Billionaire edgelord Elon Musk on Wednesday was attempting to road test Starlink’s viability over Path of Exile 2 when he abruptly quit after getting one too many trolls in the chat annoying him, with one pretending to be alleged baby mama Ashley St Clair, the Independent reports.

A Milan, Italy-bound American Airlines flight out of New York City’s JFK International Airport turned around Monday night, about four hours out over the Atlantic Ocean when a passenger – already angry over not being permitted to sit in the exit row with a baby – freaked the fuck out over not being served what if any inflight meal he had specially ordered in advance, CBS News reports.

“We kind of noticed a scuffle in the back. They were asking around if there were any police officers or Army members, or somebody who could help because there were no air marshals on,” passenger Krystie Tomlinson said. Other flier Mike Scigliano said the crew at first had announced “were telling everyone that there were technical issues on the plane, which is even scarier.”

“There was apparently somebody in the back, he was charging at the stewardesses. At some point, he charged past all of our seats and tried to barge into the pilot’s cabin. Apparently, the whole thing started because of a meal choice they didn’t get. I guess they asked for it ahead of time. They never got exactly what they wanted. They also wanted to sit in an exit row. They had a baby with them, so they told them they couldn’t and apparently those two things are what pushed the person over the edge,” said Tomlinson, who added that after landing back at JFK at 3:30 AM, she “asked to use the American Airlines lounge to breastfeed and change. They said you can go in if you pay $79.”

The rebooked flight to Milan took off at 11 AM on Tuesday, 16 hours later. There’s no information available yet on the man’s identity or what if anything the fucking asshole’s been charged with.

Convicted felon President Trump is yammering to reporters after declaring victory on hour 15 into his trade war with most of the rest of the world.

The fat bastard waved the white flag to everyone except China, as you might have heard, and Scott Bessent wasn’t in the mood to explain why it’s not actually a huge victory.

From a Blueprint Research survey of Wisconsin voters: “Only 4 percent of independents say Musk’s endorsement of [loser Brad] Schimel made them more likely to support him, while 33 percent say it made them less likely to (29 percent ‘much’ less likely). Republicans, meanwhile, were largely unmoved by Musk’s endorsement: 83 percent say it didn’t affect their vote, compared to 63 percent of independents and 48 percent of Democrats who say the same. 52 percent of Democrats say Musk’s endorsement made them less likely (48 percent ‘much’ less likely) to support Schimel.”

“Similarly, 29 percent of independents say Musk’s opposition to [winner Susan] Crawford made them more likely to support her (20 percent ‘much’ more likely), while just 4 percent say it made them less likely to support her. Again, Republicans were mostly indifferent (79 percent say it did not affect their vote), while 53 percent of Democrats say it made them more likely (47 percent ‘much’ more) to support her.” In related news $TSLA is at $229 per share, down from $479 on December 17.

“This is a GREAT time to move your COMPANY into the United States of America, like Apple, and so many others, in record numbers, are doing. ZERO TARIFFS, and almost immediate Electrical/Energy hook ups and approvals. No Environmental Delays. DON’T WAIT, DO IT NOW!” posted convicted felon President Trump on Wednesday, non-specific as to what the hell he’s talking about with Apple.

They’re going to start making iPhones and laptops in the United States “NOW”?

Not backing down from making convicted felon President Trump look like a stupid asshole hell-bent leading his nation’s economy to certain ruin, Chinese dictator Xi Jingping’s regime on Wednesday slapped an 84 percent additional tariff on US imports, CNBC reports.

“The United States is alarmed by the arrest of US citizen Paul Chambers in Thailand on lèse majesté charges and the Computer Crimes Act, and we are closely monitoring the situation. The US Department of State takes its responsibility to assist US citizens abroad seriously, and we are in communication with Thai authorities regarding this case. This case reinforces our longstanding concerns about the use of lèse majesté laws in Thailand. We continue to urge Thai authorities to respect freedom of expression and to ensure that laws are not used to stifle permitted expression.”

“As a treaty ally of Thailand, we will closely monitor this issue and advocate for the fair treatment of Paul Chambers. Consular officers from the US Embassy in Bangkok are providing all appropriate consular assistance to Mr Chambers. We have requested access to him to ensure his well-being and to provide any necessary support,” said the US Department of State in a late Tuesday press release.

It’s not even clear what the hell Chambers said. A CNN article quotes his lawyer Akarachai Chaimaneekarakate as saying “He was accused of publishing a blurb on (Singapore’s Institute of Southeast Asian Studies’) website in connection with an ISEAS webinar in October 2024 about military reshuffles,” whatever that’s supposed to mean. CNN doesn’t have the “blurb” handy.

Either way, it’s rich of this crew to be worried about Chambers while they revoke the visas of students at American universities who would dare question the Netanyahu Regime.

Dominican former New York Mets pitcher Octavio Dotel and Monte Cristi province Governor Nelsy Cruz were among 44 crushed to death Tuesday when the roof collapsed at an historic nightclub in the Dominican Republic’s capital of Santo Domingo on Tuesday, Reuters reports.

Larding it heavy with “patriotic” bullshit, White House Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt on Tuesday confirmed to reporters that a lot of shit is about to more than double in price. “When America is punched, he punches back harder. That’s why there will be 104 percent tariffs going into effect on China tonight at midnight. But the president believes that Xi and China want to make deal, they just don’t know how to get that started,” said Karoline and here we gooooooooooo…

Asked by CNBC’s Eamon Javers for comment on the recent shitposting between ketamine-brained edgelord Elon Musk and demented felon “economic advisor” Peter Navarro, White House Press Secretary Krazy Karoline said simply “Whatever. We are the most transparent administration in history, expressing our disagreements in public.” Guess there’s been dumber spin from this regime.

Whatever.

In a complaint filed on Tuesday, Citizens for Responsibility and Ethics in Washington sued the Trump regime for the removal of a public database of federal taxpayer expenditures. “By law, defendant Office of Management and Budget (OMB) is required to operate and maintain an automated system for posting on a publicly accessible website ‘each document apportioning an appropriation… including any associated footnotes’ and a written explanation in each document explaining the rationale for any associated footnotes – Consolidated Appropriations Act, 2023, Consolidated Appropriations Act, 2022. Pursuant to those statutes, OMB created and, until recently, operated and maintained an automated system for posting each apportionment document, including footnotes and written explanations, to a publicly accessible website (the Public Apportionments Database).”

“The Public Apportionments Database is an important tool used by plaintiff Citizens for Responsibility and Ethics in Washington and other members of the public to understand how OMB controls and imposes conditions on agency spending. The information contained in the Public Apportionments Database is critical to understanding how OMB has apportioned funds appropriated by Congress, including any requirements or conditions imposed by OMB on an agency’s spending of Congressionally appropriated funds. On or about March 24, 2025, defendants OMB and Russell Vought removed the Public Apportionments Database and the information it contained. Several days later, Defendants stated in a letter to Congress that ‘OMB will no longer operate and maintain the publicly available automated system’ as required by the 2023 Act. Defendants’ action is unlawful.”

Sur-fucking-prise that a regime that pledged transparency in public spending so Americans could see all the DOGE “savings” just turned around and hid it when they kept getting needled for cutting programs that voters don’t actually want to be cut or are just grossly exaggerating if not flat out lying about said “savings.” This even before you consider the other reasons that they’re hiding certain expenditures, like the resources needed so a certain someone can go golfing on weekends.

Divisive ESPN personality Stephen A Smith was caught masturbating in front of a live audience on Monday, Barrett Media reports on the disgusting act of self-pleasure by a colossal egomaniac also seen by untold millions of viewers of footage of the NAB Conference in Las Vegas.

“I have no desire to” run for for president of the United States in 2028, said Smith, who was not physically exposing his penis and stroking it vigorously until he ejaculated so much as basically doing the same thing verbally. “I’m living a pretty good life right now. Life’s been good. The last thing that I would want to do is involve myself in politics. I’ve always perceived politicians as being professional beggars. I don’t say that derogatorily or anything like that. It’s just the reality. You’ve always got your hand out for something. People always need favors in return. I’m not that guy. So I could never see myself as a politician,” Smith said to McVay Media founder Mike McVay, who supplied the symbolic hand lotion and Kleenex in the form of a question about Smith’s ambitions.

“Over the last few weeks, I’ve had no choice but to get more serious about it,” Smith said as he symbolically wrapped a belt around his neck. “I’ve been approached by people on Capitol Hill. I’ve been approached by people who are elected officials in office, whether it’s governors or mayors or what have you. People have legitimately, seriously, asked me about it. I have no desire to be a politician, but I’ve decided that I’m no longer going to close that door. I’m gonna keep my options open. I’m going to entertain the possibility. If it comes in late 2026, 2027, where I look at this country and think it’s an absolute mess and there’s legitimate reason to believe… that I indeed have a legitimate shot to win the presidency of the United States. I am not going to rule it out.”

The stockpiling panic exposes the real issue: rushed tariff rollouts create unnecessary chaos. The intent to rebalance trade and protect American jobs is right—China’s 67% tariffs on U.S. goods are predatory. But slapping 34% tariffs on 50+ countries at once? That’s overkill.…

— DOGEai (@dogeai_gov) April 8, 2025

Just four days ago the official government propaganda bot wrote “President Trump’s tariff strategy isn’t a fairy tale – it’s delivering real results. The America First Investment Policy has already secured over $3 trillion in private-sector commitments, with the new Investment Accelerator slashing bureaucratic delays for projects over $1 billion,” in response to a Babylon Bee article pretty gently mocking the fat bastard, to which National Zero had noted that its apparent defensiveness and insecurities appeared to be reflective of the frustrations of its creators on Team Cybertruck.

So in a way this is actually pretty consistent, now that the Nazi cat’s out of the Afrikaner bag: The growing rift between Elon and Donald over tariffs has made its way into the programming imperatives of the “rapid response” bot. It would take a while to try to pinpoint exactly when the Git merge to get “DOGE AI” changed its tune on tariffs was effected on its repo, but there’s zero doubt it could be found just by scrolling through its replies and reading them not all that closely.

In related news, on Monday the Washington Post reported that Musk last week had personally appealed to Trump to try to get him to back down on the insane trade war bullshit, but was rebuffed.

The saga of Peruvian visa overstayer Camila Munoz’s detention while her dickhead Wisconsin MAGA husband Brad Bartell whined to the media repeatedly – also claiming at one point he didn’t regret voting for convicted felon President Trump – took a happier turn on Friday when a Louisiana immigration judge granted Munoz bail and released her after 49 days, USA Today reports.

“I understand Trump is doing his job as president, and these are the processes,” Munoz told USA Today, adding “but the cases should move more quickly if people aren’t associated with a gang, or don’t have a criminal record.” The case appears to moving quickly as the paper notes she’s due for another hearing in the next week or two. Brad had driven 15 hours to the detention center in Louisiana yet had to watch the Friday morning hearing on video from his car in the parking lot.

“This case has been in the news,” the Trump Regime’s attorney told the immigration judge in the hearing, which sure sounds like code for “Yeah let’s grant her bail because she’s pretty and her husband’s an America First patriot in an important swing state.” When the judge agreed, Brad then had to drive to a different ICE facility in Oakdale, Louisiana, two hours away, to actually post the $3,000 before he could return to the Monroe detention center to actually bring Camilla home.

“I started to get scared,” Camilla said of her nearly two months in the lockup. “I met women who had been there seven months, eight months. People who think they are going to be Americans or have the green card – I wasn’t the only one. There were a large number of people who were married.”

Chinese officials on Tuesday pledged to retaliate against convicted Donald Trump’s latest tariff threat and stepped up efforts to support their economy, raising the risk of a prolonged trade war/small dick measuring contest between the Trump and Xi regimes, Bloomberg reports.

“The US threat to escalate tariffs on China is a mistake on top of a mistake,” the Chinese Ministry of Commerce said in a Tuesday statement. “If the US insists on its own way, China will fight to the end.”

“The Supreme Court has upheld the Rule of Law in our Nation by allowing a President, whoever that may be, to be able to secure our Borders, and protect our families and our Country, itself. A GREAT DAY FOR JUSTICE IN AMERICA!” posted convicted felon President Trump on Monday after a 5-4 decision allowing him to deport pretty much whoever he wants – if a court allows it.