3c

— Elon Musk (@elonmusk) May 1, 2025

Ketamine Brain and his minions were understandably upset the Wall Street Journal had the temerity to print a story that a company that has lost 41 percent of its value in four months due to factors almost solely attributable to the deranged behavior of its principal would be looking for a new one.

The article’s so believable that they could’ve just made it up and the public would be none the wiser.

The eggheads at Larry Sabato’s Crystal Ball, aka the University of Virginia’s Center for Politics, are out with their 2025-2026 gubernatorial ratings, forecasting a lean toward not-terribly surprising flips in Virginia and Kansas while pegging Michigan and Arizona as tossups, the last being the only one where an incumbent – Dem Katie Hobbs – isn’t term-limited. She may end up benefitting from a rough GOP primary in which the Orange Satan has endorsed both white nationalist Congressman Andy Biggs and businesswoman Karrin Taylor Robson, who lost to Kari Lake in the 2022 primary.

Michigan’s also a tossup because outgoing Detroit Mayor Mike Duggan – elected to his current job as a Dem – has launched a bid as an independent, which is a great way to help get a Republican elected. Also on the “Lean-R” side are GOP-held Nevada and Georgia while New Jersey and Wisconsin – where Gov Tony Evers hasn’t announced a third run yet – are the blue leans.

One of the best and most beautiful parts of Israel is burning down to the ground. It’s ashes, and Benjamin Netnayahu should resign. This is all his fault!!! Seriously, Israeli voters should see the lack of sincerity, the dismissiveness, the dedication to pretentiousness, and the dereliction of care for the citizens of their great country. He has always demonstrated this. In every video. You cannot trust this kind of person with any role, and especially not one upon which their wellbeing depends. Bibi needs to be removed, before something worse happens there. This inferno is burning at levels that even surpass last night. This is not Government. If you are going to run a city or run a state, you have to take care of the basics, and that’s to make sure your fire and police departments are well-funded.

Ahem. Mad-libbed that copypasta from various Trump posts and the January 15th, 2025 Fox News article titled “Justine Bateman calls for Gavin Newsom to be removed amid LA fires ‘before something worse happens,'” to intro an actual situation in Israel as reported by CBS News Thursday.

It’s bad though as of yet not as deadly as the horrors folks in the Los Angeles area suffered in January. “It’s just very sad because we knew the weather, we kind of knew that would happen and still we feel like they weren’t ready enough with the big planes that can drop large amounts of water,” said local man Yuval Aharoni after he was evacuated from the city of Modiin, which sits on the northern edge of the wind-fueled inferno now threatening to burn eastward into Jerusalem.

This miiiiiiiight take a while for the former Vice President to actually take the stage given that there’s a whole undercard of other speakers including former Interior Secretary Deb Haaland.

Convicted felon President Trump’s team, obviously feeling like right wing media isn’t up to the task of being state media 100 percent of the time, have gone ahead and set up their own state media apparatus, White House Wire, a curated feed of the most ball-lickiest of propaganda articles.

“Today, the Title IX Special Investigations Team (Title IX SIT), a joint initiative of the US Department of Education (ED) and the US Department of Justice (DOJ), launched a directed investigation into the Washington Office of the Superintendent of Public Instruction (OSPI). This investigation comes amid reports that OSPI has imposed requirements on school districts that potentially violate federal law, specifically, Title IX, the Family Educational Rights and Privacy Act (FERPA), and the Protection of Pupil Rights Amendment (PPRA). Multiple Washington State school districts have reported that OSPI is requiring school boards to adopt policies that allow males to participate in female sports and occupy female-only intimate facilities, thereby raising substantial Title IX concerns,” says a press release from a department run by a fake wrestling circus CEO.

Let’s just preface this article with the usual: This never would have happened if Kamala Harris was president. She’s a tough negotiator and she’d be able to make a deal with the two sides and make sure that there’s no war between two nuclear-armed powers. Trump’s weakness and fecklessness are why India and Pakistan are on the brink of a destructive conflict that endangers millions of lives.

ANYWAY, CBS News reports that Pakistan’s Information Minister Attaullah Tarar on Wednesday said officials have “credible intelligence that India intends carrying out military action against Pakistan in the next 24-36 hours on the pretext of concocted and baseless allegations of involvement in the Pahalgam incident,” referring to last week’s Islamist massacre in Kashmir which killed at least 26 tourists. The remarks came just hours after Indian dictator Narendra Modi said his nation’s troops have “complete operational freedom to decide on the mode, targets and timing of our response to the terror attack,” blamed on an offshoot of a Pakistani-backed terror group Lakshar-e-Taiba formed decades ago by their intel services to fuck with India’s control of the disputed region.

Again, this never would be happening if Kamala Harris was president. It’s beyond dispute.

“Republican Party headquarters has been defaced with Nazi imagery for the second time in two weeks. This hateful vandalism invites political violence and threatens the wellbeing of our employees and guests. We appreciate Governor Hochul’s condemnation of the initial act of vandalism. Chuck Schumer, with his constant demagoguery and past calls to political violence and AOC, with her present ‘Fight the Oligarchy’ tour, are fueling a climate of hostility that emboldens such hateful actors. They must immediately call on their supporters to reject political violence and restore civility to our discourse. Our heartfelt thanks go out to the Albany Police Department and Albany County District Attorney’s office, both of whom are giving this matter its due consideration. We look forward to the perpetrators being prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law,” says New York GOP chair Ed Cox in a statement after some lib wrote “NAZIS” on the outside of their building.

“The vile and hateful defacement of the New York Republican Party Headquarters with Nazi imagery for the second time in just two weeks is a disgusting criminal act and a direct threat to the hardworking staff of the New York Republican Party. This was not a random act of vandalism—it was an escalation of political hatred deliberately aimed at intimidating Republicans and silencing our voices. I stand in full solidarity with the NYGOP and all those who reject political violence. We must ensure the perpetrator of this heinous crime is swiftly identified and prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. I am grateful to the Albany Police Department and the Albany County District Attorney’s office for treating this matter with the seriousness it demands. We must never tolerate political violence, regardless of the target. It’s time to restore respect, dialogue, and decency to our political discourse,” Malevolent razorback Elise Stefanik added in the statement.

Reminder: All this shit the fat bastard claims is “investment” is just vague, non-committal plans to spend money on this or that project that’ll take years. There’s nothing actually happening yet.