The US Supreme Court on Thursday unanimously tossed a MAGA lower court’s ruling overturning the FDA’s approval of abortion drug mifepristone, writing that the plaintiffs lacked standing.

Does this mean mifepristone is safe from further forced-birther fuckery? Probably not, considering that Louisiana Republicans just classified it as a “controlled substance.”

Convicted felon former President Trump’s meeting on Capitol Hill is going great, per CNN’s Melanie Zanona, who writes that Donald called the Justice Department “dirty no good bastards” and bitched about Taylor Swift’s (potential) support for Biden. “Why would she endorse this dope,” Trump said to members in the room. “He doesn’t know how to get off a stage.” This was after they sang Happy Birthday to Trump and presented him with the game ball from their 31 to 11 win over the Dems at Nationals Park on Wednesday, so you can tell how much they cheered him up.

After being handed the ball Trump spoke to Majority Leader Steve Scalise, who was shot by a crazed Bernie Bro at a practice before the 2017 game: “Steve shows great courage. I saw him in the hospital. I can tell your wife really loves you Steve because some wives wouldn’t care,” Trump said, and we’ll hazard that Donald was actually talking about his own wife and not Scalise’s.

We’ll give Mike Johnson the smallest shred of credit: He’s better at this than Marco Rubio, who makes it much more obvious he wants ISIS and/or Al-Qaeda to kill Americans in an attack on American soil before the election. That doesn’t mean Johnson’s good at it though, especially since, like Rubio, he’s a Gang of Eight member who has access to specific intel so he does have to just idly speculate and say there are “probably” cells of ISIS agents in cities everywhere.

We’re not going to pretend to understand what relationship there is between this Wall Street Journal article titled “Russia Suspends Dollar, Euro Trade on Flagship Stock Exchange” and that #RussianBankCollapse is trending on Twitter with a whole bunch of (apparently) pro-Ukrainian accounts claiming that major bank websites are crashing and people are lining up outside branches.

Treasury Secretary Janet Yellen also announced a new sanctions package on Wednesday in a press release headlined “As Russia Completes Transition to a Full War Economy, Treasury Takes Sweeping Aim at Foundational Financial Infrastructure and Access to Third Country Support,” which would seem important, especially because the sanctions are mentioned in the Journal article that also contains the sentence “Kremlin spokesman Dmitry Peskov said in comments carried by Russian state news agency TASS that the central bank is able to ensure stability in all markets.”

So yeah, we cannot say definitively that there’s an exigent financial crisis going on in Russia right now. We also can’t say there isn’t and, more importantly, that we would not have written this lame “article” if we thought it was all just Ukrainian propaganda. Something’s definitely going on there and it’s worth keeping an eye on for those rooting against the Putin Regime as we await more reliable and easier-to-parse info on the extent of the damage. Whatever it is, it’s not nothing.

There was no outpouring of violence and anarchy akin to Disco Demolition Night or Five Cent Beer Night during Wednesday’s annual Congressional Baseball Game. Nobody besides five climate protestors rushed the field and they were quickly arrested. Unless they were manhandled by cops in the Nationals Park tank, the only true beatdown was of the Democrats, who lost to the Republicans 31 to 11, three of those GOP runs coming from a single in-the-park homer, Punchbowl News reports.

These are the dorks running our country. https://t.co/YY8x7zckx9

— Catturd ™ (@catturd2) June 13, 2024

Still, some GOP fans were unimpressed with their team’s play, specifically during an error in which the Republican catcher shoved an umpire to pick up a poorly thrown pass from the first baseman and still failed to stop the steal. Charlie Kirk for once is right about the symbolism.

“Today, the instigator of an insurrection is returning to the scene of the crime. January 6th was a crime against the Capitol, that saw Nazi and Confederate flags flying under the dome that Lincoln built. It was a crime against the Constitution and its peaceful transfer of power, in a desperate attempt to cling to power. And it was a crime against Members, heroic police officers and staff, that resulted in death, injury and trauma that endure to this day. With his pledges to be a dictator on day one and seek revenge against his political opponents, Donald Trump comes to Capitol Hill today with the same mission of dismantling our democracy. But make no mistake Trump has already cemented his legacy of shame in our hallowed halls,” writes former Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi in a statement on convicted felon former President Trump’s first visit to Capitol Hill since he didn’t march there with his fans during the January 6th, 2021 MAGA insurrection.

Convicted felon former President Trump demanded lowly underling Jesus dork Speaker Mike Johnson do something, anything to overturn the fat degenerate’s guilty verdict in Manhattan during a recent call in which they set up Trump’s Thursday visit to Capitol Hill, Politico Playbook reports.

“We have to overturn this,” said Trump who, per Playbook, dropped “frequent F-bombs” as rambled to the “soft-spoken and pious GOP leader.” Johnson didn’t really need convincing and was sympathetic, though obviously pretty limited in what he can do, not just because of practical and legal constraints but that he’s unlikely to have the votes needed to pass shit like automatically moving every local case against former presidents to federal courts and defunding Justice Department special counsel Jack Smith (neither of which are going to pass the Senate anyway). And then of course there’s nothing the House GOP can do to actually overturn Trump’s guilty verdict.

An anonymous senior House Republican summed it up with “We accuse Democrats of weaponizing the Justice system. That’s exactly what we’d be doing” if they tried to move ahead with the bills.

The whole point of Trump’s visit is supposed to be policy but Playbook warns “the reality is that Trump, true to nature, has been obsessed in recent weeks with harnessing the powers of Congress to fight on his own behalf and go to war against the Democrats he accuses of ‘weaponizing’ the justice system against him,” and will probably spend most of the meeting bitching.

Terror fears mount after arrests of border crossers linked to ISIS: 'We're headed for another 9/11' https://t.co/Va9AZzBpkq

— Fox News (@FoxNews) June 13, 2024

A woman arrested last October for teaching a second-grade class in a northern California school while she had a blood-alcohol level too high to legally drive a car won’t face charges for Teaching While Intoxicated because, apparently, alcohol use is an accepted coping mechanism for California teachers.

Per the Daily Mail, 57-year-old Wendy Munson was legally intoxicated, but won’t face any charges because there was insufficient evidence of a crime being committed.  “The mere potential that a situation could arise is insufficient to meet the requirements under the law. While teaching under the influence is highly inappropriate, it is, unfortunately, not illegal,” the prosecutor’s office said in announcing no charges were being filed.

A lawyer for disgraced and multiply-indicted former lawyer Rudy Giuliani “is suffering from possible 9/11 lung disease and his future earning capacity is limited both by his age and future health,” his lawyers said in a filing for his bankruptcy case, the New York Post reports.  The 80-year-old hair dye dispenser currently owes more than $150 million, mostly to two Fulton County election workers Giuliani defamed.

His claimed illness doesn’t seem to have cooled his spending, though.  As Newsweek reports, Giuliani has made thousands of dollars in payments on his alleged girlfriend and podcasting partner Maria Ryan.  Ryan is not just Rudy’s girlfriend and podcasting partner; she also heads Giuliani’s communications company and draws a salary from there.

Clarence Thomas’s grandnephew whom he claimed to have raised “like a son” is now sitting in a South Carolina jail awaiting trial on drugs and weapons charges, Business Insider reports, and he hasn’t spoken to the self-described father figure in his life for years.

Mark Martin, now 32 years old, lived with Clarence and Ginni Thomas from 1997 to 2010, and he benefited from the largess of Clarence’s friend Harlan Crow, who paid Martin’s tuition at two different private boarding schools.

“I haven’t really heard much from them in a long time,” Martin said from the Jasper County Detention Center. “I tried to communicate with them a couple of times, but I’ve never gotten any response.”

Breathless gossip Kevin McCarthy ran onto the set of Fox to propagate his story about President Joe Biden, spread by the Wall Street Journal where the only two sources for the story on Biden’s mental health were McCarthy and Preacher of the House Mike Johnson. Beside making history by being the first Speaker ousted by his Party, McCarthy did little as Speaker. Johnson’s accomplishments have only happened at the approval of Democratic Leader Hakeem Jeffries.

Florida Republican Governor and man who’s suddenly shorter after ending his presidential campaign Ron DeSantis has declared a “major state of emergency” for Broward, Collier, Lee, Miami-Dade and Sarasota Counties after a string of thunderstorms dumped massive amounts of rain on South Florida, the Sarasota Herald-Tribune reports.  DeSantis put the state National Guard on alert, as well as State Guard, which is his personal security force the Republican legislature authorized in 2022.

Presumptive GOP presidential nominee in definitively convicted felon Donald Trump will visit Capitol Hill on Thursday, his first trip to the scene of the Republican-led domestic terrorist attack on Congress he directed as part of his effort to undermine the 2020 election results.

Per the Washington Post, Trump will attempt to interfere with legislative operations in DC to unite the Republicans in the House and the Senate around his obstructionist agenda, or as a Trump campaign operative said, move “forward focused on how Republicans can work together to advance policies to save America.”  The convict and adjudicated rapist, facing sentencing July 11th, traditionally demands Republicans block all legislation.

Longshot Georgia Republican Congressional candidate Chuck Hand, fighting Wayne Johnson for the nomination to take on dominant 16-term incumbent Democrat Sanford Bishop for the 2nd District seat, needed to make a name for himself.  Like most Republicans, he didn’t want to do it by, say, proposing popular landmark legislation or even agreeing to work for bipartisan compromise.  Nope, as seen in the Georgia Public Broadcasting clip above, Hand decided to go for the performance art angle and make a spectacularly meaningless speech in which he said he was going to make a difference in Washington.  “The choice is yours:  It’s the dollar versus the change,” Hand announced.  “This is where I get back in my truck and head back to southwest Georgia ’cause I got two races to win.”  And then he walked off the set to the bemusement of the moderators.

Jayson Boebert, the ex-husband of carpetbagging Colorado Congresswoman and theater buff(er) Lauren, pled down to a misdemeanor charge of reckless endangerment for a series of criminal acts that happened over days involving a weapons charge; he’ll pay a $40 fine and have 180 days unsupervised probation.

According to Westworld, Boebert benefited from a revision of his son’s account of the domestic violence incident that occurred in the family home in Rifle.  In the initial complaint, Tyler Boebert claimed his father aimed a gun at him as he called 9-1-1.  Later, however, Tyler Boebert recanted that part of the story.  Tyler Boebert faces his own set of felonies for a series of thefts and vehicle break-ins.

Netflix on Wednesday announced world champion eaters Joey Chestnut and Takeru Kobayashi will face off in the greatest hot dog consumption battle of all time on Labor Day, WNBC reports.

The announcement comes just a day after the fucking worms at Nathan’s banned 16-time July 4th Coney Island contest champ Chestnut from the for promoting a “rival” brand of vegan hot dogs.

Alcoholic former “Judge” Jeannine Pirro on Wednesday falsely claimed to the Fox News audience that convicted felon former President Trump forgave Hillary Clinton and did not try for four years to prosecute her for whatever he could only to fail again and again and again to make it happen.

House Republicans voted to hold Attorney General Merrick Garland in contempt of Congress on Wednesday for failing to comply with a bullshit subpoena for the audio of President Joe Biden’s interview with documents fuckup special counsel Robert Hur. There is zero chance that Garland will actually be prosecuted by his own Justice Department for this as the audio is already subject to executive privilege and thus a matter for the courts. Just one GOP member voted nay.

The National Weather Service on Monday issued a “FLASH FLOOD EMERGENCY” and not just a watch or a warning for the regions north of Miami amid a freaking torrential downpour, writing “Turn around, don’t drown when encountering flooded roads. Most flood deaths occur in vehicles. Stay away or be swept away. Canals and culverts can become unstable and unsafe. Please report observed flooding to local emergency services or law enforcement and request they pass this information to the National Weather Service when you can do so safely.”