A 30 year-old involuntarily celibate wizard’s magic powers proved woefully inadequate in his quest to whisk a young girl away from her parents and in vanishing into a haze of sparkles when police arrived at the scene of a home invasion attempt in California’s Bay Area last week, KRON reports.

“My name is Harry Dresden, motherfucker,” screamed Jason Nichols into into the doorbell camera of the home on April 7, with “Harry Dresden” referring to a series of novels about a wizard detective in of that name, lol. “Open the door. This is my neighborhood. Open the fucking door now or I will end you. Do you understand me?” Nichols continued. The homeowner was not actually present but communicating with Nichols through the doorbell cam as the homeowner sped toward the house.

Again, rather than using his wizardry to unlock the front door telekinetically, Nichols simply walked around the house and entered through an unlocked sliding door in the back. It was then that the homeowner burst in through the front door and began beating Nichols with a shovel. Rather than pulling out a magic wand and screaming “EXPLODOCIO!” to cause his antagonist to burst into a red mist of gore, Nichols struggled with the homeowner and inflicted some unspecified injuries upon the unnamed man. Police had already been called and found Nichols outside the home, where he was taken into custody. The wizard faces multiple felony charges and will likely find himself involuntarily non-celibate in the notoriously violent and ruthless California prison system after he’s sentenced.