The restless, weary husk of a discount airline that drifts among the living may finally transition out of our realm into the eternal soon as CNBC reports that Spirit Airlines may liquidate any day now.

The ghastly, cursed wraith of a carrier declared bankruptcy twice in just the past year but the ferryman beckons them to save the two pence toll for the journey ‘cross Acheron and into the void, for the Orange God King’s call to war hath deprived them of treasure to fuel the fires of chariots!

Woe! So much toil! So much grief! Yet Poseidon cares not for thou pleadings nor bargains! Curse him, praise him, blind thyself to his wrath, it matters none! Fair Icarus plunged all the same!

Delivering remarks to the faithful gathered in Cameroon during his multi-country tour of Africa on Thursday, Pope Leo XVI proclaimed “woe to those who manipulate religion and the very name of God for their own military, economic and political gain, dragging that which is sacred into darkness and filth,” USA Today reports while stipulating there wasn’t any mention of specific names.

Still, saying the world is “turned upside down, an exploitation of God’s creation that must be denounced and rejected by every honest conscience” and “ravaged by a handful of tyrants” who “manipulate” religion for petty political and military gain, it’s hard to think of who else he meant.

Guess it’s on the two sick freaks in charge of the US military and/or their loyal cultists to respond to validate the Pope’s criticisms. Should be fun to see them completely lose their shit again.

A South African magistrate judge on Thursday slapped opposition party Economic Freedom Fighters leader Julius Malema with five years in the joint for a 2018 incident in which he got a little excited at a rally in the East Cape Province and fired a rifle into the air on stage, leading to the eight-year court battle that ended in his conviction on charges including unlawful possession of a firearm and discharging a weapon in a public place and now the fairly stiff sentence, Sky News reports.

“We hear daily, or weekly, of children playing in the front yards, in the street, who are caught in crossfire, random shots fired, killing people. It’s just the first time that we hear, it’s being called celebratory shots,” Magistrate Twanet Olivie told the 45 year-old, who was just reenacting the famous Congressional address scene from Idiocracy in which US President Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Camacho fired a fully automatic M249 SAW Para into the ceiling to quiet rabble.

The five year bid, if it survives appeal, also comes with a lifetime ban from office for Malema.

Democratic former Virginia Lt Governor Justin Fairfax, who served under Gov Ralph Northam from 2018 to 2022, and his wife Cerina were found dead at their home in Annandale early Thursday after an apparent murder-suicide by Justin’s hand, NoVa Campaigns reports citing police dispatch records matching Fairfax’s publicly known address but with “names withheld pending NoK.” The couple, parents to two children, had been going through a divorce that Celina had filed recently.

Fairfax came in 4th in the 2021 Dem gubernatorial primary that Terry McAuliffe lost anyway.

The National Suicide Prevention Hotline in the United States is available 24 hours a day, seven days a week at 1-800-273-8255 or 988. Please call or text if you need to talk to someone. If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic abuse the National Domestic Violence Hotline is also 24/7 at 1-800-799-SAFE, via text by sending SAFE to 88788, or chat at thehotline.org.

Xanax prescribed and distributed between August 27, 2024 and May 29, 2025 was recalled by the FDA on March 17, 2026, People Magazine reported at 1:04 AM EDT on April 16, 2026 and then National Zero picked up and printed an article at 6:59 AM EDT on the same morning.

If you got those pills that the FDA says “Failed Dissolution Specifications” in your prescription then you shouldn’t take them. Or, far more likely, have taken them since Xanax typically isn’t the kind of drug that sits in people’s medicine cabinets and expires until they throw them out so much as whatever does not get ingested by a patient ends up simply being sold or given to friends without a prescription just so they can get a buzz. Or ground up and put in a Snapple bottle mixed with cheap vodka and Robitussin that an entrepreneurial fellow named “Alien Zack” sells for $50 each.

But you shouldn’t take the pills from that batch if you still have them. They’ve been recalled.

This week’s YouGov/Economist national survey asked respondents in a straight line “Which of these words would you use to describe Donald Trump?” and found that, among those who previously said they had voted for the Orange Tyrant in 2024, a slim plurality of 49 percent said “corrupt” does not describe him versus 8 percent who said yes it does describe him and, in that time-honored tradition for this pollster, 44 percent said they didn’t know, meaning “didn’t want to answer.” Overall it was 47 to 22 to 31 percent said yes, no, and don’t know if “corrupt” describes Trump, respectively.

On “racist,” just 52 percent of his voters could say he is not while 5 percent said he is, “intelligent” 66 percent said yes to 5 percent no. “Honest” was just 49 percent of Trump voters saying yes, 37 percent said no to “dangerous” – though the 16 percent saying yes on that one are probably seeing it as a positive. Same with “cruel” at 10 percent of the fat bastard’s 2024 voters saying yes to just 46 percent no. “Out-of-touch” was a rough one at only 41 percent of them saying he isn’t.

What makes these findings even more salient as to how Donald’s own voters view him is the contrast with the questions on his physical and mental health as pretty solid majorities still give him a vote of confidence on those metrics: 72 percent said “Trump is not suffering any cognitive decline” plus another 8 percent saying it’s just modest. On “physical decline” it was 62 percent none and 16 percent modest. Asked then “Is Trump too old to be President?” 77 percent of his voters said no.

https://t.co/qEDOHXbVU8 pic.twitter.com/c1qrwBTHSU

— Catturd ™ (@catturd2) April 16, 2026

Marjorie Taylor Greene for Speaker of the House.

— Catturd ™ (@catturd2) November 9, 2022

Federal Housing Finance Agency Director Bill “Fannie Man” Pulte showed convicted felon President Trump the meme of him healing a sick man last weekend at Mar-a-Lago prior to the fat bastard posting it, Axios reports while cautioning that it’s not clear whether Pulte actually sent to Trump or if he had merely showed it on his screen. “Everyone thought it was a joke,” a source said.

And it was. Then Trump posted it and it stopped being funny for him. That Pulte brought it to Trump’s attention and the leak to Axios tracks with internal hatred for Pulte as a uniquely venomous influence – even though Trump himself is a grown man with the agency to ignore him.

Peruvian fascist Ivanka Keiko Fujimori, daughter of former dictator Alberto Fujimori, took a lead in the ongoing count in the first round of the Andean country’s presidential election on Wednesday, pulling ahead of leftist congressman Roberto Sanchez’s 12.1 percent, right-wing former Lima mayor Rafael Lopez Aliaga at 11.9 percent and center-lefie ​Jorge Nieto in fourth at 11.1 percent, Reuters reports.

It’s not clear when Keiko will be arrested and imprisoned, but probably after she takes office.

Congratulations to Republican Policy Committee Chairman @JayObernolte! pic.twitter.com/MWs4kxMITS

— House Republicans (@HouseGOP) April 15, 2026

There’s just something off here. You could simply say the guy’s ugly, sure, but that doesn’t quite capture it. And look, Oregon Senator Ron Wyden is a weird looking man too. He’s also been around for a while so familiarity takes the edge off the weirdness. And this isn’t saying every man in Congress needs to look like Idris Elba. Schlubby men like Steve Scalise and James Comer are schlubby and it’s not their appearance that makes them detestable. Then there’s the deliberately unremarkable and neutral like Mike Johnson, Tim Scott, Alex Padilla or even the only marginally weird-looking like Jim Jordan, Adam Schiff, and Ted Cruz. Rick Scott’s reptilian-ism is creepy but again, the familiarity kind of takes the edge off. You know he’s only got some shapeshifting skills.

Jay Oberbnolte though. This dude’s just fucking weird looking and it’s vaguely unsettling.

“As the US war with Iran drives up gasoline prices, 65 percent of voters blame President Donald Trump either a lot (51 percent) or some (14 percent) for the recent rise in gasoline prices, while 34 percent blame Trump either not much (11 percent) or not at all (23 percent), according to a Quinnipiac University national poll of registered voters released today. Among Republicans, 22 percent blame Trump either a lot (9 percent) or some (13 percent) for the recent rise in gasoline prices, while 76 percent blame Trump either not much (23 percent) or not at all (53 percent).”

“Among Democrats, 97 percent blame Trump either a lot (91 percent) or some (6 percent) for the recent rise in gasoline prices, while 1 percent blame Trump not much. Among independents, 73 percent blame Trump either a lot (53 percent) or some (20 percent) for the recent rise in gasoline prices, while 25 percent blame Trump not much (10 percent) or not at all (15 percent),” says the toplines of this month’s Quinnipiac national survey that also finds the fat bastard 17 percent underwater on overall job rating at a dismal 38 to 55 percent approve/disapprove.

Kind of a poll design fail in that it could’ve made Trump fanboys look dumber by providing them options for who they do actually blame for it. Come on, give us some real embarrassment.

Not actually a Congresswoman but still a ballbuster US Virgin Islands Delegate Stacey Plaskett on Wednesday filed to run for governor of the American territory in the Carribbean, local station WTJX reports without mentioning the connections between Plaskett and Jeffrey Epstein that were formed after he was already a convicted sex offender. In fact Plaskett might be the one currently elected official in DC besides Donald Trump most closely connected to Jeff – stipulating of course out of what’s actually publicly released so far in the Epstein files. Or hasn’t been shredded.

But your mileage may vary on how complicit she would have been. She was texting him back and forth during the Michael Cohen hearing in 2019 as Jeff gave her tips on what to probe. Plaskett took $10,400 in campaign contributions from Jeff over the years and last year she made a donation of the same amount to women’s organizations. In any event it would seem like she’s unconcerned with whatever baggage that might follow her into a primary campaign in the territory.

“Today, Los Angeles County Supervisor Janice Hahn is calling for the FAA to investigate how a large block of ice fell from the sky and crashed through the roof of an unincorporated Whittier home. The incident happened Friday, April 10, 2026 at around 11:15 am when resident Yuder Grau heard what sounded like an explosion. He found that a large block of what appeared to be dirty ice had crashed through the ceiling and into the living room, landing on the couch. Luckily, no one was harmed.”

“According to the homeowner, Thania Magana, flight data showed that a plane was passing directly over the neighborhood at the time of the incident. In a letter to FAA Regional Administrator Raquel Girvin, Supervisor Hahn requested a thorough and timely investigation into this incident,” says a Tuesday press release from Los Angeles County District 4 Supervisor Janice Hahn’s office.

Gavin Newsom is giving free sex-change procedures to homeless illegal aliens—and he’s using federal Medicaid dollars to do it.

The Trump Administration needs to shut it down. Now.

— Christopher F. Rufo ⚔️ (@christopherrufo) April 15, 2026

Ehhhh, wasn’t this guy supposed to be some kind of like Machiavellian mastermind who had written the ur-textbook on how to create a completely made-up culture war issue to manipulate low-info schmucks into voting against their own interest? Why does it seem like he’s just letting ChatGPT write the next volume for him with this uninspired jumble of trigger words any klansman running in some rural shithole district in southwestern Nebraska could’ve just slapped together on his own?

Could it be that Chris Rufo was never really that smart or talented and is more like the Tommy Tutone of politics, author of a catchy earworm that rocketed up the charts once and then that was it? Like this wiener is getting agitated about it publicly, on the internet, instead of authoring a white paper to campaign managers on how to pitch it to voters currently more concerned about their own healthcare, housing, and gas prices than they are about stopping transition surgeries for homeless Mexicans in California. Fuck man. Squeeze rainbow fentanyl in their somewhere, you lazy hack.

American Private jet pilot Brad Schlenker’s feeling a little buyer’s remorse over his Trump vote, telling Semafor that the G.O.A.T. 45-47 administration has been “useless” in getting him and his co-pilot out of legal trouble in Guinea they’ve been stuck with for months on accusations that kept changing depending on how quickly the previous one fell apart due to lack of, you know, supporting evidence.

“I voted for this administration because they were supposed to protect Americans,” said Schlenker, 66, whiloe his 33 year-old co-pilot Fabio Espinal Nunez did not issue a similar comment. The two had been at the helm of a leased Gulfstream IV in late December, ferrying a family of five from Suriname to Dubai when they landed in Conakry for a refueling stop typical for the route. Suddenly dozens of armed soldiers pulled up, swarmed the plane, and took the two airmen to jail where they rotted for three months until being granted bail on charges that were unfalsifiable enough.

First it was drug smuggling, which somebody in the small west African state’s military junta fucked up and forgot to bring to plant on the plane. Then it was unauthorized landing, undone by the transcripts of air traffic controllers clearing them to land. Finally it was suspicion of flying a stolen aircraft which is also most likely bullshit because Schlenker says checked the tail number’s FAA file and found no red flags and even if it was somehow stolen how the hell is that a freelance pilot flying a charter’s problem? Guess he and Nunez are about to find out because unless the regime decides one of their voters is worth potentially jeopardizing some neocolonial mineral extraction deal being run by a syndicate of former Trump State Department officials, they’re headed for trial.

A 30 year-old involuntarily celibate wizard’s magic powers proved woefully inadequate in his quest to whisk a young girl away from her parents and in vanishing into a haze of sparkles when police arrived at the scene of a home invasion attempt in California’s Bay Area last week, KRON reports.

“My name is Harry Dresden, motherfucker,” screamed Jason Nichols into into the doorbell camera of the home on April 7, with “Harry Dresden” referring to a series of novels about a wizard detective in of that name, lol. “Open the door. This is my neighborhood. Open the fucking door now or I will end you. Do you understand me?” Nichols continued. The homeowner was not actually present but communicating with Nichols through the doorbell cam as the homeowner sped toward the house.

Again, rather than using his wizardry to unlock the front door telekinetically, Nichols simply walked around the house and entered through an unlocked sliding door in the back. It was then that the homeowner burst in through the front door and began beating Nichols with a shovel. Rather than pulling out a magic wand and screaming “EXPLODOCIO!” to cause his antagonist to burst into a red mist of gore, Nichols struggled with the homeowner and inflicted some unspecified injuries upon the unnamed man. Police had already been called and found Nichols outside the home, where he was taken into custody. The wizard faces multiple felony charges and will likely find himself involuntarily non-celibate in the notoriously violent and ruthless California prison system after he’s sentenced.