First responders in regions hit hard by tornado outbreaks last weekend were surprised when they accessed a FEMA-provided tool featuring an advanced API that maps in almost real-time the paths of destruction caused by twisters only to find it inoperable, all thanks to outgoing dog murderer DHS Secretary Kristi Noem’s failure to renew the $200,000 contract with the vendor, CNN reports.

At least 11 Americans have been killed in tornadoes this month, a season already active given wild temperature swings in the nation’s interior. There’s no way of knowing what if any impact the throttling has had on response efforts or whether it made the difference between life or death for those affected, but hey let’s replace every ICE agent’s service pistol with a squirt gun and see if they can adapt to the changes. It’s effectively the same thing that firefighters are stuck with.

“Rescuers were flying blind, having to drive around or use news reports to figure out where the impacts were,” a DHS official told CNN. It’s not clear why the past-tense “were” is in that sentence as the contract – as of the article’s printing on Friday morning – still had yet to be renewed, simply because it’s worth more than $100,000 and thus subject to Noem’s personal approval. “And when a tornado hits in the middle of the night, every moment counts,” the official added.

NOBODY RUIN THE ENDING! It will kill all the suspense. Who the hell wants to get all invested in a movie only for some prick to say which side won the conflict depicted here? Lots of people had what ended up happening to the ship in Titanic ruined for them back in 1997. We don’t want a repeat.

🚨 DEAL ALERT! 🚨 The State Department just announced HUGE 80 PERCENT OFF SAVINGS for renouncing your US citizenship 💥🚫🇺🇸!!! That’s right, for an unlimited time only, the cost to denaturalize yourself has been SLASHED from $2,350 to $450 according to the Associated Press!!!

Ahem… While this is obviously something very much on-brand for the Trump Regime, the history behind all it is a little more complicated. It’s actually a Biden Administration policy change that was supposed to be enacted in 2023 but shelved for unclear reasons, itself correcting the 2015 Obama Administration hike from the previous price of $450, up from the previous price of $0 prior to 2010.

The 2015 hike came in response to a renunciations spike over new tax reporting requirements for American expatriates as the offices responsible for processing the paperwork was quickly overwhelmed. Why the hell at least some of the increase in tax revenue couldn’t have just been allocated to that office was unclear but sometimes Democrats do stupid shit. This 80 percent back to status quo ante Obama still lines up far more with MAGA nationalism than it does Dem red tape as it’s all too easy to imagine some middle manager finally getting Stephen Miller’s attention on it after trying for 14 months and then getting screamed at, possibly fired, for not telling him earlier.

Inside Iran’s Laws Restricting Women’s Rights https://t.co/A94Ze5ns2s

— The Gateway Pundit (@gatewaypundit) March 13, 2026

Dick Grenell, the fascist “homocon” Trump 1.0 Ambassador to Germany turned Acting National Security Advisor who just wanted to do extravagant campy stuff in Trump 2.0 is gone from the Kennedy Center post as the Orange Diva Queen just posted “I am pleased to announce that Matt Floca, subject to the approval of the Board of Directors, will be named the Chief Operating Officer and Executive Director, of THE TRUMP KENNEDY CENTER where, as Vice President of Operations, Matt has helped us achieve tremendous progress in bringing the Center to the highest level of Excellence! A Complete Reconstruction of THE TRUMP KENNEDY CENTER will begin after the July 4th Celebration, with a scheduled Grand Re-Opening in approximately two years. Ric Grenell has done an excellent job in helping to coordinate various elements of the Center during the transition period, and I want to thank him for the outstanding work he has done. THE TRUMP KENNEDY CENTER will be, at its completion, the finest facility of its kind anywhere in the World!”

The diminution Grenell was preceded by the usual screaming about “Maggot Hagerman, just another SLEAZEBAG writer for The Failing New York Times, insists on writing false stories about me, even though she fully knows and understands that the exact opposite of anything she says is usually the truth. In any event, I’m thinking of adding Maggot, and some of her ‘associates,’ into my Florida based Lawsuit against The Times which, very happily, seems to be proceeding nicely.”

Does he even remember what the lawsuit was about? Would bet $20 he couldn’t actually accurately quote from memory any of the supposed malicious statements in the complaint his lawyers filed.

DC Chief Judge James Boasberg on Friday voided US Attorney Judge Box-o-Wine’s subpoenas to Fed Chair Jerome Powell, finding specifically that the criminal investigation was indeed bullshit with a transparent political objective.

“Most people will never see what happens behind the secure doors of a county jail. The photo attached shows a pair of handcuffs that were completely twisted and broken by an inmate experiencing significant mental health issues. The inmate was able to force one cuff off through sheer strength and unpredictability – a reminder of the challenges our corrections deputies face every day. Inside a jail, situations can escalate in seconds. In this case, our corrections team acted swiftly and professionally. The inmate was safely restrained, and thankfully, no injuries occurred to the inmate or our deputies. This is the side of corrections work the public rarely sees,” says a Facebook post from the Martin County, Florida Sheriff’s Office that was a bit too long on complaining about how hard the job is and wayyyyyyy too short on the other relevant details.

At least say whether the guy was on meth or bath salts or something for Christ’s sake.

POTUS x JAKE PAUL x TRUMP DANCE

President Trump sits down for an interview with @JakePaul. 🇺🇸 pic.twitter.com/lCjz3FCGlP

— The White House (@WhiteHouse) March 13, 2026

Just because over the billions of hours aired over the last eight decades of commercial television broadcasts there have been essentially zero documented instances of people suffering from serious psychiatric and neurological conditions that were correct when they believed that shadowy malefactors were speaking directly to them does not mean that one particularly diseased individual is imagining things if he begins to perceive certain messages directed at him personally.

That is if he perceives it. Could just as easily believe it if convicted felon President Trump thinks it’s normal for a Republican candidate locked in a heated primary to be advertising in South Florida, a media market 875 miles away from the jurisdiction in which said primary is being contested.

It’s an old trick with essentially zero downside risk for shadowy malefactor Texas Attorney Ken Paxton so why the hell not right? Medium Buying reports pro-Pax PAC “Lone Star Liberty” have booked the ads to run this weekend in the West Palm Beach media market though the scope, quantity, networks (other than Fox News being a given of course), and so on were not specified.

Secretary of Date Rape Pete Hegseth on Friday ordered US Marine command to move 2,500 troops from Japan to the Middle East in preparation for something, the Wall Street Journal reports.

What a lighthouse in the darkness this guy is, standing up to provide comfort in a time of doubt over the morality of killing 165+ girls aged 7 to 12 while they were in school accidentally during a military campaign the Fox News audience didn’t even really want in the first place. Senator Johnson’s words of wisdom and solace – that can be very easily boiled down to that the ayatollah would probably have killed them anyway eventually so don’t feel so bad – are such a balm for wounded souls.

CENTCOM: “All six crew members aboard a US KC-135 refueling aircraft that went down in western Iraq are now confirmed deceased. The aircraft was lost while flying over friendly airspace March 12 during Operation Epic Fury. The circumstances of the incident are under investigation. However, the loss of the aircraft was not due to hostile fire or friendly fire. The identities of the service members are being withheld until 24 hours after next of kin have been notified.”

Calling into Fox News assclown Brian Kilmeade’s radio show on Friday, convicted felon President Trump told the likely exasperated supplicant that US Navy vessels will provide escort protection to commercial ships and oil tankers through the Strait of Hormuz if “needed,” Reuters reports.

“We would ⁠do it if we needed to. But, you know, hopefully things ​are going ​to go very ​well. We’re going ‌to see what happens,” the fat bastard told Kilmeade, adding “We’re going to be hitting them very hard over the next week.” The Reuters report is very brief and does not link to any audio but they dutifully would have included any follow-up questions from Kilmeade if they were on topic.

And since the next thing he asked was probably something like “what’s your preferred March Madness snack” followed by 177 seconds of Trump talking about how he’s making sure NCAA athletes get paid and how brave Riley Gaines is for nearly getting raped by that man in the swimming pool in front of thousands of people, there were children crying when they watched it, crying real tears, their families too, all of them, there was no need for Reuters to transcribe it.

“Real gross domestic product (GDP) increased at an annual rate of 0.7 percent in the fourth quarter of 2025 (October, November, and December), according to the second estimate released today by the US Bureau of Economic Analysis. In the third quarter, real GDP increased 4.4 percent. The second report for the fourth quarter of 2025, originally scheduled for February 26, 2026, was rescheduled due to the October – November 2025 government shutdown. The contributors to the increase in real GDP in the fourth quarter were increases in consumer spending and investment.”

“These movements were partly offset by decreases in government spending and exports. Imports, which are a subtraction in the calculation of GDP, decreased. Real GDP was revised down 0.7 percentage point from the advance estimate, reflecting downward revisions to exports, consumer spending, government spending, and investment. Imports decreased less than previously estimated,” says the revision report from the Commerce Department’s Bureau of Economic Analysis.

The Nancy Run Fire Company in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania on Thursday posted that at 11:25 am EDT they and other “Northampton County companies were notified to assist Lehigh County Sheriff’s Department with locating a male who fled from officers and entered the Lehigh River following a foot pursuit. Companies deployed divers and water rescue personnel to the scene to begin search operations for the individual. While the search was underway, Fire 14 was alerted to assist with establishing a rehab area for personnel operating on scene. Special Operations 1442 and Utility 1441 responded to Northampton Borough to assist with the incident and support operations.”

Then about six hours later the search for the unidentified warrant subject was called off and first responders departed the scene empty-handed, per WPVI, who do not spell out why in their very brief reporting. Thus it’s easy and fun to speculate that deputies concluded it’s not worth the hassle to arrest a waterlogged corpse snagged on a sunken branch at the bottom of a river when they can just wait a few weeks until the gases generated by natural decomposition provide the buoyancy necessary to float him up to the surface and downstream along the current’s eddies and flows.

Would be nice of the deputies to at least apologize in advance to whatever poor sap fishing for trout has his leisure time interrupted by the corpse’s unexpected arrival at his chosen angling spot. Then he’s stuck having to call police to report it, asked to sit on the hood of a squad car for 90 minutes so he can tell the same story three times, sign a sworn statement testifying to the discovery, and so on while the sun dips low and his downright lovely new Johnny Morris Platinum caster sits idle.

Sometimes the “Fat Hitler” in the headline, an unaffectionate nickname referring of course to you know who, might be fairly seen as kind of hyperbolic, overly dramatic, comically exaggerated, and so on because it’s not like he’s ordered a systemic genocide of 12 million innocent civilians.

Yet. Trump hasn’t done it yet. However Donald Trump and Adolf Hitler have far, far, far more in common than they don’t – including the fact that neither of their fathers were born in Germany.

Also their fathers never truly loved them. That’s a big one too. You can also add now amphetamine abuse psychosis-fueled delusions of total victory over belligerent nations as Axios reports the fat bastard told the leaders of the other G7 nations that Iran is “about to surrender” during a virtual meeting on Wednesday. He then immediately contradicted himself by boasting to the US allies that saince “nobody knows who is the leader, so there is no one that can announce surrender.”

“I got rid of a cancer that was threatening us all,” Trump told the other leaders on the call.

FAIR WARNING: President Trump signals the United States is “totally destroying” Iran "militarily" and "economically," claiming Iran’s navy and air force are “gone” and its missiles and drones are being “decimated.” pic.twitter.com/JNSN9UGdss

— Fox News (@FoxNews) March 13, 2026

“At approximately 2 pm ET on March 12, a US KC-135 refueling aircraft went down in western Iraq. Four of six crew members on board the aircraft have been confirmed deceased as rescue efforts continue. The circumstances of the incident are under investigation. However, the loss of the aircraft was not due to hostile fire or friendly fire. The identities of the service members are being withheld until 24 hours after next of kin have been notified,” said a CENTCOM statement issued Friday.

The grand total of American service members killed for no reason at all this month now stands at 11.