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“Take a big step back and FUCK YOURSELF in the face”

“I will go to war on this issue the likes of which you cannot possibly comprehend,” Musk continued after the cutoff, crushing this puny ant under his boot. It would seem that maybe, just maybe, this whole shitshow is escalating considerably given the, uh, unique personality at its center.

Yes, Musk has a mixed record on following through on certain ambitions. On one end there’s that whole sending 50,000 people to live the rest of their – likely brutish and short – lives on Mars thing that hasn’t exactly materialized yet. And that ultra-high speed subway train that can transport people from San Francisco to Los Angeles in 15 minutes or whatever. But on the other the Cybertruck is now finally on the road and a status symbol for complete chodes after years of delays.

And, most relevant here, he was nothing but persistent on acquiring Twitter and turning it into a complete abyss of right wing propaganda and hate speech. Musk really put his head down and spent a lot of his and other people’s money to bring that goal to fruition, now ruling it as absolute overlord of his own personal digital failed state, even changing the name and the freaking URL like it’s Zaire or Myanmar. Hell if you were a drug-addled megalomaniac and the richest man in history you too would have fun conducting Stalinist purges on a whim, tormenting Trotskyites like Laura Loomer simply because you can. It’s like SimCity or Minecraft for him, except the people are real.

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Scott Brown considering another non-Massachusetts Senate run

Former Republican Massachusetts Senator Scott Brown, who scored a shock victory during the Tea Party wave in the 2010 special to succeed legendary alcoholic Ted Kennedy, only to be felled by Elizabeth Warren in 2012, then moved to New Hampshire and lost a 2014 Senate bid there, later serving as Trump’s ambassador to New Zealand for four years, is considering a 2026 run in the Granite State even as it prooooobably won’t be a good year for the GOP, Fox News reports.

“The 65-year-old Brown, who competed in nine triathlons this year and who on average performs around 40–50 gigs a year as lead singer and guitarist with the rock band Scott Brown and the Diplomats, is doing more than just thinking about running to return to the Senate,” Fox writes with Brown-nosing zeal, adding “He’s been meeting in recent weeks with various Republican and conservative groups in New Hampshire,” as if such standard operating procedure is impressive.

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Stephen Miller threatens California officials

Bald little Nazi shit Stephen Miller’s America 1st Legal scam outfit has been sending threatening letters to California officials – among them Attorney General Rob Bonta, Los Angeles Mayor Karen Bass, LAPD Chief Jim McDonnell – warning them “that you and the other officials who support or enforce sanctuary laws, policies, and regulations have a very personal stake in the matter – you each could face criminal prosecution and civil liability for your illegal acts,” the Los Angeles Times reports.

Bonta responded in a statement, saying “While we are unable to comment on the specifics of the letter, we want to be clear: SB 54 was upheld by the courts during the first Trump administration, and it prevents the use of state and local resources for federal immigration enforcement with certain narrow exceptions. SB 54 does nothing, however, to block federal agencies from conducting immigration enforcement themselves. California will continue to comply with all applicable state and federal laws, and we expect all local law enforcement agencies to do the same.”

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Movie Night Friday: Limitless

Once again, National Zero is open to any and all suggestions for a different Friday night open thread format or feature or whatever you want to call it going forward. But don’t mistake that openness for a lack of confidence in this one, because YouTube’s free movie catalog has at least another four, maybe even five months’ worth of damn solid picks, and that’s just at the current point in time.

Limitless (2011) is like “Adderall: The Movie.” Adapted from a much bleaker and more cynical 2000 novel by Alan Glynn titled The Dark Fields (which is a much more badass-sounding name), stars Bradley Cooper as Eddie Mora, a loser who discovers a fictional super-Adderall that turns him into a mental uber-mensch who nonetheless still does some really stupid shit to get himself in a number of jams running on his (not limitless) supply of pills to play hard on Wall Street. Robert DeNiro, Abby Cornish, and a low-rent John Malkovich clone round out the cast of the over-the-top thriller.

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CNN thinks Trump meant to message Elon

Writing that “The message appears to include a reference to Musk’s son, X Æ A-Xii, whom Musk colloquially refers to as X,” CNN thinks that mentally ill convicted felon President-Elect Trump had meant to send a private message to Elon Musk when he wrote “Where are you? When are you coming to the ‘Center of the Universe,’ Mar-a-Lago. Bill Gates asked to come, tonight. We miss you and x! New Year’s Eve is going to be AMAZING!!! DJT” in a Friday morning Truth Social post.

Though it was obviously meant to be a private message, the evidence they have in support of this specific “X Æ A-Xii” theory (holy fuck what a ridiculous name, lol) is not mentioned. They did however cite a source telling them that Bill Gates had reached out and asked for an audience with the Orange God Emperor, something CNN notes threatens even more tumult in MAGA world.

“The post comes as Musk, whom Trump named as co-leader of his government efficiency initiative, has drawn fresh criticism from loyal Trump supporters over his support of the visa program that allows highly skilled foreign workers to immigrate to the US,” they wrote. Surely accused Jeffrey Epstein pal and COVID vaccine nanobot overlord Bill Gates is going to help defuse that situation.

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Mediaite reports Mediaite founder urging media to comply with regime in order to restore their credibility with media consumers

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Toddler just wanted to see if there were any toys inside volcano

“As families watched lava glow within Kaluapele at sunset last night, a shocking scene unfolded in a closed area beyond the post-and-cable barrier at Kīlauea Overlook. A toddler wandered off from his family and in a split second, ran straight toward the 400-foot cliff edge. His mother, screaming, managed to grab him in the nick of time just a foot or so away from a fatal fall.”

“Disaster was averted, and the shaken family departed. A Christmas to remember? Park rangers remind visitors to stay on trail, stay out of closed areas and to keep their children close, especially when watching Kīlauea from viewpoints along Crater Rim Trail. Those who ignore the warnings, walk past closure signs, lose track of loved ones, and sneak into closed areas to get a closer look do so at great risk. ‘The hazards that coincide with an eruption are dangerous, and we have safety measures in place including closed areas, barriers, closure signs, and traffic management,’ said Park Superintendent Rhonda Loh. ‘Your safety is our utmost concern, but we rely on everyone to recreate responsibility. National parks showcase nature’s splendor but they are not playgrounds.'”

“In addition to steep unstable cliff edges and hazardous terrain, often hidden at night, other dangers escalate during increased visitation associated with eruptions. Drivers are urged to slow down, watch out for pedestrians and nēnē (the Hawaiian goose), and to drive with aloha. Remember to switch to low beams when other cars and pedestrians are present” – National Park Service.

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“As church attendees escorted him from the building, he attempted unsuccessfully to strike several individuals with a whiskey bottle”

“Deputies from the St Mary’s County Sheriff’s Office have arrested and charged Thomas Campbell Bolling Von Goetz, 56, of Avenue, after incidents at two local churches disrupted religious services and endangered citizens. On December 24, 2024, shortly after 5 pm, Von Goetz entered Holy Angels Catholic Church in Avenue during a Mass. He approached the altar and dropped an onion in the aisle, disturbing the peace of those attending. A citizen followed Von Goetz as he exited the church to ensure he was leaving the premises. Outside, Von Goetz assaulted the citizen by throwing tangerines at them,” says a St Mary’s County, Maryland Sheriff’s Office statement. It gets better.

“Later that night, during Midnight Mass at St Francis Xavier Catholic Church in Leonardtown, Von Goetz disrupted the service by pouring whiskey into the holy water and threatening to harm parishioners. As church attendees escorted him from the building, he attempted unsuccessfully to strike several individuals with a whiskey bottle. Parishioners detained Von Goetz until deputies arrived; he was then transported to MedStar St Mary’s Hospital for medical evaluation. On December 26, 2024, Von Goetz was arrested and charged with the following offenses: Second-Degree Assault Disorderly Conduct Defacing Religious Property Religious Crime Against a Group Obstructing a Religious Exercise Threat of Mass Violence Disturbing the Peace.”

Not going to add anything. To try to improve upon what is already perfect is the height of hubris.

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Loomer back and posting stupid shit already

Love the reverse causality to “impeach Trump and take back the House,” which you’d have to know less than jack shit about US politics to think was actually possible in that order. Still this evil racist goth is impressive for getting under Elon Musk’s skin deep enough to get him to suspend her.

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Homan “waiting to see what Congress” will fund for deportations

Future Fatherland purity czar Tom Homan tells the Wall Street Journal he’s “waiting to see what Congress is going to give us for funding,” when it comes to his plans to inflict cruelty and suffering on undocumented immigrants and their naturally born children which is, uh, kind of supposed to not be a variable at least in the way that he and convicted felon President-Elect Trump had been selling their plan to deport millions and millions of non-citizens currently living and working in the US.

The asterisk, tacked onto Homan’s answer to a question on whether military planes and bases would be used to carry out the mass internments and deportations of the undocumented, raises the practical problems that the new regime is going to face when carrying out its lofty promises from the campaign trail – and the likelihood that they’re going to fall massively short of them if they have to rely on a GOP majority in the House that will literally be smaller than the one in the Senate for the first few months of the new regime and then still just five seats after special elections.

Seriously what the fuck does this guy think they’re going to get? Of course you can’t rule out every single Republican falling in line and giving them EVERYTHING they need to make it happen but when they couldn’t even make sure Border Patrol agents would get their paychecks on time without Democratic votes then maybe Homan should be looking elsewhere, as in agency budgets that have already been allocated, to loot from. Think of all the “farm district” Republicans that are going to be all “no se puede” when it comes to depriving their donors of cheap labor. Hell those guys are probably going to be less of a headache to sell on funding it than the “moderates” in suburban districts who are going to feel the most heat if things get really bloody, which they will.

Oh well, looks like Trump overpromised and will probably underdeliver for his fans. Again.

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Jerkoff Walmart delivery driver sued

A complete wanker of a Walmart delivery driver and the retail giant itself are facing a lawsuit from a South Carolina woman who says she caught the driver, Alvin B Ortiz, masturbating in his car for about 10 to 15 minutes after completing a grocery delivery last July, WBTW reports.

Ortiz, 39, already faces criminal charges for the monkey spanking incident, having been arrested for indecent exposure on July 9th, the day after the incident, so it’s not like the plaintiff – unnamed in the lawsuit and the article – is just jerking around in court. Per a police report, the Myrtle Beach-area woman said she received the order Ortiz had delivered and everything was fine, but 10 to 15 minutes later she noticed he was still sitting in his car in her driveway that morning. The woman went to go check on Ortiz to make sure he wasn’t having any sort of medical distress or whatever when she saw him committing the sinful act of self-flagellation, his pants pulled down.

Ortiz however didn’t notice or didn’t care that the customer had approached the car, so she ran inside and called a neighbor she knew to be home at the time. The neighbor then confronted Ortiz, who then rushed to pull up his pants and back out, yelling he was going to come back and “fuck everyone up” as he sped off. Cops were called and Ortiz was cuffed the next day.

The complaint alleges the woman “has suffered injuries and damages, including past and future mental pain and suffering, mental, emotional, and psychological damage, and loss of enjoyment of life,” seeking relief in a jury award for past and future medical expenses, according to WBTW’s article, the wording of which seems to imply Ortiz is still a Walmart employee six months later.

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Lawyer says he can prove Pete Hegseth was framed for climbing on strip club stage, it was someone else from Koch astroturf group

Rapey white nationalist alcoholic Pete Hegseth’s lawyer Timmy Parlatore on Friday was confident to CNN’s Pamela Brown that he could prove his client was not the guy who drunkenly climbed up on stage at strip club while on a trip for the Koch-backed astroturf group “Concerned Veterans of America” that Hegseth ran into the ground, but it was someone else on the crew at CVA.

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South Korean assembly impeaches prime minister

Craving for more of that sweet, delicious impeachy flavor they tasted earlier this month when they stuck it to scumbag right wing President Yoon Suk Yeol for declaring martial law, South Korean lawmakers on Friday stuck it to Prime Minister and current acting President Han Duck-soo who’s been filling in while Yoon is suspended during the impeachment proceedings, the AP reports.

Unlike Yoon’s predicament, Han’s was not voted on by the 2/3rds supermajority required to suspend him: the vote on Han was 192 to 0 as members of their party, stuck in a 100-ish minority, boycotted the vote, and it’s not clear if Han’s impeachment can be effected by 2/3rds of votes or seats. The boycott came after the opposition Democrats had lowered the threshold to a simple majority. None of this is set in law given that Han is the acting president, much less the constitution, so it’s probably going to be on the courts to sort out what the hell happened. Han responded saying as much, and will abide by the assembly’s vote and step back for now while awaiting a ruling.

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WATCH LIVE: MAGAlyn Manson commiserates with Nazi slob

Friday’s edition of sloppy alcoholic white nationalist Steve Bannon’s show is, to put it bluntly, a fucking riot as a rotation of MAGA influencers have dipped in and out for the last hour to rage with Steve over Elon Musk, Vivek Ramaswamy, and the other “techno-libertarians” close to their Orange God Emperor over the industry’s hunger for importing talent, a schism that has seen Ketamine Brain agree with a Twitter user who called regular MAGA folk “retards.” Firecrotch-faced loser “DC Draino” just called Musk’s petty overlording against him, Laura Loomer, and others “a Bud Light moment,” to which Bannon called the tech bros “autistic” dorks who want to “run the country by algorithm.”

Now joins the queen of the underworld herself via phone as she suffers a 12 hour ban from Twitter and (possibly permanent) demonetization for calling out the new Trump Reich’s “AI czar” Sriram Krishnan for allegedly having donated to Vice President Kamala Harris’s campaign, something that Musk’s team claimed was a doxx because Loomy linked to public FEC records.

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New York Post outraged over Times Square Applebee’s location jacking up prices for special New Year’s Eve celebration package

Murdoch-owned propaganda rag the New York Post is downright pissed at the Times Square Applebee’s for jacking up the prices from $650 per person for the 2023-2024 New Year’s Eve celebration to $729 for the 2024-2025 boneless buffalo wing and Miller Lite-fueled bacchanalia.

“Diners can dish out more than $700 to ring in 2025 at the Times Square Applebee’s, where patrons can enjoy an hours-long open bar, dinner buffet, midnight Champagne toast, a live DJ and, of course, the opportunity to watch the annual ball drop. Starting at $729 per person for a party of eight, the prices rise as the head count dwindles, culminating with a three-person reservation ringing in at $999 each, or $849 per head for a two-person table. The casual eatery also offers a private couple’s package for a whopping $2,299, which includes two tickets for a private table. Last year, Applebee’s charged $650 per person on New Year’s Eve,” the Post writes, indicating that they actually kept track annually of what fucking Applebee’s is charging for New Year’s Eve.

The once-venerable paper of record in Gotham also notes that the 50th street Applebee’s location has already sold out of their tickets for a celebration not offering a view of the ball drop.

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NASA solar probe doesn’t melt on close flyby of the Sun

“Following its record-breaking closest approach to the Sun, NASA’s Parker Solar Probe has transmitted a beacon tone back to Earth indicating it’s in good health and operating normally. The mission operations team at the Johns Hopkins Applied Physics Laboratory (APL) in Laurel, Maryland received the signal just before midnight EST on the night of Dec 26. The team was out of contact with the spacecraft during closest approach, which occurred on Dec 24, with Parker Solar Probe zipping just 3.8 million miles from the solar surface while moving about 430,000 miles per hour. The spacecraft is expected to send back detailed telemetry data on its status on Jan 1.”

“This close-up study of the Sun allows Parker Solar Probe to take measurements that help scientists better understand how material in this region gets heated to millions of degrees, trace the origin of the solar wind (a continuous flow of material escaping the Sun), and discover how energetic particles are accelerated to near light speed. Previous close passes have helped scientists pinpoint the origins of structures in solar wind and map the outer boundary of the Sun’s atmosphere,” says NASA in an update on the Parker Solar probe surviving close contact with Earth’s fiery overlord.

NASA doesn’t mention what if any vendors built the probe but the simple fact that it didn’t melt or abruptly plummet into the star’s surface should indicate that it’s not probably a Boeing product.

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Orange Shitbrain acting strange on his lame social media platform

“Where are you? When are you coming to the ‘Center of the Universe,’ Mar-a-Lago. Bill Gates asked to come, tonight. We miss you and x! New Year’s Eve is going to be AMAZING!!! DJT” convicted felon President-Elect Trump bizarrely posted on his lame Twitter clone Truth Social Friday morning.

Best guess is that he meant to send this as a direct message to someone but is so addled on God knows what kind of psychiatric meds he wrote it in a public post instead. The “We miss you and x!” could indicate that he was trying to figure out what the intended recipient’s spouse’s name and left “x” as a placeholder. Whatever the case was, Donald’s fans were not pleased, with multiple replies with shit like “Bill Gates is a criminal, I wouldn’t invite him to my house” and “Fuck Bill Gates! Arrest him and charge him with crimes against humanity” in between all the usual anodyne MAGA memes that quickly flood in response to every Trump “truth” in the hopes that he’ll repost them.

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New Mexico man’s heartwarmingly hilarious Christmas Eve Walmart adventure ends in arrest on felony aggravated burglary

Santa Fe’s Walmart was Santa fun for 53 year-old Rodolpho Florencio Mendiola on Christmas Eve as the funny little adventurer hid inside a clothing rack at closing time and then proceeded to dash down the aisles, and fill up his shopping carts with $20,000 in merry merch, drink from bottles of alcoholic cheer, eat delicious packaged treats, damage several tablets on display, and just party down solo like a plucky 8 year-old boy accidentally left home alone in a suburban Chicago mansion after his insufferable asshole family flew to Paris without him, the Santa Fe New Mexican reports.

Run Run Rodolpho’s festive fun was foiled around 3:45 PM on Wednesday when a store manager stopped by the shuttered megastore to pick up some personal items from the office and noticed the Christmas-crazed kid in a homeless adult’s body wandering around the sporting goods section where he had armed himself with a large hunting knife. Police quickly responded and ascertained that Mendiola had “staged” three carts filled with $20,000 worth of shit he had intended to drag to his campsite nearby, the price tag total putting the holiday hijinks well within felony territory.

Mendiola told cops “he knew he was going to prison for this incident,” according to a Santa Fe Police Department release. It’s not Mendiola first rodeo either as the man was previously caught shoplifting from the same Walmart at least twice within the last few years and also faces counts of criminal trespass and larceny for shoplifting incident at a Santa Fe Dollar Tree store in October, per SFPD.

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Mexican officials trying to figure out if Trump is serious about attack

Mexican officials are trying “to learn whether” convicted felon President-Elect Trump “is serious or merely blustering to gain leverage in talks about shutting down the pipeline of migrants and drugs heading into the US,” the Wall Street Journal reports without knowing much either.

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